RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/12/2010 7:52:10 PM

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I'm curious over who Bambiboi is. lol New profile, four posts and seems to know all the dirt on how these forums work here... how people are here. (We are evil!)

Okay pretty mouse... who are you? lol Do you have a Bambi outfit too? I would really like to see that! lol

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/12/2010 7:52:59 PM

poise

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To narrow it down some for you Lockit, it isnt me

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/12/2010 7:54:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Sooooo, say I posted and say I was circumcised.

Would that be like doing a drive by with the top down?

What?

chia* (the pet)

Only if you were exposed. Are you furry all over?

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/12/2010 8:07:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Sooooo, say I posted and say I was circumcised.

Would that be like doing a drive by with the top down?

What?

chia* (the pet)

Only if you were exposed. Are you furry all over?

Depends.

Are you carrying floss?

chia* (the pet)

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/12/2010 10:27:36 PM

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First, let Me say that I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond to this thread. (I hope others will still add to it.) This is just one of those things that I am curious about and wondered how people felt on the topic.

I will cop to the fact that I am more likely to answer threads if it has been written by someone that I know or has been on the boards for a long time. Meaning, if I have anything worthy to say on a subject. There are some things out there I just don't know about. I do remember a post by littlesarbonn that I didn't respond to, as it was something of a recollection of good past relationships with 'crazy' (his word, not Mine) Dommes that he had served in the past. There really wasn't anything for Me to say on it, as there really wasn't a question and it's not an area that I have experience in.

I think that one of the reasons that I do prefer this place to Fet is the familiarity factor. A lot of the people who have been here for a while, I know the common interests that we share or the things we see differently. I feel like I have a bit of background info when I know conversations that we've had before and the topics we've discussed. That is one thing that I definitely like about this place.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/12/2010 10:56:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Laurell, I really agree with Porcelaine regarding Fet. I have seen folks torn to SHREDS there. As for the mistress and femdom forums? That bunch of heathers would eat their own young with hoisen sauce. This is decidedly the place of the fluffy bunnies in comparison.

That could very well be true. That's sort of my point, there is no one overall feel to fet. Obviously you and I have very different takes because we're in different groups. That's really why I dislike it. I never really get much of a feel for what all is out there and I think it's indexed absolutely horribly. Anyways, it's still quite true that there are many groups whose only purpose is for people to post sexually explicit content, which, again was what I said to begin with and I'm not sure it's really arguable given the number of groups that are only about specific sexually explicit activities that are frequented.

I don't pay that much attention to who the thread starter is with regard to post count. I will say the drive-bys tend to ask some really basic questions that have been asked a million times and we are probably rather intolerant of that and maybe shouldn't be as they don't know the history here.

Too often the complaints here are really indicative of the fact that people are looking for validation from the internet. That's really a losing proposition in my opinion and worrying whether one is popular with an anonymous bunch of people that changes like the wind is just a bit silly to me.

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/12/2010 11:15:10 PM

MistressLavinia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I don't care what anyone writes. If there were fewer drive bys, it would not change my posting behavior; I reply to what I find interesting, new or old posters.

I find it sad that people would be intimidated to post anywhere they like; who cares what others say back to you?

Online is a medium with no tone, only words that the reader interprets through their own lens.

Whether one thinks a thread is for wanking or asking for serious advice, is subjective.

I personally miss the more sexually open threads, I find them hot, lol.

I agree with your post, who labels everyone anyway? And it's true either you post because you want too or you don't. If someone doesn't know me personally but automatically doesn't like me because of a post, I wouldn't want them in my life anyway. It's an open forum, so who gets so uptight and really bothered by others posts. Unless I'm directly speaking to one person in general. For the most part, I'm the same way to my lifelong friends and the people on here. I'll give you respect, but if you don't reciprocate, you wont get it back. So for me, I don't really care if someone doesn't like what I say or do, I'm certainly not here to judge or be the judge, and if I make a mistake then tell me, don't belittle me. That's just me, and so far, I'm okay with "almost" everyone. For those I'm not okay with, well they know. I don't have to do it on a board in front of everyone, I don't mind confrontation one on one. For me it's a better way, I have nothing to prove to a whole forum. But back to your post sexyred, its a good one, thanks for your view, it enlightens me as well.

