STALKER (Full Version)

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VandalHeart -> STALKER (5/21/2006 9:27:55 PM)

I have a serious problem and I don't know what forum to put this on other than this one.  My best friend is a very active user on this site and she has a stalker.  The only evidence of this behavior that she has is on this site, or a solitary email that is four months old.  In it he said he would kill her S.O. so that they could marry if she wanted him to.  There are other emails, but this one is the surest sign of a mental instability and stalker behavior, except maybe the one where he threatens: "Either I collar you, or you never see me again."  I have already spoken with this individual and secured his promise to never speak to her or her S.O. ever again, never to speak about their relationship online again, and also to basically remove himself from her life completely and totally.  Unfortunately, neither the spirit of these promises, nor the threat to disappear if the collar didn't go on were upheld.  Since then he has never spoken to her or about her in any way, shape, or form, but he has been following all of her posts.  Everywhere she posts, he has to add a post.  His posts are almost always off topic, and he has even followed her into areas that he has never been before, just to post on one of the forum threads she has shown an interest in.  He is attempting to saturate her experience on collarme.com with himself in an asanine attempt to get her to fall hopelessly in love with him and reconcile their relationship, and it is extremely upsetting to the both of us, to the point of outright rage.  I am at my wits end.  I can't really go to the police, because there is nothing that they can really do about online activity.  I can't get in touch with the admins and moderators, there are no links or instructions on how to do so.  Besides, we have already brought this to the moderator's attention once.  I can't do anything illegal, no matter how much I want to.  So, what do I do?




screamsofsurendr -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:30:52 PM)

Just a suggestion, but have her change her screen name, then he can't  find her as easily




mistoferin -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:32:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VandalHeart

I have a serious problem and I don't know what forum to put this on other than this one.  My best friend is a very active user on this site and she has a stalker.  The only evidence of this behavior that she has is on this site, or a solitary email that is four months old.  In it he said he would kill her S.O. so that they could marry if she wanted him to.  There are other emails, but this one is the surest sign of a mental instability and stalker behavior, except maybe the one where he threatens: "Either I collar you, or you never see me again."  I have already spoken with this individual and secured his promise to never speak to her or her S.O. ever again, never to speak about their relationship online again, and also to basically remove himself from her life completely and totally.  Unfortunately, neither the spirit of these promises, nor the threat to disappear if the collar didn't go on were upheld.  Since then he has never spoken to her or about her in any way, shape, or form, but he has been following all of her posts.  Everywhere she posts, he has to add a post.  His posts are almost always off topic, and he has even followed her into areas that he has never been before, just to post on one of the forum threads she has shown an interest in.  He is attempting to saturate her experience on collarme.com with himself in an asanine attempt to get her to fall hopelessly in love with him and reconcile their relationship, and it is extremely upsetting to the both of us, to the point of outright rage.  I am at my wits end.  I can't really go to the police, because there is nothing that they can really do about online activity.  I can't get in touch with the admins and moderators, there are no links or instructions on how to do so.  Besides, we have already brought this to the moderator's attention once.  I can't do anything illegal, no matter how much I want to.  So, what do I do?


The little x in the corner works very well....so does the block button. If this is totally an online thing I really fail to see what could be threatening....they are just words on a screen.




BitaTruble -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:39:28 PM)

There is a guy who I've noticed is totally stalking someone with behavior just as you have described.. if it's the same person that is stalking your friend, it's very, very noticable. I think both the posts above have excellent advice. Change the name, and both of you guys just block him. If it goes beyond online, you can involve the police, otherwise, block on emails side and the forums side. He will poof from your lives. If it IS the same guy, you're right.. his posts are completely off topic and I have yet to see someone quote him to respond to his drivel, so that should get rid of him for you.

Celeste




Wulfchyld -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:39:52 PM)

Is he working on some sociopath fantasy or does he know where she is?




theRose4U -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:43:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: screamsofsurendr

Just a suggestion, but have her change her screen name, then he can't  find her as easily


I would agree with this. Keep the original active and invent 2-3 alternates. Wierdos on the net abound. The unstable into kink are even more rampant. The biggest thing is free will. If she wants your protection and/or collar then great but pushing yourself in the middle of a situation she really needs to handle herself just reinforces the wierdos mind that she needs a collar. SHE needs to be the one to stand up in no uncertain terms and tell the jerk-off NO.




