RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual?

RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (Full Version)

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WyldHrt -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:42:27 PM)
quote: i would. i can think of several Dommes on these boards i would serve in a non-sexual non-play way in a heartbeat - and i am a proven non-bisexual. Women do nothing for me sexually. i still would find it very fulfilling to serve any one of several Dommes - just to feel her pleased with me (not sexual). Same here. I have a friend that is a straight Domme, married to her slave. When we are at a get together and he is not there, I'm usually the one fetching things for her, helping her, and doing whatever she asks. I've done the same for other female Dommes as well. It isn't always about sex, FFS.

UniqueRaven -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:44:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt quote: i would. i can think of several Dommes on these boards i would serve in a non-sexual non-play way in a heartbeat - and i am a proven non-bisexual. Women do nothing for me sexually. i still would find it very fulfilling to serve any one of several Dommes - just to feel her pleased with me (not sexual). Same here. I have a friend that is a straight Domme, married to her slave. When we are at a get together and he is not there, I'm usually the one fetching things for her, helping her, and doing whatever she asks. I've done the same for other female Dommes as well. It isn't always about sex, FFS. Yep. i've given more than one multiple-hours long foot massage to a Domme in my time - and loved every second of it, just to be able to soothe her feet. [:)]

SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:45:53 PM)
quote: There are a great number of non-sexual same-sex D/s relationships, especially in the gay male community (where's Lance when you need him). In this case this IS sexual. Even if no sex is involved this is sexual. Penetration is not the only thing that makes something sexual. I think that one straight man would never submit to another man, for its own sake. Maybe in some military, religious, or similar environment, but D/s for the sake of D/s - absolutely no. That's what I think. I am straight. I have no desire to dominate or to submit to other man whatsoever. I think most of straight men have no such desire.

laurell3 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:48:07 PM)
AGAIN, the fact that YOU believe it about YOU does not come remotely CLOSE to making it true about others. How you NOT see this? You are deadass completely wrong.

WyldHrt -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:48:15 PM)
quote: I think that one straight man would never submit to another man, for its own sake. Maybe in some military, religious, or similar environment, but D/s for the sake of D/s - absolutely no. That's what I think. I am straight. I have no desire to dominate or to submit to other man whatsoever. I think most of straight men have no such desire. Wrong again. My former Dom was served by a male for awhile. Straight service, no sex at all.

UniqueRaven -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:50:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot quote: There are a great number of non-sexual same-sex D/s relationships, especially in the gay male community (where's Lance when you need him). In this case this IS sexual. Even if no sex is involved this is sexual. Penetration is not the only thing that makes something sexual. I think that one straight man would never submit to another man, for its own sake. Maybe in some military, religious, or similar environment, but D/s for the sake of D/s - absolutely no. That's what I think. I am straight. I have no desire to dominate or to submit to other man whatsoever. I think most of straight men have no such desire. Oh good Lord, so then since i'm heterosexual that means that every straight man i've ever served in any way had some sort of sexual component as well? No Sir, not at all. No. i choose who i feel my sexuality with - and it has nothing to do with my need to submit and please. i think what you said is a bit offensive, you've basically said gay Dom and sub men do nothing for other gay men for non-sexual reasons. Oh, and by the way, i know quite a few straight Doms that want to submit to a gay male Dom in a non-sexual way (personal friends of mine), just for the experience - just because they aren't vocal about it doesn't mean they don't exist. [;)]

SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:52:49 PM)
Lady Pact, I think that most of you misunderstood me. By the word sexual or sexuality I don't mean only sex per se. I include all types of erotic, sexual and romantic attraction. Even platonic love is subtly erotic and mostly happen between opposite sexes. Or between homosexuals. So, my statement was that there is a very little chance of developing D/s relationship between two people of the same sex who are in NO way romantically or erotically attracted to each other, (and are also 100% straight) However, responses from UniqueRaven and WyldHrt enlightened me, so now I admit that there is such possibility, but still I think it is not a very common thing.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:53:55 PM)
I've known gay men who had no interest in sex with women, who have had female slaves. I've known lesbian women who have served hetero dominant men. I've known hetero dominant men who have had male slaves. No sex was involved. Surprisingly, they found lots to do for and to their slaves/submissives/dominants other than fucking or sucking them. Go figure. As for me. I like sex. Sex rocks. D/s as well as BDSM almost always has a sexual component to it, for me. Even if it is just as a trigger for turning me on.

Aynne88 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:55:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot OK, I could then turn my statement into question. How many of you would serve the Master / Mistress of the same sex as you are, if you are not homosexual, not bisexsual, not even bicurious? Well, I don't "serve" anyone, I am in a relationship where my Man is in chage, so no, I would not serve any other dominant in any aspect unless we were in a relationship. However, I am not at all hardwired to be submissive and I don't really understand those that are, so probably I am not the best person to answer this. I do think thought that there are other women like me here, that are really dominant in all aspects of their lives and happen to find that one partner that makes them want to be submissive to them, without feeling that they are "submissive" in general. I don't really see what being bi-sexual has to do with this though, I am bisexual and still could never submit to a woman, that's just how I am. I feel dominant to women and most men generally so the whole being submissive as a trait thing eludes me. Sometimes I envy it, it seems easier I think if that makes any sense.

