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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/15/2011 10:31:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Actually, Hannah Lynn, I do give a fuck. That is why I tried to give her a concrete example.
She pissed you off pretty bad. Heh. Did you sound like this a couple years ago?

I couldn't agree more! I stopped responding to jewelsthepoet, because it was clear, she wasn't reading what I said, and was responding from a place of pain, having little to do with this thread in particular. So, I stopped responding, because I'm not a therapist, and don't know how to move her from this place she seems to be stuck in.

I do care, and would never want to make someone suffer more, than he/she already were. M

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"..touching was and still is and always will be the True Revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Only when there are many people who are pools of peace, silence, understanding, will war disappear." -Osho

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/15/2011 10:48:56 PM

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Deleted because you see what you want to see, you read what i write how you want to read it regardless of what i say, so screw it. I'm done with it. I'm sick of this whole thing and tired of being treated like i'm a second rate citizen. I never ignored what anyone wrote, i may have missed the post or didn't read it closely for a variety of reasons, but i am hardly an attention seeking whore.

I have never asked for pity, i have never even asked for empathy and screw sympathy. I have only stated facts on one or two or the situations i have dealt with. I don't need tough love and i'm not speaking from a "place of pain". I don't have any pain worth mentioning that's not physical and i don't need a therapist. Already been there, done that, etc.

So you can think what you like and keep assuming you have an idea of what i'm talking about or what i'm saying even though most of the comments aren't based around what i've actually said but your interpretation of them.

I don't live in fear and i don't have to justify myself voicing caution to anyone. I've never until attacked, said anything remotely derogatory to anyone here and do not deserve to be treated the way i have been. I don't need your bullshit, my life is full of it without some of you on this forum.

I'm not fearful, i'm not one of those online only types and i'm certainly not the pity party type you seem to think i am. You can ask anyone that knows me, though none of them use this site, unfortunately, and if they did, you'd see some people heavily defending me because assumptions have been made about me that are entirely inaccurate and completely based on fantasy. Citing caution doesn't make one fearful, and giving examples doesn't mean one is crying out for attention.

It seems that my so much as posting is crying out for attention so i'm seriously debating whether i will continue on the forums.

As far as BDSM communities just being regular people with some kinks, perhaps, but i've been involved in several groups over the years, they were hardly the judgemental, rude types that some people on here have presented themselves to be. There was actually a community feel and spirit to it, even on sites like alt.com. People treat each other with respect until they show they don't deserve it. However, here, it seems the opposite. Treat someone like shit and see if they stick around, then maybe we'll treat them like they're worth something.

This does NOT apply to everyone by any stretch of the imagination and this certainly isn't about attention. It's about my being sick of being badgered for things that were not said the way they were distorted to sound and being berated repeatedly for having an opinion.... on 2 total topics out of the several i've posted on.

10 years ago, maybe some of the things you've said about me would have been more accurate. If the same were true now, i wouldn't be out meeting people, talking to strangers day in and out looking for work outside of the home and socializing with random people i run into in stores.

< Message edited by jewelsthepoet -- 5/15/2011 11:12:59 PM >

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 3:34:07 AM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
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quote:

No, i don't care if you like me or not. But if you don't like what i post, there's this little thing called a block button. Use it or quit bitching, because treating me like i'm trash doesn't make me trash. How you treat other people reflects on yourself, not on the person you're aiming it at.

if you don't want to read what people think about your posts, don't fucking post. until then i'll bitch all i want to.

hannah lynn

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i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 4:11:56 AM

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quote:

its called tough love, ma vieux morte, i'm sure you've heard of it. somebody needs to tell her the truth. if everybody is all "oh poor baby" to her she'll never get past it and it will fuck up the rest of her life. she needs a reality check. she needs to pick herself up and stop letting something some sick fuck did to her ruin her life and her world.

you go ahead hug her and tell her its terrble and how sorry you are for her, your just an enabler, you're just holding her back and preventing her from healing. you're the one keeping her down. i'm telling her how to get back on her feet so she won't be down to be kicked anymore.

I didn't see the other thread and it sounds like it's been pulled so can only comment on what happened on this thread.

I'm reading that you genuinely to want to help, but when you go about it in such a confrontational way, the receiver gets defensive and all your words are blocked and useless. I think someone needs to establish rapport or authority before giving tough love.

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 10:05:49 AM

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Using fast reply....

Hannah Lynn types much the same way I do, very similarly to the way I think. Within my own personal life, my communication style has upset, and even alienated, more than a few people. I suspect she has experienced similar reactions a time or two.

Speaking for myself, I will not change who I am, or how I think, to become more palatable to a broader audience. I am who I am. If you cannot see beyond the sometimes abrasive nature of my words, then you do not need or deserve to see the sweet squishy creme filling inside.

