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RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/9/2011 10:00:46 PM

Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElderKnight

If you truly want to find out anything here, it will do you good to actually shut the fuck up and pay attention to what EVERYONE is telling you.

And on that note I withdraw my offer of assistance........

Your future here is now assured......perhaps delete and rebuild......

And Hi Haus...glad to see you back and that you enjoyed your vacation.......You made me so hungry for some decent greek food that I cooked a giant batch of souvlaki....

< Message edited by 0ldhen -- 8/9/2011 10:09:24 PM >

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to ElderKnight)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/9/2011 11:58:54 PM

Posts: 96
Joined: 3/20/2009
From: My Masters Feet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased

And now I'm a bitch for a simple opinion?

I never said everyone, and as most people know there are good and bad where-ever you go, especially on forums, some browsing etc is fun but I prefer my Master to be focusing on U/us, not some website forums, and I don't see that as wrong, I also don't hate anyone who looks for a forum user as that's their choice just as mine is my choice.

mittens.

No, you're right. I shouldn't say you're a bitch. I don't know you. Your posting was, though,...bitchy. As was mine.

I understand that's your choice to not be with someone who posts on the forums...but I'm not here putting you down for your choice. When you say that you are leaving the board to get back to actually living the life, I'm sure you can understand how someone could be offended by that. The next logical step of your statement is that because I post on here, I'm not actually living the life.

Your right,

And I guess we all can get "bitchy" at times, even if we perhaps don't see this, yes, myself included.

As for my comment, I never intended it to mean that there's anything wrong with those who have a relationship with a forum user, like my choices, that's there's to make...in fact before I was collared, out of all the Doms I spoke to, none of them used the forums so it wouldn't have been an option regardless.

I guess my concern would be, if that option had come up, is where I see the minority of people on here because it's certainly not most of forum members...but some, asking how they should punish their sub/slave, what they should do after certain behavior etc etc...for me, when I'm in a relationship, that's my relationship and I expect that my Master can come to me with anything as I do for Him, we discuss what happens in our relationship, it's private and there's nothing we can't discuss together.

If I had to go to someone else for advice or He did, for me...again, not everyone, I'd be highly concerned about our relationship because I shouldn't need anyone elses advice nor should He need advice from others, regardless of our dynamic, we are a team, I'm his slave yes but I'm also his friend, partner and soon to be wife, I'd be offended and feel betrayed if He couldn't come to me with an issue and I know He would feel the same if I did it, because we both firmly believe that together, we can work through anything, we are very open and completely honest with each other, to me that is priceless.

In saying that, I don't mean those who do ask for advice here have a bad relationship, I'm only saying that I personally don't understand the need, with the more personal relationship issue questions at least.

Now back to the topic lol, yes I perhaps responded a little brashly, I guess what I saw, and I did read the OP's profile too, was a decent Dom who knew exactly what he wanted, was polite, has a very well set up profile with everything in it a sub looking for a Dom could want, he makes one off handed comment and it seemed to me that he was mobbed over it, okay so it might be offensive to some but I am pretty sure that wasn't his intention, there's so many bad doms out there that when I see a good one knocked down for something so small it seems silly to me.

Lastly, when I say something like, I'm going back to actually living life, I don't mean with that comment that no-one else is, it's a statment, I didn't at the time feel it was nessesary to say, I'm going back to living life like I'm sure everyone else will do when they leave the forums....I do feel some can be over-sensitive here, maybe I'm wrong, I'm not very easily offended so maybe that's why not as much bothers me...either way I never meant it to become some war and yes, I do get a bit fiery at times then I'm not perfect either.

Hope that helped to clear some things up at least,

Mittens.

_____________________________

-Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you-

MAT 7:6.

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/10/2011 12:21:34 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElderKnight
COMMENT: Only to a few, not the majority.

Let's call it enough to have an impact on your thread. Fair enough?

quote:

Not true at all. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. My intent, if you have read through my responses in this post, was to spark a debate on a topic I was curious about. In general, I recieved two types of responses. The first being annoyance at the use of the word "subbie", with little or no input toward the topic of conversation, where several folks said I was wrong for using the word, also attacked others for either saying, it's really not so big a deal, banter back and forth and repeat.
The second camp of folks were the ones that got it, wether thry agreed or disagrees with the use of the word "subbie" and stayed on topic and provided some pretty clear insight. Some of these positive contributers sent c-mails with further explanation and support, and again I thank all of you for that.

