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RE: Something that came into my mind... - 6/8/2011 3:52:28 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Fast reply....

The OP is to me, asking questions based upon the internet fantasy land, almost like the shit guys come up with for pro Dommes. Or with the expectations a lot of guys come up with that are better suited to pros, rather than actual D/s or M/s RELATIONSHIPS.

That doesn't mean I don't see a lot of relationships where it appears the D or M, is actually the s.......but that is through my own filters and not that of those actually IN those relationships.

The bottom line is that for me.......the relationship is the priority. I've always loved how KoM phrased it once or twice. Something like "We all serve the relationship." He likened the relationship to a ship. He is the captain, guiding the ship.

I think his views are very much like my own.

I don't think this is really fair LaT. Granted, he's talking about topping / bottoming rather than m/s or d/s relationships, but it's still a valid question - and fairly common for folks who dig that to be asking. The guy just used a different term.

I don't see this as fantasy so much as someone who is new and hasn't yet seen what's beneath all this. What he describes is not fantasy and is very much real - at least in my world. People really do go to play parties, and they really do wear uncomfortable clothes (I've seen many a woman slip her high heels off and a number of men remove their leather vest because they became too hot in it).

It really can be kind of a conundrum to be a "submissive" knowing darned well that in fact you are getting the thing that you want. Does that mean I'm "running" the show? No. It does mean that I'm getting what I want even when what I want is to please him, and he is being pleased, and that is pleasing me, and so I'm not doing for him so much as getting my own stuff and... *see what I mean?

Best,
sunshine

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RE: Something that came into my mind... - 6/9/2011 6:44:34 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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FR

my thought is that it doesn't really matter and in reality there are no real Masters and there are no real subs or slaves at all... there is only what you imagine your role to be, and if your partner is enthusiastically playing along with you then it sort of becomes a real good ride for both.

Edit... oh i didn't see that i said that already

< Message edited by ranja -- 6/9/2011 6:45:13 AM >

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RE: Something that came into my mind... - 6/11/2011 1:17:31 AM

OwnedFemaleFlesh

Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: popularDemand

... eww!

someone fucked your ear?

pD

Erm, no? *totally confused*

owned xxx

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RE: Something that came into my mind... - 6/11/2011 12:15:48 PM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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i think a lot of new people ask themselves this question. i know in my previous relationship, at first i felt like i wasn't giving as much as he was, because he was constantly doing all these great things, and i felt like i wasn't "doing anything." =p but it's a difference in personality types and what drives them that can be hard for people on the other side to understand.
those who are Topping do so because they enjoy it -- many of them dream up things they want to do, and they want someone to do it with. Or the whole scene is crafted together and the person who enjoys doing does the doing, while the person who enjoys being done to gets done to. it's complementary.
and even beyond Topping/bottoming into power exchange relationships -- some people like leading and controlling, while others like following and being controlled. you could argue until you're blue in the face about which one is doing more work; everyone will disagree.

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RE: Something that came into my mind... - 6/11/2011 12:43:59 PM

KnightofMists

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Last time I checked... it takes two or more for a relationship to work... anyone person can stop making the effort and the relationship will die.

If both want the relationship to work... then they will do what is required of the relationship. In this context they are both Master as they both can determine if the relationship will succeeds or fail. However, they also determine their roles in the relationship... if they make their best effort to live up to those roles.... be it Master or slave the relationship will have a greater chance to succeed... if the don't it will most likely fail.

It kinda surprizes me that people struggle with this question so much that the OP asks....

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RE: Something that came into my mind... - 6/11/2011 1:38:42 PM

analyticalmaster

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

:"I'm having one of those days where I feel like driving a nail gun through my head. Because for me D/s or a M/s relationship is about a hell of a lot more shit besides a BDSM play scene. It's part of day to day living and life with somebody else in the picture."

Most people don't live that way, by far and away the majority, sometimes I think the overwhelming majority, see their kink as something they do, for pleasures sake usually, not who they are. Most of them will never get it, they simply can't, it is outside their norm of existence. I have 100 percent tpe by contract and by intent, no human being can live 100% day in and day out and survive, or at least in a way I would care to know them. Most of our time is to outward appearances vanilla, my slaves dont live tied up, being flogged daily, certainly not being sexually used every 15 min, no human can, master or slave. But we exist as Master and slaves, 24/7 365 days a year, because they always know who owns them and who they will obey.

As to the question, who is in charge, bottoms often are, submissives rarely are and slaves almost never are