How do you respond to a direct denial?

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How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 7:06:28 AM

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Got this email today. Someone just flat out saying that who I am and what I'm saying isn't right and that I'm just confused.

How would you respond (other than f you)?

Is there a point in continuing a conversation with someone who is convinced you are wrong about yourself?

Me: I consider myself a slave who is also a dominant.

Them: An oxymoron - I'm sorry; this is a crime against ontology! You are, instead, merely undecided, unclear about your role - which is fine. Most subs entertain topping from below; and this is an interesting area of debate. But an authentic slave and an authentic Dom are mutually-exclusive, ontollogically, ritualistically, and practically. To attempt to ratify these two position by merely insisting upon the power of one's own subjectivity is like calling black white. It's just bad science.

Me: I've been active in the real world scene for nearly 8 years now. I've been owned and lived as a slave in relationships until last summer. I've been actively topping for a few years now and have developed into relationships as a dominant.

Them: All indications are that you are in transition.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 7:19:50 AM

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I don't believe you are in transition, any more than any person...and we are all changing in small or great ways every day...you state that you are a slave...and that you are a top...which are NOT mutually exclusive disciplines, since they are not aspects of the same lifestyles...

A "Top" is one that enjoys the control in a BDSM environment...a Top's opposite is a "bottom" of course...and there are many people that practice BDSM, without ever involving themselves in the other aspects of the lifestyle...namely D/s and M/s...Dominance/submission...Master/slave...which while being similar to one another, need have nothing to do with BDSM. BDSM is bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism...and can be practiced by those that are strangers, and often is...in clubs. D/s and M/s is always based upon a relationship...hence, the three segments of "the lifestyle" can be mutally exclusive of one another.

So the fact that when dealing with a dominant personality, you choose to be a slave...yet when dealing with a masochist, you choose to Top....I don't find that strange at all. It's no stranger than wanting to eat soup in winter and salad in summer...it all depends upon the environment, the relationship (or lack of one) and how you interact with that particular partner...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 7:26:38 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LordTemporal
So the fact that when dealing with a dominant personality, you choose to be a slave...

I have a dominant personality, and yet I am oriented as a slave. I think if I had the choice, I'd go vanilla kink. But I don't consider it something I chose.

yet when dealing with a masochist, you choose to Top....I don't find that strange at all.
Has nothing to do with masochists. And it's not just topping- I am the dominant in some relationships.

This is how it works for me at least.

quote:

It's no stranger than wanting to eat soup in winter and salad in summer...it all depends upon the environment, the relationship (or lack of one) and how you interact with that particular partner...

I agree completely. Is this the response you would send to the person who emailed me?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LordTemporal)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 7:33:52 AM

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Got this email today. Someone just flat out saying that who I am and what I'm saying isn't right and that I'm just confused.

How would you respond (other than f you)?

Is there a point in continuing a conversation with someone who is convinced you are wrong about yourself?

Me: I consider myself a slave who is also a dominant.

Them: An oxymoron - I'm sorry; this is a crime against ontology! You are, instead, merely undecided, unclear about your role - which is fine. Most subs entertain topping from below; and this is an interesting area of debate. But an authentic slave and an authentic Dom are mutually-exclusive, ontollogically, ritualistically, and practically. To attempt to ratify these two position by merely insisting upon the power of one's own subjectivity is like calling black white. It's just bad science.

Me: I've been active in the real world scene for nearly 8 years now. I've been owned and lived as a slave in relationships until last summer. I've been actively topping for a few years now and have developed into relationships as a dominant.

Them: All indications are that you are in transition.

Try asking him what color the sky is in his world since, obviously, he lives in another one than you or I.

Sounds to me like a very insecure person who wants to make the needs of his soul the laws of the universe (an apology to Shaw). I suspect he's highly educated but unfamiliar with the Scene, its depth, breadth and complexities, and is trying either consciously or unconsciously by claiming to have a clearer vision than you.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 7:55:42 AM

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Both my slaves have dominant personalilties. I prefer this; I find that those who are this combination are a much more likely to be proactive in their service, which suits my style.