I actually did read the thread. That was the basis on which I formed My opinion. I told you how I perceived it. I'm not a submissive female. However, I will tell you that if I was, and something small on this level got this response from you, I sure wouldn't be trusting you with My feelings on the big things. Now, if I'm getting that impression as a Dominant, you can bet that there are some submissives out there who are getting the same impression.

quote:

I do see where I have trouble, and that is from the "clique" who enjoy lording over us that would be occasional posters in this forum. Yes, I get it you are the online CM extended family, but this is a public site, a free site (for all us cheap bastards & bitches), but don't be so supprized when every now and again you get a push back. Just because us occasional posters do not agree with everything you say, doesn't make us wrong, nor does it make you wrong. Again opinions are like assholes......

This doesn't have a thing to do with any clique. I didn't start My earlier reply with "this is how it seems to US". You'll have to take My word for it as an observer to this thread how it seemed to be coming across. I don't feel that this is to your advantage and was hoping that you might see a different view. Especially on a subject such as relocation, where every little thing is examined more closely before making such a leap. You're specifically in an area where, I believe, a submissive is going to be extra cautions (or at least they should be) before considering such a situation. All I'm doing is saying that you might not be helping your own cause.

quote:

I think by now I have made my point on the "subbie" issue, as well as other who have opposition to it, so I would ask others who would further comment to stay on topic and not berrate people for their opinions, least we delve down another rabbiit hole. Of course if some posts something that's just plain stupid, then have at them, as I'm sure the "clique" hasn't had enough of me and will be back for more.

Yeah I'm getting bold, after a bottle of Red Zin, so I'm ready for yaz. He hehe.

For the rest of you have a great eveining and happy posting~!!

I think I'll pass on the bottle of wine comment. Enjoy your evening as well.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ElderKnight)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/10/2011 3:38:26 PM

Posts: 21
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

ORIGINAL: Irishmist

quote:

]If you truly want to find out anything here, it will do you good to actually shut the fuck up and pay attention to what EVERYONE is telling you

.

That is originally Irishmist's quote to me, not mine to anyone. I don't quote it properly and did not intent that I was echoing here statment.

However if this is your second to Irishmist, then it's your choice, and I accept that.

I do not believe I should "delete and recreate" myself on here just because I may have made a social blunder. I am who I am, and want to be able to express my opinions when asked aand ask questions in the forum for clearer understanding. It's part of life from early childhood to ask "why", and I'll most likely do so til the end of my days.

I understand that a concern was raised, but not fully understanding why, until someone explained later in the post. I understand, made corrections, yet still continue to be blasted by a select few for making what they percieve is a greivious error, and yet others say its not such a big deal. So there my confusion lies as to whether or not my social infraction is as serious as some claim it to me.

So what's left to do after I reconginise a percieved error by some I attempt to ask "why" I get answered, I feel I make necessary adjustments, but yet still percieved by some to not be serious enough in my responses and deemed intentionally disrespectful, when time and again I say no disrespect is intended.

So is there frustration on my part? You bet. But then again with some people they can have everything their way, and yet it will never be good enough. I am not directing these statements at you oldhen, just responding to a misquote (maybe?) and using the rest of this to adress the readers.

I'll not grovel and beg forgiveness nor shrink because some gets angry at me on this post, when I attempt to find an answer to something I was curious about. I am not a meek school boy that everyone laghs at for asking the dumb question and remains silent the rest of the school year. That's just who I am.

Again, thank you for your input and looking forward to future interactions

(in reply to 0ldhen)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/10/2011 3:42:56 PM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

There was an easy way for you to reconcile yourself on here...

apologize.

Don't apologize and then belittle everyone who told you they don't like it. Your apology comes off as insincere.

Try being sincere instead.

"I'm sorry and did not mean it in that way. I did not know that it was such a big deal to women and I will do my best not to use it again. Thank you to everyone for letting me know how it comes across. My apologies once again".

See? Not hard is it?

