are there any real femdoms?

are there any real femdoms? (Full Version)

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spankeree -> are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 4:31:17 AM)
My fantasy is to be with a genuine regular woman, we have a normal relationship in every way but she is dominant and assertive in the bedroom. I'm starting to wonder if such people exist or is it a constuct of the porn industry / media in general? It seems most women who will participate in something like that do it for other motivations other than for sexual pleasure - for money or tributes, or because they hate men, or because they are sadistic and use a man for those reasons, or are just acting in a porn film. I know these are generalisations and i don't mean to offend anyone who doesn't fall into these categories. I would love a girl who was kind and gentle and loving but who took the lead - told me to get on my knees, go down on her, wank off as she stood over me fully clothed, spanked me, told me to worship her feet, legs, ass etc etc. she would ride my face, sit on my face, explore my limits with anal play etc etc I'm not into pain or serious humiliation or being shouted at or spit on or blackmailed etc etc. I'd be interested to know if there are any other men who feel the same and what women on here think??? Looking forward to your replies....

omkfY -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 4:47:54 AM)
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GreedyTop -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 5:07:06 AM)
bites tongue bites harder (I will be good, I WILL!!!)

LadyConstanze -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 5:11:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spankeree My fantasy is to be with a genuine regular woman, we have a normal relationship in every way but she is dominant and assertive in the bedroom. This is your fantasy, now you gotta find a woman who has the same fantasy and that could be a problem, because dominance and assertiveness is not a light switch that works only in the bedroom and outside of it she'll fix your dinner in time... In other words, "I want a regular girlfriend who additionally fulfills ALL my sexual fantasies the way I want them to fulfilled, she should act dominant in the bedroom when it suits me!" That's how it can also be read. quote: It seems most women who will participate in something like that do it for other motivations other than for sexual pleasure - for money or tributes, or because they hate men, or because they are sadistic and use a man for those reasons, or are just acting in a porn film. I know these are generalisations and i don't mean to offend anyone who doesn't fall into these categories. If you don't mean to offend, then why offend? So anybody who's not behaving like your exact fantasy must have other motivations, that is quite offensive! quote: I would love a girl who was kind and gentle and loving but who took the lead - told me to get on my knees, go down on her, wank off as she stood over me fully clothed, spanked me, told me to worship her feet, legs, ass etc etc. she would ride my face, sit on my face, explore my limits with anal play etc etc You want somebody who's submissive enough to play the dominant for you when it suits you or when you're horny. quote: I'm not into pain or serious humiliation or being shouted at or spit on or blackmailed etc etc. It's fine to have limits, we all have them! quote: I'd be interested to know if there are any other men who feel the same and what women on here think??? I'm not a guy but I imagine quite a few guys would love that as a fantasy, most seem to be realistic enough to realize that women don't come with that button and will be dominant on demand. As a woman, the way you phrase it and it's all about what you want and what she should do to you for your pleasure. I would feel like somebody is using me as porn fantasy if somebody put it to me like you did here. There's nothing wrong with people trying to please each other in a relationship, but the way you described it it's all about pleasing you, I wouldn't be interested in a relationship where it's all about the other person, that's just me but maybe you'll be lucky and find somebody who'll bend over backwards to please you and pretends to be dominant when it suits you.... ETA: Saw your other post in Introductions: quote: I'm a genuine guy living in London, I love to have a naughty girl dress up for me and then go over my knee for a mild playful spanking. I'm not into extreme stuff such as pain and dungeons etc. I'd also like to explore my submissive side, if you are a hot beautiful woman, i'll kneel for you and worship your feet and legs and ass if you tease and taunt me and maybe force me to masturbate or strip as you spank me............ Get in touch and let's start talking. Please do not contact me if you are a fake, a spammer, a professional or looking for tributes...... You SHOULD look for a professional since you come with a list she should do and how she should look, since it's all about you, only fair if she gets compensated, or is there anything you can offer apart from giving her the pleasure to be allowed to fulfill your kinks. Maybe you want to try ALT, CM isn't quite the kinky self-service supermarket for guys who don't have anything to offer and only expect! Regarding your profile: quote: I've started to get interested in dominant women, i'd really like to explore this side of my sexuality, i like assertive dominant women who know what they want. I like stockings, CFNM, CMNF, spanking, facesitting, masturbation, mild humiliation, teasing, denial - short term only! Domiant women DO know what they want, which usually doesn't include the kink of asking you "And how may I dominate you today, Sir?"

