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RE: Male bashing - 6/26/2010 8:00:09 AM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
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Why can't You speak up? Simply say,"is this why W/we all gathered?" There needs to be more control over the group as whole,some form of leadership. Where are the Dominants? To me if a group is not self policed not to allow alot of negativity it reflects the group as a whole and devalues it. i have spoken up many times,and after a couple trys if they are fine that way,then i am out of there. A few vents to support someone is one thing,the whole time being dampered by that mood is a waste of money and time that can be used on better things. Good luck, please let U/us know what happens ~ jewels

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God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

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Post #: 41

RE: Male bashing - 6/26/2010 8:33:10 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Well damn. This is an online thing? You aren't going physically to a place where the women are out of hand? (shakes morning brain) WTF dude? And in an online thing, male dom's aren't saying anything. That's unreal for even online! It's an online twilight zone. You better get out of there... that is truly scary.

In fact, I'm so scared, I'm outta this thread. Something might shock me or jump through my monitor.

The Lockit Hen...

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Post #: 42

RE: Male bashing - 6/26/2010 8:40:51 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

marshalp:

please advice what can i do short of moving away from the group...

Tell them to shut the fuck up?

It's what I'd do.

He might even get a date from it

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Post #: 43

RE: Male bashing - 6/26/2010 10:24:49 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

The examples the OP gives of what is said to men is not just venting. Even when it is venting, to say that the women the OP describes are simply venting is an explanation but not a justification. Sure, a man could use this idea for how to process or shrug off the interaction but it does not change that what is done is inappropriate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddiego
So do you think this same group of 'dominant' (hah) women are going to verbally bash the most likely male, roadside service assistant when he gets there? Hell no! They will be very grateful for him!

I doubt a woman who is feeling frustrated against men will have a change of heart just because an employee who is getting paid to do a job happens to be a man. Also, I expect the negative emotions due to such a violation will overwhelm the positive emotions you describe regardless of whether it is an employee or an acquaintance who is helping them. I think this approach is each ineffective and inappropriate.

As for what the OP can do, some he describes cannot be changed and one can simply keep a distance from them. Some he describes might need to be gently reminded or made aware how their comments are affecting the men in the group. How this message is worded is important. If it is worded as an attack, it will likely raise defenses which will keep any communication from happening. Here is an example:

I can understand that you are frustrated by some men but a generalization against men feels to be directed against me. And I feel much like how you would feel if I were sitting here talking ill of women with other men, or how you might feel if two of your colleagues were venting against you and you could hear them. While it might not be their intent to offend you, it would, nonetheless, offend you if you could hear them. I understand some men cause frustrations but to project their behavior onto all of them is unfair to men who do not deserve to be put in the same bucket. I would appreciate it if you could have your venting in a way that is also respectful to me, or if you could at least give me a warning so I can know to move away.

This approach assumes that most people are good people and would be receptive to such a message.

Another point: humor helps.

It is not clear to me how much of this discussion is online, how much in person, and how much both (the real time group also has an online forum). I sense that you did try to raise this topic online with this group but it did not fare well. I do not know how the discussion went and to speak in general without reference to your discussion, how the discussion is approached (counter venting versus constructive communication) and facilitated would impact its effectiveness. If you are engaging in constructive discussion and another man chimes in with angry statements or suggestions of vindictive action, it affects the effectiveness of the overall discussion, and these angry statements need to be appropriately handled to keep conversation on course. I sense you already have similar insights based on how you have facilitated this discussion.

Cheers,

Sea

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Post #: 44

RE: Male bashing - 6/26/2010 12:49:59 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

To the OP:

Welcome to our world! Most Dommes are in still-male-oriented professions, so this is our life.
At our workplaces, in bars, even on an 'Ask a Mistress' forum, doms, republicans and dickswingers come in, lift their legs, and leave trailing yellow: 'women don't like sex, they're only after money, can't hook up a rheostat', none of which apply to me. Are there women like that? Yep. Are there men like that? Yep II.

