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-=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 8:23:20 AM   
ResidentSadist


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So there I was in a moment of passionate spontaneity, the ropes, whips and willing slave strewn about the bed from a healthy row that has me worked up pretty good.  The only thing that could slake my lust at this point would be the right proper application of some violent anal domination/penetration.  Flipping open the lovely hand carved accessories box that is conveniently located within arms reach of the bed, I discover the anal lube is empty . . . nary a drop to be had.  My little head starts arguing with my big head . . . the topic of conflict is whether I care if this wench tears open bleeding and runs off in the morning never to return.  “Just fuck her dry, blood will eventually lube things up” . . . but alas, the consequence is probably never to use that ass again. 

Most of my bathroom products have fragrance or other additives in them.  Fortunately for everhope, I recalled the rule of thumb, "if you can eat it, you can shove it in their ass."  I thought of all the stuff in the kitchen that might lube things up enough so this wasn’t our last passionate encounter, nor would it end by rushing her off for medical attention afterwards.  I took the high road, determined that applying some anal lube would be incredibly considerate . . . polite even.  I headed for the kitchen not the bathroom.

Standing naked in the middle of the kitchen with a raging hard on, I recall there are no sticks of butter so I can’t pull off the Marlon Brando scene from last Tango in Paris.  I look through the cupboard and see several liquid options, olive oil, canola oil, sesame oil and regular vegetable oil.  All those oils seemed rather messy alternatives.  I could imagine the sloppy oils running all over the place and wrecking my bed.  It made me yearn for that old fashioned can of Criso you could dip your fingers into and apply exactly where you wanted it . . . melts in the ass, not the hand. 

I’ve been in the kitchen at least 5 or 10 seconds now . . . being anally polite only lasts so long ya’ know.  Pretty soon my inner beast will take over and it won’t matter if everhope’s screams are of pain, pleasure or just yelling for someone, anyone to call 911 because she is being anally destroyed.  As thoughts of the consequences verses wrecking the bed with sloppy cooking oil play out in my mind, there it is, way in the back of the cupboard . . . the Holy Grail of improvisational lube, the WD40 of Heaven’s Gate, a can of PAM (spray cooking oil).

The spray sticks where you aim it.  It applies a nice thin coat and you can aim it right into the asshole.  15 long seconds after I first left a slave splayed out on my bed, I returned with a can of PAM and now I am happily burying my body parts deep in her ass. 

PAM . . . the other anal lube.

Just sayin’


A note about why I didn’t use anything with fragrance or possible irritants.  Despite the rule of thumb, “if you can eat it you can put it in your ass”, the anal passage is much more sensitive than taking something orally.  You can probably drink a pint of liquor, but if pour it in your ass you very well may die of alcohol poisoning.  Same with things like coffee or tea. 

When it comes time for some good ol’ anal domination and penetration, have you found a good alternative lube other than “spit and pray”?


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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 8:38:22 AM   
windchymes


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And food won't stick.....even digested food

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 8:49:32 AM   
crazyml


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I've used Mayo in extremis

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 8:53:12 AM   
gungadin09


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Great. Just great.

pam

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 9:09:18 AM   
xssve


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Spit works, though I have a waterproof bed cover for messy scenes.

And a pint of liquor? A shot of alcohol can give you alcohol poisoning, administered anally, since it enters directly into the bloodstream.

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 9:13:57 AM   
ResidentSadist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
I've used Mayo in extremis

Innovative idea - mayo is mostly oil.

I can see it catching on . . . slaves all slathered in mayo, Dom/mes trying to catch them like a greased pig contests.  The prize is penetrating their lubed orifices.  Sounds like a good party game.  Eventually there will be a vanilla version at adult-mayo-games.com with live cams in a house full of college girls that are slathered in mayo. 



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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 9:21:04 AM   
mefisto69


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i Always keep a tub of Crisco handy for such emergency situations

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 9:21:20 AM   
crazyml


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Yeah, I like the way you're going with that, brother.

And... throw in some boiled new potatoes and you can stop for a nice snack partway through... I'm getting "win-win" from this idea personally.

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 10:23:07 AM   
HeatherMcLeather


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No, but both Crisco and PAM are on my grocery list now. I really don't like it dry, and this is one of those moments when its a good thing the groceries are my responsibility :)

Actually now that I think about it, we did once use some congealed fat from a roast ham. It worked fine, but for some reason Hanners kept wanting a sandwich whenever I was near her afterwards.



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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 10:24:24 AM   
littlewonder


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lube? never heard of it

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 10:34:03 AM   
crazyml


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Not a kosher household then ;-)

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 10:35:56 AM   
crazyml


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ED for misreading of post

<I am a jackass>

< Message edited by crazyml -- 6/1/2011 10:36:38 AM >


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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 11:42:26 AM   
ResidentSadist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather
. . . for some reason Hanners kept wanting a sandwich whenever I was near her afterwards.

Funny . . . I also felt the same way when I first saw your profile. 




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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 12:31:39 PM   
popularDemand


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spit

pD

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 1:44:03 PM   
DeviantMan


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margarine, the soft kind... I'd say butter too, but it needs to soften before it can really lube. Oh, and olive oil...I love using olive oil.
You can add a pinch of salt and pepper too, and simmer them on semen sauce afterwards... makes an epic Hannibal Lecter dinner.

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 1:54:53 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


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LOL... Love this post! I used to keep a spare play comforter handy in the event it was an oil night. Sure that damn thing was stained up from all kinds of oils, even after it had been washed several times. I love messy sliding down and slathering between the cheeks of the ASS. Hell, I get off on Messy like this it ain't funny at times. Can be a bit of a bitch on the skin at times, not always easy to clean off afterwards. All depends upon what you use.

The scented stuff, I ditched out on a long long as time ago. I resorted to slathering up her breasts and the moment my tongue went around those nipples. Yucky Poo Poo! I went for the bathroom hitting up the mouthwash and toothpaste to no avail in getting that dreadful mouth numbing taste out of it. Sure it looked hot as hell seeing those glistening nipples and rubbing my hands around playing... the whole experience of having it in my mouth. I was convinced it was nothing to be entering any orifice of the human body.





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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 2:09:00 PM   
BurntKitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mefisto69

i Always keep a tub of Crisco handy for such emergency situations

That's what your wife said, too.

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 2:33:50 PM   
ThundersCry


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*marks it down* The Resident had a kind moment! -L-
One must consider his bed...I agree....

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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 3:09:26 PM   
ResidentSadist


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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantMan
margarine, the soft kind... I'd say butter too, but it needs to soften before it can really lube. Oh, and olive oil...I love using olive oil.
You can add a pinch of salt and pepper too, and simmer them on semen sauce afterwards... makes an epic Hannibal Lecter dinner.

A chunk of cold butter slipped into a hot ass melts rather quickly.   A whole stick of butter acts as both lube and a dilator as a good warm up and foreplay. 
 


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RE: -=OOOOPs . . . no anal lube=- - 6/1/2011 3:14:02 PM   
DeviantMan


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hmmmmmm... frozen butter dildos... now that's inspiration... *salutes*

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