RE: self-destructive subs

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RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 11:17:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat
I was wondering if there is anyone else out there like me, who engages in self-destructive behaviors, such as crying fits, suicidal thoughts or mental flagellation, whenever your Master is angry with you, ignores you or tells you he will break up with you?

I find it very difficult when my Master doesn't approve of me in some way. I get very hateful towards myself and it sometimes takes me days to recover from it.

You have scarcely anything about yourself in your profile, so it is difficult to look into your mind.

Cannot the meditation and Tai-Chi that you love bring you the balance you desire?

Is there any uncertainty about the rules of your relationship? About your boundaries and limitations? If there is not and you do not transgress them, how can he be displeased or angry?

Is your master consistent and reliable?

How about focussing on you instead of on him when you become unbalanced? Feel your own strength and rely on that, submerge yourself in your own strength, become your own rock of stability.

Ok. No need to be patronizing. But here's what you're not getting. In my way of looking at things, emotions are an impermanent state of mind. They are fluid and fluctuating. For others, who believe they are ALWAYS depressed, guess what? They are ALWAYS depressed. Therein lies the difference.

As for Tai Chi and meditation, it does bring balance to me 90% of the time. The other 10%, I am stuck. That's all. No big thing about it.

(in reply to Rule)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 11:19:02 AM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

sk

I am going by your responses.

They are defensive.

I suppose given that you may have processing differences, this just may be your form of dialoguing.

I can also see how it would be easy to be defensive over responses that in the majority suggest you might be wrong.
It is a rather natural position to adopt.

But again, this was an issue which you brought here and people gave caring responses.

You suggested (in other words) that perhaps you had over-reacted while in a down mood, and most people were not content to just let it go, because suicidal feelings are "serious".

Instead of feeling picked on however, can you not see that people have responded out of caring?

The world is a pretty small place and more than likely we have know people who have felt suicidal and acted on it, even if they weren't successful.

Certainly some people responded out of caring. Others just want to be patronizing.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 11:29:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

I was wondering if there is anyone else out there like me, who engages in self-destructive behaviors, such as crying fits, suicidal thoughts or mental flagellation, whenever your Master is angry with you, ignores you or tells you he will break up with you?

I find it very difficult when my Master doesn't approve of me in some way. I get very hateful towards myself and it sometimes takes me days to recover from it.

I have already discussed that he takes a serious view of my mental wellness just as he does my physical wellness.

My being self-destructive would not be tolerated.

Taking care of His property is one of my responsibilities; I would certainly never be allowed to damage it.

I am not allowed to ommit things about my thoughts and feelings; that would be deceptive.

I am not an emotionally manipulative person so my telling him thoughts and feelings would not be read that way.
He would see it as a problem that needed solving, and a prompt solution/appropriate intervention would be found.

edit: removal of redundancy/repetition from earlier post.

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 4/23/2011 12:01:13 PM >

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(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 11:31:52 AM

Rule

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quote:

ORIGINAL: coookie
Good comment. I take meds and one day, in my ignorance, i thought i knew better than my doctors and stopped taking them. Later in the hospital i wrote about the true meaning of being "sick" of taking my meds. I have a girlfriend who is bipolar who did the same thing. It was not a good thing there either.

Some antidepressants are broken down into a second stage secondary metabolite that itself causes depression. So when you go off the anti-depressant, there is a build up of the secondary depression causing metabolite in the body that is no longer compensated by the primary anti-depressant metabolite - and then, yes, one does get very much depressed. However, when one persists until the body has also removed the secondary metabolite, then the depression ought to return to the 'normal' condition.

(in reply to coookie)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 11:50:28 AM

Rule

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
For some, depression is a lifetime illness, just like diabetes or lupus or choose your fav illness and insert here________.

Depression may be an illness in some people, like for example post natal depression is.

My own - partly intuitive - take on depression and subs is that depression in their case is not an illness nor a disorder, but the natural - perchance likely even the optimal - state of things, and that it ought not to be medicated. Sure, it sucks, like losing any organ, but the mind is like a see-saw: when one end is down, the other end is up. Do not dwell on your lack, but rather on your strengths.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 11:52:15 AM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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I like those threads when there is quite a few folks here, busy busy thread.