Those that are in my life, that have braved the briar patch to get to the inner sanctum, appreciate the honesty and knowledge that I will always speak my mind with them. They appreciate that, I don't pussy foot around the truth, as I see it. They appreciate that, as harsh as I can be, when it is what they do not want to hear, it is all the sweeter when it is words of love and encouragement because it is ALL from the heart, with no hidden agenda.

As for the OP and ensuing sparring match. Some people create an entire identity out of victimhood. Our culture seems to do an excellent job of encouraging that. I haven't any tolerance for that mindset and I get the feeling that Hannah Lynn doesn't either.

The question remains, which fosters growth and recovery.......overly coddling or pushing the chick out of the nest, so to speak? Perhaps a bit of both. Perhaps there is something good in the balance to be found in the middle. Coddle too long and they absolutely will have to be shoved out into that big scary world. The danger in the coddling lies in the fact that it often times, does not give the chick the necessary tools needed to survive leaving that secure nest of coddling. Then you become a life time victim. Still blaming something/one from the past, when the truth is, you are your own victim. Caught fast in the identity of that.

Using the actions of a few, to create your own cage of fear, of being a victim, is to me, as much an abusive act as the initial act/s. The only difference is that we do it to ourselves. It doesn't have to be that way. Those of us that have fought it, and come out the other side, often times get angry and frustrated at seeing the prisons others are creating for themselves, the identity of VICTIM.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/16/2011 10:08:28 AM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 10:27:19 AM

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LaT: I tend to prefer the middle ground balance. I'm not a fan of extreme harshness, nor of coddling, either. I do find it interesting that when I (a non-coddler) comment on what I find is too harsh, the reaction is to discuss coddling. Maybe it's human nature to compare opposites or to defend by bringing up the opposite extreme. I realize we're all different in our approaches to others. I tend to offer some suggestions and if I see they're not being heeded or considered, I move on, figuring that person still has things to work out before they can be ready for such suggestions.

While you can indeed be abrupt in some of your posts, I don't see you doing so, following by repeatedly announcing you don't "give a fuck" how other people feel about what you've said. If you did that, I'd suspect you did give a fuck, too.

Or maybe I just don't notice because I tend to agree with most of what you say, lol.

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 10:53:23 AM

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Using fast reply....

Hannah Lynn types much the same way I do, very similarly to the way I think. Within my own personal life, my communication style has upset, and even alienated, more than a few people. I suspect she has experienced similar reactions a time or two.

Speaking for myself, I will not change who I am, or how I think, to become more palatable to a broader audience. I am who I am. If you cannot see beyond the sometimes abrasive nature of my words, then you do not need or deserve to see the sweet squishy creme filling inside.

Those that are in my life, that have braved the briar patch to get to the inner sanctum, appreciate the honesty and knowledge that I will always speak my mind with them. They appreciate that, I don't pussy foot around the truth, as I see it. They appreciate that, as harsh as I can be, when it is what they do not want to hear, it is all the sweeter when it is words of love and encouragement because it is ALL from the heart, with no hidden agenda.

As for the OP and ensuing sparring match. Some people create an entire identity out of victimhood. Our culture seems to do an excellent job of encouraging that. I haven't any tolerance for that mindset and I get the feeling that Hannah Lynn doesn't either.

The question remains, which fosters growth and recovery.......overly coddling or pushing the chick out of the nest, so to speak? Perhaps a bit of both. Perhaps there is something good in the balance to be found in the middle. Coddle too long and they absolutely will have to be shoved out into that big scary world. The danger in the coddling lies in the fact that it often times, does not give the chick the necessary tools needed to survive leaving that secure nest of coddling. Then you become a life time victim. Still blaming something/one from the past, when the truth is, you are your own victim. Caught fast in the identity of that.

Using the actions of a few, to create your own cage of fear, of being a victim, is to me, as much an abusive act as the initial act/s. The only difference is that we do it to ourselves. It doesn't have to be that way. Those of us that have fought it, and come out the other side, often times get angry and frustrated at seeing the prisons others are creating for themselves, the identity of VICTIM.

Beautifully stated, and I so agree with the entire post, I could have written it myself (though w/o Lat's admitted elegance.)

Hannah is young, but I can tell from her posts she's been through and had to process a great deal in her short life.Yeah, she's feisty. Yeah, you know exactly where you stand with her. I'll take her style over the whiners and manipulators any day of the week.

BTW: The last statement was not directed at anyone in particular. But if the shoe fits let me know, I have it's mate in my closet somewhere.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 2:52:57 PM

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deleted cause i'm sick of this shit

< Message edited by jewelsthepoet -- 5/16/2011 3:20:46 PM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 3:09:37 PM

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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It is interesting that you typed this...

Ok, this is the last time i'm responding to anything on this threat.

I wasn't even necessarily posting with regards to you. I don't know what your issues are and unfortunately, with all the argumentative drama you post, I do not really give a damn. I was more addressing a side topic that popped up.

