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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/18/2011 3:23:56 PM

subbykat

Posts: 115
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Diana50

I've had many many subs/slaves show a great amount of interest, but when asked to meet in person, or sometimes, even talk on the phone, they make all kinds of excuses.

One question on that: WHY????

You know why...because their computer is their security blanket.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/19/2011 9:59:05 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Some people create an entire identity out of victimhood. Our culture seems to do an excellent job of encouraging that.

Word.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Domiguy, thanks for your contribution. I think your attitude should be emASCulated!!

FTFY :-)

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/19/2011 11:07:21 AM

EclipseAbove

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To the OP:

The bottom line is making excuses = bullshit. People can dress it up however they want, but if it is an excuse, they are bullshit and not worth wasting your time on.

Don't get me wrong. Someone who says "Gee, I'd like to talk on the phone twice before meeting" or something similar isn't making excuses. Of course, if you then meet the criteria and suddenly there are new criteria, then they're bullshit (there are exceptions to this).

People who have legitimate reasons for why they can't meet, should either 1. not have a profile or 2. state in their profile what the deal is or 3. state what the deal is when it becomes relevant (like when the topic of meeting in person comes up). I've seen plenty of profiles that clearly state "online only", "I'm married and cheating", etc.

As for WHY?? Fear. Fear of being rejected for something. Fear of bad things happening. Fear of you finding out that they've mislead you or lied to you. Fear of <insert your favorite thing here>.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/23/2011 10:55:20 AM

couldbemage

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FR

I read this forum on my phone, and because of that, I only see the meat of posts unless I scroll over to check on who's writing.

So when I read lockit's post I expected to see a new account when I looked at the author.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/24/2011 8:17:05 AM

magdalaina

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Joined: 4/29/2011
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Fear is my major reason for hesitancy. The posts referring to rape are very telling ones. While it has not happened to me, I have one friend lying in the cemetary for an incautious meeting which at the time seemed quite above board.
Then there is personal insecurity. I confess to that. I fear if you see me you will be displeased and I am a pleaser.

Yes there are gamers and those who want marriage or only want online. I have been accused of some of that for my caution. That it is not the case will be revealed to the one who takes me slowly by the hand and makes me feel trust for them. It would seem in a country where slavery is outlawed and submission is it's replacement a slave has this luxury, until she is owned. These are just my thoughts. As usual I can be wrong...I was once...*laughs*. m

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/24/2011 8:40:25 AM

Iamsemisweet

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I think it always pays to check people out before meeting. A google search, or a pipl search at a minimum. Sometimes I think it is even worth using one of the paid search engines, although I have had mixed results. Property and court records are usually public, and are sometimes widely available on line, depending upon the county. You can tell a lot about someone from their divorce records, as well as their criminal history. If their previous relationships have all ended in restraining orders, I am definitely not interested. Just because I have concerns about financial exploitation, I also usually check bankruptcy filings also.
Do I sound cynical? Probably, but I don't care. Better safe than sorry.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/24/2011 8:51:26 AM

BonesFromAsh

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quote:

ORIGINAL: magdalaina

While it has not happened to me, I have one friend lying in the cemetary for an incautious meeting which at the time seemed quite above board.

I'm sorry to read that your friend met with an unfortunate end, however, I'm curious to know what you mean by "incautious".

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/24/2011 8:59:08 AM

Lockit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: couldbemage

FR

I read this forum on my phone, and because of that, I only see the meat of posts unless I scroll over to check on who's writing.

So when I read lockit's post I expected to see a new account when I looked at the author.

LOL Is that so? Gee, whatever could you mean by that?

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/24/2011 8:59:18 AM

magdalaina

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I have great difficulty getting names from those here. You cannot check them out without names. And that would be a desired thing for sure.
Is it that legitimate folks will give their names and those who are not will not?

To Bones from ash..inre: "I'm sorry to read that your friend met with an unfortunate end, however, I'm curious to know what you mean by "incautious"."

Answer:She did not do much online visiting before allowing herself to meet this person and the place was not public enough perhaps.

< Message edited by magdalaina -- 5/24/2011 9:02:16 AM >

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/24/2011 9:18:26 AM

BonesFromAsh

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quote:

ORIGINAL: magdalaina

I have great difficulty getting names from those here. You cannot check them out without names. And that would be a desired thing for sure.
Is it that legitimate folks will give their names and those who are not will not?

