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RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/4/2010 6:48:08 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I dont agree with that at all. I have met many "doms" here who have very poor relationship skills, who throw their weight around inappropriately (eg, "Call me Sir" right out of the box); who expect a mature woman to act, dress and look like she is in her 20's. I would say that "mature" subs have a far more realistic view of what and who we are in our middle years.

Quick Question?

What does a woman in her 20's dress and act like?

I am curious about just how judgemental you are about an entire cross section of people.

How about you say what you mean rather than paint everyone with a brush intended to be insulting to the Dominants who ask it but instead you insulted everyone who is a 20 year old Woman, or worse you judged every woman who isn't.

The best looking body I have ever caressed hands down was that for a 47 year old woman.

So what exactly does a woman in her 20's dress, act, and look like?

QSM

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RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/4/2010 6:53:14 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I dont agree with that at all. I have met many "doms" here who have very poor relationship skills, who throw their weight around inappropriately (eg, "Call me Sir" right out of the box); who expect a mature woman to act, dress and look like she is in her 20's. I would say that "mature" subs have a far more realistic view of what and who we are in our middle years.

The fact that they have poor relationship skills doesn't make them nondominant in orientation. It just makes them poor dominants.

Like being at the bottom of your class in med school. You would still be a doctor, but probably a poor one.

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Post #: 42

RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/4/2010 7:00:33 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

I would say that "mature" subs have a far more realistic view of what and who we are in our middle years.

I think people tend to become more self aware as they age, because you have been tested more, and we have made mistakes... basically we have a bevy of life experiences. But that does not negate the value younger people have, the types of things they bring into a relationship, nor does it mean they are completely clueless or lack any self awareness...

Personally I want someone that has lived a little, has a similar amount of miles on the ole odometer. I want a man that has raised a few wee ones, maybe a grandparent, established in a career path, etc etc etc... that does not mean that younger people have nothing of value to offer. It just means I have already lived that portion of my life and I am ready for what comes next.

One of the wisest people I know is my 20 year old son. He has so much going on upstairs he puts many men twice his age to shame. But he still hasn't had those experiences that lead to knowing himself completely. That is the exciting part about being young, the experiences that lead one to know more about themselves...

And hell, I am not through learning at my age either

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Post #: 43

RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/4/2010 7:40:55 PM

Firebirdseeking

Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
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I think the general meaning of my words is pretty clear. This is not a class in advanced placement English; I am not a PhD student either, defending a thesis. I think I was pretty clear in my response to CaringandReal that I disagreed with her generalization that subs in their 40's tended to be less mature than dominants of the same age.

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RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/4/2010 8:35:03 PM

Rune288

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Joined: 7/2/2010
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I`m 22 and it hasn't been until recently that I found a term to properly describe myself. I call myself an aspiring Master. Reason being that aside from some BDSM sex a couple times as the Dom I have no experience as a Master and owning a slave.

Having said that I joined this forum and others to try and soak up as much knowledge as I can. I know that first I need to master myself before I can master a slave and I am working that part of my life out.

As for knowing what I have this urge to be its simple: I hate being controlled. I detest my current job because of the amount of control it tries to exert. I hate it when someone tries barking orders at me especially when I hate the person. I have no problem following instructions/orders from a ranking superior but I will not be treated like, well, a slave. I will be nobody's bitch. Simple as that. Those feelings plus a disdain for regular, vanilla relationships and an, "I am King of my household" attitude always left me feeling different. It wasnt until some weeks ago I discovered there was not only a word for this but a lifestyle surrounding it.

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RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/4/2010 8:43:19 PM

Aileen1968

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Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I have seen a lot of really stupid people of all ages.
For every idiot 50 year old, there's an intelligent, got their shit together 19 year old.
And vice versa.
Many young people have tremendous life experience just as many older people have never ventured more than 10 miles from where they were born

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RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/4/2010 8:46:45 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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i am 34. i had fantasies about submitting as far back as age 5. As a child i used to mastrubate to the thought of being tied up and whipped or choked. About a year ago i discovered the terms "Dominant", "submissive" and "BDSM". I had my first Master just a few months ago, and the relationship lasted 2 months. We had 5 scenes. Should i say i am a slave, or an aspiring slave?

pam

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RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/5/2010 1:57:54 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

If I were 20 years old right now, I think I'd be posting a lengthy response.

Not me

-this is one thing I don't feel the need to defend myself against.

If people don't feel I have the life experience to call myself dominant then that's their prerogative. It tends to happen mainly on the internet-I don't think anyone has ever said anything like that to my face.