GreedyTop -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 5:15:25 AM)
LadyC.. you are ever so much more tactful than I could be.. thank you...

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 5:19:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spankeree My fantasy is to be with a genuine regular woman, we have a normal relationship in every way but she is dominant and assertive in the bedroom. I'm starting to wonder if such people exist or is it a constuct of the porn industry / media in general? First off, welcome to the forums. And, if you read a lot of the threads, even going back years, you will find such Women do exist! [:)] Although they may already have complete relationships in their lives. Since you ask though, remember, every one is an individual first. And they all have different ways of asserting Dominance, in different aspects of life. (Which means it might not always be exclusively in the bedroom.) But truthfully, that can be the case, even in vanilla relationships, too. As you explore this (and other sites) you will find Dominant Women exist in all walks of life. Every where from Bartender/Cocktail Waitress to Corporate Executives; as well as everything in between! Outside the bedroom though, do not expect Dominant Women to be walking around in kinky costumes carrying whips! ROFL They live normal lives, just as we all do! Something to remember though, is there are fewer of them. So you do have to put a lot of time and effort into finding them as well as courting them. And when dating them, you will find they are as diverse as the rest of society. Some you will be able to relate with easily ... others will not be your cup of tea. Yet it can be harder to find the one with whom you do develop a relationship with, than it is in normal life. Guess the best approach, if you are truly interested, is to read the forums in some detail, find local munches and get togethers in your area, and go to them. Meet people and learn about them. The key thing about meeting Dominant Women, is to learn about them! And the more you learn, the easier it gets to meet them! Yet when you do meet them, remember to be a gentleman, too! You will get a lot farther, if you do! Good luck in your search!

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 5:42:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: spankeree quote: Regarding your profile: quote: I've started to get interested in dominant women, i'd really like to explore this side of my sexuality, i like assertive dominant women who know what they want. I like stockings, CFNM, CMNF, spanking, facesitting, masturbation, mild humiliation, teasing, denial - short term only! Domiant women DO know what they want, which usually doesn't include the kink of asking you "And how may I dominate you today, Sir?" If this is the case, you should try a Pro Domme! They will do all of this, short term and no strings attached. You just have to spend some $$$$$ And if spending money for a Pro Domme bothers you, remember, you are not wining and dining and courting ... so you might really be saving money! [:D] Pro Dommes are not that hard to find ... check out the profile listings in your area. You likely will find one or two ...

LadyConstanze -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 5:58:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: spankeree quote: Regarding your profile: quote: I've started to get interested in dominant women, i'd really like to explore this side of my sexuality, i like assertive dominant women who know what they want. I like stockings, CFNM, CMNF, spanking, facesitting, masturbation, mild humiliation, teasing, denial - short term only! Domiant women DO know what they want, which usually doesn't include the kink of asking you "And how may I dominate you today, Sir?" If this is the case, you should try a Pro Domme! They will do all of this, short term and no strings attached. You just have to spend some $$$$$ They are not that hard to find ... check out the profile listings in your area. You likely will find one or two ... I suggested that to him, but in his profile and his other post he explicitly says they should not contact him, he comes with a list of what she should do to him, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of pro dommes won't jive with that especially since a few things in his list are possibly more in the realm of kinky escorts.

LadyPact -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 6:12:43 AM)
OP, you say sadistic like it's a bad thing. [;)] Seriously, good luck in getting a Dominant woman to cater to your every whim. That could be why you think they are so hard to find.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 6:15:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze I suggested that to him, but in his profile and his other post he explicitly says they should not contact him, he comes with a list of what she should do to him, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of pro dommes won't jive with that especially since a few things in his list are possibly more in the realm of kinky escorts. Hmm ... You have done more research on him, than I have. If he is really looking, than it sounds like he should be READING ASK A MISTRESS - FAQS, re-writting his profile and looking around more .... Otherwise, just another guy thinking he can find easy sex ... LOL Have a good New Year Lady Constance!

