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lokisgodhi -> RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? (4/15/2006 7:09:47 PM)
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Proprietrix wrote:
"I would guess that many Dominant women have begun adding this to their profile because they grew frustrated of submissives who have come across as thinking that power exchange relationships are supposed to be centered around the desires and fetishes of the submissive."
Yet I rarely hear this IAAM from dommes who have something on the ball. As for sub centered PE, since subs take much more of a physical risk than tops why shouldn't we be more choosey about what we're engage in?
"I've witnessed so very much that submissives say "what do I get out of it?????" and Dominants ask "what do you want out of it???" and the submissives answer with a blank stare."
Yet when you do express just what you expect out of a relationship you get attacked for it. [MisPandora's preceeding post]
"I feel that the community at large is in a changing and growing point right now where people on both sides of the fence have veered away from traditional power exchange roles, into fetishism, and are trying to gear back into those traditional roles. It has put many people in a place where they are questioning who is supposed to be meeting whose needs in D/s."
I think the BDSM community at large has an inability to conceiving of anything other than the slave or the submissive relationship. DD relationships are totally off their radar.
"I don't think that this in any way reflects what one has to offer as a person or what job they hold or what their education level is or their socioeconomic status. Those demographics are totally irrelavent to a community trying to define roles and develop titles for their places in a subculture."
BDSM is a escapist subculture where you can reinvent yourself. Case in point my friend's domme. In her vanilla life she's started to refer to herself with her first name and scene name and instisted on her vanilla freinds refer to her as mistress xxxxxx. Why because in the scene she's Mistress xxxxxx abd not yyyyyy, an ex junkie, ex con who can't hold a real job.
"This really is an insult not just to Dominant women seeking service oriented submissives, but also an insult to service oriented submissives themselves. One's desire to have a service oriented submissive really has no direct bearing on whether or not one is lazy. It's completely contradictory to assume that it has any bearing on one's depth into BDSM.
What about to the non service oriented person who feels constantly barraged with pressure to enage in an activity they for morally reprehensible?
"I'm having a very difficult time making a connection between "looking for a service oriented slave" and "scamming men by using their sexual orientation to extract goods and services". How is one's duties in anyway related to their sexual orientation? I just can't make any logical connection here, and therefore can't comment."
Try harder.
Anyone can say they are a dominant female. How do you prove it? If you represent yourself as one you can find someone provide goods and services that normally you'd have to pay for.
quote:
Female supremacy[ist] = I'm terrified about being judged on the content of my character. I don't have what it takes to be loved and respected because of whom I amd so I'll use an accident of birth to claim a role I can't earn on my merits.
"Female supremacy, much like religion, is a system of beliefs about hierarchy. Again, it is irrelavent to one's character, perceived lovability, or self-efficacy. My only suggestion here is to learn about matriarchy so as to not make faulty comparisons."
http://www.neopagan.net/ABCDEF.html
BBW
"This is simply one's opinion as I'm sure the majority of us are aware that beauty is relative, subjective, and based on individual preference and taste."
Please. BBW is a militant term. It's used to [mis]represent.
"I will agree that *some* overweight people lack self-control in at least one area of life. Not all. "Some people choose to keep a certain amount of weight because they find themselves more attractive heavier than lighter. Some really don't consider it either way and just live their life. I wouldn't stretch any physical characteristic so far as to draw the conclusion that "because you have X physical trait, you lack X emotional ability". That, once again, is an illogical correlation."
If all fat people who are fat because they have a medical condition were people who claim to be Mayflower familes, the Mayflower would have been the QE2.
I never said anything about emotional ability.
quote:
No sex = I don't want to have a full balanced well rounded relationship. We'll make a exception if you're married to someone not in the scene or to a dominant.
"This particular sentence is one I can easily, and personally comment on. Please take the time to learn about asexuality. It is a quickly increasing phenomenon and can be linked directly to the evolutionary phase our society is at. Once one comprehends that connection, it is fairly simple to understand why Dominant women are rapidly finding less and less interest in submissive men with high libidos. Once again, it does not reflect one's desire for balance in a relationship."
And this arguement has any more validity than the belief it's because that scam artists that wrap themselves in the guise of being a femdomme solely because they wish to exploit gullible submissive men? Bit disengenuous, isn't it?
