Why does everyone ask this?

Why does everyone ask this? (Full Version)

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XxAnthaxX -> Why does everyone ask this? (6/2/2011 11:48:10 AM)
I am a switch, and always have been, but I always get asked whether I'm more sub or domme. Why does everyone ask this? If I was more one or the other I would put that as my role.

DeviantMan -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/2/2011 12:33:19 PM)
It's based on the concept , or mindset if you like, that people have regarding the clarity of roles. Our vanilla background dictates much of our BDSM definition, which is pretty much why... Switch-toSwitch though, I will have to ask you... when you let go control, you are jumping on the "sub" side.... are you not? Or, vice versa, claiming control. It's a 50-50 with a 25% jumping towards either side, depending on the mood, and the momentary impulse.

XenoMaster -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/3/2011 4:26:37 PM)
I am more one then the other but still put switch. I think it's a fair question but it is not usually what the person asking is looking to find out. Usually what the questioner is really asking is: "Do you think you would be more dom or sub for me?"

XxAnthaxX -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/3/2011 4:28:01 PM)
I wouldn't be anything for most of the people who ask me XD

Madame4a -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/3/2011 4:33:22 PM)
I've had several switches in my life.. and that's what they are.. even if they spend most of their time being strictly one thing or another.. I'm not a switch.. my boi is a switch.. so you'd likely think that she's MORE a boy/bottom/submissive etc.. than anything else.. she's still a switch. I don't think anyone is completely 50/50... in fact, I've never met one that was.. and I've almost always had a switch as a partner... if you're more one than another.. you can still call yourself switch... its not about percentages.. its about who you are

XenoMaster -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/3/2011 4:35:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: XxAnthaxX I wouldn't be anything for most of the people who ask me XD I don't know. It's kind of a compliment much of the time. When doms and subs interact with switches they want to know what the switch would do with them. It's a waste of time seeking a relationship with a switch if you're a sub and because of your age/looks/whatever the switch would want to sub for you. I admit it is an awkward way to ask.

XxAnthaxX -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/3/2011 4:38:21 PM)
But I put on my profile that I am only looking for friends and other switches...

XenoMaster -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/3/2011 4:46:27 PM)
Oh, well in that case I would feel free to either ignore them or politely decline to answer and point out that your lack of interest in them is spelled out in your profile. Also point out that friendships generally don't start with discussing sexual preferences so don't balk if they argue that they just wanted to be friends. Or, if you're feeling bored go for the comedy option and start in with the most insane kink things you can think of that you will do/have done to you by the person. When you start telling the sub that you have always wanted to live out your vore fantasy for real they should run away.

XxAnthaxX -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/3/2011 4:49:08 PM)
I always have enjoyed sending messages like that. I can also be quite the snarky bitch when I want to, but I only do that when people are rude, or blatently disregard my profile.

XenoMaster -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/3/2011 5:11:20 PM)
When I get mail that annoys or offends me I know I try to have fun with them. It's the least they can do in exchange for annoying me.

orchid77 -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/3/2011 6:41:50 PM)
I believe the question stems from others who really don't respect what a switch is- sometimes dominant and sometimes submissive. Also you have those who ask this question to see if they can manipulate you in becoming more of a sub or dominant. So it is about agenda. Which goes to my first statement they don't respect what a switch really is- sometimes sub and sometimes dominant..

scarletsubbie -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/7/2011 10:12:08 PM)
(non switch thought) Could the issue for the asker be that you exist outside their binary? Can they just not really get it? I get that as a bisexual all.the.time. I think that their question (on bi) is also part "which do you enjoy more?" I do think many WANT to get it, to understand. (and some are boneheads, but that is life)

Sunny27 -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/26/2011 11:48:24 AM)
Ok I'll tell you I did a quiz 3 years ago and I'm a switch too I am only ever my masters sub/slave and sometimes I do get to play with another girl and spank her or flog her. I have no problem saying that I'm more submissive than dominant! But hey there are some that are the opposiste and some just don't see a difference!Hope that helps!

