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Depression - 5/26/2006 8:58:08 AM

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I know it's been discussed before, but at this point, I have absolutely no motivation to find them ... posting this is requiring all of my willpower.

I'm depressed, I used to go through cycles related to my mentrual cycle, so I went on birth control pills, and once we found one that worked, I was much much better. After our boy ditched us last year, I had a lot of trouble with depression, but I got better after a few weeks, and I was never suicidal. After we had to get rid of allen, I've been massively depressed - and I have been suicidal over this. It's been just over 4 weeks, and every time I think I'm getting better, it goes badly again. Today I've been crying over something so incredibly stupid that I refuse to humiliate myself by telling you what it was - but trust me, it was stupid. And I knew it was stupid to cry over it and still couldn't stop. I'm not actually suicidal, I don't think, but I am starting to think about how it would stop if I were dead.

I'm already taking an over the counter mood leveler, and I'm still on my birth control, so it shouldn't be that - but it's not enough right now. Is it possible to go on an anti-depressant temporarily? I don't know if I need to be on one permanently or not, but things are getting worse and worse for me right now, and while I'm still capable of thinking clearly, I need help ... I don't want to be like this anymore.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 5/26/2006 8:59:11 AM >

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 9:34:04 AM

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Since most anti-depressants take a few weeks to normalize in your system and begin to build up enough of an effect to work, it's not going to do much good as a short term remedy.

This is especially agonizing for people who have to try a few different TYPES of anti-depressants before they find one that works well for them.

Of course I'm going to bring up therapy- you should be in it if you are also on anti-depressants, with someone who actually knows what they hell they are doing and someone you really trust and can be open with. That's not easy to find, but worth its weight in platinum.

I'm not suggesting this even because there might be some demons lurking or past trauma to work through- I'm bringing it up because I think it's important to have someone you trust as an objective measure and bouncing wall for you as time goes on. No one in your personal life can do that for you.

But with good help, time and work, things can become balanced and you can be happy with your life again as you should be.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 9:47:20 AM

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i agree with LA on this one, it takes time to make a difference with anti depressants and sometimes you have to search around for one that is right for your system. also have to agree with finding someone that you can talk to about this. someone that is detached enough that they can give you an unbiased opinion and advice in your best interest. if you have a trusted family doctor or even have access to a therapist or counsellor, just to help you clear your mind.
having suffered in the past from depression, antidepressants do help, but also therapy did wonders and asssited me in seeing the root of my depression and giving me the clarity of thought to do something about it.
feeling that the pain will stop if you were dead are warning signs that something needs to be done. it is the stupid things that happen that disolve us into puddles which is also the sign that something so trite and insignificant is taking on giant proportions for our emotions.
i hope you are able to seek assistance fast, and if possible, let close friends know that you are going through a tuff time and get their support.
aintbehavin

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 10:09:52 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
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From: Cali
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{{{{hugs}}}}

I have NEVER taken any anti-depressants for depression, EVER, and I am manic/depressive. I have kept my 'saity' for over 10 years without anti-depressants; it does take a bit of work, but its worth it.

Write down in a journal everything you eat, how you feel when you eat, what is going on around you when you notice that you are getting down. It may be environmental, hormone levels, food, bio-chemical, 'anniversaries' or other things.

I manage my md by the people I surround myself with, what I eat, how I cope with stress, how I react to different situations; I also know when I am likely to have an up or a down swing due to anniversaries so I prepare myself for those and I either try to be distracted so I dont' notice the day on the calander or I do something that I enjoy and that makes me happy, cuddling with my munchkin is a BIG one, he does his 'eyebrow trick' and it gets me smiling every time.

If you feel like you need to have a good cry, then go for it, its good for you.

Surrounding yourself with a great support system and friends is paramount. Pick up the phone and call a friend if you start to get down.

You can beat this, it will take time, don't give into anti-depressants and the like, its nto worth it.