My suggestion is to simply say that you disagree with him, but that you honor his right to form his own opinion. Given that he is not able to accept you as you are, whether you are in transition or not, you see that the two of you are not a match. Thank him for his time and wish him the best of luck in his search. Anything said after that doesn't really need to be responded to, if that's what you choose.

Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 8:06:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
Both my slaves have dominant personalilties. I prefer this; I find that those who are this combination are a much more likely to be proactive in their service, which suits my style.

For me it's not a dominant personality, it's a dominant orientation.

quote:

My suggestion is to simply say that you disagree with him, but that you honor his right to form his own opinion. Given that he is not able to accept you as you are, whether you are in transition or not, you see that the two of you are not a match. Thank him for his time and wish him the best of luck in his search. Anything said after that doesn't really need to be responded to, if that's what you choose.

Fire

Oh goodness, I hope he's not trying to come onto me. From what I know, this is just an intellectual discussion- no chance or desire to go beyond that.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 8:36:30 AM

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How about, "Go Away?"

You are not required to respond at all.

Best,

LaMalinche

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 8:38:20 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Them: All indications are that you are in transition.

You: All indications are that you clearly don't know me as well as you think you do. Goodbye.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 8:46:59 AM

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I would say: The combination of logic with an ontology provides a language that can express relationships about the entities within that domain. Relationships are situated within a context and terms for classifying relationships are limitless. Therefore all indications are you are in need of a dictionary.

But that is just because I want to string a bunch of semi-big words together and feel all smart and even scientific, regardless of if it makes sense. (Maybe kind of like the original emailer.)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 8:57:04 AM

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From: Youngstown, Ohio
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i would say, Thank you ever so much for taking the time to write me... Have a wonderful day...

_____________________________

~softly smiles

~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to Sensualips)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 9:18:53 AM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Got this email today. Someone just flat out saying that who I am and what I'm saying isn't right and that I'm just confused.

How would you respond (other than f you)?

Is there a point in continuing a conversation with someone who is convinced you are wrong about yourself?

Me: I consider myself a slave who is also a dominant.
(edited because I only posted the quote )

Them: An oxymoron - I'm sorry; this is a crime against ontology! You are, instead, merely undecided, unclear about your role - which is fine. Most subs entertain topping from below; and this is an interesting area of debate. But an authentic slave and an authentic Dom are mutually-exclusive, ontollogically, ritualistically, and practically. To attempt to ratify these two position by merely insisting upon the power of one's own subjectivity is like calling black white. It's just bad science.

Me: I've been active in the real world scene for nearly 8 years now. I've been owned and lived as a slave in relationships until last summer. I've been actively topping for a few years now and have developed into relationships as a dominant.

Them: All indications are that you are in transition.

I get this type of comment constantly. It got old, hearing that what I like is wrong, years ago. It still continues. I think that after all these years, I pretty much know what I am and what is going to change or not. If I don't like apples with salt on them. I'm sure not gonna allow someone else to tell me I'm wrong, just because they do it and know that that is what does it for them. Now I'm might add some caramel, but I'm never gonna be an apple and salt person and that's just how it is, there is no more decision that needs to be made on it, I am not confused.
(can anyone else see that I'm trying to loose a coupla pounds? All my metaphors seem to be based on food LOL)
Just tell him, maybe he should just stick to orgainzing his spices and keep those in nice tidy alphabetical stacks and rows and not to be so uptight about life. Life is allowed to have variations. Within his own Dom status (if he is a dom), I'm sure that he doesn't like every single act that other doms like. Why is he allowed to be so different, why are any of them? Why does he think he gets to call all the shots on how another person should feel and react?
Where is he getting his information from that everyone should be either/or? If from other doms, do they all get together and say everyone's bathroom needs to be painted and decorated like this and everyone should eat only these things for their meals from now on and all their subs have to have this color hair and at 3:00pm everyone should be doing this.....ooo I rant on huh LOL
Okay, I'm done. >>laughing <<

ahhhhh I hear sounds

< Message edited by bignipples2share -- 4/10/2006 9:53:50 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 9:22:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox

i would say, Thank you ever so much for taking the time to write me... Have a wonderful day...

