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RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 7:31:15 AM

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/29/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

But some of us don't want to receive death threats for saying no thanks. And yeah, I've gotten that, long detailed emails of how they propose to slice me up. Just one of them is enough that you don't ever want to get a second.

Unfortunately, you can't tell from the friendly first email who is most likely to do this after rejection. But if you don't respond, you don't get this kind of reaction. Which makes it the safer option by far.

My openings NEVER talk about kink, they are always short (3-4 sentences) making a remark on some aspect of their profile, expressing my particular interest in that aspect, and requesting a little time to converse. Definitely no dice and slice, just (I think!) a genuinely warm and inviting message, expressing an interest.

I realise there are some very weird things that come through on CM, but the friends I have here take the view of ignore if weird, respond if nice (even if thanks, but..) and then ignore if they don't get the message.

To blankly ignore a polite message, just strikes me as being rather rude.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 7:50:53 AM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

DomThoughts, you say you know how many emails a submissive lady receives on this site, but do you really?

I'm talking right now about available, somewhat attractive young ladies. They receive hundreds a day.

The only way to sort through that is to decide what to answer and what to ignore.

I only answered the ones that really spoke to me when I was looking, even if some other people seemed "nice and polite" I could have spent the entire day just writing small polite letters back.

I actually did try at first to keep up, but it was impossible, and I was in my late 30's. Now just imagine a young lady in her 20's and the avalanche she no doubt receives.

I understand the frustration of the dom (or sub) male on this site, I really do. But in order to understand what the ladies go through, you need to have a friend on the other side who will tell you the truth about her out of control mailbox. I've had dom friends I've shared my numbers with and they were both impressed and appalled. *lol*

It is, in the end, a numbers game. But I would worry less about quantity and more about quality, keep up your sense of humour and bide your time. I doubt it'll take you long.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to DomThoughts)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 7:54:56 AM

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Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i dunno, even if it's taken me 5 days to say "we probably wouldn't be a good match, but thanks for the nice message," more often than not, the dudes appreciate that i bothered to even write back, no matter how long it took.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 8:08:47 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
i dunno, even if it's taken me 5 days to say "we probably wouldn't be a good match, but thanks for the nice message," more often than not, the dudes appreciate that i bothered to even write back, no matter how long it took.

just curious,.. do you reply to all the ones in your bulk folder too? Imo, thats where a lot of unread emails go. Not quite sure why men write when many women say who they are looking for in their profile.. oh yeah, thats right, not many men read the friggin profile first anyway.. If someone ignores your requirements or doesnt bother to read it, do they really deserve a reply? If their email comes with the bright red spam warning, do they deserve a reply? I think not... but that has been mostly the email i get (other than the odd one from forum posts). I dont even bother to check my email every day anymore.. which is fine since i am not looking right now.. And you know, the times i did reply to some of those guys, my reply sat unread for days or longer cuz the guy didnt bother to come back to the site to check!.. wtf? meh...

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 8:16:56 AM

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i dunno, even if it's taken me 5 days to say "we probably wouldn't be a good match, but thanks for the nice message," more often than not, the dudes appreciate that i bothered to even write back, no matter how long it took.

My problem at the time I was looking would have been the snowball effect; a hundred emails one day, a hundred and fifty the next, one hundred the next and if you skipped a day or two...forget about it.
I did try at first but it was a losing battle.
I can't even imagine what it must be like for dommes and/or the younger ladies. (like you!)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 8:22:28 AM

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

just curious,.. do you reply to all the ones in your bulk folder too? Imo, thats where a lot of unread emails go. Not quite sure why men write when many women say who they are looking for in their profile.. oh yeah, thats right, not many men read the friggin profile first anyway.. If someone ignores your requirements or doesnt bother to read it, do they really deserve a reply? If their email comes with the bright red spam warning, do they deserve a reply? I think not... but that has been mostly the email i get (other than the odd one from forum posts). I dont even bother to check my email every day anymore.. which is fine since i am not looking right now.. And you know, the times i did reply to some of those guys, my reply sat unread for days or longer cuz the guy didnt bother to come back to the site to check!.. wtf? meh...