Good luck. :o)

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(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 10:16:26 AM

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I have to agree here, anit-depressesnt do take time to work. I have just been diagnosed depressive, and was placed on them and told it will take about 6 weeks to take effect. But I was also told that they are only necessary for the short term, as I have so much stress and anxiety at the moment helping to make my depressing even more pronounced. Therapy is also a wonderful help in this area, or a close friend you can rely upon. Just remember you aren't really alone in your depression, there are many of us out here going through it, willing to admit it is the first step to feeling better.

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 10:17:39 AM

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heh, I starve myself when I'm depressed ... my journal would be blank. I had to force myself to eat 1/2 of a sandwich earlier ... the dog just ate the other 1/2 after pulling it off of my desk.

I don't want to go on medication, but I have tried multiple alternatives, and none of them are helping this time. I really am afraid that I'm going to have to go on medication this time.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 10:21:23 AM

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Joined: 1/7/2005
From: Youngstown, Ohio
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Working out works great for me..... I for one swear by working out... Doesn't have to be anything hard core, but enough to make a person sweat... Get a friend or family member to help you start.... Even on those days you don't feel like getting out of bed.... only my 2 cents...

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~lowers her eyes in respect~

~kitten

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 10:44:14 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
I don't want to go on medication, but I have tried multiple alternatives, and none of them are helping this time. I really am afraid that I'm going to have to go on medication this time.

The good news is, for a lot of people, once they really do good work, are able to get stable outside help, and get themselves on a good road for awhile, they don't have to continue medication.

The worst part of depression for a lot of people is that you know how irrational it is, and you hate that you can't just snap yourself out of it, creating a suction of dead energy for yourself and everyone around you.

For almost everyone, depression is NOT just a matter of will. Your brain and body chemicals ARE out of whack. By stabilizing the chemicals, AND work in therapy, you can get yourself to a reasonable perspective and begin working on a dynamic to live life going forward in a way where you CAN deal with the highs and lows as most normal people do.

But until you start the process, you're not looking at things from a realistic perspective.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 10:59:26 AM

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I do share with you not wanting to go on medication, but sadly sometimes that is the only choice, I was having anxiety attacks so bad that I couldn't leave the house anymore. Medication has help to relieve those symptoms and I am able to now go places again. I have fought depression several times before without medication and came out great, but this time I needed extra help. Normal stress I have learned how to handle, but way to much stress way to fast was more than I could handle this time, I was being dumped on from all directions with no way out this time.

*gives you a hug*

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 11:17:09 AM

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Many people can get "down" or "low" and even have weepy periods now and then, and that's normal. For some, they do that all their life, on and off... and for some it's just occasional.

Then there's not being able to stop crying, ruminating on small things for days, weeks, months. Not being able to function in your daily routine because you're so depressed. Having to ask message boards for help. Your mood affecting your quality of life. Passive suicidal thoughts - "if I didn't wake up tomorrow, that'd be fine with me."

That's not something you should allow to continue. It's not safe, and even if you were certain to never try suidice, you owe it to youself to have a higher quality of life. For that reason, I'm a little annoyed at some people saying "don't give in, just keep trying harder" etc. No offense to them, but are they mental health professionals? Having been depressed themselves doesn't qualify them to diagnose or treat it, even if they're currently doing well. Taking that advice would be like taking a diabetic's advice on how to treat your diabetes - especially if they're telling you to just avoid any medication because that'd be "giving in". Next thing you know, you're sweating, can't eat, and going blind. Woops!

My point is that sometimes depression (and many conditions) are severe enough to merit medical help. That's why we have medicine - it saves lives, and increases quality of lives. It's not just a trick invented by drug companies.

