lovingpet
Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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I was thinking today about submissive people for whom the past can't really be the past yet. In some cases this is in the form of various personality defense mechanisms that were put in place due to any number of critical life events. It might also include things of a pstd nature such as triggers, flooding, and flashbacks. I don't know too many who wouldn't want very much for these things to be behind them, but these types of wounds go deep and take a long time to heal. Provided the person has been working on these issues, I am sure most dominant folks could be patient with such areas and be of as much help and support as they possibly can.
Clearly, this will impact everything from day to day dealings to possible reactions to play. Add in a few additional stressors and it can get even more difficult to keep a handle on. This can be mitigated fairly easily (definitely a matter of perspective and dependent upon the extent and type of problem) when behind closed doors. Privately, both can take the time and work through most anything at their pace, their own way, and with no pressures from outside observers critiquing their every move.
It gets a whole lot more hairy in a public setting. In this case, I am only talking about a basic "vanilla" setting. A panic attack at home is far different than dealing with a person in such a state in the middle of a department store. The issues surrounding dynamic obviously aren't necessarily at play (though there is the possibility that someone that knows them in that context locally may see and judge). Still there are ways that were available in private that won't go over so well in this setting. Perhaps it is a sharp tug of hair or clothing or collar that pulls them back to the present or some other thing that would be frowned upon as abusive. If these are most effective privately, it could be a serious mess once in a "vanilla" public.
Then there is yet another senario. Such things surfacing in a context of a "lifestyle" event around other likeminded people. Needless to say, a couple with such a thing in play have probably discussed it more than a few times and have even dealt with in some fashion at some point. They are aware of what is going on (whether or not there is a way to stop it). Unfortunately, there is a room full of observers who are not privy to this information and are watching every move of each. They see such things as skiddishness, hyperactivity, resistence, apparent disobedience, and more from the submissive. They see a dominant who is either having to handle the "fragile creature" roughly or appears to be bowing to the submissive's every whim, apparently abandoning the submissive to bring in some kind of reinforcements, and attempts to stabilize the situation that actually wind up being disruptive. In other words, it looks extremely bad on both people.
True, they need only worry about each other, but there is something else that concerns me. Based on this outsiders' view, these people are at risk of being ostracized from the "community" available to them. This should be a place of resources and support and clearly they may be desperately needed. Instead, now there is a couple dealing with something quite complex and difficult who has been cut off from a major source of help. Though other options are available, going through kink aware professionals would be best and more beneficial. They have no access. The cycle repeats at some point and the isolation deepens.
My question, and I guess this post could have fit on several different sections, is what methods have worked well for you, as a submissive, to deal with such issues? Not all have these kinds of things at work, so I know this isn't necessarily a thread for everyone. How do you do your part to shield yourself and your dominant partner from judgement from observers, be it in a "lifestyle" setting or a "vanilla" one? Those on the dominant side, what have you been able to do to help your submissive as they worked through such things? How have you been able to adapt your handling of situations based on the environment in which it occurred? Thanks for the input.
lovingpet
_____________________________
If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me
10 Fluffy pts.
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