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porcelaine -> RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? (5/13/2010 6:01:09 PM)
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jbcurious,
quote:
So I'm curious... Do you want your your partner to understand what motivates you? Do you understand your own motivation? Or am I just strange in needing this but lucky to have found someone as strange?
Two things come to mind. The first suggests that information is processed on differing levels according to position and responsibilities. The things that an employee are privy to will rarely emulate what the manager has at his disposal, nor should it. In regard to the exchange, what I deem necessary (from my perspective) where he's concerned may not be required from where he's sitting. In some respects, the motivating factors for what I do may be unimportant. Especially if we're dealing with a results oriented person that cares little about the process but just the bottom line. For what it's worth I don't usually pair with that sort.
My motivations are simple - obedience, service, and station - when a breakdown occurs in adhering to those principles an explanation generally follows. In these instances I'm clawing at the root to unearth the reasoning behind my actions. This is usually done for my benefit. Sometimes the other person has little interest in my discoveries or is confident his ideas are appropriate. My contribution isn't wanted/required.
In terms of his role, I view it differently. I will never know the reasons behind everything that takes place and it is unrealistic for me to expect that. Of course if our partnership is carved along those lines and we routinely disclose this that's okay. But I've never had that experience and I'd be shocked if I did in the future. Slavery in the context I've known suggests my obedience is a constant decision I reinforce, even when the other party's motivations are unclear or intentionally undisclosed.
Desire and acceptance will always be subject to change and interpretation. But one thing remains constant. My role is fixed. I'm either surrendered and behaving in accordance to his wishes, or I'm doing something else. I cannot predicate my allegiance with terms of agreement in a power exchange. At least not the ones I'm involved in.
~porcelaine
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