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ElderKnight)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/10/2011 3:58:32 PM

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/21/2010
Status: offline

WOW!
I seem to have caught the tail end of a shit-storm.

I was going to suggest this book:
The Devil in the Details by LT Morrison
as offering great insight into understanding a slave's needs.
based on the title of the post,
but I see that things have sort have gone astray and the original thread is now irrelevant??

_____________________________

respectfully

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/10/2011 3:58:55 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased

If I had to go to someone else for advice or He did, for me...again, not everyone, I'd be highly concerned about our relationship because I shouldn't need anyone elses advice nor should He need advice from others, regardless of our dynamic, we are a team, I'm his slave yes but I'm also his friend, partner and soon to be wife, I'd be offended and feel betrayed if He couldn't come to me with an issue and I know He would feel the same if I did it, because we both firmly believe that together, we can work through anything, we are very open and completely honest with each other, to me that is priceless.

I guess that means he would never use an accountant, a lawyer, a doctor, a psychologist, or a plumber either. After all, between the two of you, you must have all pertinent knowledge. Right?

When someone knows that they don't know what to do next, the smart thing is to try brainstorming. Get lots of new ideas and see what appeals, what seems to work past the impasse you've hit. Because the problem in not getting any new ideas, is that you don't know everything and you're likely to resort to the same old stuff which you already know doesn't work or you wouldn't be doing it.

Asking for thoughts or advice says that your ego isn't that overinflated and that you can recognize when you're stuck.

The Man does most of the car repairs here. When he's stuck and the manual isn't being helpful he can call his son in law who is a mechanic or his son, who helps design industrial engines. When neither of them can offer a suggestion, we bring it into the shop in town to let them diagnose the problem and offer advice. Having to turn to others doesn't take anything away from his abilities. It just means that we pay attention to what's important which is getting the car fixed.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to BeautyDebased)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/10/2011 4:31:19 PM

Posts: 21
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PetiteOralSub

WOW!
I seem to have caught the tail end of a shit-storm.

I was going to suggest this book:
The Devil in the Details by LT Morrison
as offering great insight into understanding a slave's needs.
based on the title of the post,
but I see that things have sort have gone astray and the original thread is now irrelevant??

No, quite the contrary. Thanks much, I'll look into it.

(in reply to PetiteOralSub)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/10/2011 6:14:13 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased
he makes one off handed comment and it seemed to me that he was mobbed over it, okay so it might be offensive to some but I am pretty sure that wasn't his intention,

You're STILL missing the point. It wasn't that he said "subbie" it was the attitude of "well, it doesn't matter what you think because" after asking what we think. That's called invalidating and it was his intention.

At that point, I've chosen to stop giving him any input because he's already shown that he doesn't care about the opinions.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to BeautyDebased)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/10/2011 6:30:38 PM

Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

ou're STILL missing the point. It wasn't that he said "subbie" it was the attitude of "well, it doesn't matter what you think because" after asking what we think. That's called invalidating and it was his intention.

At that point, I've chosen to stop giving him any input because he's already shown that he doesn't care about the opinions.

THIS........

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/11/2011 4:31:39 PM

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

1. When I relocated in 2004, I had been in a LD relationship with him for 6 months.

2. Your words here in this thread flow. However, your profile is awkward - passive tense, disjointed sentences. I suggest you reword it to sound more natural. You definitely have this capacity.

I look for a well written profile that conveys a lot about the man, not as much about the Dom. You are looking for a relationship, but don't get into what would make you good in one.

I think you should soften the passport requirement to "must be able to get a passport" and talk about the perks of joining you in your travels. If currently holding a passport is a true requirement for you, I'd find your sense of urgency disconcerting, so others might as well.

I understand your reluctance to post a picture, but there are plenty of ways to anonymize it yet still show your form. Try using shadows, masks or hats creatively. You could also do the blue square or white oval that other posters here use. I've been contacted by attorneys and a reverend who managed to include a picture.

You will find that people here don't pull punches but do offer good advice - I hope you stick around.

Best,

KK

(in reply to ElderKnight)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/12/2011 4:00:27 AM

Posts: 21
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Hi thanks KK,
You're right on the profile, and I'll massage it a bit when I get some time to think about it. I guess initially I wanted to trow something togeter, just to have something. I did have a better description 4 years ago, but I closed it out when I was transferred for work, So, here I am again.

