RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s)

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HannahLynHeather -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 11:33:30 AM)
sweetcheeks, you missed the fucking point. it's YOUR fucking responsibility. nobody else's. you picked this guy despite all the warning signs. your fucking bells were ringing and you paid no attention. well you got just what you asked for babe. you went out and fucked an asshole who you knew was an asshole and now you're whining because he acted like an asshole. and you want sympathy? puh-fucking-leeze!! you're 38 fucking years old, stop acting like you're 13.

dew69 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 11:51:40 AM)
Thank you, everyone, on both sides of the discussion ... and everywhere in-between. As I mentioned, we had talked for a month and had met beforehand on several vanilla "dates". Yes, the anxiety of that initial letter is gone now. Oh, and I have learned a ton ... and this has not scared me away. I am grateful for this message board to have honest opinions and experiences shared.

LadyPact -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 12:02:15 PM)
From what I'm reading, you had sex with somebody that you really didn't know but just thought you knew from the internet. Yes, the responsibility for that is 100% yours and I hope you make yourself an appointment to get a STD panel run. One now and one six months from now. As for the rest, you fell for a line from somebody who wanted to get laid. For some people, a one night stand is worth the investment of chatting for a month on the internet. Makes it even easier for them when they know they've got a sure thing because the other person isn't demanding a vanilla meet first where no play is going to happen or they insist on really getting to know the person, get their references, or be in social situations where other people know them in real life. There is always somebody out there that thinks just because a person checked the D box on the profile, that the person won't lie to them or take advantage of them. Next month, the guy will be screwing somebody else who falls for the same thing. (Please remember that STD test that I mentioned.) I'm actually not going to say anything against the guy who got what he wanted. I can't argue with his methods because they led him to a path of success. Perhaps, OP, if you want a different outcome, you need to change your methods. It seems to Me that is where the problem lies.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 12:08:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dew69 Thank you, everyone, on both sides of the discussion ... and everywhere in-between. As I mentioned, we had talked for a month and had met beforehand on several vanilla "dates". Yes, the anxiety of that initial letter is gone now. Oh, and I have learned a ton ... and this has not scared me away. I am grateful for this message board to have honest opinions and experiences shared. I'm glad you are learning, but your ass shot and your profile more or less scream "use me and abuse me." Plus, you say your life is perfect? Really? Who are you kidding?

kalikshama -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 12:18:13 PM)
quote: I'm glad you are learning, but your ass shot and your profile more or less scream "use me and abuse me." Indeed. dew69: 1. Wear clothes for your primary pic 2. If you are looking for a relationship, for heavens sake highlight that in your essay. 3. Get a screenname without sexual references This won't stop all the wankers but at least you won't be guilty of bait and switch.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 1:09:37 PM)
OP, once burned twice shy. I am embarrassed to admit that I have gone through a similar experience. And if posting a letter on the boards is what helps you get over your emotions about the event, then what the hell. Twice I have had men tell me they were single when they were, in fact, married. Really upset me, because of my personal feelings about marriage and relationships. So, I started conducting a background check on anyone I am going to meet, because that is not happening to me again. I felt a little guilty about it, since it seemed like an invasion of privacy, but I decided it was worth it to spare myself that experience again.

SuzeCheri -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 1:39:23 PM)
quote: sweetcheeks, you missed the fucking point. Suze, do you think it would help if we provided an Hannerese-English translation to her posts? Probably, but I'm not going to be the one to do it, you're on your own. Why not? Becuse it would mean I have to read her posts. It's bad enough having to listen to her in real life. SUZE!!![sm=jaw.gif] Hide me.[sm=couch.gif]

SimplyMichael -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 3:43:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dew69 Thank you, everyone, on both sides of the discussion ... and everywhere in-between. As I mentioned, we had talked for a month and had met beforehand on several vanilla "dates". You seem to be successful and attractive woman in one of the worlds great cities for kink, San Francisco where there are multiple munches every week, major events almost every month and of course, the famous Folsom Street Fair in September. If you want to meet an intelligent, successful, competent dominant, you just might want to avail yourself of the local community. Unfortunately for you, I am not on the market but there are several close runners up in the "Amazing" category. The Citadel is the biggest local playspace, lots of events, classes every week, etc, ask for Phil or August and tell them I said you needed to get out more. Enjoy!

tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 4:53:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Twice I have had men tell me they were single when they were, in fact, married. Really upset me, because of my personal feelings about marriage and relationships. So, I started conducting a background check on anyone I am going to meet, because that is not happening to me again. I felt a little guilty about it, since it seemed like an invasion of privacy, but I decided it was worth it to spare myself that experience again. how do you do your background checks? And what kind of info do you get from that? I know some people dont like tests, and all that but imo you do what you have to do in order to protect yourself and know if that person is trustworthy or lying scum (or worse!).

tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 5:00:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dew69 Thank you, everyone, on both sides of the discussion ... and everywhere in-between. As I mentioned, we had talked for a month and had met beforehand on several vanilla "dates". Yes, the anxiety of that initial letter is gone now. Oh, and I have learned a ton ... and this has not scared me away. I am grateful for this message board to have honest opinions and experiences shared. According to your profile you just joined CM in the last week so this guy came from another online source? Now I am wondering what site you met him on...

