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RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 8:20:27 AM

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i don't understand the animosity throughout this thread....perhaps rose struck a nerve?

i have also noticed that there are many overweight submissives, a greater percentage than throughout the general population i would guess....and an even higher percentage are online...that's my perception anyway....i don't know why that is, and i think that is the only thing rose is asking.....

to paraphrase - "why is there a higher percentage of overweight submissives than found in "vanilla society?".... i've heard it said that some overweight people eat because of some inner pain - i've also heard it said that some submissives are seeking to end some inner pain....perhaps there's a correlation? it could be an interesting discussion if people would put their emotions aside and actually talk about the subject....

some men love thin women, some men love heavy women....whatever floats your boat....BUT, the majority of the population agrees with rose's Master's and "hates fat people"....i recently read a survey in which most high school students would rather lose an arm than be overweight....what does that tell you?

weight is a painful issue, which may be why many people get so defensive....i don't think that's any reason to jump all over rose and her Master, especially in regards to judging their relationship...perhaps we could just discuss the topic?

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 8:28:10 AM

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babyblues,

The animosity came from the OP:

quote:

Can I ask how any sub / slave can look in the mirror and be pleased with themselves being that way?

(in reply to babyblues)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 8:33:00 AM

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From: North Carolina
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Dont put a post up if you cant take the statements that come with it. She opened the door and the rest followed. If you are happy with who you are that is that is the important thing.

(in reply to cummslave)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 8:35:37 AM

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

Thank you to all who have replyed. All were pretty much sticking to my post and doing good. Then it took a wicked turn. I just want to understand the mindset of overweight people. Male, female, sub, slave, Dom, Master, or Mistress. I was not bashing anyone. I was as respectful and calm as possible, so I did not offend anyone. Why did this post have to turn into bashing Master or myself? Wwe are all adults here, why can’t there be open honest discussions on this without being mean or hateful?
rose442

rose, I didn't see anyone bashing you. I saw people reading what you posted and responding with concern for you and why you have a master that is apparently an asswipe. Then, your master posted himself and proved that everything was taken completely in context and he really is a dick. He came in and showed us all what an uncaring, thoughtless bastard he is. He told us all how little he thinks of you by calling you lazy, fat, and a poor mother. He told us how he has to rear your horrible children, and how their fathers are all useless and bad fathers. I'm sure your kids' self esteem is boosted even more by hearing this (probably often) than it is when they hear your master call you fat and lazy. He called you a whore as well.

No one attacked you, yet. I'm sure you will take this as an attack, but please believe that I say this with the best of intentions. You are an adult, you chose this relationship. For good or for ill, it's your choice to make. Your children on the other hand have no choice in the matter. They are subjected to a man that's been with them for the last 3 years and talks about them on a public forum meanly and rudely. If he's calling them names here, he is certainly doing it there. And even if he's not, no one can hide their true feelings all the time. I'm sure that your children feel the strain of his obvious disdain and resentment of them. IF what he said is true, then this master is the best male role model that your poor children have. How sad. I hope, but doubt, that you will think more of your children than you do yourself, and stand up to him for their sake.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to rose442)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 8:36:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: babyblues

some men love thin women, some men love heavy women....whatever floats your boat....BUT, the majority of the population agrees with rose's Master's and "hates fat people"....i recently read a survey in which most high school students would rather lose an arm than be overweight....what does that tell you?

It says to me that teenagers are INCREDIBLY vain. Which is nothing new. It also tells me that to a certain degree society has programmed them to be concerned with looks until it blocks out just about everything else. Sad, isn't it?

zuma

(in reply to babyblues)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 8:36:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelface183

babyblues,

The animosity came from the OP:

quote:

Can I ask how any sub / slave can look in the mirror and be pleased with themselves being that way?

You forgot the part where her Master referred to overweight people as lazy, multiple times. It's basically those generalization statements which criticize an entire genre of people, that will pretty much get someone skewered on a message board. If you're going to set out to slay people, don't use a boomerang.