It sounds like a low dose of a good antidepressant (like Celexa 10mg once daily, to start?) would be excellent for you. See your family doctor, and if he's comfortable prescribing, and you're sure he's capable with mental health issues, go for it. If not, ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, who will meet with you and presecribe. It's not therapy - psychiatrist are medical doctors who specialize in mental health, not therapists. Besides, sounds like this is a chemical issue, from what you're saying. You don't necessarily need therapy to deal with the minor "embarassing" issue that's got you crying today. Nor do you need therapy to deal with relationship issues, since you said you were suffering from depression BEFORE that occured. I believe it's related to your internal chemistry, especially since hormones interplay with your mood. Get yourself on something. It's not very expensive (if you're in the US where medications aren't covered, that's a consideration), usually you only have to take one small pill a day, or perhaps twice a day. The new antidepressants (SSRIs, SNRIs - like Celexa) are extremely low on side effects. Most people experience none, or no more than they would if they started taking advil or something. Remember to give it 2-3 weeks before you expect to see most of the results. The side effects, if you get any (like dry mouth), will go away after a week or so when your body adjusts. After a couple weeks you'll notice appetite and sleep changes. And by 3-4 weeks, your mood will be much better. Antidepressants aren't addictive or habit forming. They don't cahnge your personality. All they do is help normalize a neurotransmitter (Serotonin) which regulates your mood. Lastly, when you start feeling better, don't just stop taking them. You may need to stay on a small dose for a while, especially while you deal with issues that were causing the depression, and until you're feeling stable and get your feet under you for a while. Go back to your prescribing doctor when you think you're ready to cut the dose, or go off it.

Then again, this is just my opinion and advice, and we don't know each other. Good luck. *hug*

< Message edited by CanadianGuy -- 5/26/2006 11:20:02 AM >

(in reply to needingtolearn)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 2:42:02 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
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From: Cali
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I have a 'mother hen' aka my best friend, she makes sure I eat and she can tell by the tone of my voice adn she can kinda 'feel' it when I am depressed, so she will show up with food and sit down and WATCH me eat. I have an incredible support system so they keep on me if they even THINK I am getting low or depressed. It helps that I have a small child to take care of, playing with him or watching him sleep always makes me smile.
Even before I had him, I wouldn't take meds. I fight hard to NOT get depressed, I was told its easier to give in than to fight and I am too freakin ornery to let something like depression get the better of me.
You do what you gotta do though.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 3:40:42 PM

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I really like the hindu understanding that can be found in the Bhagavadgita ( thousands of years old text)

There are three modes of material nature: Most people spend time in each of them and move from one to the other. If you can understand them, you can apply this understanding to every part of life, including yourself.

Tamas: Its a place of non-movement. stagnation, blankness, its like over-ripe fruit. It feels like being in a room with no doors and windows and so no means of escape..it leads to lowered mood, depression and even insanity in the most extreme of cases. There is nothing to be done but to get out of this room.

Ragas: Its a place of movement, any movement. Its the place of desire and hopes and dreams for the future. Its a trap place too, cause if you constantly live in desire, you are bound to end up in tamas, either after your desires, hopes or dreams fail, or even just after accomplishing a goal (that feeling of well Ive done that now...whats next? blank = tamas)

Sattva: Its a place of balance and equilibrium. It places out in feeling like you have a purpose in life, you tend to be good natured, even when you get mad you get over it pretty quickly. You realise there is a higher purpose to life and you try to live up to that ideal, whether thats through self improvement, community work etc.

Rajas overcomes Tamas : So basically thats saying, any movement will overcome depression feeling that comes bring being in tamas. If you took these words literally you would realise that you just need to *do something*...*anything*..whether thats go for a walk, go shopping, whatever, doesnt matter, as long as you move. It kinda make sense to me cause like you described when you are feeling low, you just dont want to do anything...so you have to force yourself...as soon as you do, you will feel a bit better. As soon as you drop back into tamas feelings again, do something again, keep doing and doing and doing....

Sattva overcomes Rajas : Well if we spend our whole life just filling it with one desire and then replacing it with another, we realise this causes our moods to swing, we are like on a seesaw moving from rajas to tamas all the time. We realise we are being bound and trapped by our desires, mastered by them..damn there is only so many shopping trips we can make to make us feel good..we ask ourselves.."Damn there has got to be more to life, there has got to be another way than living like this." At this stage you focus the desire of rajas onto self-improvement. You let all your desires be fed with the need to improve ourselves, our persepectives until we find that balanced state within ourselves.

