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RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:02:25 AM

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Just to clarify, I don't mean to be coming across as sexist. Mommy might want her assets protected too. I make more money than a lot of the men I have dated over the years. If something happens to me, I want everything I have to go to my children. By protecting myself, I am protecting them. My marriage may not last, but the fact that I am a mother always will.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Amygdalin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I actually didn't see this the first time I read it. All I can say is... what? So, a bitter 8 year old who is getting a new mommy is going to be more accepting of her because daddy's assets are protected? Do those thoughts enter an 8 year old's mind?

Maybe I have read this wrong. I am hoping I read it wrong.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 9/23/2011 11:27:08 AM >

_____________________________

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The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
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RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:07:15 AM

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If G.D. were to kick the bucket tomorrow I would be left with, not one but two, big fat pensions, a farm paid for, a spiffy HD motorcycle, 3 vehicles that are paid for, and lord only knows what else.

That, combined with my assets, is already designated for our 3 adult children and their children. It WILL be protected.

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RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:09:55 AM

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In the case of one partner dying, it is easy to protect assets through a will or trust or whatever, for distribution to the kids. In the event of a divorce, though, a lot of those assets can be dissipated.
What is really surprising me these days is the number of elderly people, sometimes who have been married for 50 years or more, who are deciding to get divorced.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

If G.D. were to kick the bucket tomorrow I would be left with, not one but two, big fat pensions, a farm paid for, a spiffy HD motorcycle, 3 vehicles that are paid for, and lord only knows what else.

That, combined with my assets, is already designated for our 3 adult children and their children. It WILL be protected.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:10:19 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Amygdalin

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I wouldn't marry someone I can't trust.

To me a prenup says "I'm jaded from past relationships and I'm now going to carry that over and put all of it on you".

Pretty much sums it up for me. If you have trust issues with the person, why get married in the first place? To me, if you don't feel you can completely trust the other person will all you have or own, then you shouldn't be considering a marriage.

Personally, I would feel insulted if a girl asked for one. That would show me she didn't really know me and definitely didn't trust me. I think at that point I would seriously have to take stock of the relationship.

Mentality is paramount in everything in our lives. The right outlook and state of mind can do wonders. If you start something with a skewered outlook you're results are going to be skewered. As I said in the other thread.

I think starting with those kinds of trust issues sets it up for failure. Someone wrote in the last thread that it is insurance. Much like health insurance. Just because you get health insurance doesn't mean you will get sick. That's true. You get health insurance in case you get sick. Same for a prenup. You get it in case you get a divorce, which tells me you have divorce on your mind before you've even been married.

No wonder so many marriages end in divorce today. And to all of you who have been taken to the cleaners or taken advantage of, I am truly sorry. I know people, especially once fooled, have a tendency to be suspicious and guarded.

My whole point is if you feel that way about someone, why consider a marriage? I certainly don't want to feel I have to guard myself or protect myself from the one person in the world I'm supposed to be closest to.

the bold part about no wonder so many marriages end in divorce today.. it makes me laugh cuz i doubt very many of those marriages had prenups which, as you put it, set the marriage up for failure.. So, imo, prenups dont cause marriages to break up, people do..

I dont want a partner to take care of me financially (or i would have married a sugardaddy many years ago) and i dont want to take care of him financially, it doesnt matter if we are living together, married or split up. Imo, its more than enough for me to take care of me and him to take care of him. So whats his is his and whats mine is mine, no matter whose assets/income etc grows faster. An agreement about how that is done during the relationship and also after, should that occur.

I definately dont want my next relationship to end but as they say.. shit happens... I dont expect to ever be in a bad earthquake either but I did take seminars and do research on that, just in case..

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RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:12:16 AM

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~FR~

I *AM* the beneficiary for that Harley.. right? AND the Horses??

*giggle*

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RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:16:15 AM

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I have dibs on the horses, Greedy. Right LaT? Nope? Well, damn it.

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Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
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RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:17:49 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

~FR~

if my SO orders me to jump off a bridge, all I can say is he had better be either hunted by Fed agencies.. or, the country is being overtaken by terrorists and thats the only way we can get away....

otherwise.. I'd tell him to bite my ass, then haul my own ass off the other way...

when i was a kid, and i wanted to do something cuz a friend wanted me to do it, my mother would ask me "if your friend told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" lol Of course my answer was no.. my answer would be the same for anyone, including a partner that i loved dearly and fully.. imo, there is a point where i have to do my own thinking.. just cuz you love someone to bits doesnt mean they know what the bloody hell they are talking about.. especially in this day and age where everyone is a know-it-all or think they are...

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RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:19:55 AM

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yep, tj!!

and semi../ I've known LaT longer.. but you already have a horse..

mud-wrassling, winner takes all (except the Harley... )?

