Focus50
Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued
Your submissive is continuously choosing. She chooses to be with you. She chooses to allow you to do the things you do to her. She presumably appreciates who you are and trusts your personage. These choices are ongoing and not, as some BDSM psychology purports, one-time choices.
Well yeah, but I'm not going to get bogged down with what I called "newbie dynamics" in response to LadyConstanze, when she virtually tried to reinvent the D/s wheel on "choices". Me, if I'm having sex with my sub, we're in a committed relationship rather than being some Dom and sub who just met. That means we've worked through most of the basic personal and D/s relationship framework about limits, likes and dislikes etc.
So she really only has a choice to leave; to end the relationship. There are many other things she won't be in a position of having to choose because I won't put her there - because we've taken the time to build a mutually fulfilling relationship.
So no, she doesn't make ongoing choices per se'; that if I wanna bend her over for doggie sex, for example, her "permission" is always implied virtue of her choosing to be in a greater D/s relationship with me. I'm no bush lawyer; I don't try and trap her with her own words. If she or we are having problems, we default to equal adults and work it out.
quote:
Just to be topical, I especially appreciate the view and variety of mutual pleasure options from the "doggie-style" position so I might do things to entice my domme's desire this way - that is... given that I know she enjoys this. Is she aware I'm flirting to push her "yes, I need that NOW" buttons? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't really care whether she's cognisant or not, though it's likely, if we know each other well, that we each know what pushes specific sexual buttons in the other. What I'm mostly focused on is supporting my partner's dominance and on helping us enjoy each other. To do this, I frequently make choices in reaction to my domme and to initiate discussions/activities with my domme.
You're a brave man in responding to *this* topic. All the detractors wanna believe I'm only asking about troll-feeding doggie-sex when I'm more interested in the power dynamics of a particularly primal sexual act.
Celeste (DesFip) gave her fem/sub's perspective, which was pretty much complementing of my own male/dom experience and that the male is in the physically dominant position over the female anyway, regardless of D/s lifestyle dynamics. All I ever wanted to know was how Dommes overcame that physically disadvantaged position. LadynTrainer was particularly insightful and (given what's ultimately unfolded) while I can understand how the average male/sub has been reluctant to post what would be a similar perspective, it is interesting that you don't see a (physical) power position at all and focus on what pleases your overall dominant partner.
quote:
In my own version of this, my headspace is likely different than yours and my domme's headspace may be different than yours too. But, the result is the same. My domme and I are communicating, meeting each other's needs, and getting our own needs met.
If you recognise that in a primal and physical sense, the male is in a dominant position, then yes, your male/sub and complementing Domme's headspace would be very different to mine and that of my fem/sub's. I think the result is the same sexually but not the power dynamics that controlled the act.
Thankyou,
Focus.
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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>
Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)
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RE: Dommes and Doggy-style. - 
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