Anyways, there is more than this to it...but interesting hey...people thousands of years ago realised all this stuff...I found it pretty enlightening when I read it...and the wonderful thing about it is it can be applied to any area of life without having to get all religousy and stuff.

Addition: If all of this is too weird....and your still feeling bad...go get some help..a therapist works.

_____________________________

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 8:47:28 PM

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I'll read all the replies later, my eyes are bothering me right now ... but I do appreciate the responses that I have made it through already.

The thing is, the reason that I don't want to go on medications is that my "down times" are normally brief (right now, I feel fine ... after as horrible as things were this morning/afternoon), but I'm afraid that I need to be medicated because they are happening more and more often ... and I've noticed the trend over the last month or so, basically since allen moved out, which is why I think it's situational. But then I think back a little farther, and I had a few issues before he moved out ... so I'm not so sure.

(in reply to slavejali)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 9:09:34 PM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I went through panic attacks and depression about a year ago. I had thoughts of harming myself in some ways, but I was not suicidal in that I never considered carrying them out. They were thoughts such as, "If I was dead i wouldnt have to feel this anymore", and they never went further than that. My problem was triggered by stressors similiar to what you describe. I also am perimenopausal, and my chemistry was hormonally off.

Some people need to take meds for their depression, but there are other methods that you can try. I never took meds, and while I do feel panic at times still, it is easier to control, and does not last very long. I am no longer depressed either. I made lifestyle choices that helped me. I quit drinking soda and the sugar highs and lows that come with that. I quit smoking. I started exercising. I also eat much more healthy foods that include a lot of fruit and veggies. My hormones are more level now. I have more energy.

I know it is hard to consider major changes when you feel so funky, but maybe you could start with one or two changes in your lifestyle if you could be living healthier to see if that helped your mood. Lastly most people do not get enough sleep, and that also can cause depression....Good luck to you!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 9:48:27 PM

LdyS

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Find a mental health professional you can trust; one who will take a thorough medical and emotional history. If necessary, they can order basic blood work to assess any chemical /hormonal imbalance and prescribe an anti-depressant that will work to balance any chemical imbalance that may be complicating the situational depression. As has been mentioned, I also, believe it is vital to find some sort of therapy that works for you. Support groups or cognitive rational therapy or something that you feel is helpful. Depression is not something to ‘stiffen the upper lip’ and ‘pick yourself up by the bootstraps’ and ‘soldier on’. …especially if you feel suicidal at all. Good people have died from trying to ‘overcome’ or ‘mood-stabilize’ depression on their own. Take advantage of modern American medicine please. Best wishes. LdyS

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RE: Depression - 5/26/2006 10:04:20 PM

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Thanks.

I don't even know if a professional would diagnose me as depressed, because the episodes are so transient. I don't have the highs to go with Manic-depressive disorder or bi-polar ... and as I said earlier, the depressive episodes are usually incredibly brief - but devistating. While today I just had passing thoughts of death, I actually had to force myself to keep breathing a few weeks ago (I have a severe form of sleep apnea which sometimes requires concious effort to breathe ... I used that and actually got to the point of turning a bit blue before the cat came and purred at me and got me breathing again). I can't remember if suicidal ideation is enough to get a person diagnosed with depression or if it is it's own thing.

(in reply to LdyS)

RE: Depression - 5/27/2006 2:09:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
I don't even know if a professional would diagnose me as depressed...

Well, replace the word "depression" in all the above posts with "mood disorder". Yes, you clearly have a mood disorder. Depression is just one of them.

That reminds me - what mood stabilizer have you been taking? Maybe it's time to change that, or go off it and try an actual antidepressant.

Don't let your lack of knowledge about mood disorders and medications prevent you from getting treatment. Do something about it and do it right now.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Depression - 5/27/2006 8:19:45 AM

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I started taking SAM-e about 2 months ago ... it was helping until the mess with allen happened.

