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When you fall in love... - 7/11/2010 9:37:24 PM

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So I've been doing some reading around here and one thing in particular caught my eye. There have been quite a few stories of master and slave falling in love with one another and it got me thinking. What does one do at that point? Do they continue with the same relationship dynamic? When I hear the word partner, I think equality. So do you end the master/slave relationship and take on a more balanced relationship dynamic? Or do you continue as you've always been, just with a stronger commitment? And when one does fall in love, how does one keep it a master/slave dynamic? Seems to me that at that point, one should just let it develop naturally. However, if the pair decides to take on a more equalized dynamic, how would they both act on their respective dominant and submissive natures that would most likely still be there?

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/11/2010 9:51:46 PM

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If I can't fall in love with my Master he woudl not be my Master. I don't do casual. I don't do friendship type bdsm. I need a long term committed relationship for me to even have any interest whatsoever in bdsm.

We have a loving devoted relationship between a man and a woman where one happens to be a dominant personality and the other a submissve personality who adores him so much she surrenders herself to him and would do whatever it takes to keep him happy and pleased because he is such a man that makes me want to give all I can to him.

I have never understood why love would get in the way or change things. For me personally, love makes it even better. Without love it's just actions for me that really don't mean anything. I simply cannot just submit to someone without it.

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/11/2010 9:54:19 PM

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The answer to your questions is "It depends". People are not all alike. You can not put them into boxes. All Masters/Dominants are not alike. All slaves/submisssives are not alike. This also means that all relationships are different as the people involved in them are different.

There is no one answer for you. Each couple in each relationship does what works best.

Yes, some might give up the Master/slave dynamic. Yes, some continue and have a very strong commitment. How each couple deals with love and a Master/slave relationship has as many permutations as there are people.

If I remember correctly, you admit to over analyzing things. You wish you could categorize everyone and everything and come to some neat universal answers. However, as mentioned above, people resist being put into boxes that limit them. (sighs) I really do wish I could give you a better answer to your questions than "It depends" but that really is the best answer. It's up to you to learn to accept that answer.

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 3:23:52 AM

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Be true to yourselves and manifest whatever dynamic resonates for both of you.
Ignore all the labels and just share your open hearts.
Too often, the mind and its doubts will mask the heart.

As Plato quoted Socrates, "First know thyself." With such awareness, you truly have something of great value to share with a partner.

There is only one true path -- your own.

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 4:18:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Abstracts
What does one do at that point?

Shit or get off the pot springs to mind.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Abstracts
Do they continue with the same relationship dynamic?

We did, but not everyone does.... it depends.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Abstracts
When I hear the word partner, I think equality.

Maybe you do, I don't. To be a partner has nothing to do with equality. In business someone can be a partner without having equal ownership of the business, or equality in the decision making process. A relationship can be the same.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Abstracts
So do you end the master/slave relationship and take on a more balanced relationship dynamic? Or do you continue as you've always been, just with a stronger commitment?

Continue as before. Incidentally commitment has nothing to do with love, they are separate entities. Love is an emotion with some physiological impact, commitment is a choice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Abstracts
And when one does fall in love, how does one keep it a master/slave dynamic?

One person controls and the other doesn't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Abstracts
However, if the pair decides to take on a more equalized dynamic, how would they both act on their respective dominant and submissive natures that would most likely still be there?

By the very nature of Ds and Ms one person is in control. If you equal it out the dynamic is gone, regardless of what inherent traits they have. How would it work? I have no idea!

< Message edited by subsfaith -- 7/12/2010 4:19:19 AM >

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 5:37:45 AM

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

When Neets and I married almost 10 year ago it was a marriage between two Dominants. Nothing changed, I am still the Master of our home (Bruin Cottage). We are partners in life and in our business areas yet I am still the Master. We are equal in many areas yet I am still the Master. Why am I the Master? Because it how I wish it to be and how She wants it.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to subsfaith)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 6:29:00 AM

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Vaga, just to clarify, I was not searching for any personal answers, it was just a topic I was thinking about and thought I'd get others opinions. But I do agree with you.

Littlewonder, I understand where you are coming from. But I was also asking for the viewpoint of people where love is not a requirement for their BDSM relationships. I believe others gave such an opinion, but I thank you for sharing yours. Personally, I don't believe love is guaranteed in any relationship. The question, it would seem, do you enter the relationship to find love or do you enter it because it's been found? I suppose you answered that for yourself though.

(in reply to IronBear)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 8:46:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Abstracts

So I've been doing some reading around here and one thing in particular caught my eye. There have been quite a few stories of master and slave falling in love with one another and it got me thinking. What does one do at that point? Do they continue with the same relationship dynamic? When I hear the word partner, I think equality. So do you end the master/slave relationship and take on a more balanced relationship dynamic? Or do you continue as you've always been, just with a stronger commitment? And when one does fall in love, how does one keep it a master/slave dynamic? Seems to me that at that point, one should just let it develop naturally. However, if the pair decides to take on a more equalized dynamic, how would they both act on their respective dominant and submissive natures that would most likely still be there?

I think often times we make things much more complicated than they are. If you truly love someone you consider what makes them happy. When love is reciprocated, you both find a way to accomodate that happiness.

I don't think that partner necessarily means "equal". However, I also have to question any definition that doesn't see power exchange as equal personally.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/12/2010 8:48:08 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 9:17:06 AM

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From: Apple County NY
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What you do depends on who you are. Obviously you shouldn't be quite so ready to kick someone to the curb for a mistake if they're your life partner. Actually that shouldn't be your default option anyway as it shows an inability on the part of the dom to accept criticism and open communication.

