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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:10:38 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I'm quite satisfied with my body, sure I amover weight and sure I don'tlike it.   but I  still  have pride and I still will go nude when ever I get the chance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

I want to ask a question. This is going to be a touchy subject. I will say now that I mean absolutely no disrespect in anything I say or ask. I just want to understand. I am trying to figure out why so many sub's and slaves are overweight. I am a little bit, meaning like 35# overweight for me. But there are sooo many that I have met, and see on the computer that have serious weight issues. Master and I have worked out a routine for this girl to lose this weight because of my self esteem and health issues. Well and because Master hates fat ppl.
 
I feel good and confident with clothes on (most of the time). But when I have no clothes on and look in the mirror, I hate the way I look. And that was the 1st reason for me to lose the weight. But now, per Doctors orders. I must lose the weight.
 
Can I ask how any sub / slave can look in the mirror and be pleased with themselves being that way?
How do the Dom's/Domme's feel about there overweight sub/slaves?
Or how do You feel seeing other ones like that?
Isn't health issues a major concern?
It is for me and I use to think that I was fine. I was just a little overweight. And I am, and it is still a problem for me.
Like I said, I am not trying to disrespect anyone. I am overweight too and talking about myself. But I am not letting my issue go and letting myself get beyond overweight. I don't want to be insecure about myself and ppl not see the sexy side of me because I am fat. And I am very down on myself for the weight. So I don't understand how anyone can be proud of being fat. And want to stay that way. Or want There subs or slaves that way.
I see so many overweight subs and slaves in the lifestyle and I would like to understand why there are so many.
Is it because of the weight?
Is it because of insecurities?
I have been to a couple BDSM events and I was in the minority. I was one of the skinniest people there. I was shocked to see this.
I guess my real reason for this post is to find out what brings people or draws people to this lifestyle that are overweight.
Do the subs and slaves that are overweight feel they can please there Dom in ALL ways being overweight.
I don't, that is MY reason for losing it. Master and I just discussed this issue and He says I am doing it for me. And I know I am not. And that is why I fail at diets and don't stick to exercising for very long. Yes I want to look good. But I want to be samantha on bewitched and twitch my nose and it be done. Not have to work at it. I am lazy. And I know it. That is why I gained the weight to begin with. And with 4 kids and active with them, how I am overweight, I may never know. That was contradicting, smiles. Ok other than my kids and being with them I don't want to do anything else.  
 
Thank you for reading, and I hope to get some POSITIVE responses. I just want to understand.

rose442

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:12:16 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

So girl, throw your shoulders back, lift your head up high, and own it baby!


I say "Dat Dom's da bomb"...   awwwwwwwww 

(...and angelface is right...some men prefer a little meat on the bone.)

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:13:25 PM   
Nyxalinth2


Posts: 35
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

I am trying to figure out why so many sub's and slaves are overweight. I am a little bit, meaning like 35# overweight for me. But there are sooo many that I have met, and see on the computer that have serious weight issues. Master and I have worked out a routine for this girl to lose this weight because of my self esteem and health issues. Well and because Master hates fat ppl
Well rose, I'm glad you're not pretending to be worried about the dominants, because just like everything else in my life, I would say it's none of your business.

It seems your master found the right target for his control.  I hope your self esteem is better by the time the weight issue is resolved, because chances are you will still dislike yourself, and he will find some other imperfection you'll need to fix...  I hope I'm wrong, and you don't end up the way this love story sounds like it's going to end= not pretty.  

One can be proud to be a valued/loved human being at any weight for your information. 
A friend of mine works with cardiac patients, told me of a man in his 40s who is in great shape had a heart attack while on the threadmill; she also told me of a young vegetarian girl who had a viral infection, needed ventricular assist devices, and a heart transplant while in perfect shape and culturally accepted outer beauty...  I told her, that exercise will kill yah everytime, LMAO...  I'm kidding of course, but for those of you who think that you'll live a happy healthy, long life simply because you are "perfect" weight, you couldn't be more wrong.   In my opinion, working on being a decent human being, investing in doing onto others as you'd had done onto you (especially with your family or loved ones), and loving the skin God/dess put you in, and you'll likely do better overall in this life.   M


I'm mostly straight, but damn, I think I'm in love :)

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:14:59 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Okay, here is where I piss everyone off even worse than normal.  The scene is over representative of overweight people because when thin people come in and look around for someone thin and don't see them, they leave.  The scene is self selecting for large people.

Same goes for people who are more monogamous, they come into the scene, see that it is mostly centered around people who play with more than one partner and they TEND (meaning if this doesn't apply to you and unless you are the only person in the world, you don't need to say it doesn't apply to you) to leave the scene.

One day I dream of creating the S&M group for people who hate S&M groups.