i forget about the bulk mail folder, but i don't have any filters set up, so there's never anything in there. if a message has a spam warning attached, no i don't reply, because it's spam. i dont reply to emails that say "Get free Viagra today!" either.
there's a difference between a nice, well-thought message, which is what my post was talking about, and the types of messages you're talking about here. So you really aren't disproving my point.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to tj444)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 8:36:49 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

just curious,.. do you reply to all the ones in your bulk folder too? Imo, thats where a lot of unread emails go. Not quite sure why men write when many women say who they are looking for in their profile.. oh yeah, thats right, not many men read the friggin profile first anyway.. If someone ignores your requirements or doesnt bother to read it, do they really deserve a reply? If their email comes with the bright red spam warning, do they deserve a reply? I think not... but that has been mostly the email i get (other than the odd one from forum posts). I dont even bother to check my email every day anymore.. which is fine since i am not looking right now.. And you know, the times i did reply to some of those guys, my reply sat unread for days or longer cuz the guy didnt bother to come back to the site to check!.. wtf? meh...

i forget about the bulk mail folder, but i don't have any filters set up, so there's never anything in there. if a message has a spam warning attached, no i don't reply, because it's spam. i dont reply to emails that say "Get free Viagra today!" either.
there's a difference between a nice, well-thought message, which is what my post was talking about, and the types of messages you're talking about here. So you really aren't disproving my point.

I wasnt trying to disprove your point. I was just curious if you replied to those types of emails.

A guy sending an email with a red spam warning doesnt mean he is actually that much different than a guy that says something specific to your profile. Ok, so he's lazier/trying to maximize his time which is a strike against him but.. do I owe him a reply? no, but that doesnt mean i wont reply... I have replied to some of them (that did meet my requirements) and really, for me, those have the opportunity to change my mind and put a better foot forward (some have, some havent).

Someone that says something specific to my profile might actually be more manipulative than someone less site savvy.. Sorta like the guy that has cheated on his wife/gf before has learned how to cheat better.. lol

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 8:41:15 AM

SpanishMatMaster

Posts: 967
Joined: 9/28/2011
Status: offline

I got the warning sometimes... even adapting every message, reading every profile. Some days I simply had a lot of free time, and wooops! Red warning. Now I have learned to keep an eye on my "send" folder and discard more profiles.

_____________________________

Humanist (therefore Atheist), intelligent, cultivated and very humble :)
If I don't answer you, maybe I "hid" you: PM me if you want.
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, pause and reflect.” (Mark Twain)

(in reply to tj444)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 9:02:18 AM

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

DomThoughts, you say you know how many emails a submissive lady receives on this site, but do you really?

It is, in the end, a numbers game. But I would worry less about quantity and more about quality, keep up your sense of humour and bide your time. I doubt it'll take you long.

Yes I am aware of the messages women get in here, I have had access to women's accounts as they've been set up here. I realise there is often a deluge. Which is why I'm not too bothered by unread / unread deletes. and because of that I know how rare actual polite, well formed messages are too. I know that what I send is in the minority of what women here receive.

and its not really as sour grapes as it may come across as, it was simply a topic of conversation that sparked from an off the cuff comment. I suspect my messages get considerably more response than most in here. I do OK here. But I also have a strong sense of politeness and sometimes I grumble about unpolite people. So I believe that politeness should beget politeness, So sue me...

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 9:03:44 AM

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

A guy sending an email with a red spam warning doesnt mean he is actually that much different than a guy that says something specific to your profile.

I had no idea such a thing existed! I'm clearly not being annoying enough in here!

(in reply to tj444)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 9:08:32 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomThoughts

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

A guy sending an email with a red spam warning doesnt mean he is actually that much different than a guy that says something specific to your profile.

I had no idea such a thing existed! I'm clearly not being annoying enough in here!

when you get an email you can click the "report as spam" button, i think thats why the warning appears or it could have to do with sending out X number of emails too. I dunno... but ask the OP, he says he has had those spam warnings added to his so knows all about that and how to be that annoying..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to DomThoughts)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 9:11:45 AM

Posts: 50
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

when you get an email you can click the "report as spam" button, i think thats why the warning appears or it could have to do with sending out X number of emails too. I dunno... but ask the OP, he says he has had those spam warnings added to his so knows all about that and how to be that annoying..

I'll just stick to what I know I think! - and occasionally grumble about it

Loving the tit mouse by the way, (though it did take a moment before I had the ohhh moment of realisation!)