Firebird is talking about a stereotype, a caricature, her idea of a young person; not me in particular (or at least I hope not). I don't feel I have anything to prove to anyone I'm not involved with.

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RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/5/2010 3:57:36 AM

delicatelydirty

Posts: 126
Joined: 2/7/2010
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I have noticed a lot of 20 somethings popping up in the local scene, I have also noticed that most if not all are "switches" or "kinksters". I don't know whether this is an age thing,not yet being sure of who they are or simply the fact that BDSM is the new black.

I do however know a couple of younger Dominants who are most definitely Dom through and through and I imagine that by the time they are middle aged, fat and balding (lol) they will still be wonderful dominants because it is their nature not just something they do on weekends for fun as a passing phase.

I am always envious of those who truly know their orientation so young and have the courage to embrace it. I knew from early on I was kinky but I didn't understand it and after initial exploration I ran away, ashamed and confused and did the whole nilla thing and damn near self destructed. So to those brave enough to step up and be who they are and grow and learn I say kudos

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Post #: 49

RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/5/2010 5:08:08 AM

IronBear

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Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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~ FR ~

On a personal preference, I would rather be called or have someone calling themselves a Dominant until they had earned the title of Master and hopefully matured a little rather than aged. Had I not collared my first slave I would refer to myself as a Dominant and probably still would until I believed or others believed that I had earned the right to call myself a Master. Buy hey it is a very personal thing and no one has to automatically accept any title someone calls them self unless it sits right with you. I do of course differentiate this from those who have earned the right through hard work and due diligence such as a master Craftsman or an academic degree or through their occupation or even because they own property such as a home and are the Master of it.

Just the musings of an old fart who sees things differently.....

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RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/5/2010 6:26:20 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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There is no black belt in ds. No one has set out a definitive rule book that states, if you have learned to do _______, you have reached the title of _________. If there were then all submissives, IF they were good enough, would become slaves. It is not a learning curve, it is a title which describes an orientation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

Sorry, i don't mean to hijack the thread. If this post is really beside the point, then i'll drop it. But the question i was trying to ask was whether D/s is an orientation/temprament or a behavior, not whether it is nature or nurture. If "Mastery" (or whatever it's called) is an orientation, then everyone with that orientation deserves the title "Master", regardless of age or level of experience. If it is a behavior, then they are learning it by degrees and by practice, and it's logical to think that a person would have to attain a certain degree of "Mastery" before they earn the title of "Master". i wasn't asserting that it's one or the other. i was just asking. i am new to this. i don't have a clear idea that the term "Master" means.

pam

And this below, because just because someone says they are this or that, does not mean everyone must treat them as so.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I think that if they go out to public events and claim they are "master" and expect everyone else to accept that or call them that, they will be very disappointed.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 7/5/2010 6:28:38 AM >

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Post #: 51

RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/5/2010 7:18:30 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rune288

I`m 22 and it hasn't been until recently that I found a term to properly describe myself. I call myself an aspiring Master. Reason being that aside from some BDSM sex a couple times as the Dom I have no experience as a Master and owning a slave.

Having said that I joined this forum and others to try and soak up as much knowledge as I can. I know that first I need to master myself before I can master a slave and I am working that part of my life out.

As for knowing what I have this urge to be its simple: I hate being controlled. I detest my current job because of the amount of control it tries to exert. I hate it when someone tries barking orders at me especially when I hate the person. I have no problem following instructions/orders from a ranking superior but I will not be treated like, well, a slave. I will be nobody's bitch. Simple as that. Those feelings plus a disdain for regular, vanilla relationships and an, "I am King of my household" attitude always left me feeling different. It wasnt until some weeks ago I discovered there was not only a word for this but a lifestyle surrounding it.

Nobody enjoys a job like that. And you cannot compare paid employment to freely chosen interpersonal relationships. Indeed, it is almost axiomatic that CEOs are most likely to be submissive in their personal lives as an antidote for having that much responsibility during the day.

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RE: Would someone please explain to me.. - 7/5/2010 8:40:42 AM

pdv99

Posts: 140
Joined: 3/13/2007
From: UK
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Yeah, we all use words differently. For me, Master and slave are relative terms, i.e. they define someone in the context of their relationship to other/s. I would only tend to use Master (or Mistress) if it could be used in the sense of "Master of". I also think it would be better if Dominants got themselves some real world experience before adopting the title, but hey, call yourself what you like as long as you don't expect respect just BECAUSE you slapped an honorific in front of your name.

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Post #: 53