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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 12:03:01 AM

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To follow up with the last few posters, I have to agree. This history of disobedience is the start. This wasn't a one time thing due to a dentist trip. I might have seen the issue otherwise if it was one incident over stress. (Though, I have trouble with that considering the phone call was made. No answer should mean the submissive follows the instructions given, not hope for the permission.)

I don't punish often. If some situation has grown to that point (continued disobedience over a course of time) where I am going to punish someone, the last thing that someone should consider a bright idea is to argue with Me about it. The punishment that was outlined was appropriate for the situation. Refusing such a punishment would have meant the end of the dynamic, since obviously, I'm not the one in authority.

Yes, both people contribute to a dynamic including the highs and lows of such. However, I'm an honest believer of the premise that there are certain things being a signal of the end of a dynamic. I wouldn't tolerate a history of disobedience anymore than I think it's acceptable for a Dominant to be abusive. If you keep making exceptions over and over for someone not to obey, you don't have a dynamic. Instead you have a situation where a sub can do whatever they want, as long as they have an excuse.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 12:12:58 AM

LadySweetOrSour

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OP, you identify as a slave, and you're 35 years old, but you seem to do pretty much what you like and fully understand that. What makes you think that you're a slave?

For me, you sound too much like hard work.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 12:21:55 AM

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WyldHrt,

On the strict subject of the xbox and game itself. If he gave her both the game and console, and she dumped him immediately after; his trust issue (what ever it is truely), would have been confirmed. And then she would have the xbox and game for free. It sounds silly and petty, but there in lines the lesson. There is alot more to this relationship then he is stating. But we only have a point of view, with which to advise on. And, as advisors, its up to us to give good advise, or at the least, how we might overcome the obsticle. Even if the Domme herself came on here and posted her side of the story, we (the advisors), would STILL be in the same boat we are now. Except now we'll have two sides who should simply apologize and move on.

A good Domme would tell him, to return the game to the store, offer to help coach him through the next dental visit, and go with him. Once he soldiers through it, give him a present: the game he wanted. Now WHY, would the Domme buy a present for the sub? Even after all this crap? Think on it for a while. =)

(in reply to WyldHrt)

RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 12:47:53 AM

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I would like to refer you again to his other thread about 'scoring bonus points' because he doesn't pay any attention to his Dommes preferences - he admits that it's all about him and he has only asked 1 or 2 (I believe) personal questions about her ... I can't believe that this domme (if she really exists) is still with someone who cares about her so little.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 1:20:55 AM

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i went back and read all this guys posts, now i remember him. i am seriously doubtiing this is for real. he said he makes trouble, arguements just for fun. bad stuff happens to us all but drama queens create their own messes is there a pattern here.

instead of going to see her. stay home if u are not feeling good. alot of times healthy people cant relate to this but u also said in a different thread that she has been there for u throught many a problem so i think she would understand. u started this by disobeying. u made the problem worse by complaining and makeing excuses instead of taking consequences. any Master or Mistress i can think of would see this as a slap in the face. if someone did something they knew would upset me and then complained when i did get upset, mabey i wouldnt want their gifts either.

so what would i do as a sub, i would have discussed it before hand NOT bought something i was forbidden to. if i was a compulsive shopper i would get help for it. something u said she asked u to do. i would NOT make excuses for every little thing. on the other hand if she told u to come over because she expected u to clean out her garage after a root canal knowing u were in pain, then thats just wrong. if that isnt the case then u need to own up to ur mistakes. put ur big boy pants now and take some responsability.

also last year i bought an iphone without permission and had to return it.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 1:23:14 AM

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Sorry Joe, I'm not buying. As you say, all we have to go on are his words (both here and on his other threads), but those words paint a picture that some of us recognize.

As to the Xbox issue, if I was thinking that my Dom would or even might do such a thing after months of being with him, the relationship is either already over, or it never existed in any meaningful way. Given this statement by the OP on another thread:

quote:

i tend to lose the thread and direct attention back toward myself after 2 minutes and i have asked Ma'am one personal question about Herself in 7 months.

I'm going with the latter.

