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RE: Strategies - 10/19/2011 8:41:57 AM

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any man who ever tried a "strategy" quickly found me no longer even responding to them.

I much more prefer a natural, smooth, everyday conversation and getting to know one another.

The moment you need a strategy is the moment I realize you are clueless on social mores.

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RE: Strategies - 10/19/2011 8:47:57 AM

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quote:

Awareness has a buddy now, Doh!

Mods help us there are 2 of them now!

Don't forget Arty Boy, that makes three. This trio has a 3 Diminanteers sort of flavor.

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RE: Strategies - 10/19/2011 8:49:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

any man who ever tried a "strategy" quickly found me no longer even responding to them.

I much more prefer a natural, smooth, everyday conversation and getting to know one another.

The moment you need a strategy is the moment I realize you are clueless on social mores.

Reasons why so many "doms" shy away from switches and/or older more experienced submissives. They are specifically looking for those who won't call them on their BS.

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RE: Strategies - 10/19/2011 8:58:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

Awareness has a buddy now, Doh!

Mods help us there are 2 of them now!

Don't forget Arty Boy, that makes three. This trio has a 3 Diminanteers sort of flavor.

Diminanteers!!! Oh boy!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

RE: Strategies - 10/19/2011 9:08:06 AM

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...and they don't want those who peruse the message boards because they will half more than half a clue about how to deal with the domineering dumbinants.

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RE: Strategies - 10/19/2011 9:32:51 AM

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quote:

The third, is if you want to learn how to seduce women, you talk to men who do so successfully.

fuck, if success is the gauge you're going to use, i'm going to heather for my babe-seduction advice.

actually, my old arch foe is correct. women may know how they would prefer to be approached, but a right skilled cocksman knows what will actually fucking work. same thing in reverse, if you want to seduce a guy, you ask a fucking woman who gets the guys she wants. you know the one, that bitch you wouldn't leave alone in a room with your husband, yea, her, you go ask her.

but - and its a big fucking but. that isn't really relevant here. we're not talking seduction, we're talking meeting online, the op is talking about the shit he does before he even begins to lay on the seduction. and yep, any fucker who asked me to go on cam to confirm my identity immediately would get kicked to the fucking curb. now your intentions may indeed be fucking honourable but sorry, blame your less socially adept brothers for it. the wankers who do go from "just to make sure" to, "show me your tits" on that first session. is it reasonable for you to be suspicious of "women" online? sure as fuck, lots of them are not exactly as portrayed. how-fucking-ever, be that as it may, it gets fucking tiresome and insulting being approached with the guilty until proven innocent routine every time you begin to interact with some fucker. "hi, my name;'s bill and i think you're a liar. prove me wrong." not too fucking likely buckwheat.

so you're caught in a fucking dilemma. and all that bullshit is why i say fuck the net. the net is for interacting with people on an intellectual level. <yea, yea, shut the fuck up, i didn't say it had to be a high intellectual level now did i?> outside your door is where you go if you want to fucking meet people. that way your fucking strategy is simple. you look. if you like what you see, then you go for it, if you don't like, then you look at the next fucking table.

i mean holy fuck people, what is this shit? people have been meeting and seducing face to face since the dawn of fucking time, what the fuck makes you think it isn't an effective method? if you do happen to encounter somebody of interest online, then get the fuck together at the first opportunity. go have a drink with the fucker, maybe go dancing, or have lunch. get into flesh mode as fast as you can, its really fucking hard for the old man to pull off the young babe routine when you're sitting across the cafe table from him. and, after all, you can't fuck pixels.

(in reply to Awareness)

RE: Strategies - 10/19/2011 11:09:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn
actually, my old arch foe is correct. women may know how they would prefer to be approached, but a right skilled cocksman knows what will actually fucking work. same thing in reverse, if you want to seduce a guy, you ask a fucking woman who gets the guys she wants. you know the one, that bitch you wouldn't leave alone in a room with your husband, yea, her, you go ask her.