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/28/2011 4:14:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orchid77 I believe the question stems from others who really don't respect what a switch is- sometimes dominant and sometimes submissive. Also you have those who ask this question to see if they can manipulate you in becoming more of a sub or dominant. So it is about agenda. Which goes to my first statement they don't respect what a switch really is- sometimes sub and sometimes dominant.. I think there is also an implied prejudice that a switch will not be a good sub or a good dom/me, and should just "stick to other switches." Not all of us can switch with the same person or even want to. I know when I was looking for a dominant, as soon as I put the switch word out there, assumptions were made. (Heck, that's even happened on this board). The assumption seems to be a switch will always challenge you, will never really be obedient, will be constantly manipulative, and will on some level always be trying to top you. This is nonsense, but people seem to believe it, and I have given some thought as to why. My thoughts are that switches, knowing both sides, do not (as a rule) put up with a great deal of domly BS. They know a good dom when they see one, and can easily spot those who are not dominant enough for them. (This doesn't mean that person may not be a great dominant for someone else, but a switch does need great leadership.) The switches I have known tend to be a totally pussycat once they decide to submit to someone. Until then, yeah they can be a challenge. But just about every switch I have been involved with has been worth the challenge. As for a switches' dom/me side, again there is an inherent prejudice that they cannot be domly enough. When you know both sides well, first you know up front all the manipulations that just don't work on you, but you also know what it's like to be a submissive, and that to really get what you want, you need to lay down a solid foundation of trust. That takes time. I'm considered a soft fuzzy domme by many, mainly b/c I seek emotional dominance far more than physical. I understand all domination begins in the mind. I don't just want your body, I want your soul. And I know precisely how to get it. All this is a very round about way of saying, yes, there are reasons some are quite prejudiced against switches. They make assumption that are not necessarily valid on closer observation. As for people asking if you are more sub or dom/me, again they are looking for info to fuel their prejudices.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/28/2011 5:50:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: XxAnthaxX But I put on my profile that I am only looking for friends and other switches... Maybe the other switches want to know how you see yourself with them, if you'd be mostly the dominant or the submissive partner, also a few switches don't switch with one partner, they have somebody they dominate and somebody they submit to, which could be the reason? It's a bit if you say you like swimming and cycling, so somebody might just ask you what you like doing more because their interest might be heavier focused to one of the 2 activities? Just guessing here but wouldn't that make sense?

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/28/2011 8:43:12 AM)
look, its really fucking simple. they want to know because they're trying to figure how the fucking dynamic would work. they want to know who the fuck is going to get tied up most often.

orchid77 -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/28/2011 11:59:55 AM)
Sheesh Hannah tell us how you really feel.

Hisprettybaby -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/28/2011 2:05:24 PM)
~FR~ The attitude a lot of people have toward switches is that same either/or attitude that some straights/gays have toward bisexuals. A lot of kinksters just don't "get" switches. Some of those who are totally EITHER Dominant OR submissive just can't wrap their minds around the idea that some of us like BOTH. I'm not equally 50/50.....I started out as a sub and now I'm a switch. If I were forced to state percentages, I'd say I'm still slightly more than 50% sub. BUT, I'm all Domme with my own sub. The pecking order for my own life is like this....Daddy is at the top of the food chain, then there's me, and Jerry's on the bottom. I'm not one who could switch with the same partner. It would just be too confusing for ME, to keep track of who's the Dom/me and who's the sub at any given time. ~Hisprettybaby~

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/28/2011 5:02:43 PM)
quote: I started out as a sub and now I'm a switch. bullshit! you're not a fucking switch, you know what you like! didn't you read chapter 17 of the fucking manual? let me quote the relevant fucking section for you. quote: Switches are indecisive and don't actually know what they want, this is why they are never to be taken seriously. They are not real rtfm, baby, rtfm!!

Hisprettybaby -> RE: Why does everyone ask this? (6/28/2011 6:11:10 PM)
hahahahaha

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