DarkSteven -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 7:00:42 AM)
OP, as the joke goes, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that it won't be that difficult to find a woman who will do that. The bad news is that she won't come to you that way. You'll have to train her. You want a submissive woman who likes to please you. So get one. When in the bedroom, introduce her gently. Have her spank you, and I can guarantee it will be lighter than you want. Enjoy it anyway, and tell her that you enjoyed it. Hint that you wouldn't mind if it were harder. Train her - make her associate spanking you/riding you, etc. with you being pleased and praising her. You say that you want to worship her body - just go do it! Later, ask her to command you to do so. Oh, yes, if you introduce a submissive woman to all this, expect her to want to experience the other side of the kneel. In your intro, you state that you want that as well. so it's all good. A word about tact - you define a "real" femdom as someone who is submissive everywhere except the bedroom, and dominates you in the bedroom per your wishes. The femdoms who frequent this forum, have an altogether different take, and likely don't appreciate you implying they're fake.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 9:38:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spankeree It seems most women who will participate in something like that do it for other motivations other than for sexual pleasure - for money or tributes, or because they hate men, or because they are sadistic and use a man for those reasons, or are just acting in a porn film. Dude, you clearly haven't found your local BDSM community. But when you do, you'll be in for a rude-ass awakening. quote: I would love a girl who was kind and gentle and loving but who took the lead - told me to get on my knees, go down on her, wank off as she stood over me fully clothed, spanked me, told me to worship her feet, legs, ass etc etc. she would ride my face, sit on my face, explore my limits with anal play etc etc As others have amply pointed out, what you seem to want is someone who is submissive and who will do the exact list of kinks you want her to do. when you want her to do it. What part of the definition of "dominant woman" did you miss here? Like most femdoms I know, I am in a long term committed personal relationship that is definitely about my sexual pleasure and not money. Note the important word "MY" in that sentence. Our relationship is not about my doing a laundry list of kinks that please someone else, but about me actually being dominant and doing what I want and find sexy. I am poly; I choose to have two collared and owned submissives and they must get along well with one another. Men are hot; every woman should own a few. [:D] They must dress in the clothes I find attractive, while I wear whatever is comfortable for me. They are my sex objects, I am not theirs. They must keep their hair exactly how I like it, and since I like it long, that's quite a personal grooming job. One of mine spends about an hour a day on it. While I respect their comfort and their limits - I do love them both very much and work hard on being a responsible poly dom with good communication skills - I am a sadist, and they must submit to being flogged, beaten, electrified, and occasionally cut or even branded. I am skilled and safe in what I do; neither will ever suffer real harm at my hands. But I do like intensity, and I do leave marks. This situation is not your cup of tea? I imagine it is not, since you and I would be poorly matched in the shared kinks department. And that's fine. What is NOT fine is your thinking that people who are not into what you are into are not "real femdoms". This is as real as it gets, sweetcheeks. I own the hot submissive studboys I want and I use them how I want. When a man is genuinely submissive to a woman and puts her desires above his own, this is one of the scenarios you can end up living in. And if the men involved really are submissive and primarily focused on the dominant's will and pleasure, it works wonderfully and everyone is happy. Except as far as I can tell, you would not be happy with a dominant woman who wanted to, you know, actually dominate you and do what she wanted rather than what you wanted. Meaning that she might be into stuff beyond your rather mild bedroom-kink interests, and she might expect you to cater to her kinks instead of her exclusively catering to yours. No dominant is just going to take your laundry list of kinks and dutifully do all your washing for you. A real live dominant woman is a human being who is going to have interests and kinks of her own, and it's pretty doubtful that you'll have 100% overlap on what you do and don't like. So compromise is called for, especially on the submissive's part. If you are not open to doing some of what she wants as opposed to exclusively what you want, your chances of any femdom being remotely interested in being your obedient little domme-bot are somewhere between zilch and nil. I'm not saying you aren't allowed limits or likes in a real D/s relationship. One of my boys is a type 1 diabetic, so I very rarely break his skin. If his blood sugar is a concern, we stop what we are doing and take care of it right away. His health is a priority, and that includes his emotional health. Both of my boys will tell you that they have never known a more ethical and caring dominant, and that they are very happy being owned and cherished and appreciated in my household. They do feel that they are respected for what they bring to the relationship. While they both know better than to present their kink wishes as demands or requirements, I am aware of what specifics turn them on and I don't mind humoring them at times, as long as my own needs are also being met. A long term sustainable D/s relationship is about compromise and keeping your partner's needs met while not going past your own comfort boundaries. quote: I'm not into pain or serious humiliation or being shouted at or spit on or blackmailed etc etc. All of the stuff on your list except pain is actually pretty rare for femdoms in an LTR to be all that much interested in. However, I have to say that many of us would consider it a deal breaker if you weren't interested in some degree of impact play (flogging, spanking, etc), and basically all of us consider narrowly limited laundry lists of kink to be a deal breaker that kills our interest. Sorry, but there are too many genuinely submissive men out there who are a lot more focused on serving and making their partner happy than they are on getting their kink lists checked off.