Da. It works both ways.

quote:

but - and its a big fucking but. that isn't really relevant here. we're not talking seduction, we're talking meeting online, the op is talking about the shit he does before he even begins to lay on the seduction. and yep, any fucker who asked me to go on cam to confirm my identity immediately would get kicked to the fucking curb. now your intentions may indeed be fucking honourable but sorry, blame your less socially adept brothers for it. the wankers who do go from "just to make sure" to, "show me your tits" on that first session. is it reasonable for you to be suspicious of "women" online? sure as fuck, lots of them are not exactly as portrayed. how-fucking-ever, be that as it may, it gets fucking tiresome and insulting being approached with the guilty until proven innocent routine every time you begin to interact with some fucker. "hi, my name;'s bill and i think you're a liar. prove me wrong." not too fucking likely buckwheat.

Yes, exactly. The seduction issue is pretty much tangential. And frankly, it gets real fucking tiresome explaining what should be fucking obvious to the same tribe of utterly thick as a brick women on this board whose intelligence is too pedestrian to understand the simplest and most obvious concepts.

Namely, that his strategy - a word which the usual morons objected to - is more about not being ripped off or having a woman fuck you around and waste your time than it is about establishing a dynamic with her. I've made no comment on his particular approach - it just wouldn't work for me personality wise - but that's hardly the issue I raised.

I tend to find if they can hold a conversation with me, there's a good chance they're on the level and are happy to give out their digits. Then again, that just may be an accident of distance. The pool is somewhat smaller here.

Make no mistake - men and women have been employing strategies in seduction for millenia. And most of them learned from someone else - we're not born knowing this shit, we either learn from direct experience or we talk to people who know how to seduce. It's supremely ironic for women to decry strategies in seduction, when they're the ones constantly giving each other advice on how to get what they want from men. I'll say one thing for them - they do a mean line in hypocrisy.

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RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 1:13:10 AM

SpanishMatMaster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
men and women have been employing strategies in seduction for millenia. And most of them learned from someone else - we're not born knowing this shit, we either learn from direct experience or we talk to people who know how to seduce. It's supremely ironic for women to decry strategies in seduction, when they're the ones constantly giving each other advice on how to get what they want from men. I'll say one thing for them - they do a mean line in hypocrisy.

And again, this man makes a bunch lot of sense.
I would not generalise, though "women use... women do...". And I think that the sentence "we are not born with any knowledge about seduction" is dubious. But these are lateral points.
Reading. Nice to meet you.After so much bullshit in this thread it is a ray of hope.

< Message edited by SpanishMatMaster -- 10/20/2011 1:14:11 AM >

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RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 1:52:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

any man who ever tried a "strategy" quickly found me no longer even responding to them.

I much more prefer a natural, smooth, everyday conversation and getting to know one another.

The moment you need a strategy is the moment I realize you are clueless on social mores.

As I sit here writing this, being distracted from what I should be doing by these boards! There are two things I am currently trying to figure out the best strategy for.

One of them is a business I am looking to start up, I am currently sat here penning a more intricate working version of a business plan. Something I can use as a working document as I travel the road to creating a successful business. (hopefully!)

The other is a woman I have recently met, who has caught my attention. In this context plan and strategy sounds like devious and underhand tools being used. But, the fact is I will have one chance to impress her enough to make something happen. These sort of encounters are exceptionally fragile things, they can be exceptionally easy to screw up! This is doubly so with regards to internet meetings, where it is very easy to get lumped in with the rest of the timewasters in your inbox. So out of respect to the woman I am attempting to win the attention of I want to have some sort of working plan to run against as I’m trying to create a successful relationship.

That plan doesn’t have to be ‘well I’ll tell her I’m a billionaire and next week I’ll tell her I’ll show her my yacht’ It could very well be ‘actually I really think there could be some potential here, so I’ll make sure I am open and honest with her, and avoid the usual BS that I might give to someone else’

So maybe the guys who have approached you with a strategy have actually simply wanted to take the time to put some thought into winning your affections, rather than simply BSing you with his smooth (natural) talk.

So would you prefer a guy who thinks enough of you to decide he has an intention of winning your affection to create a plan to do that, because he believes you are worth the effort of that? Or would you rather a guy simply use his guile and cunning to produce that natural, smooth conversation that seduces you into wanting him?

