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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 12:43:51 AM

AlchemicalMaster

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My advice is contingent on everything you said being the truth, obviously. One more question to the original poster, was she lying to her past boyfriend about you??? If so, ISN'T THAT A GIANT RED FLAG???

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 2:33:04 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlchemicalMaster

My advice is contingent on everything you said being the truth, obviously. One more question to the original poster, was she lying to her past boyfriend about you??? If so, ISN'T THAT A GIANT RED FLAG???

That's pretty much the whole point. While she was discussing starting a relationship with the OP, she was with the past boyfriend. Allegedly the OP directed her to break up with him before meeting him face to face. I say allegedly because I don't believe that she did. In any case, discussing starting a relationship, having long on line conversations about having a future with someone while you are involved with someone else is, without a doubt, dishonest.

So that enormous red flag was there before they even met. As someone else mentioned, it is always somewhat amusing that when someone gets involved with someone who left someone else to be with them is surprised when that same person starts doing the same to them.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 2:50:55 AM

WyldHrt

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quote:

The girl:
either
a) was molested as a child or otherwise grew up with a severe lack of a strong father figure and wants to cling to someone who will fill that void.
or
b) is motivated solely by laziness and an opportunity for a free ride and doesn't mind selling her body for it, a notion that her mother obviously is totally down with.

I should leave this alone, but nahhh...
Assume much?? As a late teen/early twentysomething, I was always attracted to much older men (like 20+ years older), and to this day, I still prefer older men. It had nothing to do with lacking a strong father figure, as my Dad was quite involved with raising me and we had a great relationship (still do). I was never molested or abused. I simply preferred the company of adults to that of people my own age, even as a young child.

And I sure as hell never went looking for an older man to pay my way in life.

You may be right in this specific instance, but your post was pretty offensive to one such as myself who has always been attracted to older men.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 3:04:06 AM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I have laundry in the hamper older than the sub.

I am pretty sure it was clean when it got there.

Dude, I have had bad moods older than this sub....

ROFL!!!

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 3:17:30 AM

Plasticine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt
I should leave this alone, but nahhh...
Assume much?? As a late teen/early twentysomething, I was always attracted to much older men (like 20+ years older), and to this day, I still prefer older men. It had nothing to do with lacking a strong father figure, as my Dad was quite involved with raising me and we had a great relationship (still do). I was never molested or abused. I simply preferred the company of adults to that of people my own age, even as a young child.

And I sure as hell never went looking for an older man to pay my way in life.

You may be right in this specific instance, but your post was pretty offensive to one such as myself who has always been attracted to older men.

I think you are being a touch oversensitive. I assume that if you are honest there are no stories in your life like this one and you have nothing to be defensive about. I was certainly not saying that there is no possible way that a young woman could have a healthy interest in a significantly older man. I was saying that the information given in this particular puzzle does not seem to be open to very many interpretations at all. In this case the answers are screaming out. If this were a healthy trusting situation I completely doubt that this man would be asking for this sort of guidance in the first place.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 3:45:20 AM

AQuietSimpleMan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Plasticine
I think you are being a touch oversensitive. I assume that if you are honest there are no stories in your life like this one and you have nothing to be defensive about. I was certainly not saying that there is no possible way that a young woman could have a healthy interest in a significantly older man. I was saying that the information given in this particular puzzle does not seem to be open to very many interpretations at all. In this case the answers are screaming out. If this were a healthy trusting situation I completely doubt that this man would be asking for this sort of guidance in the first place.

Plasticine,

How can you determine anything about the relationship from having only limited information from only one side of the equasion?

All our information is coming from one side of the issue and from that one side there is what could very well be an irrational fear of abandonment, or even a Megalomaniacle belief system, but without further understanding of the one point of view that you have you can hardly make an opinion on what he thinks let alone what the silent partner who hasn't spoken word one.

One of the things I have come to love about CollarMe are all the Holier-Than-Thou bullshit attitudes, everyone knows better than the Op, everyone lives better than the Op, hell in this thread alone the ages of two consenting adults have made one an absent minded trollop, or possibly a gold digging tramp. It has made the other an abusive, near pedophilic, horny, kidnapper.

