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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/26/2011 7:18:51 AM

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I must confess that, as a man, I had similar expectations. Years of experince, and 15 years in a wonderful loving relationship have taught me that a perfect match to one's expectations is unrealistic, and unlikely.
What do you bring to the table?
Yes, you can find someone to fulfill your needs, wants and desires but it may not be exactly as you have it mapped out. I suggest you find a woman with whom you are compatible on a day to day basis and slowly seduce her inner dominance, with your own acts of submission.

(in reply to spankeree)

RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/26/2011 10:50:42 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313

Yes, you can find someone to fulfill your needs, wants and desires but it may not be exactly as you have it mapped out. I suggest you find a woman with whom you are compatible on a day to day basis and slowly seduce her inner dominance, with your own acts of submission.

Isn't that exactly what we see so often here? A guy trying to push the wife or gf into the domme role and if that doesn't work out sneak around her back with the excuse "My wife is not into it", if it's important to you then you be open to her about it, or else chances are that it all goes belly up.

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/26/2011 10:58:40 AM

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quote:

sneak around her back with the excuse "My wife is not into it"

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this from married cheaters...

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 4:40:16 AM

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It's responses like yours, Miss Constanze, that led me away from becoming a more active member of this site. How did I infer it was okay to cheat around behind the wife's back? In fact, did I not say I have been happily married for 15 years?
I will admit I didn't read the entire thread before responding and had no idea that Mr. Spankeree was a switch. I thought, by the title of his thread, that he was looking for "real Femdom" (which I have attained) rather than "a scene". Real Femdom, in a marriage, requires real submission, which was the point I was making.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 5:07:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313

It's responses like yours, Miss Constanze, that led me away from becoming a more active member of this site. How did I infer it was okay to cheat around behind the wife's back? In fact, did I not say I have been happily married for 15 years?
I will admit I didn't read the entire thread before responding and had no idea that Mr. Spankeree was a switch. I thought, by the title of his thread, that he was looking for "real Femdom" (which I have attained) rather than "a scene". Real Femdom, in a marriage, requires real submission, which was the point I was making.

"happily married" does not preclude cheating, to be fair.

Not saying you ARE cheating, pet.. but .. all too often, we have seen posts from guys that are "happily married" and looking for either suggestions on HOW to cheat, or justifications for doing so.

Obviously, many of us are jaded, and sceptical.

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 5:17:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313

It's responses like yours, Miss Constanze, that led me away from becoming a more active member of this site.

That's a nice piece of passive aggressiveness that you're playin here, play the victim card much?

quote:

How did I infer it was okay to cheat around behind the wife's back? In fact, did I not say I have been happily married for 15 years?

Where did I say YOU said it is OK to cheat around behind the wife's back? I said not being open about your desires and hoping to turn the woman into some fantasy domme often leads to frustration and guys in the end sneaking around and asking here where they can get it.

As for being married for 15 years, congratulations, but were we discussing your marriage here or did you miss a lot of the post with "My wife isn't into it, but I need <insert kinky activity> must be discrete...." Have you missed all those profiles and posts? Think they could have been avoided being caught in that situation if they would have TALKED about their needs or interests before getting hitched?

quote:

I will admit I didn't read the entire thread before responding and had no idea that Mr. Spankeree was a switch. I thought, by the title of his thread, that he was looking for "real Femdom" (which I have attained) rather than "a scene". Real Femdom, in a marriage, requires real submission, which was the point I was making.

Your point was that all somebody has to do is find a woman they are compatible with on a day to day basis and then through acts of submission turn her into a domme, instead of talking with her before. Each of us knows countless examples where that didn't work, what if the woman is submissive? What if she isn't kinky at all? Over and over on the board and in real life we had examples of guys that are frustrated that the wife and gf doesn't want to take part in that kind of dynamic, and the guys all lived in the hope it might happen, and usually it doesn't work.