< Message edited by CrappyDom -- 5/22/2006 5:16:17 PM >

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:19:21 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nyxalinth2
I'm mostly straight, but damn, I think I'm in love :)
I'm completely straight, but I can still love yah.
I don't mean in that way, but in a general way.    M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Nyxalinth2)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:20:40 PM   
andal


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom
That size 16 was one of the sexiest women I have ever been with.  In fact, she was hot enough to permanently warp my sensibilities...One of the things she did possess that made her so erotic, was she truly loved her body.  Not to the point of arrogance, but just nice healthy love.  She also always took the time to dress well and took pride in her appearance but I believe that was part of the healthy love of herself.

When I was in college the first time, I was in choir (sang tenor.)  One of the Altos who stood right in front of me was significantly overweight (300+)  She had a great personality, and I considered her a good friend.  After the first coupla months when we all got to know each other better as people instead of sections, I went to a party.  She could have taken home just about any guy there, and I couldn't quite figure it out.  I asked a friend who had been at the college for 2 years about it.  He agreed that she could take any guy home, and admitted that he had with a bit of pride in his voice.  I asked him what her appeal was.  "She's fun.  She's a great person.  She is so comfortable with herself that you feel better just being around her, and sleeping with her is an incredibly spiritual experience."  I knew from talking with her that she was a great person and a good friend, and although I never slept with her we did make out once a few weeks later, and they were right.  She was so self-accepting that I felt better about myself being with her.  I'm not sure what happened to her, but I can guarantee you she's happy with who she is, where she is, and it wouldn't matter if she was 130 pounds or 1300 pounds.  I strive for that amount of self-acceptance.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:23:22 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Where do I sign up?

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:23:50 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nyxalinth2
I'm mostly straight, but damn, I think I'm in love :)
I'm completely straight, but I can still love yah.
I don't mean in that way, but in a general way.    M


Not that there's anything wrong with that LOL.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:26:06 PM   
xxmstrchasxx


Posts: 423
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Well and because Master hates fat ppl.


He must hate a lot of people.  Personally, I look for what is in the heart more than whether they are skinny or overweight.  I have had subs that were 102 pounds and some 200 pounds.

Again. for me, I can be attracted to either one according to their heart and not just looks alone.  I have seen some subs that were skinny that I wouldn't even allow in my house because of their attitude, likewise with overweight subs, again their heart matters to me more than anything.

_____________________________

XxMasterChasxX

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:27:17 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

A friend of mine works with cardiac patients, told me of a man in his 40s who is in great shape had a heart attack while on the threadmill 3 days ago, followed by immediate cardiac surgery, than followed by a stroke about 3 days ago; she also told me of a young vegetarian girl who had a viral infection, needed ventricular assist devices, and a heart transplant while in perfect shape and culturally accepted outer beauty (a year or 2 ago)...  I told her, that exercise will kill yah everytime, LMAO...  I'm kidding of course, but for those of you who think that you'll live a happy healthy, long life simply because you are "perfect" weight, you couldn't be more wrong.  


"On a long enough time line, the survival rate of everybody drops to zero."  Tyler Durden, Fight Club

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:32:15 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
"On a long enough time line, the survival rate of everybody drops to zero."
   Hahaha, Perfect.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:36:41 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		Well said angel.  Why do people who have bad self-images themselves feel they must put those insecurities onto other people.  I happen to be a plus-size sub.  I want to firm up a little more but I am very happy with who I am and I love having meat on my bones.  In my mind, voluptuous is yummy.

_____________________________

~littlemissy~

(in reply to angelface183)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:41:32 PM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		I think loosing it important for health reason but do it in a healthy way. I was in the army and was 3 pound over weight and not matter what I I could not loosed it. What sounds like to me you have the wrong Master because he is making yourself feel bad about yourself and no Master should be doing that? They need to encourage and give you tasks you can do with out feel bad about yourself. If your desire to loose weight then make an appointment with your doctor and he can give you a referral to a dietitian. You will keep pushing yourself to loose that weight to the point of endangering your health. Some people are able to loose weight and some can not no matter what they do.  By the way my sister was anorexia and bulimia.  

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:54:05 PM   
suggababy23


Posts: 73
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline 		Wow. 

I really had to read and reread this post to let it fully sink in. 

Rose, you said you wanted some positive comments so I will try to furnish that for you.  To begin, I am a big girl.  Lucky for me, at my size I carry most of my weight in my ass and my breasts and trust me I love every inch of it and so does my Dom.  Big ass makes spankings a little more fun.  However on the flip side I do walk, when I can and I am a pretty healthy eater.  I work out at the gym as well.  I am not on a diet or a fitness plan.  I do these things because I enjoy them.  I agree with previous posts where you have to see that this is only a representation of the larger community.  The US has a largely overweight population.  But please, I am begging you, please do not think that someone's size dictates their feelings about themselves.  I love myself.  I love every inch of me and when I love myself, it makes it that much easier to serve him.  Lose the weight because you want to, not because you think it will make him happier.

