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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 3:22:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Some women enjoy and prefer it when the guy pursues.

Some do, indeed. Just as SOME men choose not to "pursue."

quote:

It is an act showing that he is man enough to be a guy. It is flattering. It would never work for me if I had to pursue a guy because he was too insecure or fearful of rejection, that alone makes him not compatible with what I want in a guy - assertive, confident, unafraid. I could be mistaken but I think these are probably the traits that sexyred1 also looks for in a man.

Everyone here speaks of what they want and what their own experience is obviously. I think it's imperative to remember that what you, me or anyone else thinks makes a male "man enough to be a guy" isn't the same across the board. To imply that a man is "too insecure or fearful of rejection" simply because he doesn't "chase" or "pursue" another is assuming alot. I know lots of "assertive, confident, unafraid" men who would rather be alone than have to chase a partner. Men do NOT all think or act alike and it doesn't make some "less than" because they don't take a "chase 'em and take 'em down" kind of approach. All you intelligent ladies here surely know that your own likes and experiences don't translate to everyone else's, right?

luci

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(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 3:31:46 PM

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quote:

To imply that a man is "too insecure or fearful of rejection" simply because he doesn't "chase" or "pursue" another is assuming alot.

All I am is assuming is that if a guy can't man up enough to make the first move, he is definitely not for me. And I am entirely cool with that assumption. I have problems with passive, unassertive men.

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 3:37:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

No appology needed sweetie it confusion mostly came from whatever either in My system or CM's system is changing the 'at' sign when I post :(

I was mearly giving an alternate, non-geek example... I don't worry about rejection.... If I am interested in looking further I'll raise the issue, if she isn't interested and lets Me know then cool, she just saved Me time and effort... its if she is where the problem lays... If she is willing to take My hand and move together, all cool, no chase... its the ones who want to be chased that end up boring Me... either they want it or not, if so take My hand or I'm g...o...n...e!

*nods* Quite fair. I was simply speaking of geek men because, quite frankly, they are the ones I'm most familiar with as they are the most attractive to me. I don't know if I would call them afraid of rejection (or at least more than any other group of men) but simply that jokes about them being unable to get women are constantly made at their expense so they can be quite relucant to bother with any chasing. Which may be why I love them so. I like knowing the man wants me and isn't in it for the thrill of the hunt.

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 3:45:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

To imply that a man is "too insecure or fearful of rejection" simply because he doesn't "chase" or "pursue" another is assuming alot.

All I am is assuming is that if a guy can't man up enough to make the first move, he is definitely not for me. And I am entirely cool with that assumption. I have problems with passive, unassertive men.

Why call them passive or unassertive because they aren't making the first move? Why be insulting? Valyraen doesn't make first moves - he just isn't interested. He prefers to let women come to him. He is definately not passive or unassertive.

It's one thing to not like a flavor or approach, it's another to say that those who prefer it aren't 'manning up'. I, personally, love the man who waits. There is something so positively.... predatory about a man's eyes when he realizes you are giving yourself to him and that he is now able to devour you.

Fuck the chase - I like being the dish on the silver platter.

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 3:48:56 PM

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A very intersting discussion. I 'm actually writing a scene about the discussion of physical intimacy between people, including kissing. I just may incorporate some of what has been said (the general feeling, not your actual words). I sometimes have a hard time writing from the man's perspective. Thank you for the insight, folks.

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 3:51:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5
. Look into his eyes, smile and just think "I want you to kiss me". It works!!

This really does work in a very very significant number of cases!

I'd definitely do hlen5's jedi mind control technique - Powerful it is, a snog you will surely get.

*thinks real hard......

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 4:26:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

If you want him to kiss you again, do 3, 4, 5 and 6 on this list: http://www.wikihow.com/Flirt-with-a-Guy

I have to say, #4 works pretty well, IME
Seriously though, OP. You do have to let him know that you are interested one way or another. You can be interested as all get out, but if the body language is wrong and you don't tell him, you are leaving him guessing and that really isn't fair. Ask the Doms on this forum how many times they have said/ typed that they aren't mind readers when a sub complains that her Dom should have 'known' this or that, and it turns out that she never opened her mouth and told him.

