Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 1:56:28 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It isn't intrinsic to submissives. What you are seeing is more dommes making an issue of how important it is that their sub be gentlemen, have good manners etc.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 1:57:49 PM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		So true about Italy. The times I have been there I gained 15 pounds but still do not grow an ass, still as small as ever.

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 1:57:49 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YSG

Ok... Im posting this here because I want perspectives from all sides. This is a rant stemming from a conversation with a female sub friend of mine. She has said that it seems that being a gentleman has become "a submissive thing".

Um, what? I know a number of male doms locally, and Im sure quite a few on this board, who always attempt to be gentlemen, wether it is opening doors for a lady, paying for dates, carrying things when the situation calls for it, etc. 50 years ago, this was just expected of us as men, wether it was the young guys like me on a date, or older guys out with their wives. So when did this become "a submissive thing"?

I think Im gonna go bang my head against the wall for awhile....



Greetings YSG:

To my knowledge as a gentleman, submissiveness is not necessarily the correct term to use when attempting to define the traits of a gentleman. Moreover gentlemanly qualities are not usually related to what might be considered as submissiveness.

Instead an inner unwavering refined confidence that is dedicated to demonstrating all actions in a manner that is closely related to traits that are synonymous with self-mastery, graciousness, respect, loyalty, strength, courage, balance and determination are more likely to define some of the traits associated with being a gentleman.

Take care!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 12/9/2010 1:59:54 PM >

(in reply to YSG)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 2:00:07 PM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: 81song
So true about Italy. The times I have been there I gained 15 pounds but still do not grow an ass, still as small as ever.

You lucky, lucky bastard. My arse only has to look at a map of Italy and it grows (even) more

(in reply to 81song)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 2:09:06 PM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well I guess I worked it off, I even had girlfriend who wanted me to have an ass and  she feed me like you know what.All I got was a pot belly and no ass.
I belong to a support good called, no asses .

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 2:10:58 PM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: 81song
Well I guess I worked it off, I even had girlfriend who wanted me to have an ass and  she feed me like you know what.All I got was a pot belly and no ass.
I belong to a support good called, no asses .

I should register as a potential ass donor* - I've got plenty enough for me and several other people

*although, around here, that's probably a very dangerous thing to suggest.

(in reply to 81song)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 2:16:41 PM   
81song


Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline 		Grins......yes an ass donor, mmmmmm, how would that take around here?

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 2:19:14 PM   
MstrPBK


Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		Being a gentleman ... or gentlewoman ... can be the highest form of politeness possible. (from my view) Master's and slave's can still show the world that being a gentleman is not dead. But we do not have to be as sickeningly gentlemanly as (Disney's?) Chip and Dale.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 2:39:49 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		I get this a lot as well. Being a Gentleman can come off as being less than dominant. Some submissives like to feel the control, the predator. Being a gentleman is the exact opposite of that. My response to that is, I am not being a Gentleman for you, I am being one for myself. One can be both respectful of others and have control. Personally, I feel it shows a good deal of strength, to show people respect, polite to those you meet, etc.

(in reply to MstrPBK)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 2:41:26 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
You have to live in Germany, Austria or Italy to know an excellent bakery

Absolute bilge.

There are many places in London that do this sort of thing. It's more commonplace in rural areas in France, Italy and other countries than in rural areas of the UK, but to make a blanket statement about "the UK" as you have is wholly and entirely incorrect.

You've been living in the middle of bunghole nowhere for too long



BS, not even in the middle of London I get the selection and quality of bread that I get on almost every street corner on the continent. You can get almost decent bread but not GREAT bread here, just like the pizza bases usually suck, the reason is the wrong water!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 3:43:26 PM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: 81song
Grins......yes an ass donor, mmmmmm, how would that take around here?

Enthusiastically, and worryingly, would be my guesses.

(in reply to 81song)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 3:43:30 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirGeoffrey1

Prepare for a "Get Off My Lawn" moment...

I think this is a generational thing. Younger people have the misconception that being a gentleman can equate to being subserviant, but older people equate gentlemanly behavior to being in control enough to offer small kindnesses (like opening doors or seating a lady) without changing any kind of power dynamic.

I've encountered this attitude before and every time the woman was in her twenties.


I have to say this has been my experience as well.

My daughter is one of the younger generation adults and my daughter is attracted to boys who are puppydogs..boys who will follow her around with their tails between their knees so she likes...more like requires, for a boy to open doors for her, pull out her chair, carry her packages, etc...Thankfully she's not as bad about this as she was when she was younger but she still likes these kinds of boys. If you were to tell her it's him being a gentleman she'd laugh and tell you "no, it's him doing what I want him to do". I see it in a lot of girls her age.

While to many this may just be being a gentleman, to the younger generation it's a lot of times what I label "girl power gone mad".



(in reply to SirGeoffrey1)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 3:44:28 PM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
BS, not even in the middle of London I get the selection and quality of bread that I get on almost every street corner on the continent. You can get almost decent bread but not GREAT bread here, just like the pizza bases usually suck, the reason is the wrong water!