 Honestly anyone who "hates" a general group of people would toss a red flag at me.  If he said he hated black people or gays...would it be different?  I don't think so.  It's all discrimination.  Perhaps you meant that in general he didn't find people who were overweight enjoyable to be around.  What about overweight Doms?  What does he think of them?  What do you think of them? 

I challenge you to actually meet an overweight sub and speak with her, get to know her as a person and not as a size.  I think that will make this all a bit less confusing for you.

(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:56:03 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nyxalinth2
I used to beat myself up for being overweight.  I stopped.  I REFUSE to wait until my weight reaches some secret super speshul magical number on a scale before enjoying my life, vanilla or otherwise.


 While I don't advocate people being careless about their health, I do believe that obsessing, and torturing oneself, over a weight issue is a waste of time and energy. Trust me, it's gotten me nowhere, and I began at 11.

Healthy eating and exercise are important issues for all creatures. A majority of North Americans eat badly and are far too sedentary. Not all of them are overweight, so focusing on the people who carry around extra weight is ridiculous. I refuse to be a scapegoat for this.

As for feeling sexy...Damn right, I feel sexy. I've had sexual experiences that most people only dream about (as have many of us here), and I've learned that sexiness is about attitude, not looks. Because of the way I treat people, and the nature that I have, I have no shortage of opportunities. Loving yourself makes you appealling to people, not a number on a scale.

I agree with the poster who said that a dom who takes on a sub with a weight issue and then says he 'hates fat people' is telling her he hates her, and personally, I have far to much self-respect to stay with someone creepy like that. I'll continue to date men who see me for the gorgeous, (inside and out), person that I am.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Nyxalinth2)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:57:57 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

I want to ask a question. This is going to be a touchy subject. I will say now that I mean absolutely no disrespect in anything I say or ask. I just want to understand. I am trying to figure out why so many sub's and slaves are overweight. I am a little bit, meaning like 35# overweight for me. But there are sooo many that I have met, and see on the computer that have serious weight issues. Master and I have worked out a routine for this girl to lose this weight because of my self esteem and health issues. Well and because Master hates fat ppl.

...Master and I just discussed this issue and He says I am doing it for me. And I know I am not. And that is why I fail at diets and don't stick to exercising for very long. Yes I want to look good. But I want to be samantha on bewitched and twitch my nose and it be done. Not have to work at it. I am lazy. And I know it. That is why I gained the weight to begin with. And with 4 kids and active with them, how I am overweight, I may never know. That was contradicting, smiles. Ok other than my kids and being with them I don't want to do anything else.



Rose, there certainly is an upward weight trend among many enthusiasts of BDSM, particularly in a certain Western civilization known as the United States of America. Of course, what is considered a "problem" and what is deemed "aesthetic" is relative, according to the viewer, or the victim of a lifestyle of fast food. For instance, I do appreciate a reasonably curvaceous form just as much as the traditionally slender ideal; beauty comes in many forms no doubt, and not everyone needs to come from the same cookie cutter mold.

Be that as it may, the fault of weight is a subject you just don't usually bring up in open conversation; I will further say there is often a dangerous silence that surrounds it, but as much as we are beaten by the cudgel of political correctness into telling polite little lies where this matter is concerned, it does not change the fact that there is a point where weight does become a health problem—if not a functional or aesthetic one, in the very least.

You have taken the first step toward escaping that nonsense and addressing possible health issues that may result—if not now, then later on down the road of life. You likewise understand the personal self esteem issues tied to your weight, and are facing them without self deception. You are on the right track, and I wish you the strength to succeed in your efforts. Good luck.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 5:58:16 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		As a Dominant, I would like to say that I am not overweight and in fact was told to gain weight at one point in my life.  My last sub weighd 130 when I first met her and was so sure she had to lose an extra ten pounds.  When we seperated, she was right at 200.  Rose, you have asked several questions here.  In response to why we accept some with more weight than others, it is because of the way they think about themselves and act around us, combined with what they want for themselves.  If my sub was a fantastic person and weighed 220 at 5 ft 4 and wanted to lose weight for herself or becaise her doctor said she had to loose the weight for health reasons, I would work with her to accomplish that weight reduction.  If she did not need to loose the weight for medical reasons or for her own self esteem, I would say that is fine.  In the end, it is how the sub/slave treats and acts around her dominant that matters more.  If she is not happy, she can not make me happy.  As for the rest of your questions, I think most have been answerred here already.  Do some come to this life with insecurities, yes but that can be said about the skinny ones also.  They come because they can and will be accepted not for how they look but for what is inside themselves but that in itself is an entirely diffrrent thread. 

