RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked?

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RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 2:44:12 AM

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marylynn

Be careful. Alot of guys (and gals, for that matter) use the word Dominant for the sake of widening the (excuse my language) "pussy pool"..
Good luck out there :)

its true!

ive come across people who say they have so many years of experience but when it comes down to it they clearly dont. that to me is annoying, i can see their catch 22 situation, but pussying about with the Ds pussy pool is time wasting very often and its just irritating already.

its going to happen. i dont think there are that many guys who have the rheams of experience they say they have (which is fine, but dont lie about it) - i also think that given time they might get better, but if theyre not really the type to take control in an effective way and think ordering you about and spanking you a little is Ds then its likely best to move right along.

everyone has their levels, likes and dislikes, but for a guy to take on a Ds submissive rather than someone whose after a bit of kink in the bedroom then they really need to square up to the 'job' of being what they say they are rather than relying on the sub to submit to submission which is what many rely on i think - i dont think they think it through that way though. they just dont get the whole submission to the Dominant part which is why every now and again you get comments like 'youre not submissive' - fact is they are wannabes very often with no clue what a dominant personality is all about. ive met guys who were clearly awkward about asking me to do anything and forever doubtful of my submission even whilst i did my level best for them. in the end its doubt about themselves and their abilities and that extends into play too.

just going in with the vague idea that it might be fun to have this woman 'available' to them on every level is one thing, but you really need to know how a sub ticks and many dont.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to marylynn)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 3:27:06 AM

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Isn't asking someone if they are an Actual Dom or a Wannabe something like asking folks "So, when did you stop abusing your wife?"

surrrrrrrrrrrrre

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to lally2)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 4:23:22 AM

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

One can do that in either role though....and

HOLY COW, it's all of them! What do I win Master Anteater?

smite (smt)
v. smote (smt), smit·ten (smtn) or smote, smit·ing, smites
v.tr.
1.
a. To inflict a heavy blow on, with or as if with the hand, a tool, or a weapon.
b. To drive or strike (a weapon, for example) forcefully onto or into something else.
2. To attack, damage, or destroy by or as if by blows.
3.
a. To afflict: The population was smitten by the plague.
b. To afflict retributively; chasten or chastise.
4. To affect sharply with great feeling: He was smitten by deep remorse.
v.intr.
To deal a blow with or as if with the hand or a hand-held weapon.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Middle English smiten, from Old English smtan, to smear.]

Starch or no starch?

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 4:29:15 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Your profile talks about kink and sex almost exclusively. When that's what you advertise for, why are you surprised when that's what you get? I'm surprised they aren't all married.

As far as them not playing heavily enough out of the box, that shows they've had enough experience to know that most of the women they meet can't take more than that. But op, your communication skills are terrible. Why can't you say to them,
"Please do it harder, I can take more than that". No, instead of talking to them you assume they are fakes/wannabes/etc. And you know what you get when you assume.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 5:45:52 AM

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

This is me adding ironing to the list of things true doms can't do. Every day I become more and more glad I'm not a true dom.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 5:50:20 AM

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I define dominance as the wielding of power and control in the world.

Wow! Go figure! You mean like.. you know... actual dominance?

Actually, kidding aside, I think the issue here is one I've been grappling with. There is "fetish d/s" and there is "social d/s". We all know what the first one is. The second is something you'd expect to hear sociologists or anthropologists talk about. They are not the same thing.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:15:59 AM

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I define dominance as the wielding of power and control in the world. Not everyone does; clearly MusicMystery does not, nor does the OP of this thread.

Dude. Go get laid.

I shared an amusing story. Lighten up.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:17:41 AM

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I like to cook and I like to eat what I cook.

Me too. I used to work as a chef, long ago.

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:21:14 AM

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
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quote:

This is me adding ironing to the list of things true doms can't do.

I knew it was a mistake to even enter this discussion.

Add entering any more defining types threads to my hard limits. It always turns pointless.

(in reply to leadership527)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:23:41 AM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
Dude. Go get laid.

I shared an amusing story. Lighten up.

I last had sex not 24 hours before I made that post. Not that my sex life has any bearing on the truth or falsity of what I wrote. I won't change my posting style because you are unwilling to stand behind your words.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:26:08 AM

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
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Not stand behind my words? What are you talking about?

I posted an amusing story. Still. It's what happened. It's what she said.

Go get laid again. It didn't work for you.

Lighten up, dude. Life is too short.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:33:13 AM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Not stand behind my words? What are you talking about?

I posted an amusing story. Still. It's what happened. It's what she said.

And then you followed it with a value judgement. You said

quote:

Very nice gesture. But not a dominant move on a first sleep over.