VandalHeart -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:44:41 PM)

They have played together before, before it got this bad, and live in the same town.  This isn't just an online thing.  And petty as it is, she doesn't want to lose her post count.  He has deleted his profile out of anger at her more than once, but can somehow still post.  His only interest is upsetting her, and I am worried that he will take it further...again.

The last time they spoke in person, she had to call me to get him to leave her house.  Had I been awake all the times that she had tried to call me, this would have taken less than five hours.  In that time, he caused several points of porperty damage and violated basically every agreement that they had made from the very beginning of their relationship.  The most basic and sancrosanct of these rules is this: If it ends, it ends - nothing shall pass between the two of us ever again.

I am not just trying to find something to talk about here, this is a very real and very frightening problem.




VandalHeart -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:46:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

SHE needs to be the one to stand up in no uncertain terms and tell the jerk-off NO.


And this has already been tried.  Repeatedly.




Wulfchyld -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:47:27 PM)

In light of that fact, she needs to take the threat (print out) of killing her S.O. to the police and have him arrested. I would recommend her doing this tonight if not sooner. This thread will most likely bring a psychotic response from the nut.




VandalHeart -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:55:40 PM)

Loki, you rock.  Unfortunately, she doesn't want to do this.  Even though stalker-boy has broken their agreement (sorry, agreementS), she does not wish to.




mistoferin -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 9:58:43 PM)

I could have sworn there was something in your original post about the police not being able to do anything about online stalking, that is why I assumed this was an online only situation. In light of your new information there is only one option. The police. Stalking is a serious crime and if she has had incidents where he has been destroying property, threatening her and refusing to leave her home and contacting her when she has clearly stated that she wants no contact...then that absolutely is a crime that the police will involve themselves in.




sasshay -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 10:00:07 PM)


I found this on wired dot com slash news. I don't know if this will help but if the guy even suspected something could be used to track him, maybe he will back off.

Florida State University researchers have developed a system for gathering evidence against online predators and cyberstalkers.
The Predators and Prey Alert, or Papa, system monitors all communications on a victim's computer and helps police gather evidence in online harassment and solicitation cases.
While e-mail can easily be saved as evidence in harassment cases, predators often use multiple modes of online communication, such as online chat rooms, which are harder to record as evidence.
"Capturing (stalkers') real-time chat and instant messages have been obstacles in these cases," said principal investigator Sudhir Aggarwal, a Florida State computer science professor.
Plugged into a USB port of the victim's PC, the Papa system is a secure black box that automatically records all exchanges displayed on screen.
The system captures all modes of communication -- e-mail, chat-room interactions and instant messaging.
"The system is designed to be agnostic," Aggarwal said. "It doesn't matter what app they're using, because we can capture everything with this system."
While online, law enforcement officials can remotely monitor all communications and coach the victim using a separate channel.
It also allows the agents to step in if necessary. With the victim's permission, police can remotely take control of the victim's computer and interact directly with the suspect.
"Having agents remotely take over victims' systems to pursue online pedophiles who stalk kids in chat rooms would be a good use of this system," said professor Robert D'Ovidio of Drexel University, who specializes in criminal justice and cybercrime.
Other applications could include training law enforcement agents to pursue cyberstalkers and monitoring the online communications of parolees and prisoners, said Wade Grant, program coordinator for the National White Collar Crime Center, which is helping to evaluate the system.
Depending on demand from law enforcement officials, the Papa system could be commercialized within a year or so, Aggarwal said.
One obstacle the developers face is a lack of cyberstalking statistics. Online harassment isn't usually tracked by law enforcement agencies -- yet. Many states don't have cyberstalking statutes.
"Cyberstalking as a separate stand-alone statute is pretty new," said Grant. "It's hard to make these cases and (to) document the suspect's behavior."
Last fall, Joelle Ligon made history when -- led by the U.S. attorney's office in Seattle -- she won the first federal case against a cyberstalker, an ex-boyfriend.
The case was costly and involved a large team of investigators, including the Northwest Cyber Crime Task Force -- comprising agents from the FBI, the Secret Service, IRS, Seattle Police Department and Washington State Patrol. Making the case would have been a lot easier if the sizeable law enforcement team involved had been able to gather more detailed evidence.
Steve Schroeder, adjunct professor at Seattle University Law School and one of the first federal prosecutors to pursue cybercrime cases in the late 1990s, said it's possible that such large teams might not be needed in the future, in part because of systems like Papa.
Schroeder said, "(I'm) intrigued. It's the first system I've seen to automate the process of gathering evidence against (cyberstalking) suspects. One agent could monitor multiple victims' (accusers) simultaneously."  




mistoferin -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 10:01:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VandalHeart

Loki, you rock.  Unfortunately, she doesn't want to do this.  Even though stalker-boy has broken their agreement (sorry, agreementS), she does not wish to.