(in reply to angelface183)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 8:44:46 AM

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Catch a clue: http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/obesity/trend/maps/index.htm

Weight wouldn't be a painful issue if people didn't hate fat people - and gee, that sure is a lot of people to hate on. Personally, I dislike intolerance in all its forms. When I see intolerance it makes me want to ridicule and call out the source of the intolerance. Master Stoney comes across like an intolerant jerk and his submissive comes here to repeat his words to us. No one is obligated to be polite to these fools.

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to angelface183)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 8:45:45 AM

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quote:

You forgot the part where her Master referred to overweight people as lazy, multiple times.

I remembered that as well. I just wanted to point out to babyblues how offensively the OP tired not to offend. I have to print it again:

quote:

Can I ask how any sub / slave can look in the mirror and be pleased with themselves being that way?

Rose, what the hell is wrong with you that you think that you get to dictate how I feel about myself based on what I see in the mirror? I look through MY eyes not yours and I love the woman that I have become. I have been through a lot in my 39 years and I like who I am. How dare you tell me that I should feel differently because I wear a size larger than you think I should!

< Message edited by angelface183 -- 5/23/2006 8:49:25 AM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 8:58:36 AM

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Joined: 8/10/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelface183

babyblues,

The animosity came from the OP:

quote:

Can I ask how any sub / slave can look in the mirror and be pleased with themselves being that way?

do you know what i see there angel? her own pain and lack of self-esteem...it's a sad thing and i see it in a lot of overweight people....which is why this could really be an interesting topic if we were ever to discuss it.....

btw...how cute are you? look at that pretty smile and sweet friendly face....that says a whole lot more than any dress size ever could....

(in reply to angelface183)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 9:05:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterStoney442

First off Nyxalinth2, The use of bucko, you can take that and put it where eat . And you did not ask that question to me . You asked that of my slave . Read your own words .

**Put it where eat? It looks sort of like English, but I am not sure.

In this life style we all find what we want ,and we all mold that person into what we want . But hey you would not know any thing of that as I can see by your BS mouth . It is always the truth that one says that gets others all up tight , Ever notice that ? lol.

BS Mouth...getting uptight by the truth...Pot. Kettle. Black.

Yes, I asked her, and I asked YOU, too. My conclusion--You're too much of a jackass to get what you really want, so you had to find someone to browbeat--I mean mold.

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 9:07:54 AM

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Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442
I am trying to figure out why so many sub's and slaves are overweight. I am a little bit, meaning like 35# overweight for me. But there are sooo many that I have met, and see on the computer that have serious weight issues.

I agree that there are many overweight people in the lifestyle, disproportionate to the general population. Just like a lot of coastal beaches have many thinner people disproportionate to the population. My theory is that there are a lot of people in the lifestyle who are more accepting of others in general. Whereas the beach might make an overweight person overly self-reflective and icky, the dungeon is a more welcoming environment. Instead of "ewwww, fat lady in a bikini." a lot of us have an attitude of "bring that big ole sexy ass over here and let me paddle it!"

quote:

Master and I have worked out a routine for this girl to lose this weight because of my self esteem and health issues. Well and because Master hates fat ppl.

What a shame he feels that way. I've found that people who hate others based on appearance are usually quite shallow and superficial. You said you are overweight. Does he hate you?
I could neither have a relationship with someone I hate, nor have a relationship with someone who hated me, regardless of the reason for the hatred.

quote:

Can I ask how any sub / slave can look in the mirror and be pleased with themselves being that way?

As you've seen from the responses thus far, many of them are quite pleased with themselves.

quote:

How do the Dom's/Domme's feel about there overweight sub/slaves?

I like my boys and girls with meat on em. I find the weight attractive, as long as they are healthy. I can't get into the stick thin thing. It's kind of like hugging my broom.

quote:

Or how do You feel seeing other ones like that?