(in reply to CanadianGuy)

RE: Depression - 5/27/2006 3:16:29 PM

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Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
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i've heard that sam-e works well; i've also had people recommend fish oil as well, so you might wish to try that.

i also suffer from major depression and i've had counselors tell me they think i'm bipolar. i was on lexapro up until a week or so ago - i went off myself, which was not a very bright thing to do, but i felt as though the medication wasn't helping, i couldn't afford it, and i didn't like the way it was making me feel. for me, i feel like going on meds bought me some time to finish out the school year but i don't feel as though it's helped me in the long run, so i am trying to get in to see a psychiatrist (i already see two counselors) to see if i can explore some other med options, because i am also in a really bad place right now. i swore against medication for years up until i was really getting to the point of serious irrationality, this past january.

i would recommend starting with counseling and talking to your counselor about how you feel and options you have. if you choose to go the medication route, even if they can't prescribe it, your counselor may be able to recommend a few medications that work. then, if you can't see a psych, go to a medical doctor and talk to them about it also, and see if you can't come up with something. i would advise against just going straight to an md because that's what i did and i feel like i would have done better if i'd spoken to someone who had more experience with mental health problems and meds.

i know canadianguy said something about not going to counseling, and i love him to bits and pieces and think highly of his opinion...but personally, i think counseling is helpful to anyone, whether or not they've got serious "issues." i think it's an EXCELLENT place to start, if you can, so that you can make sure that's not going to help you enough that you don't need meds, because as la mentioned, it takes awhile to adjust to them, the side effects can suck (i was an insomniac and lexapro made me want to sleep 24/7 for the first couple months; i also gained weight on it, though my doctor said he picked that one specifically because i've had a history of eating disorders and knew i'd probably get more anxious if i gained weight), and you may not always get the right one the first time so you could be switching medications for a few months before you get somewhere that works. i'm all for medication where it's warranted, but i think a mental health professional's input would at least be a better place to start than just going to get medicated by a regular doctor, especially because they can help you to find the right kind of medication.

also, if you do decide to go the counseling route and you're having periods of depression a couple times a week, you might want to try going to counseling more than once a week. i was (and technically still am, though my appointments are a bit off right now) seeing two counselors a week, and the intensiveness helped a lot, especially because i was having panic attacks and depressive episodes often enough that i was afraid of the time period between appointments.

good luck and if i can help at all, let me know. *hugs*

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Depression - 5/27/2006 5:07:32 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

{{{{hugs}}}}

I have NEVER taken any anti-depressants for depression, EVER, and I am manic/depressive. I have kept my 'saity' for over 10 years without anti-depressants; it does take a bit of work, but its worth it.

Write down in a journal everything you eat, how you feel when you eat, what is going on around you when you notice that you are getting down. It may be environmental, hormone levels, food, bio-chemical, 'anniversaries' or other things.

I manage my md by the people I surround myself with, what I eat, how I cope with stress, how I react to different situations; I also know when I am likely to have an up or a down swing due to anniversaries so I prepare myself for those and I either try to be distracted so I dont' notice the day on the calander or I do something that I enjoy and that makes me happy, cuddling with my munchkin is a BIG one, he does his 'eyebrow trick' and it gets me smiling every time.

If you feel like you need to have a good cry, then go for it, its good for you.

Surrounding yourself with a great support system and friends is paramount. Pick up the phone and call a friend if you start to get down.

You can beat this, it will take time, don't give into anti-depressants and the like, its nto worth it.

Good luck. :o)

I'm sorry but I have tried not taking meds and surround Myself with healthy people....It didnt help...see there is a chemical imbalance and jogging around the block doesnt seem to produce the serotonin I need.

To the OP
I went through several types before I found Prozac,what is tragic is that I should have been diagnosed years ago.I wouldnt have gone through hell for years.
But there is still such a stigma about it.I hope you can get the help you need.
I do agree with talking with friends and trying to be upbeat,just do what you can for that minute the rest will follow.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

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