RE: Why the hesitation to meet?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Why the hesitation to meet?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Why the hesitation to meet?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 1:30:00 AM

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

In person you get such lovely verbiage like:

Hey, can you hand me the spilk and the matula?

or

So when you press this b-b-b-button....

And if you buy now you get an added bonus of:

If you go past the light and turn left you-BUTTERFLY!!!-will find the Cafe on the corner. Welcome!

Typically people don't want another encounter. If those people don't want another encounter because of that then I really want little to do with them.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 1:32:49 AM

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

omg, you're adorable :)

(wait.. where is the baby's arm holding an apple??)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 1:40:08 AM

Posts: 132
Joined: 12/28/2010
Status: offline

I am sure that it is the exception, rather than the rule. But i have met a lot of subs, male and female, who have been through other similar situations that make them more like me than those who want to rush to meet.

(in reply to SexyBossyBBW)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 1:44:53 AM

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

jewel.. "rush to meet" is subjective....

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 1:50:48 AM

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Wow, protodubstep!

Give me the Wah Wahs and the Yips Yips!!

Whatever tactic works for you I guess. Like it has been said... Whatever works.

Ah alliterations and prose.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 9:50:40 AM

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

I agree with divi. I recently wrote a journal entry about this very thing. I figure they feel it's not a good fit, but are too cowardly to just say so. And, of course, there are the fantasy players.

It's not as if I want to meet in a private place. A coffee in a public place that may last only half an hour doesn't sound that dangerous.

(in reply to divi)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 9:58:36 AM

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

jewel.. "rush to meet" is subjective....

It really is. What may be a "snail's pace" to one person might feel like being rushed to another.

It's all about a persons individual comfort level, and how it blends (or doesn't blend) with the person they're speaking to.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 9:58:43 AM

Posts: 23
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

Like Rochsub, I won't chat for long....maybe a week or two at the most. I actually prefer to meet once the basics align. Also, I can't tell if there's chemistry until we meet. I'm not going to waste months chatting with someone only to find out we don't get along in real life. In addition, it's really easy to pretend to be something you're not online. Face to face, I can usually tell if something's not right. So, if someone won't show up for coffee, we're not a good match.

Lady Byste

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 12:02:58 PM

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diana50
I've had many many subs/slaves show a great amount of interest, but when asked to meet in person, or sometimes, even talk on the phone, they make all kinds of excuses.

One question on that: WHY????

D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A ! ! !

That BIG ASS font is the same color as a link. I can't tell you how happy I am that you didn't link us to the giant diarrhea

Ha Ha... yeah, but what does that say about those who would ciick on it if it was a link?!!

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 12:08:23 PM

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet

Some of us have had some very very bad experiences and are cautious or overly so. I've been raped several times and been stalked, had my life threatened by a stalker, so i can say i'm on the overly cautious side most of the time. If you're really interested, though, you'll give us some time to feel comfortable enough to brave it up to meet in public somewhere.

Then there are others who just like to play sub but when it comes down to doing it in real life, they just aren't into it and like the online only games. I think they should be more up front about the situation to begin with, but most think they can't find someone who only wants an online fling, i guess... i don't know

That's just my observations and personal experience and not just from a female perspective because i helped a male sub through a similar situation where he didn't wait as long to meet and didn't listen to his gut and ended up being sodomized by 3 men that weren't supposed to be there at the behest of the Mistress he was interested in. He had to have corrective surgery on his rectum and colon and was in the hospital a bit, then had to attend rape counselling which took a bit of talking to get him to even do. Last i heard he's doing well, but these kinds of things spread among alot of us subs and we hear them and other horror stories and we know we're more vulnerable because of our nature, or at least some of us are, and so we are excruciatingly careful.

that's just my 2 cents

Not to make light of any type of assaults, sexual or otherwise, but, if you have been raped and assaulted several times, you need to maybe look at how you meet people and how you choose which ones to meet.

As for the OP, if I chat with them a couple of times, I say lets meet here for some music or here for some coffee and talk. I do not believe anything until I can look into someones eyes as they say it to me.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 2:45:24 PM

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/18/2010
Status: offline

I'll meet someone if I feel they are genuine, I tend to meet people (for coffee) if I find them interesting, not necessarily as a partner. I'd meet to discuss the lifestyle, local scene, etc -- deliberately with no conversation about plays we could undertake together (and ask that they respect that) -- makes it less stressful and a nice way to meet without the pressure.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 3:05:25 PM

Posts: 132
Joined: 12/28/2010
Status: offline

Are you people really going to play this judgmental shit? Honestly?

a) You don't have the slightest clue of the circumstances of rape or abuse that i have suffered, including my AGE, my race, the reason for the assault or which of the various types of assault i suffered at the hands of whom
b) Since when do victims of assault or abuse ask for it?
c) More than half of all assaults, actually quite a higher number, are committed by someone the person is close to, related to and/or has known for years.
d) Not everyone gets to CHOOSE who they are hanging around and i never said any of them were anytime recent.

btw... over 1/4 of the women and children on this planet are raped every year. Those are estimated statistics, the report rates are substantially low enough to throw off the actual number which is assumed to be much closer to half. Note i included CHILDREN in that. Do they get to choose who they hang around? Do they choose the adults in their lives? No.

So you really should back off me and not tell me what i should and shouldn't evaluate since you have no idea what happened or when.

And no, i'm not defensive, i'm a rightly pissed. This is supposed to be a BDSM community. You don't take things like rape and assault lightly, nor do you make judgments on the victims/survivors.