It doesn't phase me one way or the other. I'm more impressed with one's personality than their weight.

quote:

Isn't health issues a major concern?

As others have said... although health and weight can be related, it is often not the case. I don't have an attraction to someone so overly obese that they have heart problems and diabetes, but even then, it's not their weight that detracts from their beauty. It's their lack of initiative to keep themselves healthy. I know some very healthy overweight people, and some very ill thin people.

quote:

So I don't understand how anyone can be proud of being fat. And want to stay that way. Or want There subs or slaves that way.

There comes a point in my weight when I say "Ok. getting a bit out of hand. Time to back up and be more cautious." But overall, I prefer myself about 30 - 50 pounds *over* what the infamous weight charts say I should be. "Ideally", I'm "supposed" to weigh 112. I think I'm sexy as hell at about 145 - 150. Getting down around 130, I start looking sickly, malnourished, gaunt, and knobby. I can't imagine weighing the "ideal" 112. I think I'd resemble someone dying in a hospital bed. On the other end of the spectrum, getting above about 165-170, I don't feel as good.
Technically, I guess at 145-150, I'd be considered "obese" because it's about 40 pounds over my "ideal" weight. At that point, then I guess yes, I would be proud of being fat. I don't really know how to explain "why" except to say I feel pretty, sexy, confident, and appealing at that "fatness".

quote:

I see so many overweight subs and slaves in the lifestyle and I would like to understand why there are so many.
Is it because of the weight?
Is it because of insecurities?
.....I guess my real reason for this post is to find out what brings people or draws people to this lifestyle that are overweight.

I touched on this above. I don't think it has much to do with insecurities, as acceptance of people for who they are instead of how they look.

quote:

Do the subs and slaves that are overweight feel they can please there Dom in ALL ways being overweight.

My pleasure really isn't dependent on my sub's weight. I haven't met many (any?) people in real life who are so morbidly obese that they can't serve me a glass of water, rub my feet, or brush my hair.

quote:

Master and I just discussed this issue and He says I am doing it for me. And I know I am not. And that is why I fail at diets and don't stick to exercising for very long.

Maybe this is because he hates fat people and therefore, hates you? Most submissives aren't inclined to please people who hate them.

quote:

I am lazy.

If you find a cure, let me know. I have a few lazy people in my life (including my adolescent son), who could use a good anti-laziness strategy.

quote:

Thank you for reading, and I hope to get some POSITIVE responses. I just want to understand.

I don't know that might responses were "positive", but they were at least honest, and relative to your questions.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to rose442)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 9:11:52 AM

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I think that it is human nature for people to "think" about how we appear. It is in part what seperates us as humans. Most everyone I know has something about themselves physically they aren't the "happiest" with. Whether it be weight, the size of their nose, hair color, or the way their feet look. It is normal to have these "insecurieties" about yourself (note this does NOT mean that they aren't a secure/confident person) it just means that they aren't as happy with one part of their body. In the same way that they could feel about a lot of things...you have a job, great pay, great benefits, great people to work with, yet you hate waking up at 6:30 to go, but just because you don't like the one issue with waking up early doesn't mean that you hate your job and don't love or appreciate all the positive things about it as well. Same as your body, just because someone is honest enough to say, " I don't like the fact that I am overweight and I am wanting to change that about myself and that I seek help through my dominant to do so", does not mean that person doesn't love themself or that they aren't a confident person. (ok note here that I am speaking in a general sense, not necessarily in regards to the way the original post was worded!)

I have "weight issues", nothing major but I am trying to lose some weight for both myself and my Dominant. Does this mean that once I loose the weight he will only find something else about me to "change". Absolutely not! He thinks that I am beautiful the way that I am, but for my own comfort and in return more pleasure for him, we are working on it together, as we do most things in our lives.

I think it is great so many here are as happy and confident with themselves physically! I try my best to "nurture" a healthy mind, body, and spirit, but in order for me to do that it takes me getting real with myself (which my partner helps me to do) I want a healthy body as much as I do the other two, and I don't see anything wrong with wanting to change that, or anything wrong in submitting to a man that wants me to change that as well...

