RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (Full Version)

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ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 4:59:32 AM)

This:


quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

While I understand the purpose of the question, I don't think the question is phrased properly, or, it's asked in a context that assumes we weak little s-types need to see our D types as something stronger or more powerful than us who are 'protectors'? Which is never the case for me, so the question seems nonsensical.

Would you think a person, is a lesser person, holds less worth to society or as a friend, or even as a relationship partner because they were mugged?

When someone inflicts a violent crime against another person it doesn't make them less anything, if anything it makes them more experienced in the long run with dealing with the ugly side of life. Being a victim doesn't make you weak, or unintelligent, that is the mind frame of abused partners who think their S.O. beat them because of some fault of their own.

If you encounter a lot of revulsion to your question, this is why, it's based on an assumed line of reasoning that has nothing to do with reality or common sense, only shallow people would find fault with someone for being a victim... and I would certainly hope no one is ever caught in a relationship with someone who devalues you in such a manner.


With a side order of WTF ??

Even if you push the issue of non consensual prison abuse aside, the OP seems to have a case of plain old homophobia, with the additional prejudice against males submitting. It reminds me of a past thread asking how female subs feel about a bi dom or a dom who had had sex with a male. I was surprised how many would reject the dom on that basis alone.

I admit it, I don't get that at all. I prefer well rounded human beings capable of embracing the many different sides of their personalities, as opposed to those who find it necessary to live by a preconceived stereotypical notion of dominance (or submission).





LaTigresse -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 5:10:49 AM)

It tells me why there are SO MANY men that do it on the DL. They are terrfied of what women will think.

Myself, I would rather be aware and honest, building on and working through that sort of shit than pretending it didn't exist only to come bite me in the ass later on.

'beep beep beep beep.... "In breaking news today Reverend Sanctimonious Ass was discovered to have been cruising Cornholio Park after dark....his wife got suspicious when she began having severe vaginal seepage and was diagnosed with crotch rot. She then confronted the rev who accused HER of fucking around. She hired a private investigator who took THESE photos of the good rev in compromising....ahhhhhhhh situations, with attractive young men at the park...More about this breaking story later!"



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 5:12:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Even if you push the issue of non consensual prison abuse aside, the OP seems to have a case of plain old homophobia, with the additional prejudice against males submitting. It reminds me of a past thread asking how female subs feel about a bi dom or a dom who had had sex with a male. I was surprised how many would reject the dom on that basis alone.





I must be non-conformist, I'm quite attracted to the idea of a male who knows what it's like to date a male and can sympathize when I point out how stubborn he's being! (It might also feed into a fantasy of being sandwiched... but I'll never tell.)



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 5:21:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds


I must be non-conformist, I'm quite attracted to the idea of a male who knows what it's like to date a male and can sympathize when I point out how stubborn he's being! (It might also feed into a fantasy of being sandwiched... but I'll never tell.)



I like your style, lady.



DarkSteven -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 6:32:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceGuyNihilist
And it seems reasonable to assume that a woman who actively craves dominance in a man would, if anything, be more inclined than women in general to feel an instinctive revulsion for a man who had been forced into submission himself--and not just submission, but submission of the most degrading kind.



I'm not sure I follow.  Was he supposed to overpower the other men by dint of his massively Dominant personality?

I'll let you in on a secret.  For the first years of my life, I was entirely submissive to two people and unable to function on my own.  Yes, I was a submissive then, and every Dom/me on this site was at that stage of their lives as well.



DesFIP -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 6:32:36 AM)

I have no difficulty with a man who has been robbed, mugged, raped or otherwise been the victim of violence. I do have a problem with anyone who has spent time in prison. To me, having been a one time victim of violence is just the (bad) luck of the draw. But being a gang member, drug dealer, bank robber, child molester and so on who then gets imprisoned rightfully is where I draw the line.



littleone35 -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 8:21:41 AM)

If i was not with Master, and i met a Dom who had been raped  tha would not bother me.  The prison part would a little . i wouds have to know why he was imprisioned.  OP if we take your take on this a woman who is raped is less of a woman?.  I would not see him any different than any other Dom i  might have been interested in.

Matt's littleone



lobodomslavery -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 9:39:36 AM)

Feisty Ladies here. i would love to shag Lady Pact
kevin



GreedyTop -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 9:42:27 AM)

[sm=popcorn.gif]

honestly, kevvie.. *I* have a better chance of that than you do...



lobodomslavery -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 9:45:14 AM)

yeah geographically you do but who knows, i might make it over to Georgia or Atlanta sometime who knows
kevin



LadyPact -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 9:45:38 AM)

GT, you do have a better shot at it.  As for the other, that will happen the day that I take up Roman showers as a kink.