The two of them have been ran up and down one side of nastiness and down the other side of shame. The Age has been judged, the moral fiber has been judged, the absolute of his humanity and her sinserity has been all but decided for them..... and why?

Because the Op had something happen that he didn't know how to handle, and instead of going about it in a way that could have been damaging to their relationship, he came here to a forum that suggests we ask the opinions of those who may know, and instead of addressing what he asked us to do, we have taken it upon ourselves to judge him and tell him to "Fuck her now cause this won't last".

What sad people to find when honestly reaching out for advice.

And that is part of the fun that is watching the train wreck that can be CollarMe.

To the Op,

You should never be treated this way for asking an honest question, but that is what you can get sometimes from CM, one day you ask a question and get 50 helpful answers, another day you ask a question and you get called every dirty nasty name in the book, just because you don't follow someone elses ridiculous code for appropriateness.

Just keep in mind this is all coming from people who practice a lifestyle that remains as equally Taboo as just about anything else out there.

QSM

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:00:03 AM

Plasticine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
Plasticine,

How can you determine anything about the relationship from having only limited information from only one side of the equasion?

All our information is coming from one side of the issue and from that one side there is what could very well be an irrational fear of abandonment, or even a Megalomaniacle belief system, but without further understanding of the one point of view that you have you can hardly make an opinion on what he thinks let alone what the silent partner who hasn't spoken word one.

This is a perfectly fair question despite the font. ;)

This goes back to "warm reading". Taking everything that OP has said, including his inability to control and all the factors that you mention above... there is zero chance that the person attracted to him is any healthier or better put together. I don't mean to insult the guy, hell most men (at least secretly) want 18 year old fuck toys, it wasn't a sleight; he may be someone's hero. But you can to a very high degree of accuracy predict the truth of any circumstance once you get a person talking about it and really listen for the cues. In the case of someone volunteering a scenario as specific as this, its really pretty basic.

Some people are better than others, I certainly don't bat 100%. I do, however, have particular skill at sussing people out from their self descriptions. I had a first date the other night in fact where I gave her the distinct impression that I knew her very very intimately when all I did was warm-read her very verbose online profile. This isn't about what is said, its about what is not said; Reading between every line, if you will. I did explain to her how I did it though.

Ed: Most people have good instincts for this sort of thing, the real trick is not to get hung up and project your own fears and desires into what the person is telling you. It requires a very open mind to be able to consider all the angles. We all have our limitations, and when I am outdone I admit it. This particular scenario however, as one sided as it may be, really leaves very little doubt.

< Message edited by Plasticine -- 7/4/2010 4:10:34 AM >

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:12:48 AM

AQuietSimpleMan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Plasticine

This is a perfectly fair question despite the font. ;)

This goes back to "warm reading". Taking everything that OP has said, including his inability to control and all the factors that you mention above... there is zero chance that the person attracted to him is any healthier or better put together. I don't mean to insult the guy, hell most men (at least secretly) want 18 year old fuck toys, it wasn't a sleight; he may be someone's hero. But you can to a very high degree of accuracy predict the truth of any circumstance once you get a person talking about it and really listen for the cues. In the case of someone volunteering a scenario as specific as this, its really pretty basic.

Some people are better than others, I certainly don't bat 100%. I do, however, have particular skill at sussing people out from their self descriptions. I had a first date the other night in fact where I gave her the distinct impression that I knew her very very intimately when all I did was warm-read her very verbose online profile. This isn't about what is said, its about what is not said; Reading between every line, if you will. I did explain to her how I did it though.

So you are telling me, with a straight face, that you can "warm-read" someone and from that warm read tell me anything factual about them?

Sorry Plasticine, Warm Reading which preys mostly on the desires of others to be found out, and Cold Reading which preys on a persons own body language to tell you how to interact and break them down, use psycology that applies to just about everyone on the planet. The biggest issue I have with what you have said is that in BOTH, monitoring body language and eye movement is one of the larger parts of the practice.

Cold or Warm Reading Text, is paramont to guessing the name of someone who lives two states over on a street adress you have never been to.

