MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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Great thread! As usual, I agree 110% with LadyPact, Her initial post particularly summarised exactly what I would describe as the responsibilities of a Top.
I speak as someone who has Topped, Dominated, bottomed and subbed/slaved so I think I have a reasonable handle on the differences! For Me, Domination and submission go beyond a one-time thing into regular everyday life on some level or another. The responsibilities (of both D and s by the way) are naturally greater for that ... as can be the rewards too (and the heartaches of course!).
As far as Topping (and bottoming) are concerned, I think, as LP said, the Top has responsibility for the equipment, the preparations, what happens during the scene, the safety aspects etc, and for LEADING the negotiations before the scene occurs. The bottom has their own share of responsibility in ensuring the Top they propose to play with appears to be sober, in good control of their faculties, has done the necessary preparation, and has covered all the essentials in the negotiations (activities, limits, who can touch, how sexual it gets and aftercare needs). Now I am speaking here of a bottom who has NO other Dominant or Owner in the picture ... if they did, then that person would share some of that responsibility depending upon the kind of relationship they have. (I think that's where Spirited Radiance was getting a bit hung up all the way back on p.1 ... not every bottom is going to have someone else looking out for them).
For Me, negotiating re aftercare is critical. I would expect to give aftercare as a Top ie I expect to have a blanket on hand, food, water, a quiet space for them to ground in, and for them to accept My presence, cuddles etc. In that it matters not if I only just met them that evening ... once play is over I feel incredibly connected to a person and so cuddling them feels absolutely right. So much so that I have also discovered in Me a NEED to give it. I am NOT happy, satisfied or in a feel-good Top space if the bottom I have just played with doesn't want aftercare and rejects it. So that has to be something that is negotiated beforehand and if the bottom says that from experience they hate aftercare ... the scene doesn't happen, I say thanks but no thanks. I also state from the outset that I will want a scene report within 3 days by phone or email ... to give the bottom due time to process what happened, how they felt, what they especially liked or disliked etc ... and a promise to contact Me sooner should they have any problems with drop (and I have explained about symptoms of that before we play too and repeat it afterwards). So even as a one-time Top I consider My responsibility doesn't end that day, I want and appreciate some degree of follow up. Those debriefings have been a wonderful learning tool for Me over the years.
My preference is to be a Dominant with a 24/7 live in sub, but reality is that isn't possible right now even if I met the right one tomorrow. Whilst travelling, of necessity, the best I can hope for is to Top guys I meet along the way. My responsibility is to be the best damn Top I know how to be and to care for someone who chooses to bottom to Me.
Hope that helps!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
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RE: Responsibilities of a Top? - 
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