Lockit -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 11:54:28 AM)
I find it interesting the conflict that some people show and expect that we will have an answer for it. Some of us do answer it in a sense, by our own interpretation of things and most that ask don't like the answers we have. If you really want answers, are you ready to really look at things... look at yourself and get to some roots of where these feelings, questions and needs come from? If one is not ready for the answers and evaluations, they should learn not to ask until they are ready or find their own answers, because in the answers you get, there are going to be some challenging requirements of you. Spankeree, you are the OP (original poster). You state that you want a regular relationship where the woman takes charge sexually and you have certain things in mind. You present in your profile as a switch, wanting to experience both dominance and submission in a kink or sexual context. What I see is a man interested in getting full benefit of a woman, whatever her sexual nature is as long as she is sexual and giving you the experiences you desire to have. Now there isn't anything wrong in wanting these things, but I do feel there is something wrong in how these experiences might come about. I just posted a piece in my journal that most wished to ignore. It is rather out there and people might not see the connection, but I see a connection. I have spoken to a lot of women and even some men on this and they agree with me, although my example of where the root and the end result can come about is extreme. The fact remains in my mind that the root is the place where a lot of things start and from there the degree of action, effect and results depend on social conditioning, allowances and freedom to abuse that are within that societies levels of acceptance. Selfishness, greed and lust. These are the roots to many things. When a man views women as humans to be used to service men, all sorts of what I consider atrocities can take place. When a man decides that women are worth what they can do to please a man, they are belittled in worth by such a man. They are not seen as a whole and complete human being. Although many men say that they want a relationship with a woman that holds respect, I have to doubt the sincerity or balance of that respect when they put so many expectations and conditions upon how this relationship comes to be and what it involves. How can one say, that they want a normal relationship, when they add that they want all these things within it unless they think the normal relationship is there to make use of the woman in pleasing the man? When a man wants kinky things from a well dressed persona of a dominant woman, he is not seeing the whole and complete woman, but a woman he can use to service his needs. Whether a man is a dominant or a submissive, many men still believe that women are there to service them. If that man only speaks of sexual or kinky things, he rules out a great deal of importance in the minds of most women and has placed her in his own mind as a place of sexual release and little more. He does not speak of her intelligence unless it is figuring out how to smartly service him. He doesn't speak of emotional things unless that emotion comes with a climax. He doesn't speak of much else other than the experiences of sexual desires and the release of them. When anyone, in my opinion thinks of any group of people as humans to be used by their own selfishness, greed and lust, they belittle that person or group of people in varying degrees. If it is consented to by all people, it can be a good thing, but when it isn't consented to, it is a very bad thing in my opinion. After talking to many women, reading journals and comments of women and evaluating my own experience... many men simply view women as someone to service them, whichever side of the kneel they are on or are on at that moment. I cannot take anyone seriously that cannot take me seriously and if all they talk about is how they wish to have this or that and it doesn't include any comment of any worth in other area's of life or mankind... I figure it is a pretty good assumption that that person is more interested in selfishness, greed and lust that devalues another human being. OP, it is up to you to present yourself for who you are and not up to us to drag out the variances of your character or personality. What you have presented here with pretty words that might disguise some intent or motivation and that was clearly seen by many... is that you are more interested in what a woman can do to you and for you, than the regular relationship, words you speak that actually say far more than you seem to realize. A normal relationship to you, seems to be... the devaluing of women for your sexual pleasure, because you have not mentioned in profile, journal or this thread, anything else. Thus the response you have gotten. You can either correct it, try to convince us it isn't that way or actually evaluate how you come across to many women.

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 12:37:04 PM)
Thanks so much Lockit for putting things in perspective and with such eloquence. My thoughts are often garbled for various reasons, and I can never quite put down what I'm thinking, but you have hit it right on the nose. OP, you need to re-evaluate your thought process and quit thinking that women are there to service only you, be it as submissive and especially as Dommes. The biggest sex organ is the brain. Not the bits and dangly parts. To some, it's about nothing but the sex, but to a great many others it's about the relationship as a whole, including the mundane and every day that comes along with living life.

DamnPickyDomme -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 6:37:06 PM)
for someone who didn't want to offend, you did a pretty good job. sorry dear, "real femdoms" are a figment of your imagination, we all are, everything you think you know is a fantasy!