So you won the lottery, great for you, but advising guys to live in hope of that instead of being honest and upfront with their partners is what we try to tell them all the time. Because in a relationship the woman has as much right to be happy as the guy and if she is not into any kind of power exchange or BDSM dynamic, she has a right to know about it before the relationship starts! That is why we keep on preaching honesty.

But I guess you are going to play the victim card now again and claim that it worked in your case, it must work in every case. A $ for everybody I met at a munch, a party, online or anywhere who didn't manage to achieve such a dynamic with your proposed idea, and that mansion down the road would be mine. Upon entering a relationship and you are into BDSM telling your partner about it is important everything else is dishonest.

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(in reply to herpet1313)

RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 5:45:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankeree
In terms of sexuality, I love the excitement of being in charge and also being with someone who likes to take charge. For me it's all about games in the bedroom until both of us have come. Then the games end. Does that makes sense?

Yes - but it seems that you're a switch rather than a sub or a bottom.

I'd zero in on what SlaveKal says and read his book, in your position. He's a *very* optimistic guy and from reading of his experiences, I think he's got good reason to be optimistic. Take heart, learn where the minefields are, and I reckon you might just be OK. ;-)

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 6:24:11 AM

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I was trying to be helpful and merely relate what worked for me. I didn't expect to be ripped for it.

I believe your initial response, (page 1) was to seek a professional and pay for it. That is being helpful?

The gentleman asked if there were any "real" Femdoms. Paying for sexual gratification is, in my mind, is no more real than playing video games. A nice escape perhaps, but not real Femdom. (The initial title of this post, and that to which I responded).

If that offends all the Pro Dommes here, I'm sorry. It is not my intent to do so.

I would bet that, more often than not, when young couples fall in love, it is based on an initial vanilla attraction. Most, (although I suppose not all) young males and females, are not even aware of any kinkiness within themselves, least of all the still "socially" unacceptable notion of Femdom. Those notions often come later in a relationship. I suppose my post is directed more towards them. Do not throw away that true love for your kinky wants and desires.
"Real Femdom" can be achieved from within a loving relationship, with patience and understanding. I am proof of that.

That being said, if a young male is aware of his submissive nature, of course he should engage in open discussions with his significant other early on.

I will await your attack, Miss Constanze. Judging by the amount of time you devote to this site, you must be the bottom line.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 6:37:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313

I was trying to be helpful and merely relate what worked for me. I didn't expect to be ripped for it.

I believe your initial response, (page 1) was to seek a professional and pay for it. That is being helpful?

The gentleman asked if there were any "real" Femdoms. Paying for sexual gratification is, in my mind, is no more real than playing video games. A nice escape perhaps, but not real Femdom. (The initial title of this post, and that to which I responded).

If that offends all the Pro Dommes here, I'm sorry. It is not my intent to do so.

I would bet that, more often than not, when young couples fall in love, it is based on an initial vanilla attraction. Most, (although I suppose not all) young males and females, are not even aware of any kinkiness within themselves, least of all the still "socially" unacceptable notion of Femdom. Those notions often come later in a relationship. I suppose my post is directed more towards them. Do not throw away that true love for your kinky wants and desires.
"Real Femdom" can be achieved from within a loving relationship, with patience and understanding. I am proof of that.

That being said, if a young male is aware of his submissive nature, of course he should engage in open discussions with his significant other early on.

I will await your attack, Miss Constanze. Judging by the amount of time you devote to this site, you must be the bottom line.

My dear, your victim card is wearing a bit thin, you play it too often...

Oh now a real Femdom is a woman who will service a guy sexually as he wants it... Of course, of course...

And of course all the poor guys just fall in love, then at one point in their marriage they realize they want a bit of BDSM, they never ever before noticed that they are wired that way, sure, and the world is flat...

Btw in case you haven't noticed, MISS is a rather sexist term usually used by chauvinistic guys, why am I not surprised that you call me that?