Yes it all relies on the conversation exchange, but personally I would rather have someone intentionally trying to be with me, rather than winging it in the hope of getting a shag.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 4:24:01 AM

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I believe the thing you are trying to describe used to be called courting. Yes, there was some planning involved, but much of it stems from an easy and natural interaction between the two people involved, whoever they may be. (this is in response to DomThought's thoughts.)

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RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 4:46:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I believe the thing you are trying to describe used to be called courting. Yes, there was some planning involved, but much of it stems from an easy and natural interaction between the two people involved, whoever they may be. (this is in response to DomThought's thoughts.)

Yes it does! but every 50 year marriage started with one meeting, with one date, there will be people meeting from here who will still be together in 50 years.

my point was simply that if that is what you're interested in, it can be possible to have an intention, a strategy for success, and for that not to have to have nefarious underpinnings.

Sometimes its nice to just have a plan because you like somebody.

In fact, it doesn't have to be heading for relationships at all, it can just be a desire to communicate - I would say that whenever I see a profile in here that I really like, I will usually stop and think about the best tone of opening message to go with. What is that if not figuring out a strategy for success...

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 4:58:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomThoughts

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I believe the thing you are trying to describe used to be called courting. Yes, there was some planning involved, but much of it stems from an easy and natural interaction between the two people involved, whoever they may be. (this is in response to DomThought's thoughts.)

Yes it does! but every 50 year marriage started with one meeting, with one date, there will be people meeting from here who will still be together in 50 years.

my point was simply that if that is what you're interested in, it can be possible to have an intention, a strategy for success, and for that not to have to have nefarious underpinnings.

Sometimes its nice to just have a plan because you like somebody.

In fact, it doesn't have to be heading for relationships at all, it can just be a desire to communicate - I would say that whenever I see a profile in here that I really like, I will usually stop and think about the best tone of opening message to go with. What is that if not figuring out a strategy for success...

I'm pretty sure we're agreeing with each other here.

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RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 5:08:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I'm pretty sure we're agreeing with each other here.

Well, it was mostly my argument against the "The moment you need a strategy is the moment I realize you are clueless on social mores"

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomThoughts

In fact, it doesn't have to be heading for relationships at all, it can just be a desire to communicate - I would say that whenever I see a profile in here that I really like, I will usually stop and think about the best tone of opening message to go with. What is that if not figuring out a strategy for success...

and of course, it always feels great to have spent half hour crafting a response to find a 'deleted unread' reply :P

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 6:36:15 AM

SpanishMatMaster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomThoughts
and of course, it always feels great to have spent half hour crafting a response to find a 'deleted unread' reply :P

Thank you for your participation, first.
Second... yes. Every time a girls says in collarme.com that she does not accept cut/paste, I ignore my initial intention and send a message telling her why some males actually HAVE to send a copy / paste (even if adapted, checked against the profile, which i always read...) so that, when I meet my girl, I still have some heart left to love her.
And to find her, too. I do not have so much time, so 30 min. each message would decrease severely my chances to have the time to write *her*, one of those few girls who are out there and may make me happy (and otherwise, of course).
So, to save feelings and time, copy / paste is a good option.

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RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 6:48:39 AM

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i don't think anyone was saying "strategy" was a bad word. people were opposed to a particular strategy.
everyone applies strategies in all sorts of situations in life, and if you think you don't, maybe you don't know what strategy means. =p
picking an interesting place to go for a date -- that's strategy.
heck, anything you do for the furtherance of your relationship is a strategy to help the relationship succeed. even if you say "oh, i just like to float around being myself and everything works out perfectly," -- you have a mode that works, and you continue to function in that mode, i.e. you follow a strategy.

if someone applies "strategy," to me, at least that means he was really interested. playing hard to get is a strategy. going out of your way to show how interested you are is a strategy.

anyway, that said, i agree with DomThoughts here -

quote:

and of course, it always feels great to have spent half hour crafting a response to find a 'deleted unread' reply :P

it's really rude to do that, IMO. if someone took the time to write me a really nie message, i always try to write some kind of reply back. unless the message is really obnoxious and doesn't warrant a response, i'll always try to write SOMETHING -- i will say, i think women are really comfortable with double standards as long as they work FOR them. expecting men to take all the risk and make all the first moves, so they can sit back and reject, reject, reject -- that just seems really... i dunno...

no, you don't "owe" anyone a response, but out of common courtesy, is it really that hard? if you say "No thanks," and they're obnoxious in response, okay sure, have a "block" party. but up until then, it's a lot of assuming the worst, and that doesn't make sense to me.