So what you are saying here Plasticine is that you are just Guessing based on what you think every man wants, which if you believe just about every psycologist on the planet would be a list of what you yourself think.

I would be one of the men who do not want an 18 year old. Pop Culture which I am very fond of would be from two very different worlds.

I am and have always been attracted to women older than me as well, track record was almost perfect till I met my wife who happened to be 6 years younger than me. Oh and before you assume Mommy was always there and I never really felt then need to crawl back in.

QSM

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:14:34 AM

WyldHrt

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quote:

I think you are being a touch oversensitive. I assume that if you are honest there are no stories in your life like this one and you have nothing to be defensive about. I was certainly not saying that there is no possible way that a young woman could have a healthy interest in a significantly older man.

I'll own being a bit sensitive on the subject, particularly in light of certain posts both in this thread and others. That said, your post certainly came across as hella judgmental, and based on age, not circumstance.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:19:09 AM

Plasticine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

I think you are being a touch oversensitive. I assume that if you are honest there are no stories in your life like this one and you have nothing to be defensive about. I was certainly not saying that there is no possible way that a young woman could have a healthy interest in a significantly older man.

I'll own being a bit sensitive on the subject, particularly in light of certain posts both in this thread and others. That said, your post certainly came across as hella judgmental, and based on age, not circumstance.

I think I started using shortcuts as the debate was exasperating me and my point got reduced to sounding age-ist. Contextual error on my part, but if you follow my earlier posts you can see that I was trained on this specific scenario.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:29:43 AM

WyldHrt

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quote:

I think I started using shortcuts as the debate was exasperating me and my point got reduced to sounding age-ist. Contextual error on my part, but if you follow my earlier posts you can see that I was trained on this specific scenario.

If you say so, skippy. Having read the thread, I'm not all that impressed with your 'training' and/or 'warm reading skills', as others have expressed similar opinions without coming across... *looks for modhammer*... the way you did.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:31:37 AM

Plasticine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
So you are telling me, with a straight face, that you can "warm-read" someone and from that warm read tell me anything factual about them?

Sorry Plasticine, Warm Reading which preys mostly on the desires of others to be found out, and Cold Reading which preys on a persons own body language to tell you how to interact and break them down, use psycology that applies to just about everyone on the planet. The biggest issue I have with what you have said is that in BOTH, monitoring body language and eye movement is one of the larger parts of the practice.

Cold or Warm Reading Text, is paramont to guessing the name of someone who lives two states over on a street adress you have never been to.

So what you are saying here Plasticine is that you are just Guessing based on what you think every man wants, which if you believe just about every psycologist on the planet would be a list of what you yourself think.

I would be one of the men who do not want an 18 year old. Pop Culture which I am very fond of would be from two very different worlds.

I am and have always been attracted to women older than me as well, track record was almost perfect till I met my wife who happened to be 6 years younger than me. Oh and before you assume Mommy was always there and I never really felt then need to crawl back in.

QSM

Well first I'm telling you "with a straight face" that typing in all bold and a font size too big is a PITA to quote. Then I'll refer you to your own point that you really have no idea whether my face is straight or not. You are attacking the messenger, I'm not judging you or anyone else. I didn't say that this was a bad man or a stupid girl.

Secondly if you think that body language and eye contact are required for warm-reading then you simply do not understand the skill. It is pacing and leading someone based on information that they are providing and information that you are in previous possession of in order to draw further information out, in order to continue the warm reading, ad infinitum. This was done very well by the forum community for me so I didn't not need to conduct an interview.

You are coming off awfully oversensitive too. My first thread on here was viciously plundered, it has in no way affected my opinion of the content. If he doesn't want honest feedback he knows not to ask.

With a post like this one you have some starting information like that... this person is already feeling so vulnerable that they are asking strangers for help, because of this they are probably expressing themselves under personal duress, they are definitely only speaking from their own point of view and are likely insensitive to the other within this context as they are already bemoaning them in public... So you aren't reading the text in a void, you already have a contextual basis for the post before the first word. People always leave out the parts they think are ugliest. Sometimes they will throw out something that seems ugly as a distraction but that usually means that what they are holding onto is deeply shameful for them.