FriendlyMuppet -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 6:53:09 PM)
It's pretty much been my experience that there's basically somebody for practically everybody. You just have to be willing to look hard enough to find her. Over the years, I've run across a LOT of different types of women who are into so many different things that it would make your head spin. Some were into exactly what I was; others were not. The real important point is that you have to be willing to decide each and every time if the person you find is what you were really looking for, or if the search should continue onto the next person. I've also discovered that sometimes you can find women who aren't into what you are, but when they find out what you're into, they seem to be much more interested in it than when you started out. Some of them are into it because you are, and others are into it just because they never realized how fascinating something like that might be. The important part is: You're probably not going to find her by waiting for her to come looking for you. You really have to be a lot more proactive than reactive. In the beginning, I was really lucky in that I actually found people I was looking for because they found me first. Then I realized that it wasn't always going to happen that way. Hard mind adjustment there, but worth going through it to realize how significant it really was. But I'd avoid looking for absolutes, because you'll find they'll hold you down a lot more than they'll help you find what you're seeking. I've discovered over the years that sometimes I've found what I was looking for by not actually looking for it. Just be cognizant of your surroundings and open to change. At least that always worked for me.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/2/2011 9:04:01 PM)
Ever wonder why we have these discussions when the OP invariably disappears after the initial post?

MissAsylum -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/3/2011 5:16:55 AM)
Hibbie-i've often wondered that too. curious....

spankeree -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/7/2011 11:44:28 AM)
Thanks everybody for all your replies. There's a lot to think about there and I will over the next few days and maybe come back with a more considered reply. I've re-read the part from my original post that has offended a few people: "It seems most women who will participate in something like that do it for other motivations other than for sexual pleasure - for money or tributes, or because they hate men, or because they are sadistic and use a man for those reasons, or are just acting in a porn film. I know these are generalisations and i don't mean to offend anyone who doesn't fall into these categories" I'm not a great writer so i can't figure out a way to be clearer. I know there are exceptions; that's why i said so, I also know that the vast majority of people I've encountered are pros looking for money or tributes. I don't believe in paying for sex so that's out for me. I suppose 'most' was a poor choice of words, naturally this is all just my experience, that's all i can write about, so perhaps a problem here is my contact or lack of contact with genuine BDSM communites. But I am just starting to explore all of this, hence the question in the first place. I do think though that some of the replies confirm some of my apprehensions. As far as fakes are concerned, I'm not calling anyone a fake other than those people online who are not who they say they are and get off on pretending to be someone else, or get pictures sent to them or are promoting a website etc. We all know they're out there, if that's not you then great. Interesting though the anwers are and they certainly all contain truths I think a lot of people are projecting stuff onto me here that's not accurate. I don't think there's anything in my post that suggests I want a woman to cook for me! or that it's going to be a one way street in the bedroom! The post doesn't define me or everything about my sexuality, it's a question concerning something I was wondering about at the time and something i'm interested in. The reason I want a real relationship and don't want to pay for it is because i absolutly believe in and love pleasuring the woman in my life. There are many sides to my sexuality. Unlike a lot of people on here, but like plenty of people too i'm sure i like fantasy and roleplay, i don't analyse sex to the point where i think it defines me completly as a person; my politics, my psychology, my unknown desires, my relationship with my mother, sex is a part of me, not seperate, but just a part. I'm not into the 24/7 submission or domination that a lot of people here seem to be. As far as my post being a shopping list of desires, a few people mentioned this but i don't think that's the case, certainly not the intention, but in order to ask the question i need to describe what i like and what i don't like, i don't expect one person to do it all for me, and i always and love to reciprocate, but that's another question for another day.........

LadyConstanze -> RE: are there any real femdoms? (1/7/2011 12:39:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spankeree The post doesn't define me or everything about my sexuality, it's a question concerning something I was wondering about at the time and something i'm interested in. The reason I want a real relationship and don't want to pay for it is because i absolutly believe in and love pleasuring the woman in my life. There are many sides to my sexuality. Well, your original post was not about pleasuring the woman in your life, just what she can do to fulfill your fantasies and how she should behave so you get your rocks off. You know if we had a dime for everytime somebody mentioned that they don't want to pay because it's all about the pleasure they are giving to the woman (who should be magically into what turns the guy on), we'd be all able to do an extensive shopping trip to a great fetish store without watching our budget, in 99% of all cases it translates to "But I am to cheap to pay for it, I think I should have it for free" - if you don't believe me, browse the archives or we can all forward you a ton of mails to that effect...

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