This is on a bit of a tangent, but I personally feel that if someone who is mine holds back her thoughts, including her misgivings and her anger, from me that she is holding back something which is mine.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 4:38:54 PM

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This was for guys to answer, right?

Let me check...yes, it says on my drivers license I'm a guy. You'd think these girls could check their own license, realize they were not asked and pretend they have manners and go post on "ask a mistress" or "ask a sub" or "ask a rude person".

From a guy, don't worry about him kissing you again after the first. It's not important. What is important is was he interested in what you say, did he look you in the eye when you spoke to him or did he wander, does he call you and spend time with you, how did he respond when you touched his arm or gave him the other obvious signals? Did he put his arm around you and briefly show you which direction he wanted to walk or did he simply wave in that direction? This is how guys signal their interest, not consistent kisses.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 4:50:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

Let me check...yes, it says on my drivers license I'm a guy. You'd think these girls could check their own license, realize they were not asked and pretend they have manners and go post on "ask a mistress" or "ask a sub" or "ask a rude person".

You may want to educate yourself about the rules of this forum. Regardless of who the question was directed to, all forum members are welcome to post. Hence it is not rude for them to answer as it has been, over and over, stated by those who run this forum that anyone can answer anywhere.

Now, you many consider it rude despite the fact that this is how things are run here. So I add - at the risk of being rude myself - you will find that in many cases those who are well-versed in manners advise not publicly taking people to task but gently correcting them privately. Manners are meant to avoid embarrassing and insulting people.

The two cents of a woman who has seen too many questions answered most effectively by those the OP wasn't targeting - even if she doesn't dig the chasing thing.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/31/2010 4:54:38 PM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to Arturas)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 4:53:16 PM

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quote:

You may want to educate yourself about the rules of this forum. Regardless of who the question was directed to, all forum members are welcome to post. Hence it is not rude for them to answer as it has been, over and over, stated by those who run this forum that anyone can answer anywhere.

Well done. Did you check your license first?

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(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 4:55:03 PM

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And look at that picture? Oh hell no. I just checked under my skirt.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 4:57:32 PM

poise

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What man would have to check his drivers license to verify whether he were man or not?

And is this before he thinks about kissing a girl, or after?

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(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 5:10:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

This was for guys to answer, right?

Let me check...yes, it says on my drivers license I'm a guy. You'd think these girls could check their own license, realize they were not asked and pretend they have manners and go post on "ask a mistress" or "ask a sub" or "ask a rude person".

I would like to politely draw your attention to post #19, Arturas:

quote:

ORIGINAL: HiddenGeisha

Ok, Thank you all!

...

thanks for all the advice!

AvaJayne

Evidently she found input from the non-guys, helpful after all and she was gracious enough to express her grattitude.

Manners are very important.

You have a definite opinion as to whether women should have posted on this thread.
You have a right to that opinion, and a right to express it, just as women have a right to post here.
You expressed yours in a way that was, in my opinion, impolite.

The difference between my post and yours, is that you stated yours as fact.
I stated mine as opinion, and I did it - in my opinion - in a way that was more tactful.
Tact is a part of manners.

edit: clarity

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 10/31/2010 5:21:46 PM >

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RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 6:34:35 PM

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Reasons not to kiss after having done once:

Not feeling well i.e. feeling a cold coming on.
Not wanting to appear to be rushing things or expecting something.
Wanting to make sure there is more than simple chemistry involved.

Stefan

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 7:40:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Some women enjoy and prefer it when the guy pursues. It is an act showing that he is man enough to be a guy. It is flattering. It would never work for me if I had to pursue a guy because he was too insecure or fearful of rejection, that alone makes him not compatible with what I want in a guy - assertive, confident, unafraid. I could be mistaken but I think these are probably the traits that sexyred1 also looks for in a man.

Ok.

And for the men that ask, I say "man up and DOOO EEET."

But I say that to the women too now. Girl, man up and KISS THE BOY. Because there are laws against a man manning up too hard. Actually, the laws aren't that bad, but the culture signals make them seem so. And to disagree with myself again, practically in the same breath, the laws are bad enough that some fear is justified every time you make a pass at a woman. A kiss when it's not welcome can mean bad, bad things.

