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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 2:17:09 PM

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It is a known fact that when in a situation, such as yours, that the cops are only minutes away when seconds count. So, put on a banana hammock, oil yourself up and start baking cookies while Silence of the Lambs plays in the background. He should be running for the hills in no time flat.

I got flat out shaken today by a particular post by a particular poster... wot shuld I do?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 2:33:32 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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You should take 2 aspirin and 2 shots of the alcoholic beverage of your choice and forget all about it. Under absolutely no circumstances should you ever let on to the person in question why the post in question rocked the foundations of your bridge. The person doesn't want to know and would take serious offense if you ever breathed a word of this in the person's general vicinity. In fact, you should take great pains to avoid the person in question to the point that you quake in your boots when you hear the "trip trap, trip trap" of stilleto heels approaching.

I miss having a male play partner but I'm not sure I want to deal with the hassle of looking for one. What should I do?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 4:41:34 PM

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You should take 2 aspirin and 2 shots of the alcoholic beverage of your choice and call me in the morning.

I heeded the above advice but the trip, trap, trip trap of the stiletto heels made me think of the tap, tap, tap thread and I am not sure reading it again is Safe, Sane or Consensual.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 6:06:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

You should take 2 aspirin and 2 shots of the alcoholic beverage of your choice and forget all about it. Under absolutely no circumstances should you ever let on to the person in question why the post in question rocked the foundations of your bridge. The person doesn't want to know and would take serious offense if you ever breathed a word of this in the person's general vicinity. In fact, you should take great pains to avoid the person in question to the point that you quake in your boots when you hear the "trip trap, trip trap" of stilleto heels approaching.

I miss having a male play partner but I'm not sure I want to deal with the hassle of looking for one. What should I do?

Go get some coffee and a news paper. It shouldn't be a problem for you to find decent fit.

All the slut-puppies on the site seem to be owned. Does anyone know how I could find one?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 6:21:47 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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Crash a fraternity party. Sororities are secret training facilities for future generations of sluts. You can do your civic duty by volunteering to sponsor their educations. If that doesn't work, rent a tuxedo and head to the senior prom at your local high school. It's a well-known fact that more virgins are deflowered at prom than at any other event in a woman's life. Double points if you can nail the graduating captain of the varsity cheerleading squad. There's a reason they're called "prostitots" you know.

My living room needs to be cleaned but I don't feel like doing it myself. Any advice?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 6:45:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

My living room needs to be cleaned but I don't feel like doing it myself. Any advice?

You know those people that hold up signs saying they will "work for food" ?

Maybe they'll do it

helpful silly girly

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 6:52:36 PM

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It seems to me that girlygurl is trying to kill the thread by not asking a question! Should we thwart her attempts?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 6:54:40 PM

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we should engage in fullscale derailment -- what that will cause is a flood of "really really bad advice" purists, who will descend and dramatically reroute the course of the thread back to its original heading.

how 'bout them (insert team here) ?!

i have a new stereo but i have no idea if i hooked up the speakers right -- how can i tell?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 7:19:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

My living room needs to be cleaned but I don't feel like doing it myself. Any advice?

You know those people that hold up signs saying they will "work for food" ?

Maybe they'll do it

helpful silly girly

Or you could wait for tornado season. Let Mother Nature take care of it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i have a new stereo but i have no idea if i hooked up the speakers right -- how can i tell?

Turn the speakers facing out a window, turn on the stereo, and turn up the volume to max. You might need earplugs for this.

So, i just had really really spicy dim sum for dinner. Any advice as to what i should drink to cool down?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 7:25:32 PM

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Ask Troll for a bucket of course! I'm sure it's contents are fairly obvious.

I'm still being pestered by the man outside my window, apparently he has connections with the cops..... What should I have for dinner?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 7:28:28 PM

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get your hands on some fresh urine -- supposedly it's great for burns.
(that was for dream, but i was too late haha)

for rick -- SHOOT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do i get the stork off my roof? it squawks all night and keeps me up!

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 3/6/2011 7:29:18 PM >

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 7:31:18 PM

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Take your own advice. then send me the carcass, I know what I'll be having for dinner.

I have trouble remembering names, what is the best way to help?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 7:34:08 PM

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carry a tattoo gun and apply names to the foreheads of all you meet.
or just call everyone "Bob" -- either way!

the stork is dead, but the blood is getting everywhere. how do i clean this up before the humane society comes to get me?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 7:37:06 PM

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I strongly suggest the use of a Shamwow.

I tried my tattoo gun once, but it got jammed, any way to fix it?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 7:42:35 PM

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it might help if you take a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *gasp*
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallly close look at it -- like... get your eyelashes in there and sweep away whatever is jamming the thing. make sure the power's on, so you'll know when it's working again.

how do i tell if my car has enough oil?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/6/2011 7:45:03 PM

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Have a friend check it with his "dipstick".

I'm addicted to cashews. What should I do to break my addiction?

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/10/2011 9:49:32 AM

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Overcompensate, continue eating them, eat nothing else, eat them at work, in the shower, having sex, anywhere and everywhere...and if that doesn't work just shift your addictive behavior to something safe and nonaddicting like rum.

I am waiting to hear about a promotion, what should I do?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/10/2011 1:40:25 PM

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bug all forms of communication your boss uses -- and sneak a key logger onto his/her computer.

the tree in my front yard might make the place too shady; what are some ways i can minimize this possibility?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/10/2011 6:20:31 PM

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Hold a chainsaw/flamethrower party to see who can get rid of the offending tree first.

The dumpster at my condo is forever being used by passers by. How can I get them to filling it to capacity?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/10/2011 6:37:09 PM

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wait until you see them get up next to it and theeeen detonate the c-4 charges you planted on the bottom of it. that'll learn 'em!

my brain is running a mile a minute and i can't turn it off. any suggestions?

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