But if you love someone and want them to be happy why would you deliberately withhold dominance from someone who needs that in their interpersonal relationship?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 11:01:04 AM

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The greatest love of my life was my former dominant, and I was " the only woman he ever loved . "

Our relationship didn't change when we fell in love, it evolved into something deeper. The dynamic didn't change, we were partners before we fell in love and after also. He was the cheif bottle washer and had final say, but my input and desires were always weighed in the desisions he made.

Loving him and knowing he loved me made it easier really We had similar dreams, aspirations, work ethic, religious values, ideas of how a relationship worked for us and where we wanted to be in 20 years. That is a huge security blanket, knowing your partner wants what you want in life.

Metaphorically speaking :
we were on a road trip in life, he mapped out our course, he kept in mind I liked the scenic route, but sometimes he dragged me down a few highways, cuz that's what he wanted or felt was needed to get there.

In the end, when he was quite ill, I had to take over many of the decision making aspects of our relationship/life together. I took on a more " dominant " role, but I was completely comfortable with that, cuz he had taught me well and prepared me for what was to come. I never felt less submissive or more dominant, I was his caretaker, just as he was mine all those years. I gave back a little of what he had given me for so long. I remember one time when he was pretty much unable to get around and I went to him and said I was going to do thus and such.... he gave me " that look " thru dull eyes and I said, "hmmm guess not", he laughed a good laugh and said " see, Mia, I've still got it "

It was one of the best moments of our life.

That's how it worked for me, and how I see any future relationship developing. Love is a neccesary ingredient for me to sustain my submission. Others will vary.

mbmbn

Only you can decide whether or not love entering a relationship will work, or not, for you.

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 2:51:23 PM

whiteslavebitch

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Not a problem for MasterK and I. We love each other very much and it has nothing but a positive effect on the M/s relationship.

It has not disrupted his ability to dominate or his ability to be sadistic. I actually think that part of things has only gotten better for us with love involved.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 3:18:46 PM

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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Carol and I don't find the disconnects between our love affair and our M/s relationship that you seem to be seeing Abstracts. I am dominant. She is submissive. Those are just the ways we interact with the world and nothing can change that or interfere with it. I tell her to do shit. She does it. We both do so with love in our hearts.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/12/2010 8:14:23 PM

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Everybody is equal.

Abraham Bound

_____________________________

"People don't think it be like it is, but it do."

Oscar Gamble

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/13/2010 1:48:36 AM

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I was in a M/s dynamic a long time ago in which I knew going in that the M type believed that he could not be in love with his slave as that would impact upon his ability to be a Master. He was extremely sadistic and it may have been related to his feeling that if he loved his slave he may not be able to administer the harsh pain he enjoyed inflicting. In the end knowing that I would never be loved by him was untenable for me and I now choose people who believe that they can have both

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(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/13/2010 11:18:13 AM

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When I first met my Dom neither of us was expecting or prepared for any feelings of love...admiration, yes...respect, yes...mutual care, yes...devotion, yes...but we quickly realized after we met that all of those led to us falling in love. Now, I find it even more fulfilling to submit to him...in what ever he asks or requires of me! I believe love has brought our Dom/sub relationship to a place that has satisfied us both completely in every way!

(in reply to wandersalone)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/13/2010 9:38:22 PM

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Your guy has long hair like a hippie and likes cats.

There can be no love.

_____________________________

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RE: When you fall in love... - 7/13/2010 10:02:37 PM

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From: in the palms of His hands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Abstracts

So I've been doing some reading around here and one thing in particular caught my eye. There have been quite a few stories of master and slave falling in love with one another and it got me thinking. What does one do at that point? Do they continue with the same relationship dynamic? When I hear the word partner, I think equality. So do you end the master/slave relationship and take on a more balanced relationship dynamic? Or do you continue as you've always been, just with a stronger commitment? And when one does fall in love, how does one keep it a master/slave dynamic? Seems to me that at that point, one should just let it develop naturally. However, if the pair decides to take on a more equalized dynamic, how would they both act on their respective dominant and submissive natures that would most likely still be there?

What did we do after we fell in love? We continued the dynamic of Dom and sub. Yes, our commitment to each other became stronger.

"Just let it develop naturally."? Well yes, I would say our relationship did develop naturally from the beginning and our bond continues to strengthen over time.

Just because I'm His submissive doesn't mean I don't have a thought or opinion on something. There are many times in nilla circumstance that He does ask for my thought and/or opinion, but ultimately I look to Him for the final decision cause I'm a good girl like that

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/17/2010 5:25:47 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2009
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When it happened to us, we got married, thirty years ago, it's still exciting as hell.
Still dressing up, still playing, still fucking, and hunting as a Dominant pair.
I never thought it could be this good, but it is.

(in reply to Abstracts)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/17/2010 7:15:33 PM

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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The other thing, OP, is that you're assuming a m/s or d/s relationship began without any warmer feelings. For most of us, that's not true. We fell in love first and the power dynamic developed right along with that. In other words we can't separate one from the other. They are both integral to the health of the relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to reynardfox)

RE: When you fall in love... - 7/17/2010 7:21:11 PM

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Being in love doesn't change the dynamic. I take their comfort and preferences into account, but I make the big decisions. And I could never be sexually submissive, and I could never be physically attracted to a man who tries to be dominant.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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