Please note that I am speaking from my personal perspective here, which is all any of us can do. We are not counselors or advisers, just folks who give our opinions based on what is posted, filtered through our own experiences.

quote:

A good Domme would tell him, to return the game to the store, offer to help coach him through the next dental visit, and go with him. Once he soldiers through it, give him a present: the game he wanted. Now WHY, would the Domme buy a present for the sub? Even after all this crap? Think on it for a while. =)

See what I posted above

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 1:44:36 AM

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i think the Mistress should force him to play a game with him on the X-box. The Mistress has a goal start. if he loses , the Mistress gets to keep the game and cane him for being dishonest. But at the start its Mistress 1 slave 0 as it should be
kevin

(in reply to WyldHrt)

RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 2:22:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lurch999

Ma'am wanted me to post this because it is something that we've both talked about extensively of late. Just to give some background information, at the beginning of May i agreed not to buy anything without Her permission. In the middle of the month i had the second half of a dental procedure that i was stressing out over, as it was fairly invasive and involved at least 6 injections (lost count). i have some complicating health issues including dental phobia and a benign but non-trivial heart condition (PVCs) which make procedures such as this one even less fun than they are for normal people. As a result of this i freaked out and impulsively bought a video game. i did call Her first to clear it but She didn't pick up so i decided to buy it anyway; this was about ten minutes before the procedure. Afterwards on the way to Her place i told her i had bought a game, and was sorry about it. When i got to Her place it turned out that She was quite upset about it. She told me that i had to give Her my Xbox and the game as punishment (temporarily). i argued with Her a bit about this, i said because i didn't quite trust people with my things (i have been robbed before) but really i just didn't feel like giving up the console or the game. At that point she made me drive immediately home to get the xbox console. When i returned i told Her that i felt She had made an already bad day a lot worse, and that i was under the impression that today wasn't going to be an SM day anyway because i was having a medical procedure. Ma'am got extremely upset and started returning gifts i had bought Her and making me get all my stuff out of Her house. Although things were eventaully smoothed over, it's been on both our minds since then. My question: how would Dommes handle this? What would subs have done differently?

OP, can you please explain - in what way did your Domme MAKE your "bad day a lot worse"? It sounds pretty simple to me, you disobeyed so you were punished.

(in reply to lurch999)

RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 2:51:06 AM

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quote:

A D/s relationship, is just like a regular vanilla relationship. It will have its ups and downs, but if you can find the will to apologize to the other, and the heart to forgive, you'll overcome great obsticles in life. Things like that, build trust over time.

I don't agree. In a vanilla relationship, I do not have the power to take anything away from my "spouse" or "boyfriend". All we could do was argue about this, as he has not given me that power. That is what makes it a vaniila relationship.

In a D/s relationship, he gives me the power to make decisions based on his well being and the health of our dynamic. If my sub goes off and disobeys a direct order, knowing the consequences of his disobedience, then yes, he will get exactly what he gave me the power to do. Take his things away from him. Or punish him the way I see fit.

quote:

A good Domme would tell him, to return the game to the store, offer to help coach him through the next dental visit, and go with him. Once he soldiers through it, give him a present: the game he wanted. Now WHY, would the Domme buy a present for the sub? Even after all this crap? Think on it for a while. =)

No, this sounds like something a good wife might do. But a "Good Domme" would do exactly as she said she would do if he disobeyed her again.

An even better Domina would release him. He obviously does not want to be in a D/s or M/s dynamic, if he can not seem to obey his Mistress or Owner.

quote:

When i returned i told Her that i felt She had made an already bad day a lot worse, and that i was under the impression that today wasn't going to be an SM day anyway because i was having a medical procedure

What does the bold part mean? SM day? Please explain.

In any case, my response to this, is that I would most certainly release you. I don't want to be in a dynamic where I am fighting against my boy. It shouldnt have to be this difficult to get your own boy to do what you have asked or ordered him to do, or not do.

There are too many out there, who would be willing to take his place in my life.

MoGa

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 3:25:10 AM

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quote:

She told me that i had to give Her my Xbox and the game as punishment (temporarily). i argued with Her a bit about this, i said because i didn't quite trust people with my things (i have been robbed before) but really i just didn't feel like giving up the console or the game.