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 6:07:47 PM   
texasbutterfly


Posts: 84
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		okay, i have avoided this thread like the plague because well...i just didn't like the subject.  but a friend of mine said i should read it so i did.

i am overweight.  am i happy being so, no, am i trying to lose some of the weight, yes. those are given answers. 

however, my self esteem problems have nothing to do with my weight or how i look.  they stem from doubts about my ability to please my dom when the time comes.

i am a beautiful person on the inside but you will never see that if you can't see past my size.  i have a great sense of humor that comes out at the oddest moments, i have a wonderful mind and can talk about just about anything, and i have wide and varied interests so surely we can find something we have in common....but you will never know any of that if you can't see past my size.

it almost sounded like you thought that we overweight subs felt we couldn't find that special someone unless we let them flog us or tie us up first.  well, i did not come to this lifestyle because i am overweight...i came to this lifestyle because i am submissive and need to give up control to someone who knows what to do with it.

okay, i am finished venting now.  i'll go back to practicing my submissive ways.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 6:12:37 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelface183

First of all pervy, you are adorable.  I too had a family that told me that I was fat and I wore a size 5 in High School.  In my early 20's I had a coke problem and got down to a size 1.  My family thought that I looked great!  Never mind that I had flabby tits, a skinny body, and a huge head.  I looked like ET!

18 years late I am a size 18 with large breasts and an ample rump and all of the curves that go with them.  I am happier with who I am than I ever have been.  And when I am with Him, I rarely wear clothes.  Why; because He thinks I am hot and He wants to be able to look at and touch me.  What more can a girl ask for?  Do I need to lose weight for me and my Beloved to be happy?  Hell, no! 

So you little perverse angel, I guess we are two of the lucky one who found Doms who love and adore us for the women that we are, not the ones that they would like for us to be.

angelface


Thank  you :) I think I got pretty lucky, because I got out of my childhood with huge self esteem issues, but WITHOUT an eating disorder.

I can see that it can be a good thing for an Owner to want his girl/boy to loose weight, if loosing weight will increace their health and self esteem, but I think that those kind of changes need to be coupled with acceptance. That is, I would change whatever my Owner wanted me to change, but the reason I am so comfortable doing that is because I know he loves me, period, and that any changes he'd have me make are to make me better and to please him. Also, I know any changes he makes wouldn't be because he didn't like me, or thought I was unworthy or ugly or somehow less.

I guess what I'm saying is that I couldn't change for someone who didn't love me before I changed. If me loosing weight, or growing my hair out, or wearing colored contacts is a -criteria- of loving me, and being with me, then I wouldn't want to be with that person. As I say about belonging to my Owner, he doesn't need to respect me now that I belong to him, but I needed him to respect me so that I could give myself to him. He can change me however he sees fit, because he loves me -without- changes.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to angelface183)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/22/2006 6:15:14 PM   
kassidy


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		First off, i want to ask a question that some other people here asked as well.  why would a Dominant who hates fat people get involved with someone He felt was overweight?  There should have just not been any attraction there.  People, either in BDSM or otherwise, should be getting into a relationsip with a person they like, not a person they think they might like with some modifications.  In the end neither person will end unhappy.  Been there done that, and i didn't even get a farking t-shirt.

There are health reasons to not carry extra weight, and conversely there are health reasons that people do carry extra weight, be that genetics or medication.  Looking sexy, or being appealing to members of the opposite sex has very little to do with the number on the scale and quite a bit to do with how you carry yourself.  A woman who is confident in the fact that she is beautiful, sexy and desireable will have more men (or women) flocking to her than a person who is at their "ideal" body weight who doesn't have a lick of self confidence.

To the original poster:  If *you* feel you need to lose weight, then do it for *you*.  Losing weight because someone else wants you to rarely works, and tends to invoke feelings of resentment, which undermine the realtionship at its core.  If you want to lose weight for the goodness of your health, then do it for that reason.  But if you don't feel confident in yourself with the "extra 35 pounds", chances are losing 35 pounds is not going to suddenly make you confident.  Nor would loosing any amount of weight.  Self confidence comes from within, don't try to look for it from an external source.  You also asked if overweight subs/slaves felt they could "fully" serve their Masters/Mistresses.  Speaking from my point of view only, my Master has yet to ask me to do something that i physically can not do.  And i think He would be rather saddened if i lost enough weight to be at my "ideal" body weight, cause He likes my breasts *chuckles*

selena{MD}
devoted slave girl, loved and Owned forever

(in reply to mstrj69)
Profile   Post #: 40
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