By saying that you only posted an amusing story you're not standing behind the value judgement you made.

(I'm saying this with no negative emotion attached, and I'm not desperate for a lay

)

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:34:39 AM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
Not stand behind my words? What are you talking about?

This.

quote:

Gotta agree with her. Very nice gesture. But not a dominant move on a first sleep over.

You made a value judgment about an action. You are now "remembering" only the humorous story, and not the value judgment you placed at the end. I, however, remember your entire post, and recognize that it says something about how you define "dominant man."

I do agree with you that many of the posts you make are just typed off the top of your head, without depth of thought behind them, much less any ideology. But your conclusionary statements do point to a way you have of viewing the world, and it's one of a passive recorder of events, instead of someone who actively grasps the world and bends it to his will.

I'll be offline for some hours. I hope you have a pleasant rest of the day.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:37:50 AM

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

Okie Dokie. Thanks for the semantics lesson.

I asked the girl what she meant. That's what she meant. Back to your definition fest. Sorry some found it so challenging. I didn't mean to upset anyone's universe.

A simple anecdote. Period. I apologize for posting it in your wannabe dom thread.

Carry on, regardless of sex life.

I shall remember and cherish this important, valuable lesson all the days of my life, forever changed.

Perhaps, one day, after years of study, I may aspire to the pithy depths of Red's insightful posts. One day.

OK. Off to do chores. Or at least think about them.

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 5/10/2010 6:51:14 AM >

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:40:25 AM

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Wow..... this is a bit suprising... Lets assume Tim feels that way... so what?

One of the things that sometimes bothers Me on these boards is it all gets so theoretical.

I understand the fact that things are gonna get hashed out here, but none of this happens in a vacumn.

And people wonder why I seldom offer a serious post...........

Ok I have to go finish Laurell"s laundry.....next thing ya know I'll be wearing flip flops.......

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:41:23 AM

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You know, I am bored by this notion (not just prevalent on this thread) that being male and dominant means you can't be nice, or you can't be domestic. Maybe that woman had a wrinkled-ass lab coat, and the guy was trying to make her look more beautiful to him, and more professional to the rest of the world. He saw a problem, and he fixed it. Doesn't get much more dominant than that.

Honestly, these women who want to be ordered about so they can be "on edge" all day long, or who can't feel control unless they're getting yelled at, are wannabe subs in my eyes. Who cares where we eat dinner tonight, or who orders off the menu? That's not a decision. I am in charge of: what country we live in, whether we have children, what we do in bed. You know, things that actually matter. If subs think things like who does the ironing actually matters, they are thinking small, and deserve the smallminded martinets they end up with.

Adores the Magic Man!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:44:49 AM

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You know, I am bored by this notion (not just prevalent on this thread) that being male and dominant means you can't be nice, or you can't be domestic. Maybe that woman had a wrinkled-ass lab coat, and the guy was trying to make her look more beautiful to him, and more professional to the rest of the world. He saw a problem, and he fixed it. Doesn't get much more dominant than that.

Honestly, these women who want to be ordered about so they can be "on edge" all day long, or who can't feel control unless they're getting yelled at, are wannabe subs in my eyes. Who cares where we eat dinner tonight, or who orders off the menu? That's not a decision. I am in charge of: what country we live in, whether we have children, what we do in bed. You know, things that actually matter. If subs think things like who does the ironing actually matters, they are thinking small, and deserve the smallminded martinets they end up with.

Adores the Magic Man!

You're just sucking up to him because you have ironing to do!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:46:51 AM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Okie Dokie. Thanks for the semantics lesson.

It's not really semantics. Let's paraphrase:

You said: This man did this thing in a story.

Then you said: I agree that it wasn't dominant.

Red said: I am tired of people saying this thing isn't dominant.

You said: I didn't say this thing wasn't dominant, I was just telling a story.

Red said: You aren't standing behind your original statement that this thing wasn't dominant.

Somewhere in there people got laid. But I don't see that it's a semantic thing...

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 5/10/2010 6:48:42 AM >

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:47:28 AM

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
I asked her what she meant exactly. She thought for a moment, and told a story about one guy, nice enough, who, at four a.m., couldn't sleep, so got up to make breakfast and iron her lab coat.

Gotta agree with her. Very nice gesture. But not a dominant move on a first sleep over.

But he could also have OCD...and so maybe he has to make breakfast at that time of the day and can't stand anything at his place in an unironed state

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to Musicmystery)

RE: Are you an Actual Dom or a Wannabe she asked? - 5/10/2010 6:48:15 AM

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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How many times have I read the phrase.." There is NO right way to do this" on these boards.

Yet.................................

Get my point?

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

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