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(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/13/2010 1:11:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I'm not sure that's true or that you can make any generalizations about fet overall at all. There are SO many groups with varying different rules and ideologies that there essentially is no "whole" concept at all, that's what I actually really dislike about the site. It's like being in a closet and having no idea what the entire building ever looks like. However, what is clear is that there are TONS of groups for the purpose of discussing explicit sexual content and THAT is what the posts in those groups pertain to. From caning to throat fucking to breast play....there is a group with explicit posts and ideas on that subject which was my actual point.

There was no attempt to generalize. Nor would I make an honest comparison to the whole site and CM. It would make better sense to zero in on groups that have a comprehensive approach much like we have here. That was the basis for my remarks.

~porcelaine

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/13/2010 8:02:44 PM

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Practical solution:

Simply link anyone performing what you would consider a "drive-by" to car porn.

Car porn supersedes the desire for any other kind of porn or means of personal satisfaction.

(in reply to porcelaine)

RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/13/2010 11:24:41 PM

Posts: 2536
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I'm a little late, but here are a few random thoughts to add to the thread:

"Drive-bys" don't tend to bother me. I just ignore them (unless they're interesting).

When I have a topic to discuss, I want to discuss it with people, and participate in the conversation. I don't want to read an archive. If I wanted to read the archive, I would have done it already. I hate it when people say "Do a search". Who cares if a topic has been discussed already? Everybody wasn't here when it was discussed. If you are tired of discussing it, simply don't reply. But don't dissuade others from discussing it.

Newbies tend to ask stupid questions. That's just the nature of being a newbie. However, we were all newbies once. Why not simply answer their questions? Yes, some of them are wanker fodder. But others are just newbies being newbies. We really could be less snarky towards those people. I think it would help to increase the participation level among the lurkers.

LittleSarbon - I don't know what your history has been on this site, but just reading your comments in this particular thread, you seem to be VERY SENSITIVE. If people aren't participating in your threads, it may be because they are uninteresting. It is both paranoid and arrogant to assume that it is a personal attack against you.........And for the record, this was NOT an attack against you either. Re-read my comments, and if you try to be objective rather than sensitive, you will see that.

I have profiles here and on Fetlife. I like CM more than Fetlife. I tend to feel like I am drowning on Fetlife. Just TOO MANY groups. And each has it's own personality. I think it's possible to describe what CM is like. I'm not sure that I could describe Fetlife. My description would be different for each group that I am in. CM is like a community, while Fetlife is more like a continent. That doesn't make one better than the other. They're just different. But I feel a bit more comfortable here.

I haven't been posting much lately because I haven't found the topics to be interesting. If something catches my attention, I will reply. But I haven't had much that's caught my attention lately. I think part of that may be because Lady Angelika isn't around much anymore. She used to start some great topics that got lots of responses. Her presence is missed, IMO.

And I agree with whomever it was that said that BambiBoi has a great avatar. It definitely is. Very sexy.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 8/13/2010 11:29:57 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/14/2010 3:28:45 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What I DO feel is wrong is the hating of necro threads. We TELL people to go to the archives and search!! Why should we not accept that an old thread deserves new life? (okay, not all of them...) Honestly, would you rather have a thousand threads on punishment, or safe CBT, or ONE long thread with a lot of information?

I would like to see old threads resurrected, especially if they are interesting.

Several people I knew from 4-5 or so years ago (this has not been my first profile) won't come here anymore because of all the unpleasantness. This is my favorite site and I won't leave. I might go into lurk mode, but I'll still be here.

Though I spend a good six hours here per day, I only average a few posts daily, it seems; I do a lot more reading than I do writing. It would be nice to get opinions here without being talked down to like some incompetent needy creature. I rarely start threads cuz I just know better than to open my mouth.

The mistress area, except for wankers...oops, newbies I mean...is a pretty slow area of the boards. The ask a master area has a lot more talk going on and interesting things coming up.

quote:

Even just this week I saw several people who made their first post on the forum asking for help and their registration dates were between 2005 and 2007.

Some people have been here for years but mostly for the chatrooms, which many cannot get into lately...so they are trickling in here. I think that most of the new men are also used to a lot of chatroom roleplay, BDSM porn, BDSM seduction/romance stories, and cybering and start off thinking that this fantasy behavior is fine for the message boards. Some of us lure people into the message boards too, so that might also factor into this.