I didnt read it all but I read the OP and to me crying is not a bad thing. It astounds me that it is 2011 and here we are thinking crying is crazy or having a fit.

Self loathing sucks but we all seem to caught in the talons of it, it is an age old problem going so far back we have been born into it for generations. Medication is a route some folks take but I wouldnt, that is me.

It is sometimes hard to surround oneself with folks who are accepting, trustworthy and reliable.

For me, in a partner I would need to feel uplifted and supported by someone I would trust enough to put my heart in their hands let alone any other part of me. It can be very difficult to distinguish whether someone is there for me or for some other reason but I find it imperative to suss this out.

Until then I find it really important to cultivate self love and acceptance, cut myself lots of slack and expect some pretty blessings to cross my path.

I personally need someone I can trust and rely on and that is is no simple feat but well worth the safari.

_____________________________

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(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 11:53:52 AM

Rule

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Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat
here's what you're not getting. In my way of looking at things, emotions are an impermanent state of mind. They are fluid and fluctuating. For others, who believe they are ALWAYS depressed, guess what? They are ALWAYS depressed. Therein lies the difference.

As for Tai Chi and meditation, it does bring balance to me 90% of the time. The other 10%, I am stuck. That's all. No big thing about it.

I do get the impression that you are indeed a submissive.

Cannot your master unstuck you? Perchance by redirecting your attention by some task or mission?

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 11:54:12 AM

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Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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Icy cold, huh? Well you better break out the coat and gloves, because it ain't about to get better.

You are a kid involed, long distance no less, with a guy twice your age alternately miserable and happy that he uses emotional blackmail to be his pimp. He probably told you sex can fix everything, too. Sounds like the musings of a 15 year old boy.

Again, it's your life but the disrespect you have shown to the people who responded with genuine concern is deploarable. You are likely a game to your "master" chosen for your lack of sense that makes you easy to control.

On another post you whine on about wanting to do what you want, see who you want, etc. How often do you even see this "prince" of yours? Because it sounds like you should be sending all those subs you "trained" for him out making you too busy to make the trip anyway.

Honestly, the best thing that could happen to you would be if a family member had you committed for your own good.

As for me, I just wonder how long all these nice meaning, caring people will keep banging their heads against the wall trying to help you. The squeaky wheel may get the grease but you are just wasting their time with your foolishness.

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 12:15:13 PM

Posts: 115
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat
here's what you're not getting. In my way of looking at things, emotions are an impermanent state of mind. They are fluid and fluctuating. For others, who believe they are ALWAYS depressed, guess what? They are ALWAYS depressed. Therein lies the difference.

As for Tai Chi and meditation, it does bring balance to me 90% of the time. The other 10%, I am stuck. That's all. No big thing about it.

I do get the impression that you are indeed a submissive.

Cannot your master unstuck you? Perchance by redirecting your attention by some task or mission?

Sure. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink...

(in reply to Rule)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 12:17:59 PM

Rule

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Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
You are a kid involved, long distance no less, with a guy twice your age alternately miserable and happy that he uses emotional blackmail to be his pimp.

Oops. That is bad. That is not truly a relationship.

Perhaps I ought to read pages 2-5.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 12:28:05 PM

Posts: 115
Joined: 4/9/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

I like those threads when there is quite a few folks here, busy busy thread.

I didnt read it all but I read the OP and to me crying is not a bad thing. It astounds me that it is 2011 and here we are thinking crying is crazy or having a fit.

Self loathing sucks but we all seem to caught in the talons of it, it is an age old problem going so far back we have been born into it for generations. Medication is a route some folks take but I wouldnt, that is me.

It is sometimes hard to surround oneself with folks who are accepting, trustworthy and reliable.

For me, in a partner I would need to feel uplifted and supported by someone I would trust enough to put my heart in their hands let alone any other part of me. It can be very difficult to distinguish whether someone is there for me or for some other reason but I find it imperative to suss this out.

Until then I find it really important to cultivate self love and acceptance, cut myself lots of slack and expect some pretty blessings to cross my path.

I personally need someone I can trust and rely on and that is is no simple feat but well worth the safari.