First, recognise the women are sharing their experiences; that's what we do.
Good men feel a bit ashamed of what some of their gender do to women, so think of it as a learning experience that you get to hear what women REALLY think.
But good women step in when others are male-bashing: I correct people who think all men are pricks, sluts or dead-beat dads, but remember, some are.

So what do we do when the male shop talk gets out of hand?
1. Make 'em laugh.
2. Disagreeing and sharing your positive experiences might change their opinion. Sitting and fuming won't, and neither is whining. Your calling it a 'hen-party' means you either have issues with female authority, or you need to dial into the 21st century, bro.
3. Sit with the group you like. I don't go to munches often, but I know I can't sit near a particular gay dom who literally hates women in authority, and says just that to anyone who will listen. Too bad, because his sub partner who I knew before he hooked up with this misogynist is a wonderful, kind and funny man; I can't fix/smack/gag/'disappear' his dom, so if I can't sit next to my friend, I join another table.

So have some empathy, and do something positive and interesting to steer the conversation.
Good luck.

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Post #: 45

RE: Male bashing - 6/26/2010 4:24:58 PM

MistressXbox

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/2/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

When women get together, we VENT. Sometimes, a lot. We complain about our jobs, our kids, our menfolks, the traffic, whatever. It's a way of dealing with our stresses and moving back to our lives. Now, I don't know the ladies you are talking about, they could be a crew of right fishwives. If they meet every month and never have any good things to say about anyone with a penis, well... maybe you want to find another group!

I'm with LadyHibiscus on this one. I'm sure that most of the gals in the group aren't anti-men**, nor do they realize they are "bashing" anyone. People of all types, regardless of gender, need to vent about stuff sometimes. And sometimes people will bust each other's chops, so perhaps some of the banter between the genders is just the group's way of teasing one another without really meaning any serious harm to the people involved.

If there are key "offenders" in the group who are taking it too far, I'd probably just steer clear of those people and hang with the ones I like best. If it's hostile to the point where other people are seriously miserable and uncomfortable, then yeah, you should mention it to whomever is hosting the events.

**Just as an aside, I find it hard to wrap my mind around the concept that a Domme or a female sub who are interested in men, could actually hate them! (That's why I've got to assume that this is just folks kidding around with each other, or venting with no idea that they're hurting any feelings.)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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Post #: 46

RE: Male bashing - 6/26/2010 6:05:14 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I think men are assholes, comparatively speaking. Not all, but a lot, and not surprising when you put a bunch of them together.

Just saying.

Jeff

Yes, I think you are right. Most men are complete assholes. Not just half an ass, the WHOLE ass. The gender of men renders them as a supposedly dominant naturally. As if they have to prove something like how right they are or somehow better than the bug on the blade of grass.

I tend to gravitate towards the female. No pissing contests, No chest beating.

More cooperation than competition.

If you were to bash a male bash the one that attempted to pay me for a blowjob on his tiny little dick in his hands while I was just sitting in the park! O_O

"WTF Guy put your tiny penis away. I'm calling...." and then POOF.

Gone.

Men deserve it. Some need it. Others want it.

hail to the queen bitch for they are the bringers of life.

I'm gone don't be mad and don't bash me secretly. I would rather take the bash directly and know what steps to take to not be bashed. That way I understand my strengths and weaknesses and focus on improving my self.

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As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
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Post #: 47

RE: Male bashing - 6/26/2010 8:35:41 PM

DommeKeliDallas

Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marshalp

Hello, I have a bit of on issue.
The thing is, i am a part of a local group which has a majority of women. Off late the conversation has been very much anti male, the submissive women complain about the male Doms being false Doms "tin-foil knights". That's all good, i understand people (i dare say women) need to vent out and rant at times (especially in a mono-sexual cohort), but this is an all inclusive local group.
The problem is that due to this, the flavor of the entire group has become anti-men... there is a lot of general male bashing going on... the dominant women picking on the sub males & the dominant men just don't participate in the conversations. It's become a "hen club" where men can't enter. Now, there are individuals in the group which i really like... please advice what can i do short of moving away from the group...

disclaimer: i understand that these are my perceptions, & they could be very wrong

If you don't like what is going on there... DON'T GO!
No one is making you go.

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Post #: 48