Then in that case, she has effectively tied your hands. You have no other options unless this man will somehow respond to your appeals for no further contact, which I highly doubt will happen. Anything beyond that on your part could also be seen as criminal. I am sure the Moderators could step in...but that really wouldn't solve your problem would it?




VandalHeart -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 10:13:19 PM)

Peachy.




VandalHeart -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 10:14:38 PM)

BTW, sasshay, do they have that system implemented in Kansas?




Wulfchyld -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 10:16:07 PM)

Vandal, I am sure he is most likely lurking on this thread in offline mod. That said he very well might be working into a rage. Psychotic rage is a spooky thing; the movies can barley touch on it.  Bearing that in mind, as her friend and more selfishly so I don’t get tied in knots over worrying about her, go over or have her come to you. Play some fun little world domination games and let "Ol Boy" play with the rope that will hang him. I won't promote vigilante justice, however I will say this; If you have friends... big gnarly biker types come to mind... have them keep an eye on the house and if they find a prowler.... um... er ... play football with him... or even rugby.




BitaTruble -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 10:24:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VandalHeart

They have played together before, before it got this bad, and live in the same town.  This isn't just an online thing.  And petty as it is, she doesn't want to lose her post count.  He has deleted his profile out of anger at her more than once, but can somehow still post.  His only interest is upsetting her, and I am worried that he will take it further...again.

The last time they spoke in person, she had to call me to get him to leave her house.  Had I been awake all the times that she had tried to call me, this would have taken less than five hours.  In that time, he caused several points of porperty damage and violated basically every agreement that they had made from the very beginning of their relationship.  The most basic and sancrosanct of these rules is this: If it ends, it ends - nothing shall pass between the two of us ever again.

I am not just trying to find something to talk about here, this is a very real and very frightening problem.


She needs to take this seriously then. Screw the number of posts.. she can get them built up again with a new name.. I'm talking... MOVE.. change her phone number, get a different job .. the works. I didn't realize this was offline. The guy has threatened to KILL someone?? Holy shit! Isn't that motive enough to call the police, get a restraining order, get the guy locked up? He's already damaged property.. how does she know he's not going to damage HER next? There's a reason for stalking laws.. because the stalkers often turn violent.. and he's already done so .. for her own safety, she can't ignore this.. it's obviously not going away.

Celeste




mistoferin -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 10:27:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VandalHeart
Peachy.


I'm sorry, I know that is not the answer that you wanted to hear. I worked for many years in the field of domestic violence and I know that what I am telling you sucks. I can also tell you that when an offender has already pushed the envelope as far as you describe, the situation is indeed a serious and dangerous one....but I am sure you already knew that.

The reality is though that she is an adult. She makes her own choices. She has to take responsibility for those choices. You could call the police for her but when they arrive on scene and she refuses to cooperate, they will not be pleased and it will not further your cause. Your best bet is to try to convince her of the very real danger, not only to herself, but also to you as I am sure your involvement is not appreciated by this disturbed person. She needs to understand that the safety of the both of you rests in her decision.




BlkTallFullfig -> RE: STALKER (5/21/2006 10:47:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VandalHeart
Unfortunately, she doesn't want to do this.  Even though stalker-boy has broken their agreement (sorry, agreementS), she does not wish to.
You sound her knight in shining armor here to save her.  She either lacks sense and you cant force that into her, or she is playing you so you can come save her.
I could be wrong and it is all the stalker's fault, but there are women who enjoy all the drama and attention of a sicko with stalking tendencies and a knight like yourself.  
I am willing to help a woman in distress, but don't believe in putting myself in the line of fire more than once for someone who comes crying fowl because of a partner.   Women frequently do this to my brothers, and they have gotten into fights before, but hopefully never again;  I've told them and they notice that those women will 99% of the time return to her alleged abuser.   M




Estring -> RE: STALKER (5/22/2006 12:03:43 AM)

How much of this behavior is she going to tolerate? You describe his behavior in very threatening terms and then turn around and say she doesn't want to go to the police? Why not? Is he a danger, or just a nuisance? If he is just a nuisance, she should ignore him and he will get tired of stalking her and find someone else to annoy. If he is a danger, then why the hell is she not doing more than just asking people's opinions? If he is vandalizing her place and making death threats, I am sure the police will take that very seriously.




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