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ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

i think a little tolerance on both ends would be great. its ok not to want to date a guy . Just dont label him as uneducated. How does one define uneducated anyway? it s a very grey area and leaves people open to the accusation of being judgmental which is not a good thing
just my two cents
Your mileage may vary
kevin

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha



You all have met this guy at least once.  He has unrealistic ideals about Femdom based on porn.  Or he lacks any decent real life dating/social skills and is uncomfortably awkward.  Or he pretty much agrees with you on everything to the point that he's basically lying, because he's desperately trying to make a good impression.  Or he clearly is pursuing you desperately and passionately, but you know (based on what you KNOW he knows about YOU), he's really pursuing a fantasy and needs to just dial it back a notch, settle down and relax -- you feel like you are in High School all over again.  Or, all of these things plus more, in a man who is in his 40s and you wish were more emotionally sophisticated.

All that, or some of that, but underneath, he's basically "a decent guy."  Maybe some chemistry.  Things "could" work.  But it's an uphill battle, and with Mr. Agreeable, you just don't know if he's saying he will change when really his enthusiasm is all pointed at the fantasy, and as soon as it loses the appeal, he'll probably just...well, vanish.

Is it worth it?

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: MistressXbox

Yeah... I think most Dommes have totally been there! ;)

My answer would be this: rehabilitate, no. Educate, absolutely yes!

Years ago, I had a friend who was fond of BDSM porn, as well as fictional writings that weren't porn but DID have some strong fetishy connotations. He had told me that he'd always fantasized about being a "slave" and all of the duties therein -- you know, servicing a woman sexually. (LOL!) One day during a conversation, I mentioned that some people have relationships based on D/s both inside and outside of the bedroom/dungeon, and it threw him for a loop. He didn't think that "real" people did those sorts of things, but mainly that it involved porn-like play scenes! We ended up having a D/s relationship that lasted over 5 years; we're still really good friends, and he's definitely one of the most wonderful people I know.

None of us come out of the box knowing everything, or even knowing that there's a world beyond our fantasies -- some things can't be learned or fully experienced until there's another real person involved. (And hell, for *some* people, there's no point in going beyond logistics until there's a person you actually want to explore those things with.) I would say that if you really think the person seems "decent," and there's enough chemistry that you're interested to run with it, it's worth a shot to at least raise the awareness that there's more to BDSM than play. Maybe lend him a non-fiction book or two, have some discussions about it, even hang out with other kinky folks in a non-play setting. Taking the potential fantasy fulfillment OFF the table, at least until getting to know each other better, can really help to show if he's seriously willing to follow through.

However, let me add this disclaimer: It's up to the so-called submissive male to accept the information in the spirit it was intended, and to learn from it. If there's no desire for education or personal growth, but only for scratching his itches, then obviously it's better for you both to move along.

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Is it worth it?