I do have pictures, just not the main. I figure something shiny catches attention, at least for a second or two. At least this works when I'm fishin'. (this is an analogy, not a true comparison of fish to women. Least someone else be reading this and take offence)

< Message edited by ElderKnight -- 8/12/2011 4:01:33 AM >

(in reply to kalikshama)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/12/2011 4:21:28 AM

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

OMG...you just called us all red snappers!

_____________________________

(in reply to ElderKnight)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/12/2011 4:21:53 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

What do we desire? A really good, perfectly cooked steak ~grins~

Personally I'm more likely to notice a D-type here on the boards. I don't search on the other side. That said, if the profile is blank or full of cliches (one true wayisms) he can forget it. I love it when people write the way they speak and I can hear them when I read what they've written. I'm also more interested in what they are like as a person, the BDSM stuff is far less important.

Good luck and welcome to CM

Zeph

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to ElderKnight)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/12/2011 1:16:02 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

OMG...you just called us all red snappers!

I'm SO *trout*........lol.

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to Aileen1968)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/13/2011 9:48:25 AM

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/21/2011
Status: offline

I'm married with kids so I wouldn't relocate for any reason.

As for what do I look for in a profile.......I want to know about the person creating the whole person not just their BDSM interests. I want to be able to see if I think we have anything in common in and OUT of the D/s scenario.

b

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/13/2011 9:54:06 AM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

When I was getting to know Master I had a teenage child still in school..somewhat...long story lol. He knew I wasn't going to relocate anytime soon. He waited 5 loooong years for me to relocate to him when my daughter moved off on her own and went to college.

So even though you may have children that doesn't always necessarily rule out relocation. Kids do eventually grow up and get lives of their own.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to slave4play11)

RE: What do subbies & slaves truly desire? - 8/13/2011 9:55:12 AM

Posts: 96
Joined: 3/20/2009
From: My Masters Feet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased

If I had to go to someone else for advice or He did, for me...again, not everyone, I'd be highly concerned about our relationship because I shouldn't need anyone elses advice nor should He need advice from others, regardless of our dynamic, we are a team, I'm his slave yes but I'm also his friend, partner and soon to be wife, I'd be offended and feel betrayed if He couldn't come to me with an issue and I know He would feel the same if I did it, because we both firmly believe that together, we can work through anything, we are very open and completely honest with each other, to me that is priceless.

I guess that means he would never use an accountant, a lawyer, a doctor, a psychologist, or a plumber either. After all, between the two of you, you must have all pertinent knowledge. Right?

When someone knows that they don't know what to do next, the smart thing is to try brainstorming. Get lots of new ideas and see what appeals, what seems to work past the impasse you've hit. Because the problem in not getting any new ideas, is that you don't know everything and you're likely to resort to the same old stuff which you already know doesn't work or you wouldn't be doing it.

Asking for thoughts or advice says that your ego isn't that overinflated and that you can recognize when you're stuck.

The Man does most of the car repairs here. When he's stuck and the manual isn't being helpful he can call his son in law who is a mechanic or his son, who helps design industrial engines. When neither of them can offer a suggestion, we bring it into the shop in town to let them diagnose the problem and offer advice. Having to turn to others doesn't take anything away from his abilities. It just means that we pay attention to what's important which is getting the car fixed.

You very much missed my point,

We have people to do such professional things for us however, relationship, well I'm sorry but that's our business.

We can discuss and together sort through anything, it has nothing to do with ego but a well oiled if you like M/s relationship where we are both intelligent and open enough to figure things out for ourselves.

Ego? no because we don't get stuck, if something comes up we sit down like two adults and figure out what we need to do to fix the problem....no, not everyone is capable of doing that but it works fine for us, it's called communication, something we always assure we work on together and because we do, we rarely to never have any issue, doesn't matter what comes up, we just talk, then hug, play or whatever but at the end of the day if we needed someone else help in our relationship I'd be very concerned.

More so because what we have is amazing and I put that down to the fact that we can talk, that we never have the need to go to another, never hide anything from each other, trust and being open goes a very long way.

Beauty.

_____________________________

-Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you-

MAT 7:6.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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