Based upon your posts, I think therapy is a good idea for you. And I do NOT mean that in a snarky combative way. Just an observation.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to jewelsthepoet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 3:13:11 PM

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I have been repeatedly raped...But I am hanging in there till I find, "The One!"

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 3:42:47 PM

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Domiguy, thanks for your contribution. I think your attitude should be emulated!!

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 4:06:09 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Yourmalepet

I think that for the most part, guys who say they are submissive are really online "online" submissive. When push comes to shove, they don't really want to be in a femdom relationship, and so it's easier to wank and run.

This. True, true, true. So if I'm interested in someone's profile I get them on the phone as quickly as possible, then to a face-to-face meeting if that goes well. Doing it that way eliminates about 98% of time-wasters, wankers, and other dubious ne'er-do-wells.

(in reply to Yourmalepet)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 4:45:04 PM

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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fast reply:

Some of the posts on this thread take the view that even if you have to be brutally honest at least you are honest. Honesty doesn't have to be brutal.

As far as the question from the OP... I find that if many people are treating me in a similar way (whether it is a good way or a bad way) it is perhaps something I am doing that is causing it. If you are having trouble finding men that will meet you it is either the men you are drawn to, or you are sending off the wrong vibe. In my experience if people were not interested in meeting it became rather obvious quickly. The line of how long I would be willing to wait and see depends on how far away they are, and how busy both of us are. If they live a distance (over two hours) it could take a while. If they are local, well then excuses wear thin real fast and I just move on

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(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 5:05:50 PM

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quote:

Some people create an entire identity out of victimhood. Our culture seems to do an excellent job of encouraging that. I haven't any tolerance for that mindset and I get the feeling that Hannah Lynn doesn't either.

I'm not saying this is relevant for anyone in these forums, but Caroline Myss has an excellent book "Why People Don't Heal and How They Can." The first part of the book addresses your point above.

Here's the first chapter: http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/m/myss-heal.html

Myss's books were quite helpful to my when I became ill with a condition not treatable by conventional medicine.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 5:19:02 PM

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Thanks for the link

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/16/2011 6:17:46 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Diana50

I've had many many subs/slaves show a great amount of interest, but when asked to meet in person, or sometimes, even talk on the phone, they make all kinds of excuses.

One question on that: WHY????

Welcome to Collarme.
In your 2 weeks of being on this site, you have had many many subs/slaves
show interest in you. Further along in this thread, you mention that you have met
quite a few already. My thoughts are that you could possibly be focussing more
on quantity as opposed to quality, and perhaps the people that at first showed
interest got a sense of that.

In all fairness, you state in your own profile that you will not meet anyone in private
until you feel it is safe and comfortable to do so. I'm guessing thats the same reason
the many many subs/slaves have chosen in deciding not to meet you.

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(in reply to Diana50)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/17/2011 6:34:22 AM

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LaT comes across as blunt. HL comes across as deliberately malicious a great deal of the time. There's a difference.

As far as fear goes, it's a damn good thing. We recommend a book called The Gift of Fear quite often here, usually to men who don't understand why women won't get near them.

Now, we've offered concrete reasons to the op as to why men won't meet her. But we haven't talked much about emotional conflicts. Men are taught to be assertive, even aggressive. They're supposed to be in charge. Think about how difficult it is for someone who's been told to be in charge for 30 or more years to do exactly the opposite. To submit instead. To roll over and expose the belly and the throat knowing they may be ripped out. It takes a lot of strength to risk this. And all too often, when people first submit, or first try to, strength is not the position they are coming from.

I have to wonder if the OP is expecting newbies to act like those with ten years of experience. And not addressing their unspoken fears directly.

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(in reply to poise)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/17/2011 3:46:09 PM

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quote:

The Gift of Fear

Read the first chapter free: http://www.amazon.com/Other-Survival-Signals-Protect-Violence/dp/0440508835/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1305672094&sr=1-1

Last fall, I had drinks with someone I'd been talking to online for a week or so. I got a bad feeling about him. It wasn't anything I could put my finger on, and it was awkward telling him I didn't want to see him again (which I did later, via email.) I'm glad I had the bad experience in August because it taught me to listen to my gut and I believe has prevented REALLY bad experiences.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 5/17/2011 3:53:32 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/17/2011 3:50:44 PM

Arpig

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quote:

HL comes across as deliberately malicious a great deal of the time.

She does warn you in her sig...just saying.

I actually find her refreshingly honest about how she feels about things. I prefer her style to shilly shallying and sugar coating things, just say what you think and fuck the way others may take it...but then again I did live down in P&R for a few years.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/18/2011 12:41:52 PM

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HA... I just noticed this...

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

hannah lynn (i type in black and i'm an asshole)

ROTFLMAO... that's fantastic!!!

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(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

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