As a continuation of my last post, I have to say that this is the most telling part of the OP for me. I admit that I am harsh and completely biased on lying within a relationship, having been married to someone who lied about as easily as he breathed, but this just sucks any way you look at it. I don't do manipulation or passive aggressiveness in my relationships, and a partner who lies to me will find his ass kicked to the curb so fast his head will spin.

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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
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(in reply to MistressOfGa)

RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 4:06:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lurch999
at the beginning of May i agreed not to buy anything without Her permission.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lurch999
As a result of this i freaked out and impulsively bought a video game. i did call Her first to clear it but She didn't pick up so i decided to buy it anyway; this was about ten minutes before the procedure. Afterwards on the way to Her place i told her i had bought a game, and was sorry about it. When i got to Her place it turned out that She was quite upset about it. She told me that i had to give Her my Xbox and the game as punishment (temporarily). i argued with Her a bit about this, i said because i didn't quite trust people with my things (i have been robbed before) but really i just didn't feel like giving up the console or the game.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lurch999
i was already on probation.

i am not a Domme, but when i read this the first thoughts that came to mind were, (1)you already agreed to not buy anything w/o Her permission and less than a month later you are willfully disobeying Her. Also, (2)you don't trust Her, and (3)you are already on probation. You say you are a 35 yr old slave.....you are old enough to understand what "Don't buy anything w/o My permission" means, and even though you call yourself a slave you do whatever the hell you want regardless. i know you think you have your reasons but, without all the excuses, you seem to have a penchant for repeated disobedience and f*cking up. If i were a Domme, i think i would release you. You obviously have a willfully disobedient streak and you're too much work.

~sweetsub~

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(in reply to lurch999)

RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 4:17:42 AM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

And then when the Xbox was supposed to be turned over for punishment, you balked, which then points at a whole bunch of other issues, including one of trust

I suspect that this is less of a question of trust and more one of "dammit I wanna play my X Box". It doesn't sound to me like the OP is in the least submissive to his Mistress. His mindset (judging by his op) is still very much it's all about me except when I feel like submitting to her.

If it were me, I would expect to be released. No two ways about it. OP you deliberately disobeyed and made excuses which wouldn't fly with my Master. If I were under that much stress - hell any stress at all - I would be expected to bring it to him, not disobey and go do whatever I want to. It appears to me that you were determined to get that game no matter what or you would have waited for her permission.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 4:29:09 AM

LillyoftheVally

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FR

I thought the OP sounded like something written by a thirteen year old, you were nervous about the dentist so HAD to buy a game? I mean seriously? If I was nervous I would have to buy some cigarettes because I could smoke them before and feel calmer, but a game that you cant play until after you have gone home anyways? It sounds insane to me. Then when you got called on it you threw a temper tantrum. I think you need to get yourself some big boy pants.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 5:03:18 AM

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lurch 999, i am certainly not dominant but I would like to share my thinking.
In the final analysis it’s not about a game, dental work or any external factors, it’s about your word, your self-honor and commitment to the self of you. If you gave her your word and violated it…you violated yourself far more then you did her. Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate the depth of the commitment you made to her and your ability to conduct yourself responsibly.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 5:28:45 AM

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What does the bold part mean? SM day? Please explain.

I thought that was obvious - though Lurch himself will no doubt put us all straight: he and his partner have days in which they don't relate in a D/s way. That seems entirely imaginable to me.

But, if so, then a lot of the rules by which most people govern their D/s relationships are going to be quite radically different. As I've said before, I don't think I'm grasping how things work between the OP and his partner.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 5:45:23 AM

DaddysInkedSlut

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I am honestly sitting here shaking my head at the thought that people go hunting for the OPs other posts so that he can be called on them in this thread. I am all for personal accountability but there are people like myself who havent read prior posts from the OP. Who take this OP at face value. Who don't have the time or inclination to go searching his past posts to proof he isn't a slave or a submissive.

quote:

She told me that i had to give Her my Xbox and the game as punishment (temporarily). i argued with Her a bit about this, i said because i didn't quite trust people with my things (i have been robbed before) but really i just didn't feel like giving up the console or the game.

I admit when I first read the OP I missed the highlighted part of the quote above.

However, that doesnt change my response regarding compulsive disorders. I will also say that "getting help" for such a disorder as someone pointed out he should even today still carries alot of stigma and unless you have insurance that covers therapy, therapy is very expensive and even if you do have insurance you have to be in a place were you are willing and able to face those compulsions and why they exist.