UniqueRaven -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:55:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot Lady Pact, I think that most of you misunderstood me. By the word sexual or sexuality I don't mean only sex per se. I include all types of erotic, sexual and romantic attraction. Even platonic love is subtly erotic and mostly happen between opposite sexes. Or between homosexuals. So, my statement was that there is a very little chance of developing D/s relationship between two people of the same sex who are in NO way romantically or erotically attracted to each other, (and are also 100% straight) However, responses from UniqueRaven and WyldHrt enlightened me, so now I admit that there is such possibility, but still I think it is not a very common thing. Well hmmm, 2 of us (myself and WyldHrt) who directly contradict your premise responded within what, 2 minutes of your original post? Makes me wonder how many else there are out there.......[;)]

leadership527 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 5:58:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot I include all types of erotic, sexual and romantic attraction. Even platonic love is subtly erotic and mostly happen between opposite sexes. Or between homosexuals. Well, you haven't adequately explained me yet SN. But I will give you this. There is a fulfilling thing to owning Carol... not having her obey... but owning her. I can't really describe it even though I've spent many hours in deep introspection regarding it. I can tell you that it is not sexual although it is somehow connected to sexuality. Still though, in the larger picture, I stand by what I said... neither Carol nor I eroticize our M/s dynamic. For us, it's a pretty straight-forward thing about effective ways to make decisions in our marriage given our two personalities coupled with a way to give ourselves wholly into our love affair. I can absolutely guarantee you that the "driving force" of our entire dynamic has to do with her default submissive view and my default dominant one. We loved each other and had wonderful sex for 12 years before the collar. We don't need M/s in order to have a bright, vibrant, love-filled relationship. Edited to Add I'll grant you that this sort of arrangement is, by far, the minority here on collarme. But again, collarme is a fetish and kink site. Out in the vanilla world, you'd find lots of M/s couples who just didn't use such terms and didn't eroticize it at all.. in fact, thought about it much like Carol and I do. It kind of makes sense that kinksters... you know... folks hugely into sex... would eroticize it... they eroticize EVERYTHING. laughs

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 6:05:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? For me, the whole D/s thing has no value outside sexual overtones. Just curious if most others are similar ... Yes, it does have appeal outside the sexual. i feel submissive all the time, not just when sex is a possibility. Like NuevaVida said, it's all-encompassing. quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot OK, I could then turn my statement into question. How many of you would serve the Master / Mistress of the same sex as you are, if you are not homosexual, not bisexsual, not even bicurious? Okay, i am bisexual, BUT there are multiple straight Dommes on this board that i would love to serve and please, knowing that sex was not at all a possibility. ~sweetsub~

domiguy -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 6:06:49 PM)
For me it only works if they are Asian. (imho) YMMV

SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 6:07:48 PM)
OK Jeff, you don't eroticize M/s dynamic, but still you own a woman, and you have sex with her. Do you have any desire to own a man? That's what I am trying to say, somewhere deeply hidden, I think it is always connected to sexuality. For example, if I ever felt desire to dominate another man, or to be submissive to another man, I would start thinking that I am gay. Even if there is no sex involved whatsoever. What I am talking about is not the nature of relationship. Relationship can be outwardly asexual D/s or M/s relationship. But the participants, they are almost always in some way sexually attracted to each other. (Not including pro-domination) So, if there is straight service of a man to the male Dom, it doesn't mean that the submissive himself is straight. And probably he is at least bicurious. If he is in any way attracted to the Dom, for him the D/s has sexual overtones.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 6:20:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 For me, it is the other way around. I don't eroticize the whole thing at all. It's just a comfortable fit for [my] personality. This. But from a female dominant perspective.

PeonForHer -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 6:27:28 PM)
Umm . . . my hand goes up for the 'Eroticism is the basis' hypothesis, SN. That's me, anyway. I couldn't submit to a male, because males don't generally turn me on. I couldn't submit to a woman in whom I had no sexual attraction, either. I feel oddly liberated to have got that off my chest!

SocratesNot -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 6:31:03 PM)
quote: Umm . . . my hand goes up for the 'Eroticism is the basis' hypothesis, SN. That's me, anyway. I couldn't submit to a male, because males don't generally turn me on. I couldn't submit to a woman in whom I had no sexual attraction, either. I feel oddly liberated to have got that off my chest! That's what I'm talking about. I think majority think so. And yes, this IS generalization. [:D]

PeonForHer -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 6:47:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot quote: Umm . . . my hand goes up for the 'Eroticism is the basis' hypothesis, SN. That's me, anyway. I couldn't submit to a male, because males don't generally turn me on. I couldn't submit to a woman in whom I had no sexual attraction, either. I feel oddly liberated to have got that off my chest! That's what I'm talking about. I think majority think so. And yes, this IS generalization. [:D] I must admit, I'd have thought that the majority felt the same way, too. But, to be honest, I've never really thought about it before. In a fundamental way I don't care about the majority, because they enjoy themselves in ways that don't attract me. Each to his or her own. Of course.

Silence8 -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 6:53:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot quote: Umm . . . my hand goes up for the 'Eroticism is the basis' hypothesis, SN. That's me, anyway. I couldn't submit to a male, because males don't generally turn me on. I couldn't submit to a woman in whom I had no sexual attraction, either. I feel oddly liberated to have got that off my chest! That's what I'm talking about. I think majority think so. And yes, this IS generalization. [:D] I'm not entirely sure. I'll have to consider it. What's undeniable is how much the incorporation of sex into any relationship tends very dramatically to shift the whole dynamic. I think it might very well have strong cultural roots -- but this culture might already encompass the globe, so you get a sort of relativity dilemma.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you outside the sexual? (5/30/2010 7:06:53 PM)
I wouldn't put sex on top of the list of my personal motivators. Not at all, some of the time.

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