I still remember what it felt like to make that tremendous, earth shaking discovery that there was a name for what I felt and that there were others of my own kind. (I wasn't some sicko freak, lol.) That newbie euphoria that comes without a rule book, so that each person might look kinda silly until they get their sea legs...not everyone is lucky enough to have a r/t friend who recognises this spark and takes them along to a munch and gets the ball rolling that way. I would hate to see new ones discouraged so much that they think this is ugly and leave.

quote:

I tend to believe that women talk more openly about the topics of our desires when we feel it is a safe environment to do so. We are more likely to be open about our thoughts when we are in a situation that we know our comments are not going to be exploited in some way.

It would be good to hear suggestions on how to do this. I don't think that Collarme can tighten up and add more rules...it might have to come from those of us who spend a lot of time here. We are going to have to make it a safer environment. I don't understand about the exploitation factor enough, other than what I have seen happen from people posting and where others have mentioned getting more mail from *donkeys* braying. We should be used to that though.

I send people into the message boards for targeted reading frequently, usually though using the search feature as they couldn't learn what I want them to see by reading what is in the message boards now. Humor and politics and religion and games is fun, and so are troll hunts (I really try to restrain myself though)...but it doesn't look very inviting sometimes. If we are losing people, we have to ask why. I love it nice and crowded here.

quote:

I do notice that fewer of us talk about our kinks, etc now than what we used to. Is it the drive by type of threads that have played a part in that change? Do you think it is something else?

If someone asks in a "newbie who has not been lurking" way about kinks, they are often embarrassed or angry. If they open up a long dead thread, they are bonked on the head for that. About the search feature, it took me more than a year or two to discover it. Others used to post a link to an old thread several years back and I used to click on it if I was curious...I didn't have to know where the search feature was. I think I figured it out by watching someone get their arse handed to them, lol, where someone spelled it out in great detail. I learned, but I am so glad it wasn't me. (Maybe I am trying to wipe out a bad memory with amnesia and it actually was me. I can't remember.)

About giving newbies some wank fodder...I don't mind. Recently I said to heck with it and sent a c-mail with links to some nice reading on the subject the guy was interested in. One of the things I sent was a link to a humiliations lists. Each person's journey is their own, and it may be a very different path than the one we took. If they never reach the same place where I am...I don't really care. I am trying to turn over a new leaf and not invalidate some people who are not into what I'm into. It's hard, darn it, lol.

quote:

So the other side of the question would be: if people were more open, how many additional legitimate new topics/posts would appear here?

I would find a lot of things very interesting. For instance, I have never been to a dungeon. I have never seen others scening (not talking about watching rough sex). Some tying styles, patterns, colors, and pix would be lovely. Some neat or funny things that happened would be appreciated. I loved hearing how someone had an orgasm from being whipped at the shoulders and having electric shocks...that blew me away. Some things I am not into, but it would be fun to hear more of what others are good at.

I refused to use a ball gag on someone just because I got my panties in a twist about not knowing how long until the jaw would cramp, could a tooth get loose, how long was it safe before the sub or bottom would have an achy jaw for a few days afterward...and is it common to have hairs get pinched, do the ears get pulled down and what all else do I need to watch out for. I cannot do this on myself to find out because I have TMJ, and sometimes I clench my teeth so hard in my sleep (hasn't happened since the second time I had to have chemos) that I have spasms that wake me up at night. Not everyone has TMJ, and if someone opens wide for a ball gag and I hear that telltale popping noise, the gag isn't likely to go in. Duct tape will be my friend. (I don't want to hear from people rolling their eyes at me and saying wise things like just ask your bottom or sub...I trust nobody when they are spacing, and talking about things later is...later. I want to know before I do anything.)

I know I am too anal retentive about some things, but I'm not going to change and plan to just work with it. I can either read what I need to know it books, and I have done a lot of reading, or I can also read about things in the message boards. Either way, since I have topped or had subs who were complete r/t newbies, I just won't do some things unless I know a lot first. I would like to branch out into some new areas, but not without a lot more information from both sides of the kneel.

quote:

If one were to change the wording, put a different spin, make it seem less one-handed, there are still reasonable questions to ask. If we are (ahem) 'experts', this is the right place to come to find out some burning issue. Except for those requiring antibiotics.

Still laughing, and this is so true.

Can't read farther than post 18, as I have to go to bed or oversleep and miss the munch. It's a long drive and I am used to waking up much later in the day than I need to to make this. Yaaaay, my epic posting is now over for the night.