(in reply to tj444)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 9:14:04 AM

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Someone that says something specific to my profile might actually be more manipulative than someone less site savvy.. Sorta like the guy that has cheated on his wife/gf before has learned how to cheat better.. lol

haha that's true. =p
so far i haven't received a spam-filter-alert message that was also interesting enough to catch my attention. they're usually "hi how ru," insulting messages, or an obvious copypasta that refers to parts of my profile/photos that don't exist, or express interests that i've clearly stated i'm not into (there are only a few veeeery specific ones).

if i get one that's interesting, in spite of the spam alert, i might reply to it.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to tj444)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 9:37:44 AM

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

and of course, it always feels great to have spent half hour crafting a response to find a 'deleted unread' reply :P

Well, they probably did read it by hovering and previewing.

If I see that a man has taken the time to read my profile and write a non-cookie-cutter message, I will generally reply even if we are not compatible.

I don't reply to "hi how r u" or blocks of copy/paste.

(in reply to DomThoughts)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 9:48:29 AM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

sorry but any man I've ever been attracted to, simply talked to me...ya know..we just had simple conversations...books, movies, things we have in common, family, friends, the towns we live in, the weather, religion, politics, etc....

I want to know a man and I want him to know me for who we both are....not waste time with some kind of plan.

If we're compatible we'll hit it off. Otherwise when I meet you in real life and realize you were just trying to pull off some kind of strategy and it really wasn't you to begin with I'll feel that we both just wasted a huge lot of time and we'll both be on our merry way.

But hey if a strategy works for you then good luck. But it doesn't seem like it has.

Building a relationship is not like building a business. Sorry to burst your bubble there.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DomThoughts)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 10:09:19 AM

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

yeah but when you meet people, you don't just wear any old outfit, do you? you don't throw on dirty sweats and a stinky yoga tank and show up. =p you take a shower, fix your hair, and wear something flattering -- that's a strategy to represent yourself positively.
do you have any push-up bras, or jeans with tummy control panels? you may not, but lots of others do. =p do you wear high heels or any makeup at all? that's not JUST about aesthetics, it's a strategy for looking your best, however you define it, and a strategy for attraction.

like it or not, being yourself, and getting to know each other deep down -- that is a strategy.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 10:20:27 AM

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline

quote:

and of course, it always feels great to have spent half hour crafting a response to find a 'deleted unread' reply :P

wha wha wha. too fucking bad, it means she didn't want to fucking deal with you. deal with it.

and to the "strategy means you suck at social interaction" twits, how the fuck do you make that jibe with the whole send a well thought out intro cmail? what is a strategy or plan other than thinking your approach out carefully?

bet you can't fucking answer that can you?

(in reply to DomThoughts)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 10:22:41 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
yeah but when you meet people, you don't just wear any old outfit, do you? you don't throw on dirty sweats and a stinky yoga tank and show up. =p you take a shower, fix your hair, and wear something flattering -- that's a strategy to represent yourself positively.
do you have any push-up bras, or jeans with tummy control panels? you may not, but lots of others do. =p do you wear high heels or any makeup at all? that's not JUST about aesthetics, it's a strategy for looking your best, however you define it, and a strategy for attraction.

like it or not, being yourself, and getting to know each other deep down -- that is a strategy.

hmmm.. for me that would just be normal everyday stuff.. even if i was going to the library.. just to make myself feel good about me.

When i was going to college i would lots of times dress up, perfect make-up, look like a million bucks and at school get asked by other students if i was going someplace or for a job interview.. in other words, why did i dress up/look so good? lol I did it just for me cuz i felt like it..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 10:25:18 AM

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline

quote:

sorry but any man I've ever been attracted to, simply talked to me...ya know..we just had simple conversations...books, movies, things we have in common, family, friends, the towns we live in, the weather, religion, politics, etc....

and that was just by accident?

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Strategies - 10/20/2011 10:29:53 AM

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

actually yeah...they would be perusing my profile, I had something in my journal or profile they found interesting or questioning, I answered them and we built a rapport over emails.

Eventually we'd meet..although with Master I really had zero interest in him for two years of him sending me emails late at night because neither of us could sleep and we were bored. Eventually he asked if we'd like to meet for coffee...I was hesitant..no interest but figured I needed a mini weekend getaway and I'd have a 5 min coffee and then spend the rest of the weekend by myself in Bmore.

Other men I met were for the same reason basically...I was bored and figured I'd get a free coffee out of the deal and we'd part ways. It just happened that I found Master really hot when we met which sealed the deal. lol

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to HannahLynn)

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