All the women here said it would not work for them, but thank heavens a man comes and tells us how a "real" femdom has to be seduced into it.

You're not very consistent, first you suggest that he "seduces a woman into it by performing submissive acts" - not a word about talking about it, despite the fact that the OP made it clear that he is interested in a BDSM dynamic, then all of a sudden you change your track and then of course you were always for talking about it...

Most of the dommes on here have successful relationships, but of course we do not know what we want, you have to tell us how we should handle our relationships. Thanks so much for that. Now 3rd time for your victim card? Hope you get a discount on frequent orders...

_____________________________

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(in reply to herpet1313)

RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 6:41:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313

I was trying to be helpful and merely relate what worked for me. I didn't expect to be ripped for it.

I believe your initial response, (page 1) was to seek a professional and pay for it. That is being helpful?

The gentleman asked if there were any "real" Femdoms. Paying for sexual gratification is, in my mind, is no more real than playing video games. A nice escape perhaps, but not real Femdom. (The initial title of this post, and that to which I responded).

If that offends all the Pro Dommes here, I'm sorry. It is not my intent to do so.

I would bet that, more often than not, when young couples fall in love, it is based on an initial vanilla attraction. Most, (although I suppose not all) young males and females, are not even aware of any kinkiness within themselves, least of all the still "socially" unacceptable notion of Femdom. Those notions often come later in a relationship. I suppose my post is directed more towards them. Do not throw away that true love for your kinky wants and desires.
"Real Femdom" can be achieved from within a loving relationship, with patience and understanding. I am proof of that.

That being said, if a young male is aware of his submissive nature, of course he should engage in open discussions with his significant other early on.

I will await your attack, Miss Constanze. Judging by the amount of time you devote to this site, you must be the bottom line.

So highlighting two lines in here for comment.

When you look at what the OP was looking for - kinky play in the bedroom, likening it all to a "game" - a recommendation to go see a pro-domme is actually very good advice. Being kinky is something that many folks - and in my experience especially those who tend to incorporate it into their daily lives - cannot put on and take off. And in my experience, most female Dominant's living in this manner tend more to look for an ongoing dynamic over kinky play in the bedroom only. At least, that has been my experience.

As to your last comment...it was unnecessary, hostile, judgmental, and provocative and when folks step down into that sort of ad hominem attack...they pretty much instantly lose all credibility and most ears close to what they were really trying to say.

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 6:44:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

How did I infer it was okay to cheat around behind the wife's back? In fact, did I not say I have been happily married for 15 years?

Where did I say YOU said it is OK to cheat around behind the wife's back? I said not being open about your desires and hoping to turn the woman into some fantasy domme often leads to frustration and guys in the end sneaking around and asking here where they can get it.

Interesting

For the record, I agree with herpet. Get to know a woman and then try to see if she'll accept being a Domme. That said, at what point do you do it?

LC has assumed that this is done after the woman has a significant emotional investment and will feel dumped if the relationship is broken off due to compatibility. Obviously, introducing kink or sex right up front is gauche and runs the risk that you'll be sleeping with a psycho that you didn't know beforehand.

I always introduce a bit of kink at the same time I'm making the first pass at a vanilla.

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 6:52:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I always introduce a bit of kink at the same time I'm making the first pass at a vanilla.

Me too. There are ways and ways, and it can be done subtly.

And, jeez, it's about time D/s stuck its head just a little bit farther out of the closet. I sometimes wonder if gays and lesbians look at us these days and think we're all a bunch of timid milksops.

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 10:13:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I always introduce a bit of kink at the same time I'm making the first pass at a vanilla.