Thank you Heartcream. I love your attitude and I really feel understood by you, because I can sense your advice and words are genuine. I definitely agree that it's sometimes hard to surround yourself with folks who are accepting, trustworthy and reliable. Most of the time though, I've found that people who are not accepting and judge you for how you think or the lifestyle choices you make, are struggling with similar issues. So they use you as their scapegoat, so that they don't have to look at themselves.

It's kind of like the saying goes, "what we like or dislike in others, is what we like or dislike in ourselves."
I also feel that surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, rather than put you down is very important, whether it's in a relationship with your partner, your family or even on the internet. Actually, I find it easy to tell if someone is trustworthy or not. I just go with my gut feeling. Reading your post, I could feel that you offered genuine advice, free of judgment.
And from the "tone" of your writing, I know that I could trust someone like you as a friend.

(in reply to heartcream)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 12:32:38 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
You are a kid involved, long distance no less, with a guy twice your age alternately miserable and happy that he uses emotional blackmail to be his pimp.

Oops. That is bad. That is not truly a relationship.

Perhaps I ought to read pages 2-5.

Rule, do you really think someone else's negative perceptions and judgments of me and my relationship, truly define what it is?

(in reply to Rule)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 12:43:01 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat
My Master and I are in a long-distance relationship, in which he wants me to train other subs, for him and I (his primary sub).

It seems to me that you have hooked up with a looser. Is your self-worth as low as that?

It seems to me that he has neither the balls nor the wherewithal to win his own girlfriends. (I am an expert in recognizing such loosers, as I am one myself.)

He probably had been fruitlessly plying the internet for years until you had the misfortune to believe his lines.

My advice: Ditch the looser. Find yourself a real MAN in your own town.

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 12:50:00 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
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So, from this point forward, anyone who offers me advice that is anything less than positive and uplifting will be ignored...

(in reply to Rule)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 12:50:10 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
You are a kid involved, long distance no less, with a guy twice your age alternately miserable and happy that he uses emotional blackmail to be his pimp.

Oops. That is bad. That is not truly a relationship.

Perhaps I ought to read pages 2-5.

Rule, do you really think someone else's negative perceptions and judgments of me and my relationship, truly define what it is?

The key term is the two words that I made bold. You are new here, perchance you are new on other such forums as well. I hesitate to estimate how often those words 'long distance' occur in posts about relationship problems in these forums. It is a big red flag.

The perceptions of other people may be worthwile as they may perceive more or other truths than I do, but in this case it was the information that you yourself supplied - i.e. the 'long distance' fact - that I responded to.

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 12:57:17 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat
So, from this point forward, anyone who offers me advice that is anything less than positive and uplifting will be ignored...

Hm, since my advice was positive and uplifting, it being in your best interest, your response indicates a problem of cognition - so far, so good.

Ultimately you are the effector of your own fate. Thus likely the most effective advice must of a necessity be spiritual in nature: be your own self.

My best wishes accompany you. Good luck!

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 12:59:30 PM

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Joined: 3/29/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

So, from this point forward, anyone who offers me advice that is anything less than positive and uplifting will be ignored...

if your relationship is so fucked up that you have to ask online strangers for advice about it, don't expect people to view your relationship in a positive and uplifting light.

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 1:03:25 PM

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Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat

So, from this point forward, anyone who offers me advice that is anything less than positive and uplifting will be ignored...

Well there's a mature and intelligent attitude to take.

a.k.a. the "LA-LA-LA-I-CAN'T-HEAR-YOU!" system. Whatever floats your boat ... it's your train-crash, and you should paint it any colour you want to.

(in reply to subbykat)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 1:03:58 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbykat
So, from this point forward, anyone who offers me advice that is anything less than positive and uplifting will be ignored...

Hm, since my advice was positive and uplifting, it being in your best interest, your response indicates a problem of cognition - so far, so good.

Ultimately you are the effector of your own fate. Thus likely the most effective advice must of a necessity be spiritual in nature: be your own self.

My best wishes accompany you. Good luck!

The advice doesn't have to be spiritual. Go back and read what Aromanholiday and Heartcream wrote. Maybe you'll understand what I mean, maybe you won't. Good luck to you too.

(in reply to Rule)

RE: self-destructive subs - 4/23/2011 1:05:27 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2011
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You know, I can really tell when someone genuinely wants to help and when someone is there to just point the finger and lecture me.

(in reply to subbykat)

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