Night everyone.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/14/2010 9:03:08 AM

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I have to disagree with the folks who like the necro threads. I think it makes about as much sense as trying to walk into a house and talk to a person who moved away two years ago. Especially if all they have to write on it is "I agree" or try to give the OP advice when they haven't been on the site for years. If a particular old thread caught their eye, I'd much rather see them start a new thread and link the old one. More often than not, I see old threads as reference material.

While some people are new to wiitwd, BDSM itself isn't new at all. When I created this thread, I wasn't specifically thinking about topics that have been rehashed to death. (Anybody else out there want to talk about the difference between a sub and a slave for the thousandth time?) Speaking just for Myself, I'm not necessarily going to be interested in the topics that would have been just as easily answered by reading a copy of "SM101". I suppose the things that interest Me more would be more 201 and above.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/14/2010 10:45:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Speaking just for Myself, I'm not necessarily going to be interested in the topics that would have been just as easily answered by reading a copy of "SM101". I suppose the things that interest Me more would be more 201 and above.

I agree. That's pretty much how I feel as well. However, there are always going to be newbies who ask those "SM101" questions, and I believe that we should make them feel like this is a good place to get those answers. Someone should give them the answer (even if it is the 1000th time the question has been asked), and those of us, like you and I, who prefer "SM201" questions should just ignore the thread.

If we do otherwise, aren't we sort of driving them to Fetlife or some other site?

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/14/2010 11:48:26 AM

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So to the original topic, I post the details of my sex life as I think I need to in order to communicate. Honestly, given that this is not all eroticized for me, that means that I can usually talk about the topic fairly clinically. I somehow doubt that few, if any, of my however many posts here provided much prurient interest for anyone here. If they did, wonderful, I don't care.

For me, none of this is a problem because I don't care about the kink... well.. not much anyway.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/14/2010 2:07:16 PM

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I don't read so much over here just because I prefer the fet interface to the bb interface here. (shrug) But when I very first started, hearing how LadyPact and LadyHibiscus and several others "did" things and why was very helpful, because they WERE wide-ranging, and it gave me a realization that there is no one right way to do this, that I can find something that works for me. Female dominants are not that thick on the ground in this area, and so it has been very helpful in feeling out what my style of dominance was to read here and to occasionally talk. Most of my posts never get a response, but I am not so much writing for a response as I am for the lurkers who are reading things.

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/14/2010 2:31:12 PM

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Is the number of your posts that get replies important to people (other than littlesarbonn, who I've seen complain about this several times)?

I have no idea how many of mine are replied to. It's never occurred to me to count.

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/14/2010 2:37:10 PM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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How are folks deciding if their posts are replied to? I just use fast reply, and only quote if I want to speak DIRECTLY to what someone said. That doesn't mean that I am not reading what people say---and I find Alexandra Lynch to be an excellent poster whose ideas I enjoy reading---but I don't always have something cogent to ADD. In RS, I type out any old nonsequitur, but here, I rarely do the "I agree" unless it's serious QFT time.

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RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/14/2010 3:23:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I find Alexandra Lynch to be an excellent poster whose ideas I enjoy reading

Me too-that's why I was surprised she mentioned it-I hadn't noticed her posts *not* being responded to, if that makes sense.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/14/2010 4:17:27 PM

delicatelydirty

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The drive bys don't bother me as I just ignore them , it really has little impact on what I post either and I must say sometimes I lol so hard at the banter that goes on when a thread has run its course and appears to be going to hell in a hand basket.

I too hate digging up old threads, I will read them but like many of you have pointed out a great deal of those posters aren't here anymore so I would rather enter into conversations with people who can actually reply. I would think pretty much every question imaginable has probably been answered already if we dug deep enough.

I love this forum, I have been around since 2007 it was one of the first places I joined when I began exploring my submission, I come and go depending on what is happening in my life at the time but it is nice to know there is a wealth of information here if I happen to have a question.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: If There Were Fewer Drive By's - 8/15/2010 11:57:02 AM

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Joined: 7/9/2010
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quote:

It would be nice to get opinions here without being talked down to like some incompetent needy creature.

Well, I most certainly agree with that comment, however, it seems the herd mentality has found fertile ground and place of belonging. I have seen topics introduced that stretched well beyond the typical ego stroking sarcasms of many and offer opportunity to cause a broader base of understanding but the purest of the D/s practitioners never venture into a topic that would be causal of enlightenment. Perhaps it is... the inquireing mind rush in where the purest and all knowing of D/s fear to tread.

< Message edited by KurtAllen -- 8/15/2010 12:18:02 PM >

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

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