Wrong, but thank you for playing

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 5:15:27 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I had a conversation with a friend once that went along these lines:

Her: I don't get it. Why do you want a gentleman? You like rough, dominant guys who sling you around.
Me: Yeah... gentlemen do that too.
Her: Huh? I thought gentleman means "gentle man".
Me: No, a gentleman is the man who helps you the mud puddle after he just ravaged you senseless against the barn door and keeps his mouth shut about where he left bruises.

I love gentlemen.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 6:24:30 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ricken

I insist on opening doors and not allowing her to do some things that I do. The reasoning is more than me being Dom, Yes being Dom and in control is one part, but it is ALSO showing her respsct and taking care of her the best I can.
One instance recently, she hurt her knee and back and couldn't bend over I watched her one morning trying to get dressed and she couldn't put on her underware, when I asked what she was doing, she got scolded for not comming to me and was told that I do those things when she can't, for the next few days she wasn't allowed to dress herself.
Some might veiw that as submissive, but for me it was an act of careing and showing her I was in controll enough to take care of her and feel safe

Find a person that appreciates the way you act, don't bang your head against the wall, you just end up with a damaged wall to fix and a headache
This is pretty much Master's view as well. He enjoys being a gentleman as much as he enjoys being a kinky sadist.

And I have to tell you that when you're very independent and self sufficient....having someone do these things for you spotlights that someone else is in control. I have to stand outside the car and wait for him to open the door or sit inside the car and wait for him to open the door. I can't tell you how hard that is sometimes.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ricken)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 8:21:35 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirGeoffrey1

Prepare for a "Get Off My Lawn" moment...

I think this is a generational thing. Younger people have the misconception that being a gentleman can equate to being subserviant, but older people equate gentlemanly behavior to being in control enough to offer small kindnesses (like opening doors or seating a lady) without changing any kind of power dynamic.

I've encountered this attitude before and every time the woman was in her twenties.


This. Well said. My man is older, and chivalrous and charming, has no bearing on his dominance, I see the 35 and under crowd having lost touch with that. I also see them not knowing the basic niceties either, opening wine, ordering for their date, it's kind of sad that being well mannered and respectful has become a lost art.

You can decant the cognac and still wield a whip . It's sexy...




_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to SirGeoffrey1)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 10:35:41 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YSG

Ok... Im posting this here because I want perspectives from all sides. This is a rant stemming from a conversation with a female sub friend of mine. She has said that it seems that being a gentleman has become "a submissive thing".


I think Im gonna go bang my head against the wall for awhile....



Here lemme help you with that...grabs Base Ball Bat while looking for the moron that made that statement

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to YSG)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/9/2010 10:46:18 PM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSavra
Being a gentleman or not is not about Dom/sub, but about having class and style - or not.
Absolutely agree.   In fact, I imagine the only time a male dominant is not a gentleman, is at play, where he would perhaps decide he's going to be a mean jerk for the day.
As has already been said, I believe it has to do with folks associating specific acts with dominance or submission...   Needless to say, I would disagree, since I believe it is more how one thinks, or his/her state of being, which makes one dominant/submissive, or normal, lol.    M

(in reply to MsSavra)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/10/2010 2:18:34 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Though I have to admit last week in the tube in London I got up to offer a pregnant woman my seat and some rude guy took it before the pregnant woman could sit down (I swear I wasn't even standing straight and he was in like a shot), we looked at each other, raised our eyebrows, he was hiding behind his paper and I couldn't resist tapping him on the shoulder and asking very friendly if he would like a prize for snatching seats that were offered to pregnant ladies. He was huffing a bit that he didn't see the pregnant lady (yeah right) and made no move to get up, both people to the left and the right of him offered her the seat then, she said it's OK and didn't want to take it, one of them said loudly "Don't blame you, I don't really want to sit next to him" and made a face as if he smelled something horrible, a few giggles around, the seat snatcher got off at the next station - I doubt he wanted to get off, because it was hardly worth sitting down... Shame that the weather was so grotty and I wore flat boots, it would have been one of the situations where you try to catch your balance and by mistake step on somebody's foot with a stiletto heel... Of course I would have apologized...


You rock. I would have shown far less restraint.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a ... - 12/10/2010 2:19:56 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSavra

Being a gentleman or not is not about Dom/sub, but about having class and style - or not.


You rock.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Nope.  It's not a dominant or submissive thing at all.  It is a simple matter of not being raised by rabid wolves.

lovingpet



So do you.

To the op:

Like the rockin MsSavra, I think it's about whether someone has class or not. And, I agree with lovingpet - in fact, one of the reasons that I choked on my coffee when I read her post (thankyou lovingpet!) was that "any one would think you'd been raised by wolves" is an expression my mother would use. My mother managed to be a bra-burning, protest-marching feminist while still insisting on good manners from her offspring. If I'm honest - I give up my seat and open doors thanks to a trained pavlovian response - Deep in my inner psyche I'm expecting a hand to appear from nowhere to cuff me around the ear if I don't.

I'd go further though - (and someone else on this thread alluded to it - just can't find it now sorry!) - for me good manners adds to the whole experience, there's a lovely contrast between holding the door on the way into the restaurant, taking her coat, and pushing her seat in all in the mutual knowledge that later she'll be naked, bound, and dripping with...

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to MsSavra)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: When did being a gentleman suddenly become "a submissive thing"? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.250