Though not addressed to me, I'll respond anyway.
The majority of men I've met from CM...both D and s type...have not only shared their names, but in a few cases, their business/contact info/websites. Whether or not that makes them more "legitimate" is neither here nor there. It did, however, make them more real as an individual looking to connect with another.

quote:

To Bones from ash..inre: "I'm sorry to read that your friend met with an unfortunate end, however, I'm curious to know what you mean by "incautious"."

Answer:She did not do much online visiting before allowing herself to meet this person and the place was not public enough perhaps.

It would seem that poor judgement is a problem for some folks. Again, I'm sorry this happened to your friend, but it doesn't change my opinon of meeting a person early on (and very much in public) instead of drawing out the online chat and fantasy.

Just my $.02, though.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 5/24/2011 9:20:15 AM >

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/24/2011 10:47:33 AM

LaTigresse

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Anyone that I have communicated with for any length of time ends up knowing my full name, and where I work. They are free to use that information to check further but it would be a helluva lot easier to ask me.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 5/24/2011 11:35:19 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Anyone that I have communicated with for any length of time ends up knowing my full name, and where I work. They are free to use that information to check further but it would be a helluva lot easier to ask me.

The same here. They have more than enough information to run background checks, check me out on Vanilla sites like Facebook and other places.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 7/11/2011 9:16:50 PM

Diana50

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WOW! I come back to find this thread has created a life of it's own!

I appreciate all the comments and opinions ... and to add, since my OP, I've finally started meeting more subs, I just had to slow down and choose quality over quantity, just as one of the posters noted here.

Thanks everyone ...

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 7/11/2011 9:34:38 PM

atursvcMaam

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There are.perhaps, as many reasons as there are people. some examples might be:
The sub has a life you may be yet unaware of, and you becoming real might create difficulties(with a wife, SO, family or whatever your imagination might work up) it is safer, or easier, sometimes to maintain the fantasy and not let reality prove that one sounds like donald duck, or foghorn leghorn, and/or that one side or another is not quite what they had presented. In my case it was always a level of trust or straight out cowardice on my part. No great excuses, shear panic. When i became able to overcome that, things tended to work out well. I will say that my fear has been equally as strong with vanilla online meetings as it has with lifestyle online meetings.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 7/11/2011 10:36:48 PM

erieangel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

hahaha that is funny -- guys do it too, yanno =p
either one-liners from reader's digest or men's health, or "so what kinda sex stuff do you do" =p

I can't count the number of emails I get with that exact line on another site. My response always is: if it isn't in my profile, I'm not prepared to discuss it with a stranger and then I change the subject. Many of the best convos I've had are from guys who see my POV. Unfortunately, I tend to attract a lot of younger guys--nice for emails but I'm not prepared to date somebody my son's age.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 7/19/2011 7:03:55 PM

Unshriven

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I've run into the same thing. My suggestion is usually coffee or something else public to just chat. It's frustrating when you get the slave who describes you exactly, you exchange messages and she's thrilled as punch and you go to meet and she closes her account. If you advertise as "wanting a real time, TPE slave position" and can't even meeting publicly, that's a big load of BS

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 7/19/2011 8:18:17 PM

JanahX

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I cant tell you how many times I have met someone at a coffee house and when they walk up ... my brain is just screaming -----> F U C K ! ! ! !

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 7/19/2011 8:25:19 PM

MastaYeti

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

I cant tell you how many times I have met someone at a coffee house and when they walk up ... my brain is just screaming -----> F U C K ! ! ! !

This forum needs a like button, for I like this.

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RE: Why the hesitation to meet? - 7/20/2011 1:49:30 AM

DarlingInLace

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I'm not actually looking for a relationship right now but even if I was meeting people is hard for me. I'm very, very shy and quiet when I first meet someone. And I'm usually shy and quiet for a few meetings until I get to know someone better. I also love to please people and when I meet someone for the first time I'm always really nervous they won't like me. I often blush and look at the floor during the first few times I meet them. And after I over think everything and start to worry the person didn't like me at all. Meeting someone for me (with me being so shy anyway) is a pretty big deal as it means lots of discomfort. Even a short meeting will leave me worried and nervous...even after we've parted ways.

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