"Beyond that though, most women only have a certain tolerance level for receiving sexual advances. We grow tired of hearing about penises, orgasms, cbt, chastity, face-sitting, queening, cumming, oral sex, anuses, and on and on and on. It grows tiring. It grows boring. It grows monotonous. It gets old. And for me personally, it shows a very superficial and shallow attitude toward me and what I can offer outside the bedroom. The more I shout out "NO SEX", the more likely I am to NOT receive those unwanted comments and be approached by men who can think above the waistline."
"The sentence about making an exception "if you're married to someone not in the scene or to a dominant."..... that went right over my head. I totally don't understand that sentence, or its meaning."
It means that sometimes dominants are married to a vanilla person or another dominant person and they actually believe in remaining faithful to vows they have made to them. They have negotiated BDSM play priviledges with other people but not sex. In that situation it's appropriate,and frankly required, to make clear you're not interested in sex with your BDSM play partner.
However, if you put in your ad that you're looking for a single person who is exclusive to you for a relationship that it's not unreasonable for them to expect you to take care of the full range of their needs.
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Into cuckolding. = I lack moral fiber/ethical parameters.
"I suggest educating oneself on cuckolding (and any other subject) before making public statements about it."
I suggest you do the same. Duh!
"If the Cuckoldress, the cuck, and all other involved members are consensual (which by the way is part of the definition of cuckolding), and happy, and want that particular dynamic, then why not advertise for other persons who might want to join?"
If it's consensual it's by definition, not cuckoldry. [See cambridge dictionary definition]
quote:
I'm into financial servitude. = I'm a whore.
"By definition a whore is either engaging in sexual activity for personal gain, or is compromising her own principals for personal gain. Financial servitude might (although usually does not) include sexual activity. If it does, then yes, I would agree. If it does not, then by definition, it cannot be whoring. If she is compromising her principals, then yes, I agree, it is whoring. If she is not, then again, by definition, it cannot be."
Please. There's clearly a sexual compoenent it financial servidtude as part of BDSM. I'm sure one would rather be busted for prostitution rather than extortion. I'm sure faced with that choice for the activity one would go with claiming prostitution.
"Please do keep in mind though that some submissive males very much enjoy being financial servants, being blackmailed, "bringing in the bread" for their Lady, paying monetary tribute to their Domina, and making financial offerings to their Goddess."
The point of my post is that the majority of men do not enjoy it.
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I'm a prodomme. = I'm a cheap and stupid whore. Last time I checked collarme is a personal ad site. If you want clients go to one of the pay sites that cater to prodommes, leave personal sites to people who are looking for relationships. If you do post on a personal site, be looking for a personal relationship not clients. DUH!
"AGAIN, invalid conclusions. You are comparing one's profession, with their intelligence level, with their principals."
AGAIN picayune bullshit. The median prodomme is uneducated and many are ex strippers who have figured that they can make more money with less work as prodommes.
"And in doing so, have not only created an antithesis, but also completely contradicted yourself. I personally don't mind seeing Pro ads on CM, but I don't deny that they might be frustrating for submissives looking for non-pros. By definition though, CM is not a "personal ad site". (And I too often make the same mistake of referring to it by that term.) It defines itself as a "BDSM community". Pro-Dommes are part of that community."
Only like ticks are part of a dog.
"In order for someone to take a speaker's words seriously, the speaker needs to present him or herself as knowledgable on their subject matter, as well as their intended audience. This post showed both an ignorance of the subject matter, and an ignorance of the audience.
If one wants to make correlations in thier presentation of ideas, I highly suggest taking some basic courses at a local community college on social statistics. "
I've run a BDSM groups for 13 years. I've talked to about fifty sub men a year during that time and I've taken notes on our round table discussions about their opinions. I'm confident about my impressions about what they think.
As for prodommes, college students and those who lack the education to hold living wage jobs in the real world. That's in NYC of couse. In LA I assume that unemployed actresses play a larger part, in FL I'll assume it's similar to NYC.
Since in CA, FL and NYC combined there's more prodommes than the rest of the country, I feel comfortable assuming that the median here is the national median.
I hold a degree in history and a minor in cultural geography. I'm currently working on a masters in history.
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