All I can say is that I'd be happy to be wrong here, and that warm-reading can be done in many many ways if you understand it.

< Message edited by Plasticine -- 7/4/2010 4:35:09 AM >

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:34:28 AM

Plasticine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

I think I started using shortcuts as the debate was exasperating me and my point got reduced to sounding age-ist. Contextual error on my part, but if you follow my earlier posts you can see that I was trained on this specific scenario.

If you say so, skippy. Having read the thread, I'm not all that impressed with your 'training' and/or 'warm reading skills', as others have expressed similar opinions without coming across... *looks for modhammer*... the way you did.

Oh I definitely come off like a pompous ass, there's no doubt. Good thing I was trying to offer some insight and not to impress anyone. My self-esteem is not hinged on this stuff. Others have expressed similar opinions without being entirely blunt. Not my style, never has been. I own it.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:42:08 AM

AQuietSimpleMan

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Oh no I understand warm reading, I also understand cold reading, I understand the Barnum Effect, as well as Barnum Posturing, I also understand selective validation.

I also understand when someone is trying to Bullshit a Bullshitter.

If you like, we can keep on with this, but you know and I know this warm reading you are talking about equates to a way of getting someone who wants to be found out to be found out.

We also know that without an Actual Interview you cannot get a base line, and this forum has not given you an interview, you can pretend it did but it didn't you and I both know that. I believe you have studied these persuasive psycologies like I have because you use them an aweful lot, you say a lot without actually saying anything, you make universal but just slightly obtuse statements and because they apply to most people, most people agree and you look like you know what you are talking about.

I used to make extra money on the side by reading Palms and Tarot, I also have worked with verbal suggestion. You're pretty slick rick, but you aren't showing the scientist you claim to be.

QSM

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:44:40 AM

LaserKitty

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 4:49:36 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Plasticine

Oh I definitely come off like a pompous ass, there's no doubt. Good thing I was trying to offer some insight and not to impress anyone. My self-esteem is not hinged on this stuff. Others have expressed similar opinions without being entirely blunt. Not my style, never has been. I own it.

I'm an extremely blunt person, almost completely devoid of self censoring, and even I see you coming off not as blunt, but as a pompous "I'm so much smarter than everyone here" guy.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 5:17:52 AM

Plasticine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
Oh no I understand warm reading, I also understand cold reading, I understand the Barnum Effect, as well as Barnum Posturing, I also understand selective validation.

I also understand when someone is trying to Bullshit a Bullshitter.

If you like, we can keep on with this, but you know and I know this warm reading you are talking about equates to a way of getting someone who wants to be found out to be found out.

We also know that without an Actual Interview you cannot get a base line, and this forum has not given you an interview, you can pretend it did but it didn't you and I both know that. I believe you have studied these persuasive psycologies like I have because you use them an aweful lot, you say a lot without actually saying anything, you make universal but just slightly obtuse statements and because they apply to most people, most people agree and you look like you know what you are talking about.

I used to make extra money on the side by reading Palms and Tarot, I also have worked with verbal suggestion. You're pretty slick rick, but you aren't showing the scientist you claim to be.

QSM

You are entitled to your opinion. I'll be happy to admit I was wrong. This isn't a contest. I was asked to explain how I could make these presumptions and I did. I may be completely delusional.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 5:21:42 AM

Plasticine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
I'm an extremely blunt person, almost completely devoid of self censoring, and even I see you coming off not as blunt, but as a pompous "I'm so much smarter than everyone here" guy.

That's fair too. I'm not trying to come off that way, but I know I do. Its not causing any problems in my life at the moment so I'm not too worried. I don't have the skills to resocialize myself and I'm really enjoying being me. *shrug*

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 5:38:01 AM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I have laundry in the hamper older than the sub.

I am pretty sure it was clean when it got there.

Dude, I have had bad moods older than this sub....

HA! I come close but I am not gonna do the math to be sure.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/4/2010 6:16:13 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
HA! I come close but I am not gonna do the math to be sure.

Math?

You know a thread has derailed TOO far off topic, if math weasels its way into the thread.

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