RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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BreakingGlass -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/19/2006 7:52:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji
My pen exploded when I nuked it.  What can I do to prevent this in the future?


...forgot to use protection?  That's what the reservoir tip is for.

I've finally mastered the lotus position, but now my legs are stuck this way.  How can I continue to indulge my love of Morris dancing?



wannawrapmylips -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/19/2006 8:41:57 PM)

I would explain to anyone who asks that Duke is simply trying to establish domestic partner status to get in on Nightmare's excellent health benefit plan


I really do need advice!  How do I get rid of the "vanilla" cone next to my name?



Craftsman -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/19/2006 9:58:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wannawrapmylips

I would explain to anyone who asks that Duke is simply trying to establish domestic partner status to get in on Nightmare's excellent health benefit plan


I really do need advice!  How do I get rid of the "vanilla" cone next to my name?


Next time you order an ice cream cone, order "Rocky Road" or "Chocolate Mint Chip" or something.

I need some advice, though --- my roof is leaking all over my computer every time it rains.  How do I take care of that without moving to another home?



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 12:00:58 AM)

quote:

I need some advice, though --- my roof is leaking all over my computer every time it rains.  How do I take care of that without moving to another home?


Get at least 17 electric heaters and aim them all at your computer so that the heat will evaporate any water that lands on it. Oh, it is best to use a small, thin extension cord and hardwire it into the panel box in your home, that way you will get a constant flow of heat without the bother of any stupid circut breakers tripping.

I really need to get to bed and I just can't seem to get off of the computer... please help me.



sylphgossamer -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 12:40:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I really need to get to bed and I just can't seem to get off of the computer... please help me.


just put your pillow and blanket on top of your cpu and stay on all night while you sleep. or you could shove the computer out the window, thereby taking care of the problem and getting a good night's sleep in your comfy bed.

my house has become a pain and the wildfires never reach here to alleviate my problem, what can i do?



brightspot -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 1:28:07 AM)

Drop a cigarette in the cushion of the couch and go shopping at Cost-Co.
 
I have a kink in my neck.



Mistrix -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 5:03:10 AM)

Throw in your ADVANCED TAE BO video and rock on, KICK it baby.

My kids drive me NUTS!!!!



Mercnbeth -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 6:55:17 AM)

quote:

My kids drive me NUTS!!!!


Well mate, my libido drives me nuts. (Apologies to my Aussie friend, Iron Bear)

My advise...roast your nuts and enjoy the ride.

Taking today (4/20) off to celebrate, need to know the best way to do so.





Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 1:52:06 PM)

quote:

Taking today (4/20) off to celebrate, need to know the best way to do so.



Go to your police department and march right in and light up a fat one. Stand there and taunt them, daring them to do something to you because it is 4/20 You will meet all sorts of new people and the police might even give you a room to sleep in if you are nice.


My car needs a tune-up and I really can't aford one, is there something that I can do to tune my car up myself? Keep in mind that I know little about cars.



RubberWitch -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 2:00:18 PM)

take your car into the shop, get it checked out, whilst sporting an unliked neighbours plates. When you go to pick it up, get a tailpipe whistle from a joke shop, and slide it in. Test out the engine, and ask what that whistling is. As the mechanics track it to the tail pipe, stick it in gear. Go return your neighbours plates, grab a cold one, sit back and watch the police turn up.

I need to make a quick couple of hundred, and am a weeny bit too old to whore my arse out. How do I convince c to turn tricks for me?

J



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 9:54:05 PM)

quote:

I need to make a quick couple of hundred, and am a weeny bit too old to whore my arse out. How do I convince c to turn tricks for me?


Thorazine. Duh.


I am getting tired of hearing traffic go by in my neighborhood. What can I do?



thegirlincharge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 10:01:58 PM)

Set up large police barracades at each end of your block. They can be easily stolen from the nearest crime scene.

I haven't had an orgasm in 2 days...what should I do???



dorsaisgirl1 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 10:12:08 PM)

use a wet dry vacume. and smile
       i think i have hemroids and would like to try a home remedy any ideas



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 10:13:43 PM)

quote:

I haven't had an orgasm in 2 days...what should I do???


Take out a one minute ad on your local TV station explaining your dilema. Invite people to call on you at home to help.


I am tired of standing in lines for things... Someone give me an alternative please.



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 10:15:42 PM)

quote:

i think i have hemroids and would like to try a home remedy any ideas


Get an electric knife and a hand mirror and saw away at those annoying suckers.

I am tired of standing in lines for things... Someone give me an alternative please.



BitaTruble -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/20/2006 11:39:33 PM)

quote:


I am tired of standing in lines for things... Someone give me an alternative please.


Kneel

What's a proper tip for the pizza delivery guy?



Evanesce -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/21/2006 8:30:21 AM)

quote:

What's a proper tip for the pizza delivery guy?
\

Marry him.  (hey, my sister did it!  Guy came to the door, and a year later, they were married)
 
How can I keep our cats from walking all over me?



AngelaK -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/21/2006 12:30:14 PM)

Duh. Cut off their legs.

I want to spend a lot of money to get my lawn landscaped and the dumbass landscapers won't even show up to give me a bid much less to do the job. What should I do?



Wulfchyld -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/21/2006 12:37:38 PM)

quote:

I want to spend a lot of money to get my lawn landscaped and the dumbass landscapers won't even show up to give me a bid much less to do the job. What should I do?



All too easy. Buy 3 bottles of Mad dog 20/20 and lawn tools. Find 3 guys with "will work for food" signs, which is really a cryptic message which means, "will landscape for cheap wine". Problem solved and mega bucks saved.

which is cheaper, a divorce or a toaster in the bath tub?

_____________________________________________________________
Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (4/21/2006 12:53:07 PM)

quote:

which is cheaper, a divorce or a toaster in the bath tub?


The toaster in the bathtub. It's a waste of a good toaster but at least you won't need lawyers.

My back hurts today. Anything that I can do to relieve the pain?



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