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 9:12:36 AM

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quote:

do you know what i see there angel? her own pain and lack of self-esteem

I see that too. Perhaps if she had said, "How did you ladies learn to love yourselves for who you are?" there would not have been a problem. Maybe many of us would have jumped up told her how it is that we came to like and love ourselves instead of feeling like we had to rush to defend something that should in no way require defending.

Thanks for saying I'm cute. Approaching 40 and still getting "cute"...and carded!

(in reply to babyblues)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 9:19:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

a lot of us have an attitude of "bring that big ole sexy ass over here and let me paddle it!"

laughs....i have to say Proprietrix, i always love reading Your posts....

(in reply to Proprietrix)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 9:23:07 AM

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thank u for letting me know that, i am a true slave to one Master, i dont have a weight issue, but i think its unfair to judge someone on that alone, thanks littleone

(in reply to cummslave)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 9:37:55 AM

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yourMissTress,

Don't hold back, just say what's on your mind.

You have to admire someone that doesn't beat around the bush and can tell it like it is.

< Message edited by xxmstrchasxx -- 5/23/2006 9:41:38 AM >

_____________________________

XxMasterChasxX

(in reply to yourMissTress)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 9:38:35 AM

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From: NJ/NYC
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Hello Rose,

I am coming at this from the perspective of someone who has struggled with being underweight since birth (weighing in at 3lbs 4 oz, but not considered a preemie). I am as flat chested as a 14 year old boy, but have been offered many time, and offended at the suggestion, of buying me breast implants. I think it is a bit shallow for someone to wish you to alter yourself into becoming something that you are not, just to be more appealing in their eyes.. I say its not what you have on the outside that counts, but more of what you have on the inside.
I also think there is a bonus of nice naturally plump breasts that I find attractive in bigger women compared to the ones I was born with.

Those of us who engage in BDSM activities rebell against a vanilla world as what perceived as normal. So if a Dominant/submissive is over weight, it could be, they are fine with what they are in their own skin, and a little more aware of their body image and just don't buy into the hype of having that ideal body image that you see in mags and tv, selling us the products to make us all look perfect.

For health issues, I can see why someone might be concerned about weight, since it can be linked to a number of risks, and yet the bigger health issues with risks are not weight related, but stress related. It can be quite stressful to try to mold yourself into what other people want you to be, especially trying to maintain everything else in your life, such as children, job, and partner (in your case, Master). If I had a Master/sub who wanted a Cindy Crawford type, then he better look like Richard Gere.

_____________________________

My stiletto boots fit like gloves around his wrists.. as I locked them on I knew we were a match!

(in reply to rose442)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 9:52:39 AM

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(Using fast reply here)

Shakes head..... walks away from the shallow minded

Owned.... we're outta grannysmiths....

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to NINASHARP)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 10:41:58 AM

MasterStoney442

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Joined: 8/23/2005
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Proprietrix and all the others that have asked that Question ( do I hate my slaverose442) NO I do not . And she knows this all to well.

I know all you that have replied to this post must be in a perfect relasionship . It seems that way to me . Oh but wait I must be reading the wrong post LOL. I should have read all the ones that are of Perfect relasionships .Then just mybe I would know how to do this LOL .

Hell I do not like Bush and he's the Pres. Oh damn shoot me .

_____________________________

when you look at life it looks back at you

(in reply to Proprietrix)

RE: subs and slaves weight? - 5/23/2006 10:50:51 AM

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Actually, MasterStoney, a number of us who replied to this thread are in very fulfilling relationships with people who love us the way that we are. No one should try to change another person in any kind of relationship. Relationships are about growth and encouragement; that was the point that so many were trying to make with Rose. But if you had taken the time to completely read the posts you would know that.

< Message edited by angelface183 -- 5/23/2006 10:58:22 AM >

(in reply to MasterStoney442)

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