*giggles madly*

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to tj444)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:22:22 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

In the case of one partner dying, it is easy to protect assets through a will or trust or whatever, for distribution to the kids. In the event of a divorce, though, a lot of those assets can be dissipated.
What is really surprising me these days is the number of elderly people, sometimes who have been married for 50 years or more, who are deciding to get divorced.

I am curious.. Does having assets in a trust before marriage/living together act as protection in the case of a divorce? or are trusts divided up as well if there is no prenup?

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

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RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:23:52 AM

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How about this. You can HAVE the harley. No contest.
Actually, you can have the horses, too. Last thing I need is another horse.
Glad we settled that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yep, tj!!

and semi../ I've known LaT longer.. but you already have a horse..

mud-wrassling, winner takes all (except the Harley... )?

*giggles madly*

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:24:59 AM

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YAY!

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:25:35 AM

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From: The Great Northwest, USA
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Depends on the jurisdiction, and the documents regarding the trust. You really need to check with someone who lives where you do.
For instance, Arpig has mentioned that prenups aren't valid in Canada. He may be right. I guess they are not recognized generally in England either. Plus, matrimonial law varies a lot from state to state.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

In the case of one partner dying, it is easy to protect assets through a will or trust or whatever, for distribution to the kids. In the event of a divorce, though, a lot of those assets can be dissipated.
What is really surprising me these days is the number of elderly people, sometimes who have been married for 50 years or more, who are deciding to get divorced.

I am curious.. Does having assets in a trust before marriage/living together act as protection in the case of a divorce? or are trusts divided up as well if there is no prenup?

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to tj444)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:26:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Just to clarify, you don't mean to be coming across as sexist, right? Mommy might want her assets protected too. I make more money than a lot of the men I have dated over the years. If something happens to me, I want everything I have to go to my children. By protecting myself, I am protecting them. My marriage may not last, but the fact that I am a mother always will.

Should I type he/she all the time too? I gave an example, that is all. I was not trying to prove any point or be sexist. Or ruffle your feathers.

With all the diverse range of topics we discuss on here I don't understand why this would be an issue really. If I hurt anyone's feelings, I wasn't trying to.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:28:14 AM

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I know, Amyg. Sorry. I went back and edited my post, it came across as way too harsh. We are just having a discussion here, and I find the exchange of viewpoints interesting.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to Amygdalin)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:41:41 AM

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Nah, it's okay. I know. No worries, eh?

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:46:11 AM

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I don't know if pre-nups are able to be used in court or upheld in Australia either though people still use them. Even though it is incredibly unlikely that I would ever marry given that I have managed to avoid that "institution" so far, I would probably get a pre-nup as I have a house, expensive jewellry and my superannuation and I want those to go to my niece eventually since I wont ever be having children.

the other thing about pre-nups is that if I were to live with someone or marry them, I would want one to show that I don't actually want anything of theirs should we split. I totally believe in walking out with what you brought into the relationship and splitting anything that you built up during the relationship.

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(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:46:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

What is really surprising me these days is the number of elderly people, sometimes who have been married for 50 years or more, who are deciding to get divorced.

My guess is one of them has alzheimers, will need medicaid for nursing home care when the disease progresses, and wants their partner to have money left to live on. Medicare doesn't cover long term care, only income and asset based medicaid. I wonder how much lower the divorce rate for elderly couples is in countries with single-payer health care.

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RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:47:54 AM

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For some of them, yes. Some of them are actually genuinely pissed off, after all those years. As in, I don't want to die married to that loser.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

What is really surprising me these days is the number of elderly people, sometimes who have been married for 50 years or more, who are deciding to get divorced.

My guess is one of them has alzheimers, will need medicaid for nursing home care when the disease progresses, and wants their partner to have money left to live on. Medicare doesn't cover long term care, only income and asset based medicaid. I wonder how much lower the divorce rate for elderly couples is in countries with single-payer health care.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:51:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Seeing as how they are not actually enforceable and can be set aside by the judge....what's the point?

They are absolutely enforceable.

Care to point out to me how they are not?

(in reply to Arpig)

RE: Prenups - 9/23/2011 11:57:05 AM

HeatherMcLeather

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I wouldn't bother marrying somebody with whom I didn't plan on sharing my life, and that includes any and all assets I may have at the time of marriage and acquired afterward. It isn't a partnership, it is a union, you know, two become one and all that.

I would also consider it an insult to the person I was marrying to ask for one, implying that I didn't really think the marriage would last and that I wasn't really serious about it. When I marry, it will be for love, with the intent of remaining married for good. Not as a temporary arrangement for access to a benefits package or tax breaks. That is crass.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

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