And pursuit can be just too much for our brains to cope with, in a world where we must filter through hundreds of people a day. Men aren't wired to just naturally, willingly go through 10 no's to get to a yes. 10 no's means "Stop, hide in a cave until the men with torches aren't after you anymore." At least that's what our hind-brains tell us.

Fact is, the current social environment just works against preferences like yours, KatyLied. It's not that you're wrong. And there are plenty of men that will ignore the trends and go in for the kill. ...Some of them are psychopathic. Sometimes you practically have to be, to ignore all the warning signals your mind is giving you against just doing it.

< Message edited by DMFParadox -- 10/31/2010 7:47:44 PM >

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(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 8:16:31 PM

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quote:

Fact is, the current social environment just works against preferences like yours, KatyLied. It's not that you're wrong. And there are plenty of men that will ignore the trends and go in for the kill. ...Some of them are psychopathic. Sometimes you practically have to be, to ignore all the warning signals your mind is giving you against just doing it.

I wish that wasn't true.

While they might not be able to take the guy into court, I do know women who feel very violated if a man gives them a kiss - a quick lip smooch - without asking permission. They object strongly to the "Kiss the girl" song from Little Mermaid and feel it sets a terrible standard for men. This is something I dealt with on my college campus and with my college friends all the damn time because I kept having to remind them that not all women like giving permission for every little thing. I don't like being chased but I don't like being asked for permission for a kiss either.

The fact that I only wanted men who wouldn't ask and some of my friends only wanted men who did ask left some of the guys very confused. I didn't envy them and that is part of why I have no problems with men who are straight-forward and refuse to chase.

Now, I'm not undermining how these women feel but let's face it. Men, particularly of my generation IMHO, are getting some pretty mixed messages. They need to man up but heaven forbid they make a mistake because if they do they risk being branded a predator. I, personally, know men who were labeled a sexual predator on my campus because they 'manned up' and accidentally offended the woman - to the point of actively trying to get other women to avoid them and telling us that he would likely rape us. No charges were ever filed - the guy just made a BDSM joke with the wrong woman.

And, on the other hand, we still live in a culture were women can be molested and raped and positively nothing done about it. That's happened to me personally.

So when you ask a man to 'man up', he has to decide what he is willing to risk in such a convoluted culture. I can easily understand only wanting a man who was willing to throw his hand in X, Y, and Z way. I just don't understand condemning him for not being willing to chase.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DMFParadox)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 8:45:56 PM

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Personally I hate rejection. It's not a fear of it so much as a simple intense dislike. Sometimes a woman is worth the chance I'll get shot down, but I've never had that player instinct that is going to cause me to chase everyone because a few are going to succumb.

I know if I were in the position of the guy the OP is talking about I would probably do what he is doing, backing off a little until he gets a clear sign that she is interested. After all, he kissed her, so it's pretty clear he is.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 9:06:05 PM

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Some hunt, others lay traps.

Me, I casually wait until women fling themselves at me, unable to further resist the temptation. (Well, in my dreams that is.)

(in reply to Nineveh)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 9:18:44 PM

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Wow, I must say it is very interesting reading the responses... I value every ones opinion but at the same time take each with a grain of salt simply because no two people are exactly alike nor do they think the same way...
Now, with that being said.
I am not huge on the "chase" probably because I suck at trying to make men pursue me... But I am definitely feeling like I should make a move of my own to show that I want more then just friendship with him and see what happens. He is definitely someone I feel is worth time and effort. He is a bit of a geek (god I love them) but isn't socially retarded either... So I will attempt to do my own "manning up" and see what happens.
I value everyones input on my situation... it always helps to get a bit of an outside perspective... I am hoping things go well with him and that I get another kiss soon ;)

thank you all so very much!
AvaJayne

(in reply to Nineveh)

RE: more of an "ask a guy" thing... - 10/31/2010 9:32:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HiddenGeisha

He is a bit of a geek (god I love them) but isn't socially retarded either... So I will attempt to do my own "manning up" and see what happens.
I value everyones input on my situation... it always helps to get a bit of an outside perspective... I am hoping things go well with him and that I get another kiss soon ;)

thank you all so very much!
AvaJayne

Aren't they great? Here's hoping everything goes well for you!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to HiddenGeisha)

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