RE: Responsibilities of a Top?

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/4/2011 2:09:58 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rick1283

If you reread my post, I did say it depends on the sub. Not all of them require actual care afterward, but it is STILL the Dom's responsibility to check every time. You never know, things can change.

Except when it's not a dominant doing the topping. There are no absolutes.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/4/2011 2:12:13 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rick1283

No. I'm not really confusing it at all, but in my opinion, it is the duty of the top and dom to at least make a call. But it isn't necessarily the obligation of a top to help. What I usually do, is get in contact with one of the bottom's friends that they trust, and let them know what is going on, without actually saying what caused it, privacy and all that.

But what if the top and the dominant are not the same person.
I would never top a dominant who was in charge of the scene and it is the dominant who has the authority, not the top.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/4/2011 4:40:23 AM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

However All of my Tops however have made sure that any play Ive done the relevant aftercare is given

None of the partners Ive played with have left me before they were sure I could walk on my own and checked on me before the end of the event and made sure I had their number If i needed anything more from them.

That was good to hear, you must have some great and thoughtful play partners. Thank you.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/4/2011 4:43:07 AM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It's early for Me, but I'm going to give this a go.

I probably missed some stuff that will come to Me after I have more caffeine this morning.

Wow LP, that was awesome!

I do not think I've seen a more concise yet descriptive reply, Thank you.

From that I can say I bet your handbills for your DM was great.

Lol, my wet dream is a hottub full of coffee to swim in when I wake up.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/4/2011 4:45:13 AM

0ldhen

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ORIGINAL: RCdc

When I top Master, I am responsible for exactly what he instructs. This can be anything from choosing the instruments to aftercare, depending on the situation.

Thank you, every answer is greatly appreciated. Yours leaves me with another question though, if you are willing to share; Was it hard for you to get comfortable topping your Master?

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/4/2011 6:29:28 AM

LillyBoPeep

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LadyPact's answer is so clear and to-the-point, i can't really add much to it at all. =p

i think rick1283 is making a fairly common mistake of conflating Top and Dom, but they aren't the same thing at all. Topping is a scene thing; it's the person giving the sensation/whatever but only in scope of the scene. a Dom is someone involved in a D/s relationship in the Dominant capacity. sometimes Doms top, and sometimes Tops are Doms. but sometimes Tops are subs and slaves, and their bottoms are Doms/Masters. you can be a Dominant bottom and totally direct how your scene goes from the bottom. Top =/= Dom
the responsibilities of Topping end when the scene ends (i think aftercare is included in that, if it's desired).

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/4/2011 7:43:46 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

quote:

ORIGINAL: RCdc

When I top Master, I am responsible for exactly what he instructs. This can be anything from choosing the instruments to aftercare, depending on the situation.

Thank you, every answer is greatly appreciated. Yours leaves me with another question though, if you are willing to share; Was it hard for you to get comfortable topping your Master?

Of course :) I didn't find it at all uncomfortable. I'm not sure whether that is due to the fact that I have sadistic tendencies or whether it was because I could accept it easily as it's just a form of service.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:12:16 AM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

We don't "play". It's who we are and isn't turned on and off at different times.
His responsibilities are to make good decisions and to not kill me.

Thank you for your reply, I am assuming then that yours is a D/s or M/s relationship.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:14:07 AM

0ldhen

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ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

Being a Top or Dominant does carry alot of responsibility because you have someone else's life in your hands.

Thank you, the first statement is very true. Can you elaborate on what you perceive to be the differences?

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:16:12 AM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rick1283

Dom's carry a lot of responsibility. They need to be careful during play, the goal isnt to hurt the sub permanently, and after care is a MUST

Rick, thank you for contributing. Yet your statement applies to Tops or any play partners. Care to elaborate?

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:17:58 AM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

but Master's is to just simply be the man I fell in love with.

awww......I think somebody is lucky enough to be in love. Thank you for your post.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:21:23 AM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rick1283

You aren't quite getting it. Its anyone who is in control during the scene.

Rick, I too see the issue here. You are answering as though any individual who is in control of a scene is a dominant, which is incorrect. It can also be a person who is not dominant at all, It can be someone who enjoys Topping or is a sadist, both are possibilities here.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:22:58 AM

0ldhen

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ORIGINAL: BurntKitty

[My reply to the OP- For me, the difference between a top and a dominant: I won't be sleeping in the arms of the top. He or she just paddles, or flogs me (or whatever implement du jour), then hands me my water and we bid farewell.

In a relationship with a dominant, that's a whole 'nother ballgame...

Thank you Kitty, great response. I like the definition of yours that I bolded.

< Message edited by 0ldhen -- 3/5/2011 7:23:14 AM >

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:25:38 AM

0ldhen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

A top is someone who doesnt own me who ive negotiated a one time scene with.

a Dom is someone who does own me whos responsible for a lot more.

Wow, great definition in a few words. Hope this explains it better to Rick too. Thank you again.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:27:20 AM

0ldhen

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ORIGINAL: IronBear

I don't top per se, but am am an honorary "big brother" to several subs and slaves who stay with us when in

Perhaps this is topping but I do see it as me being a surrogate Master whilst they are with us.

Thank you IB, I can see you quit clearly in this role. What a good man and great friend you are.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:28:51 AM

0ldhen

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ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

the Top has to remain there during the play and maintain during the play while the sub can fully let go so much more control must be maintained by them to remember all this and still give the sub the desired experience

Thank you Clip, and your Lady for this post as well. That is good advice to any potential Top. I will remember this.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:34:55 AM

0ldhen

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ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i think rick1283 is making a fairly common mistake of conflating Top and Dom, but they aren't the same thing at all. Topping is a scene thing; it's the person giving the sensation/whatever but only in scope of the scene.

a Dom is someone involved in a D/s relationship in the Dominant capacity. sometimes Doms top, and sometimes Tops are Doms.

the responsibilities of Topping end when the scene ends (i think aftercare is included in that, if it's desired).

Thank you Lilly, you are correct.

I wonder how often new subs are confused about this whole question?

Then again I wonder how many aspiring D types are actually Tops; you know into the kink and fun but not really well suited for the whole dominant thing.

Perhaps some perceive one as being better/more impressive than the other which is sad, both are equally valuable and have their place in wiitwd.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:37:57 AM

IronBear

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Yep I agree but not all of them are as argumentative and persistently trying to twist replies to suit himself.. That is about the time when I and a few others decide it is useless untill the person grows up.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 7:53:22 AM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

We don't "play". It's who we are and isn't turned on and off at different times.
His responsibilities are to make good decisions and to not kill me.

Thank you for your reply, I am assuming then that yours is a D/s or M/s relationship.

It's M/S, D/S, sadist/masochist, lovers, best friends, partners in crime. I could go on and on.
We care deeply for each other. We love each other.
Our responsibilities to each other are simple and basic and revolve around the fact that we are in love and only want the best for each other.

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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 3/5/2011 8:12:04 AM

LillyBoPeep

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i like the way you think Aileen. ^_^ (the crawling in stockings and heels thing earns an A+++++ too ^_-)

Oldhen - sure, lots of people who are new get confused because usually the people explaining things to them are confusing it, too. =p and i agree with you -- both are very valuable even though they serve different purposes. i'm glad to see this thread hasn't boiled down to "X is better than Y!" because it's simply another case of neither being "better," just different. different goals, different responsibilities, even though at times there can be overlap.

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