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 5:51:19 PM)
I research real property records myself. If they own property, I can see where it is and who else is on title. I have access to Federal and State court records, so I look at those. If they claim to be divorced, I can look for the divorce file and arrest records. I have also done that ussearch or whatever that website is called, but I find I can get better information on my own. I have some qualms about it, but I hate surprises. By the way, I love your tit mouse too quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet Twice I have had men tell me they were single when they were, in fact, married. Really upset me, because of my personal feelings about marriage and relationships. So, I started conducting a background check on anyone I am going to meet, because that is not happening to me again. I felt a little guilty about it, since it seemed like an invasion of privacy, but I decided it was worth it to spare myself that experience again. how do you do your background checks? And what kind of info do you get from that? I know some people dont like tests, and all that but imo you do what you have to do in order to protect yourself and know if that person is trustworthy or lying scum (or worse!).

tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 7:27:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet I research real property records myself. If they own property, I can see where it is and who else is on title. I have access to Federal and State court records, so I look at those. If they claim to be divorced, I can look for the divorce file and arrest records. I have also done that ussearch or whatever that website is called, but I find I can get better information on my own. I have some qualms about it, but I hate surprises. By the way, I love your tit mouse too i see. When do you find out his real name tho? I can see being able to do those searches if he gives you his real name but have you run into guys that gave you a wrong name or even someone elses (with a clean record)? Do you ask to see his id to verify his name? I can see a guy just wanting a fling not telling the truth, a guy wanting a relationship would be more likely to give his real name tho.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 7:59:50 PM)
F they use a fake name, you can't find anything. Also very telling. No one gets to my age without some kind of records. quote: ORIGINAL: tj444 quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet I research real property records myself. If they own property, I can see where it is and who else is on title. I have access to Federal and State court records, so I look at those. If they claim to be divorced, I can look for the divorce file and arrest records. I have also done that ussearch or whatever that website is called, but I find I can get better information on my own. I have some qualms about it, but I hate surprises. By the way, I love your tit mouse too i see. When do you find out his real name tho? I can see being able to do those searches if he gives you his real name but have you run into guys that gave you a wrong name or even someone elses (with a clean record)? Do you ask to see his id to verify his name? I can see a guy just wanting a fling not telling the truth, a guy wanting a relationship would be more likely to give his real name tho.

Hisprettybaby -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 8:28:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dew69 We had discussed and agreed ahead of time: Safe sex. There would be check-in afterward. (Among many, many other things. I was supremely clean on my boundaries going in, and he intimated that he was clear on them too.) Yes, I suppose I did learn that in high school but high school was sooooo long ago. :-) And I spent a good chunk of my 20s and 30s in one relationship. Alas, I think I am naive. Thank you for all the feedback. It really helps! I notice he has re-posted seeking another person like me. Sigh. He can say anything he wants, it doesn't mean it's true. He said what he did to get a piece of ass and it worked. His methods were successful and he knew what he was doing. He was smart, although a jerk. Regardless of what he SAID, it doesn't mean he's going to DO it. The responsibility and fault for what happened to you lie with YOU. You admit that you ignored the warning flags, and you said yourself you learned better even back in high school. Regardless of what he said, why the hell did you have unsafe sex with this man? That was NOT smart, as you well know now. Consider this a learning experience and get yourself to a doctor or clinic to have an STD panel done. ~Hisprettybaby~

dew69 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 8:56:50 PM)
Hi! The irony is I did not meet him on this site ... nor had he ever seen that ass shot. He had only seen fully clothed shots of me and nothing provocative. (Hmmm, and sometimes "use me and abuse me" is not a bad thing ... within terms of consent.)

dew69 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 8:59:45 PM)
Thank you for the tip ... and positive, forward-thinknig feedback. That sounds like a great idea!

dew69 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 9:04:56 PM)
RE: Searching on people: If you have their phone number, you can use PhoneDetective.com to do a reverse lookup. I have a membership and did just that ... and will from here on out. (You can also choose to do a full background check via this site.) Yes, I found out his name, marital status, number of children, home address, etc.... I will never feel guilty about doing this in the future. In fact, if someone wants to check me out that way, they are welcome to. Everyone: Yes, this is my fault. I get that. I made the choice. A full STD panel = of course. However, I am not going to beat myself up for this more than I did for one day. ALL of this feedback is useful. I did a stupid thing. It is fantastic that so many of you are so perfect and have never done anything stupid ... ever. I will probably stop checking this message board now. Again, thank you!

dew69 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 9:09:18 PM)
Not a lifestyle site. A vanilla site. My post on that site is not the same as my post on this site ... at all.

tj444 -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 10:17:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dew69 Not a lifestyle site. A vanilla site. My post on that site is not the same as my post on this site ... at all. What i really wondered is if it was craigslist cuz that place, the guys are either married or nutbars... [:'(]

Awareness -> RE: Recent confusing experience (& it was my first as a/s) (7/22/2011 11:06:51 PM)
Tonight in Stalker Theatre, we'll be showing you how to evaluate the sexual history and net worth of any man you meet. Plus, in our regular series on evidence gathering, we'll demonstrate the five telltale signs that reveal the state of a man's relationship with his mother. You people are fucking nuts. And I emphasise the 'fucking nuts' bit. Arrest records? Divorce papers? Property deeds? Why don't you go the whole hog and hire a private detective just to be sure? I would not waste my time with a woman who was that paranoid, had such low self-worth and whose instincts were so poor she couldn't work me out just by getting to know me. Shit like this screams "issues" in bright red neon.

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