I will also add that if the OP truly does have a compulsive disoder that is not a get out jail free card for when he acts on those compulsions.

< Message edited by DaddysInkedSlut -- 5/31/2010 5:51:49 AM >

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 5:49:25 AM

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To the OP:
No offense but you sound like an immature man-child.

Buying the game is one thing (which you obviously shouldn't have done). Throwing a tantrum and making up lame excuses about the XBox is another. If you bought the game only to help with whatever psychological issue you claim to have in order to get you through your dental work then why not give it up after the procedure was done? You clearly wanted to play video games more than you want a healthy relationship with your partner.

You're 35, not 15. Its time to grow up.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 7:05:46 AM

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OP- this domme you speak of is a far cry better than me when it comes to being disobeyed on more than one occassion, which is why i'm questioning if she is real. i would have acted as she did by giving you all your things back- but i would have stopped dealing with you afterwards. in conjunction with me not believing she is authentic- like others, i question if you are really a slave as stated per your profile. you, in my opinion, are just a bottom, and are in no way in a position to be owned. you have a classic case of "i'm going to do what i want, when i want"- a behaviour that is fairly common among people my age- people who are up to 15 years YOUNGER than you. my last vanilla boyfriend was the same way, and i promptly kicked him to the curb. the same should have been done for you.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 7:26:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut

I am honestly sitting here shaking my head at the thought that people go hunting for the OPs other posts so that he can be called on them in this thread. I am all for personal accountability but there are people like myself who havent read prior posts from the OP. Who take this OP at face value. Who don't have the time or inclination to go searching his past posts to proof he isn't a slave or a submissive.

I would like to address this as it's something I do with the majority of posts I write when responding to a person. I had just finished writing a helpful post to the OP on his other thread about Domme bonus points when two things happened. One, he wrote his partner believed he enjoyed disagree and bickering on purpose because he enjoys a "tumultuous relationship" and he wouldn't stop even though he knows it stresses her out. When I asked him about this his response was to remark on being told by her he should seek help for a disorder which he chose not to and that he has zero experience.
At the same time, two, he posted this thread and things started to become clearer.

I didn't claim the OP wasn't a submissive or slave. I did, however, ask him a few times if he felt this was how he felt a submissive would act and I suggested he ask himself why he was seeking out this type of relationship (which we're still unclear on since the OP hasn't commented as to the dynamic in play between his partner and himself except for calling her Ma'am).

Even the part of this op where he says

quote:

i did call Her first to clear it but She didn't pick up so i decided to buy it anyway; this was about ten minutes before the procedure.

was addressed in another of the OP's previous threads about going 24/7 without actually living together.

I am guilty of holding a person accountable for things they post here...god knows I get that myself so I know I'm not the only one doing this. When a person makes posts on the boards that are within a short time frame like the OP and that all fit together...it's hard not to take everything into account. Atleast for some of us.

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RE: What would you do in this situation? - 5/31/2010 8:08:04 AM

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I was thinking 'not S/m day' specifically meant there wasn't going to be any play, rather than the power dynamic between them only existed on certain days. Which, no S/m would make perfect sense to Me, due to the trip to the dentist.

DaddysInked, it isn't a case of searching for other posts written by the OP. It's a case of remembering other threads by the same OP that some of us have already read/commented on before. When someone provides a link to a past thread, it is for reference. That contributes to giving a clearer picture to the situation, rather than an incident. (Also, one of the huge advantages to CM, rather than Fet, in My opinion.)

Yes, if two people care about each other, they are going to care about their issues. Still, a Dominant shouldn't be put in the position of being their submissive's therapist or social worker. It is much more ethical in My opinion, to point someone to get the help they need, rather than to assume a D/s dynamic can fix the issue. Trying to tackle such an issue is no better than asking the Dominant in this situation to diagnose and treat the OP's ADD condition.

Falling back on the 'stigma' of getting treated (stigma from whom I have to wonder) or lack of financial resources doesn't cut it for Me on this one. A few quick minutes of searching on the net pointed Me to Compulsive Spending Anonymous, Shopper's Anonymous, and Debtor's Anonymous. All online and all free.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to youascend)

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