RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd been raped?

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/19/2011 10:05:37 PM

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Too long, didn't read, so don't know if this has already been expressed:
On the other side of the kneel, I would be even more gentle about BDSM in general let alone ass-play with a guy who had been raped. I actually *always* ask how he feels about bondage and strapons, etc. before even showing him the toybox, and we would have long, long discussions if he'd ever been assaulted, since I don't want him to be flipping out at the sound of duct tape or velcro or the snap of a belt. And yes, I've had some very surprising answers.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/19/2011 10:30:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

On the other hand, if they allowed the rape to overwhelm them and to continue to control them, then that leads me to perceive them as weak and incapable and a person who allows life to control them.

I see this as an unfair statement to make about all rapes. It would take an exceptionally strong person (and definitely not the norm) to get past a brutal and vicious rape that left that person not only psychologically scarred, but physically maimed as well.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/19/2011 10:35:47 PM

HeatherMcLeather

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I agree, it is an unfair response, but fair and unfair don't enter into it. We were specifically asked for our gut reactions, our instinctual response. And that's mine.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 4:16:01 PM

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Right. Now that a gut response has been offered, it's time the OP actually did something with it. He will no doubt be injecting some psychoanalytic perception any time soon.

Yep, any time now.

Mere minutes to wait, I have no doubt.

Nanoseconds, even.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 4:21:50 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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Nope because the gut response doesn't give him what he was looking for.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 4:46:06 PM

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What do you think he was looking for, then?

Ah, god, Zeph, I generally *hate* amateur shrinks. In my early twenties I cracked up good and proper and saw a professional therapist for four years. During that time, by coincidence, I met so many tedious little twats who fancied themselves as amateur shrinks. Vain, narcissistic and profoundly screwed up little tits, every one of them. Windbags who'd learned that cod-psychoanalysing others was a fine way of forgetting about their own neuroses while at the same time beefing up their own self-images . . . .

However, I'm sure that the OP isn't like this, which is why he'll no doubt be returning to comment any time now.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 9/20/2011 4:47:32 PM >

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 4:51:14 PM

xssve

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I dunno, my guess would be that women would tend to be more sympathetic towards a guy who has been raped than the converse, all them mothering instincts and stuff. Seems like the more fucked up a guy is the more girls trying to save him - fucking Richard Ramiriez practically has a harem fer Chrissakes, little punk ass methhead shitstripe.

Men tend to avoid "damaged goods", women flock to it like moths to the flame.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 4:54:44 PM

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I don't view people as damaged goods but I refuse to take on someone that plays the victim and refuses to help himself.

I guess I don't have those mothering instincts.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 4:59:04 PM

xssve

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Who says we're talking about playing? That's traumatic shit for anybody - guy (or girl) breaks down in your arms and starts crying, you're gonna heap more abuse one 'em? Woman please.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 5:00:55 PM

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Not this woman. Just the opposite, in fact.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Men tend to avoid "damaged goods", women flock to it like moths to the flame.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 9/20/2011 5:01:26 PM >

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 5:05:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

Men tend to avoid "damaged goods", women flock to it like moths to the flame.

Absolutely don't agree with this. I always expect women to be nutty to one degree or another. *All* women are. Sorry, but there it is.

I've got the fatherly instinct - and I know it'd work fine with a Domme, too. I know it sounds weird, but I'm quite sure I could be dominated by a woman who at the same time I'm looking after in what would sometimes feel like quite a daddy/daughter-like way. I don't have any problem with that image, and mix of feelings, whatsoever.

One thing I'll never, ever expect about any D/s relationship of mine is that the feelings involved will be ordered, reasonable and neat. I've done neat: now I want untidy. ;-)

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 5:10:23 PM

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Darling, you are first sub male I have EVER heard say that. Most expect the doms to be self-repairing.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 5:15:55 PM

xssve

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Well, this is not ostensibly a forum for average women, practically every serial killer on death row has groupies, it's a fact.

Point is, woman says, "I've been raped", guy thinks: "shit, now how am I gonna bring up the fact that I'm only here to get into her pants?" Very awkward, I'm almost unnaturally articulate and I don't even know how to respond - the average man just doesn't have a nurturing mode to kick into: we don't have the experience: we don't coo over babies, we throw them around like footballs, we don't giggle and get exited about our buddies wedding plans, we hold a fucking wake, get stupid drunk and cry not because we're so fucking happy, but because the dumb bastards about to throw his life away.

i.e., a lot of it has to do with expectations and the way we're raised, but to comfort the wounded bird is only human, just not sure why some fucking ghoul needs comfort while I'm out here trying to hold the line, but so it goes.

It is, however, what makes us human, not reptiles.

< Message edited by xssve -- 9/20/2011 5:17:12 PM >

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 5:18:24 PM

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There's a difference between my partner crying in my arms which has happened and them playing a victim for the rest of their lives. I have no problem taking care of my partner just as much as he would take care of me but if expects me to coddle him while he never tries to repair his life, that's where I draw the line. I am not his mommy or his rescuer.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 5:20:05 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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I think he was/is looking for a bunch of us to validate his belief that there's this nasty side of us that would reject a Dom who had been raped.

Yeah gotta love those who (if I'm understanding you) figure that having been in therapy gives them the magic ability to diagnose others.

Yup he'll be back back any second. Fancy a game of cards?

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 5:24:01 PM

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How about Scrabble?

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 5:24:05 PM

dovie

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Disclaimer: I haven't read through all 18 pages of this thread. My thoughts are these.

I'm ashamed that in America, if you are a man and go to prison, you are almost assured of being raped. How do we as a society allow this to happen? What have we become as a society to condone such a brutal act on another human being?
I struggle with the realization that my/our government turns their heads to this act of aggression. The rate of AIDS in prison among other infectious diseases is 2.5 times the rate in the USA. I will continue to advocate for changes in the PIC, Prison Industrial Complex.
"No man has a natural right to commit aggression on the equal rights of another, and this is all from which the laws ought to restrain him." Thomas Jefferson

As to the OP, it reads like you enjoyed the youtube film. As to your question, guess what my answer would be?

off my soapbox.
dovie

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 5:30:04 PM

xssve

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Carouselambra

Shit happens. I was in prison for eight months and it's not THAT BAD. The most freedom I've ever experience, IMO.Free food, free shelter, free showers, free crime school. everyone is in survival mode and it's great.

Sounds like default perfect...

I hated every fucking second of it, although I did hear some good stories of human frailty and stupidity.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 6:10:41 PM

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Women in prison have their groupies to. What propels
it in either sex is a kink beyond the maternal
or the paternal.
Given the high number of women who have sexual
abuse in their background, I believe the numbers
are 1 in 3, many men have unknowingly found
themselves with 'damaged goods'.
A lot of men need to feel needed. Many men
are white knights looking for a damsel
in distress.

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RE: Would you be less inclined to submit to a man who'd... - 9/20/2011 6:17:46 PM

NiceGuyNihilist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dovie

As to the OP, it reads like you enjoyed the youtube film.

dovie

I believe I called it "vomit-provoking". However, in an attempt to be mercilessly honest with myself--and you--I added that there may be a part of me that's involuntarily fascinated by the sickness of it. I didn't say I was proud of it. I could've easily pretended I was nothing but disgusted, as I should be, but considering the whole point of starting this thread was facing up to a (possible) unsavory aspect of human nature, that would've made me a bit of a hypocrite, don't you think?

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