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RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 6:55:19 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpanishMatMaster

Thank you for your participation, first.
Second... yes. Every time a girls says in collarme.com that she does not accept cut/paste, I ignore my initial intention and send a message telling her why some males actually HAVE to send a copy / paste (even if adapted, checked against the profile, which i always read...) so that, when I meet my girl, I still have some heart left to love her.
And to find her, too. I do not have so much time, so 30 min. each message would decrease severely my chances to have the time to write *her*, one of those few girls who are out there and may make me happy (and otherwise, of course).
So, to save feelings and time, copy / paste is a good option.

I chime in when a topic piques my interest.

With regards to your OP, I must say I thought it a little extreme, I can't imagine one of the girl's that I've spoken to would have continued talking to me if I'd have insisted on webcam to start with. but it seems to work for you, so what do I know.

I must say it is very rare that I send a message out in this place, my profile does a good job of bringing a steady trickle of conversations. When I do send a message to someone it is because I have seen something in their profile that actually appeals to me on a personal level.

(actually, that's possibly a lie, I also send a few quick messages a week, simply because a profile raises a smile in some way)

I am willing to put the time into building something, because the something I am wanting to build is worth that investment. If tomorrow, next week, next month I realise it didn't work, then I've enjoyed the time in her company and maybe learnt something about myself in the process.

I don't believe it should be about looking for 'the one' it is about enjoying a girl's company, and letting it lead its own path. For that reason I think the opening demands probably do you a disservice.

But naturally, your mileage will vary...

(in reply to SpanishMatMaster)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 7:06:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

no, you don't "owe" anyone a response, but out of common courtesy, is it really that hard? if you say "No thanks," and they're obnoxious in response, okay sure, have a "block" party. but up until then, it's a lot of assuming the worst, and that doesn't make sense to me.

Obviously I agree with the top bit, but nobody likes a kiss ass. (actually, in this place, that doesn't seem as true)

I think that is actually a point, I can kinda understand a Deleted Unread' thing, I know how women's inboxes get sometimes, its often easy to select all and delete. (I'll often cut / paste the same message again a couple of days later in that case! - it sometimes works)

the ones that do slightly rile me, is when a polite, intelligent opening message is sent, referencing aspects of the profile, and it is read and ignored. Is it so difficult to do a 'thanks but...'

(and step down from the soap box)

(think it would improve my response ratio if I stop sending messages to lesbians? - asking for luke warm cam sex!)

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 7:09:24 AM

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But some of us don't want to receive death threats for saying no thanks. And yeah, I've gotten that, long detailed emails of how they propose to slice me up. Just one of them is enough that you don't ever want to get a second.

Unfortunately, you can't tell from the friendly first email who is most likely to do this after rejection. But if you don't respond, you don't get this kind of reaction. Which makes it the safer option by far.

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RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 7:15:27 AM

SpanishMatMaster

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Yes, DomThoughts, I "downsized" the webcam requirement already, and I am working on improving it. The OP is no longer so current at this point.
The "waiting" part... well, I guess I do improve my chances somehow by writing. And actually, I am using collarme intensively for a while. If I do not find some kind of success after that while, I will simply move on to another site (without cancelling my account, and I will return here, but no longer write a first message).
The other kind of sites is where I already had very good experiences. "Russian"-girls sites. I just thought (and seeing the male / female ratio here it was probably a bad thought) that here things would be easier as the BDSM was more common. And... it is for free. So I started with a "why not" and ended up building a whole strategy and sending many messages.
We will see. Thank you again for the feedback.

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If I don't answer you, maybe I "hid" you: PM me if you want.
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(in reply to DomThoughts)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 7:15:52 AM

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yeah but just writing a message about it doesn't mean it's actually going to happen.

if you're in a relationship and not interested in propositions, then just filter them all to bulk. but if you're looking for a relationship, or even just to make friends, deleting everything in your inbox seems counterintuitive.

i've received all manner of reeeally offensive, scary stuff in my inbox. delete, block, done. i'm still here.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 10/20/2011 7:16:03 AM >

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