Best advice so far.

I dear friend once explained to me, you can never argue with a zealot. Even when you AGREE with them, they will tell you that you are wrong.

If you simply reply "You are absolutely right" and go about your business, it will have sucked all the wind right out of their argumentative sails.

fergus

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 10:54:07 AM

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Continuing Discussion:

My response: I'm not confused. I'm not transitioning (any more than anyone else in the world). I AM a slave. I AM a dominant. It is not a transition from one to the other. Both exist in me, I am both.

Them: Sounds like hysteria, bit too schiziod; certainly sounds illogical; certainly it is sophistry. But the main thing is to remain positive. Perspective will follow hopefully. We wish you well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 11:15:09 AM

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From: Southern Illinois
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Bleh. Doesn't surprise me that, since you refused to agree with those ignorant statements, he/she/it flutters off to analyze the next profile on the list. I say block them.

< Message edited by TheShadows -- 4/10/2006 11:18:43 AM >

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 11:26:14 AM

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

quote:

Them: An oxymoron - I'm sorry; this is a crime against ontology! You are, instead, merely undecided, unclear about your role - which is fine. Most subs entertain topping from below; and this is an interesting area of debate. But an authentic slave and an authentic Dom are mutually-exclusive, ontollogically, ritualistically, and practically. To attempt to ratify these two position by merely insisting upon the power of one's own subjectivity is like calling black white. It's just bad science.

Wow! Where is the dictionary he's taking his definitions from? i did not realize that things where THAT black & white, but maybe I'm only confused here.
I have a very dominant personality- VERY!
i call myself a slave for identity's sake even though i feel i cannot since i'm unowned; however, i DO have a slaveheart and i DO top.
I've been given similar responses and turned away by male Dominants who say they feel i would try to top them (which is so not the case) or that i should change my identity to 'switch'. I enjoy topping women- NOT because i want to control them; NOT because i want to exert power over them- i simply enjoy the way thier bodies react- PERIOD.
In my humble opinion . . . you know who you are, where your heart is. This person doesnt deserve the time & thought of a reply from you.

Respectfully,
enthralled

_____________________________

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 11:27:46 AM

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Well, the fucker uses some pretty decent english at least. Thats gotta be worth at least one point, Ja? Arguing wrongly with eloquence has got to be better than ignorant asswipe handed down as true way in base language, as I do.

The notion that ANYONE here on the net by the dint of their argument is going to cause any other person to fall to their knees, praising some higher power and exclaiming the clarity of vision they are experience as the scales drop from there eyes; is at best laughable.

Downright fucking hilarious in my book.

Selah, (LOL, I always wanted to find a use for that!!!)
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 11:39:05 AM

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From: Toronto
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I never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 11:49:50 AM

Posts: 84
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: eastern Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

Got this email today. Someone just flat out saying that who I am and what I'm saying isn't right and that I'm just confused.

How would you respond (other than f you)?

Is there a point in continuing a conversation with someone who is convinced you are wrong about yourself?

I'd respond:

Whether I am slave or I am dominant depends on the person I'm interacting with and not on somebody else's preconceptions ... and with you honey, I am dominant. Now go away lil boy and leave Me alone.
And then I'd block them.

Sure there is a point .. and that is closure.
Enjoy!

< Message edited by foxnotinsox -- 4/10/2006 11:51:36 AM >

_____________________________

oxox,foX
Veni vidi veni

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 12:16:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

I never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Yours,

benji

Can't say it any better than this. Walk away from the crazy people and if neccesary, call 911 and shoot them the second they step into your house.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

RE: How do you respond to a direct denial? - 4/10/2006 12:25:47 PM

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Joined: 5/14/2005
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Out of curiosity do you care what they think? From your posts, you seem to know who you are and what you want. Given that, why would you care about the opinion of [I'm assuming] a stranger?

Personally, I wouldn't even respond.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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