Steven, getting a woman into a relationship and with the hope to convert her into a fantasy domme is pretty dishonest and in my opinion pretty much the same as misleading somebody seriously. Nobody suggests that a guy should mention on the first (vanilla) date "Oh and btw I don't mind a bit of strapon and how about a good whipping before we have sex..." But when you're getting serious and you are making passes, letting her know that you're into kink is only fair, not talking about it, springing it on her once you think she's deeply enough involved to not leave you, that's not fair and pretty deceitful. If she has no interest in kink, well guys need to think about how to proceed, but again and again there are guys here who don't get it at home and think the excuse "Wife not interested" will cut it and the dommes should "service" their kinks or else they are not "real".

It is something that really is of importance for a relationship, so I think just like if you would have to disclose that you want or want not children fairly early in a relationship, if you have herpes, if you are poly, etc. You want to let them know before you move it into an intimate relationship. Everything else is akin to lying to a partner.

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 7:20:40 PM

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I am completely with LadyC.

I am a lot of things--poly, sadistic, dominant--and all that comes out on the table pretty quickly, at least as topics for discussion. No different than being an atheist, a democrat, heterosexual, any number of non-negotiable things that make me, me.

This isn't a game or hobby for me, it's an essential part of my personality. How fair would it be for me to sweep up some vanilla guy and expect him to engage in masochistic acts? It really doesn't work when you flip it around, does it?

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/27/2011 8:12:27 PM

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I'm with LadyC and LadyHib - the fact that we are a poly D/s family with a small zoo is all information that any guy we talk to is privy to fairly quickly. Now, I'm not going to get explicit with our sex lives, but are they going to know that we are kinky? Of course - otherwise, that's deceitful. Lies of omission are still lies.

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/28/2011 5:13:12 AM

AngelicaGoddess

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I agree with the ladies! Some women do not want to be the dominants in a relationship just like others don't want to be submissive, some people are just vanilla. Trying to "seduce" them into being dominants is forcing your kink on them, goes against the consensual part, especially if you haven't given them the chance to voice an opinion or think about if they want to be in a relationship like that.

Test the waters and mention a kinky movie, let them know you went to a fetish party and see how they react, leave a book around about fetish art, bondage, etc., you can test the waters without being too shocking.

People who think it would be OK to trick somebody into a relationship by not disclosing your sexual preferences and then hoping they will go along because they're "caught" should think how it would be the other way around, if you're a submissive guy, how would you feel if a submissive woman would think she could trick you into being her dominant by performing acts of submission for you? My guess is that it would fail completely!

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/28/2011 5:40:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelicaGoddess
People who think it would be OK to trick somebody into a relationship by not disclosing your sexual preferences and then hoping they will go along because they're "caught" should think how it would be the other way around, if you're a submissive guy, how would you feel if a submissive woman would think she could trick you into being her dominant by performing acts of submission for you? My guess is that it would fail completely!

That's happened to me in the past - but no, it wasn't a disaster, by any means. Partners wanted me to 'dominate' in the bedroom (call it 'top', if you like). I found that I had enough dom in me to get some fun out of it. But the clincher is this: that I very much had to top in the way that suited me, or nothing worked. (And I mean that last in a very physical way. If a man isn't turned on . . . well, he can't pretend certain things, as we all know.) And, natch, if you feel fond enough of a woman, it can be fun enough to see what an effect you're having on her all on its own.

Heh. Great memories of her muttering, 'Oh, you *bastard*' - with true venom - under her breath before exploding in orgasm. It felt like I'd learned how to do magic, at times. Fun.

You can't be pushy, you can't be demanding, you have to adapt your kink, and it very, very much has to be an extra in an already fine relationship, rather than a partnership-breaker if it doesn't happen.

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/28/2011 5:46:42 AM

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dammit, Peon.. I am SUPPOSED to go nap now..

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/28/2011 6:06:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

dammit, Peon.. I am SUPPOSED to go nap now..

So then go...nap, instead :p

(I was going to put inverted commas around the word nap, but I decided it didn't need them.)

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RE: are there any real femdoms? - 1/28/2011 6:18:34 AM

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couldnt.. my brain (and other areas) were having far too much fun with Peon's scenario..

but I will , soon(ish)

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