< Message edited by jewelsthepoet -- 5/14/2011 3:36:50 PM >

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/14/2011 9:10:20 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

No one is judging you. They are judging your over the top, fear-mongering posts.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/15/2011 3:50:49 AM

Posts: 132
Joined: 12/28/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
Not to make light of any type of assaults, sexual or otherwise, but, if you have been raped and assaulted several times, you need to maybe look at how you meet people and how you choose which ones to meet.

That is a judgement against me. Assuming i had some sort of choice in what happened.

Additionally, i've never made an over the top, fear mongering post, i've simply relayed what i have seen and been through, topics i have observed on various submissive and general bdsm sites that encourage submissives to be very cautious and the reasons why. Just because you don't agree with me and don't think that my opinion is valid doesn't make it fear mongering nor does it make them over the top.

You can think whatever you like, but the harsh reality is what it is. Sure, not every meeting is going to end up with something bad happening, but they happen and it's in our best interests to observe, use common sense and take precautions. I've admitted that i'm overly cautious but i have my reasons. Relaying them doesn't make me a fearmongerer, it simply is a sharing of experiences so that people can take things others have gone through in their decisions so maybe they don't have to go through the same things. Had people told me these things when i first started getting involved in the lifestyle, then some things that happened probably wouldn't have.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/15/2011 3:55:47 AM

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

or they might not be what they say they are on their profile. people hide all sorts of things on the internet, i would imagine they live a fantasy here because they can and it makes their fantasy more real for them to talk and share with another human being. but when it comes to crunch time theyre gone.

its sorta happened to me once. this guy came along who seemed so great, we shared so much and we made three or four arrangements to meet and almost at the eleventh hour he suddenly couldnt make it. i still dont know what the problem was for him, but im guessing he was hiding something that would not live up to the scrutiny of real life or the committment of a relationship scared the shite out of him. who knows. we talked on the phone a few times and we got really close, he still messages me from time to time.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/15/2011 6:06:15 AM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Jewels, I saw the movie Bridesmaids yesterday. It is hilarious; I recommend it. I went there with a (legal) teenager who massaged my cock the entire time, and kept whispering in my ear how much she wanted me to Fuck her in the ass. We met six days after we started corresponding on collarme, and three days into our phone conversation, before meeting in real life, she asked me to take control of her orgasms.

How was she in any danger, at any time? What am I going to do, rape her in the middle of the crowded theater? I had to expend energy to appear nonchalant, for Pete's sake. (I did bruise her cleavage pretty well though, ha.) Our first date was lunch on the patio of a cafe outside a major museum. Was she at risk then, with ten thousand people walking by per hour? And yes, she is an abuse survivor, if that even matters.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to lally2)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/15/2011 6:06:54 AM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

Well then i guess that says that you've never been raped, assaulted, or physically threatened or abused.
all those listed and more. it never stopped me from meeting people. those are just excuses not to live. i don't use the internet to meet people, i do that the old fashioned way, in bars, in stores, at work, on the bus, wherever.

hannah lynn

This.

And seriously...........if a person is that scared, they need to be offline dealing with their issues rather than playing around at living, online, leading people along.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/15/2011 7:22:25 AM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

quote:

I've had many many subs/slaves show a great amount of interest, but when asked to meet in person, or sometimes, even talk on the phone, they make all kinds of excuses.

One question on that: WHY????

because they are afraid you might actually be me pretending to be all milk and honey-like.

hannah lynn

_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to Diana50)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/15/2011 7:43:26 AM

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

Jewel,
I feel for you. I really do. Obviously, you've gone through something that was pretty traumatic for you.

However, I think that your extreme caution may be misplaced. As I believe you mentioned earlier, most rape victims are actually raped by someone they know. It's usually a friend, boyfriend, neighbor, relative, etc. It's not typically a stranger that you've met on the internet. Thus, your extreme caution is not likely to prove very effective at its intended goal.

I'd be willing to bet that the number of ladies who have been raped (non-consensually) by someone they've met here on CM is probably negligible. Perhaps non-existent.

Of course, you have to do what best enhances your own peace-of-mind. But talking to someone for six months on the internet before you finally agree to meet them is in no way a deterrent to rape or assault. Frankly, it's much easier for someone to present a false image on-line than it is face-to-face. So you may actually be defeating your own goals (by lulling yourself into a false sense of security).

I can't tell you what to do (and I'm not trying to), but meeting new potential partners at a munch would probably provide far more security than exchanging e-mails for long periods of time will. Most guys would probably be reluctant to rape or assualt someone who they met at a munch. The 20 - 50 members of the local BDSM community who now know what he looks like serves as a bit of a deterrent to that type of thing.

The bottom line is that you can't completely eliminate the possibility of rape or assault. So why let fear prevent you from actually living your life? And that's all it is is fear.

Yes, it is safer to just keep your relationships strictly on-line. Nobody can assault you or rape you over the internet. But if that is your intention, then at least be honest enough to let the other person know that upfront. Most people (myself included) don't appreciate being strung along by someone who thinks it's normal to exchange e-mails for months without ever actually meeting.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/15/2011 7:45:52 AM >

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/15/2011 11:09:19 AM

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jewelsthepoet

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
Not to make light of any type of assaults, sexual or otherwise, but, if you have been raped and assaulted several times, you need to maybe look at how you meet people and how you choose which ones to meet.

Had people told me these things when i first started getting involved in the lifestyle, then some things that happened probably wouldn't have.

Sooooo then it would appear JstAnotherSub's comment seems accurate, and not judgemental.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Why the hesitation to meet?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.203