GreedyTop -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 9:53:28 AM)

*smug face*


LOL



DesFIP -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 10:14:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Even if you push the issue of non consensual prison abuse aside, the OP seems to have a case of plain old homophobia, with the additional prejudice against males submitting. It reminds me of a past thread asking how female subs feel about a bi dom or a dom who had had sex with a male. I was surprised how many would reject the dom on that basis alone



I would reject a man as a partner if he were bi.
I'd also reject him if he had a history of submission.

I don't find them compatible.
Can't speak for anyone else, but it isn't homophobia for me. I've spent the last 45 years of my life in a gay community. And I would hardly have done that if I found homosexuality unpleasant.

The heart wants what it wants. And that not infrequently extends to such things as past experiences, desires, weight, height, hair length and color. Or is someone who doesn't find a partner with short hair attractive also bigoted? Where do you draw the line between personal preference and bigotry?



littlewonder -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 10:22:13 AM)

for me it has to do with consent and nonconsent.

If you are nonconsensually a victim of rape, violence, etc...I can overcome that in a relationship if he's working on his issues.

If you've consented to it and you enjoy submitting and being with men then no I can't overcome that and it's a turnoff. That's just a compatibility issue. I don't find gay men or malesubs to be attractive to me. Has nothing to do with being homophobic. It just means I don't get aroused at the thought of such a man.



PeonForHer -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 11:15:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Are you f*cking serious? 

So, if I go out tomorrow and happen to be a victim if a violent attack, I am less of a Dominant to you?  What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Take your supposed revulsion for the victim of violence and shove it up your sanctimonious ass.




LP, personally, I haven't taken the OP that way.

This comment of the OP says a lot for me:

"Would any part of you think less of them if you knew? I do care what your rational, reasonable, moral mind has to say, but I'm more interested in the reptile beneath. "

. . . It implies that the OP's aware that there are likes and dislikes that make no sense. He may or may not have some senseless prejudice about dominants who've been raped by men, but I think that,if he does, then he's conscious that it's senseless. For someone with some sort of psychoanalytic leaning (as I have, and I think the OP has), that's a necessary condition for wiping out a prejudice from the psyche. Not a sufficient one, mind you, but a necessary one.



GreedyTop -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 11:25:21 AM)

personally, I have no less respect for a dominant who might have been raped in prison (although, like others, I'd wanna know WHY he was there).

it was non-consensual... like the times I got raped.

it DOES have an affect on my psyche, but with the right therapist/partner/etc, I have managed to reach my "it's not worth the give a damn factor" point (note: thats what *I* call it, and I recognize that others may not have gotten to that same acceptance/assimilation level I have.. I also recognize that this may sound condescending..it is not meant to in ANY way shape or form.. this is just where *I* am in MY POV)

IF the man were to even admit to having been raped, and in all other ways was a dominant I could relate to in all the ways I need to, I would do all in my power to help him with the damages he may (and probably would) have incurred during the rape(s).

If he were to succumb to victim mentality.. no.. I cant be THAT degree of an emotional caregiver.


I haz a semi-sleepy.. I hope all that rambling made sense,,,.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 11:32:47 AM)

Not a submissive woman, but a person who knows a lot of sub women. Almost ALL of them wouldn't submit to someone who bottomed. Just the IDEA of their domly dom being beaten would change their whole image of him. Ditto with homosexual activity, especially bottoming for sex. Remember some past threads on sub fems packin? HORROR!!

I can't fathom why being the victim of violence--especially in a prison setting, where such violence is virtually condoned--would change a person's view of their dominant. I think it's one of those visceral reactions that almost can't be helped. How many raped women are turned on, because they are "damaged"? Another version of the same thing?



Lucylastic -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 11:36:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Are you f*cking serious? 

So, if I go out tomorrow and happen to be a victim if a violent attack, I am less of a Dominant to you?  What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Take your supposed revulsion for the victim of violence and shove it up your sanctimonious ass.



Requoted for truth
Men who are raped are no less men than a women who was raped is any less of a woman.
What it does to someones head is personal, if you feel different towards a person, then that is YOUR fucking issue



Marc2b -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 11:37:36 AM)

I'm with LadyPact on this one. Nobody, dominant personailities included, is super human. Anyone of us could end of the victim of violence. Being a victim of violence does not make you weak of character and is no cause for shame. Indeed, being the victim of violence is, for some people, the catalyst that brings out a previously unknown strength of will.



PeonForHer -> RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped? (9/16/2011 11:45:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Not a submissive woman, but a person who knows a lot of sub women. Almost ALL of them wouldn't submit to someone who bottomed.


Interesting. I can understand that - and I know I've felt the same way before. I was once in a situation where I was bottoming to a woman - and then she, herself, suddenly began to bottom for a man. All subby feelings in me suddenly evaporated. To be fair, she said to the man, 'But Peon shouldn't see me like this' - and she was correct. But ultimately neither the man, nor she herself, cared. Obviously I never played with her again.

But to flip around your comment, Lady Hib: how would a femdom feel if she knew that I'd played top to a femsub? Would she be turned off to see me do that? I've never really considered that before.



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