quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Which is the major difference right there.  In the groups you are talking about, DC, as I said, it's specifically about the imbalance of power.  That's just not the same thing when we're talking about random strangers on the internet.  If some wanker sends Me an email, they don't have power over Me.  Even CM agrees with Me by providing Me those nice block, hide, delete, and report as spam buttons.

However, I still see that as teaching people how to treat us.  Even though it's probably a waste most of the time, I will send an email back first to say why what they are doing isn't acceptable.  Whether they didn't respect My wishes about My criteria in My profile, what they said was rude, or whatever the reason is that I'm blocking them in the first place.  Then, I block them to show them I'm not willing to tolerate it.

If they learn from that experience, I really *have* taught them how I expect to be treated. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I don't think the comment was completely beside the point, we run into people and we often have no influence on how they behave towards us. For example, dealing with a lot of different cultures, some of the people I encounter have a different perception on a woman's role in society. Due to work I can't "cut them out of my life", I also can't undo the background they grew up with. The same goes if I encounter some chauvinist, of course I can make it clear that I won't tolerate certain behaviour, but the fact remains that I have to deal with it, if I want to or not - whereas a guy hardly ever will encounter it.


You can cut people out of your personal life, but you can't professionally only deal with people you want to deal with, the economy simply isn't that good. A lot of times you just have to deal with people you don't want to deal with, when it comes to buying a car, I usually opt out and let my other half do it, because a guy trying to sell me a car because it "looks cool or has a nice colour" or some other such nonsense tests my patience a bit much, sure I can then go and search for another garage, but it does cost time and I hate dealing with idiots.

quote:

Differences Between Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Behavior. Passive Behavior (The Passive Person) -- Aggressive Behavior (The Aggressive Person) -- Assertive Behavior (The Assertive Person).

Passive Behavior: Is afraid to speak up
Aggressive Behavior: Interrupts and 'talks over' others
Assertive Behavior: Speaks openly

Passive Behavior: Speaks softly
Aggressive Behavior: Speaks loudly
Assertive Behavior: Uses a conversational tone

Passive Behavior: Avoids looking at people
Aggressive Behavior: Glares and stares at others
Assertive Behavior: Makes good eye contact

Passive Behavior: Shows little or no expression
Aggressive Behavior: Intimidates others with expressions
Assertive Behavior: Shows expressions that match the message

Passive Behavior: Slouches and withdraws
Aggressive Behavior: Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades others' personal space
Assertive Behavior: Relaxes and adopts an open posture and expressions

Passive Behavior: Isolates self from groups
Aggressive Behavior: Controls groups
Assertive Behavior: Participates in groups

Passive Behavior: Agrees with others, despite feelings
Aggressive Behavior: Only considers own feelings, and/or demands of others
Assertive Behavior: Speaks to the point

Passive Behavior: Values self less than others
Aggressive Behavior: Values self more than others
Assertive Behavior: Values self equal to others

Passive Behavior: Hurts self to avoid hurting others
Aggressive Behavior: Hurts others to avoid being hurt
Assertive Behavior: Tries to hurt no one (including self)

Passive Behavior: Does not reach goals and may not know goals
Aggressive Behavior: Reaches goals but hurts others in the process
Assertive Behavior: Usually reaches goals without alienating others

Passive Behavior: You're okay, I'm not
Aggressive Behavior: I'm okay, you're not
Assertive Behavior: I'm okay, you're okay

quote:

I've never claimed women are treated equally in the workforce. As someone who has worked in male dominated fields my entire life, I know how untrue that is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
...and i hate pointy toed stilettoes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes


Your analogies don't particularly hold up well, to be honest. The statement, as I understand it, is that we teach people how to treat us individually (not as an entire group). Meaning that just because X person treats Y person in one way doesn't mean that is how they should treat Z person. We aren't talking about predjudices, or genocide, or any other such thing - nor are we talking about criminal behavior ... we are talking about the general, law-abiding population. Not rapists, not slave owners, not the 3rd Reich ... modern day, mostly law-abiding citizens and how they interact with individuals as individuals.

And before you start going on about specific people who can't be taught - go back to the posts about cutting people out of lives ... if someone continually disrespects me, I'm done with them - I minimize all required contact and move along, and others have made similar statements.

I don't think the comment was completely beside the point, we run into people and we often have no influence on how they behave towards us. For example, dealing with a lot of different cultures, some of the people I encounter have a different perception on a woman's role in society. Due to work I can't "cut them out of my life", I also can't undo the background they grew up with. The same goes if I encounter some chauvinist, of course I can make it clear that I won't tolerate certain behaviour, but the fact remains that I have to deal with it, if I want to or not - whereas a guy hardly ever will encounter it.

You can cut people out of your personal life, but you can't professionally only deal with people you want to deal with, the economy simply isn't that good. A lot of times you just have to deal with people you don't want to deal with, when it comes to buying a car, I usually opt out and let my other half do it, because a guy trying to sell me a car because it "looks cool or has a nice colour" or some other such nonsense tests my patience a bit much, sure I can then go and search for another garage, but it does cost time and I hate dealing with idiots.

There are differences in how women are treated, public transportation - doesn't happen very often that a guy gets his butt felt, happens to women all the time, of course you can say something and stop it, but the point is, you have to, guys don't have to. Dark alleys, most guys don't worry about rape, it's something that is on a woman's mind... Hot summer days and walking past a building side, how many guys get wolf whistles and comments? Happens to women frequently...

I dare say none of us want that kind of interaction but it's just very much part of life and we don't have any influence on how they behave, sure we could go up and tell them that it's sexist behaviour, but seriously, who has the time for that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

quote:

Lady A is most correct, we teach people how we want to be treated.

That is the single biggest bit of bullshit I have ever read on these boards.

Does a woman "teach" her rapist to abuse her?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

And yes, if you constantly get assaulted, you need to change your behavior.

quote:

Precisely what behaviour would you propose I change in order to prevent this from happening again? Would you suggest I avoid making eye contact with anyone? Because it seems to me that people usually suggest the opposite when they are telling you how to act so that you don't get assaulted.

Oh, yeah.
So what's so special about it, Suze?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SuzeCheri

quote:

Precisely what behaviour would you propose I change in order to prevent this from happening again? Would you suggest I avoid making eye contact with anyone? Because it seems to me that people usually suggest the opposite when they are telling you how to act so that you don't get assaulted.

I guess he's never heard of Llap Goch.

Lap what?

Llap Goch. it's a secret Welsh art of self defence.

I've never heard of it before.

Well of course not, I said it was a secret.

Oh, yeah.
So what's so special about it, Suze?

It's an ancient Welsh art based on a brilliantly simple idea, which is a secret. The best form of defence is attack and the most vital element of attack is surprise. Therefore, the best way to protect yourself against any assailant is to attack him before he attacks you... Or better... before the thought of doing so has even occurred to him!!! So you may be able to render your assailant unconscious before he is even  aware of your very existence!

Wow, I'm impressed, is there some way I could learn more?

I'm glad you asked that, Cheri, because there just happens to be a web site. Just click this link for more information: http://www.llapgoch.org.uk/

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika


I can guarantee you that an assertive attitude, disposition and behaviour will get you to that place you want to be.