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LafayetteLady -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 5:17:14 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Lockit, I fully agree that I have a negative attitude. I'd love to be an optimist, but almost every time I have a positive attitude, I get a negative result. My cervical cancer is the latest of many examples. When I was told it wasn't invasive after my cone biopsy, I was overjoyed that my gynecologist could do my hysterectomy. After my hysterectomy, the pathology showed a very small micro-invasion. My gynecologist said when she was in medical school, a simple hysterectomy was the recommended treatment for beginning stage cancer and she already did that. She said I needed to be sent to a cancer doctor just in case. Despite my fear of cancer doctors, I went in there with a positive attitude explaining that I had been successfully treated. Then the cancer doctor lowered the boom. My surgical specimen was sent to a different pathologist who said I had more than a micro-invasion. That's what having a positive attitude got me. At that point, my positive attitude turned negative. I was convinced they would find more cancer in my lymph nodes and I was going to die. The pathology report was clean. That's what having a negative attitude got me. I also learned throughout the years if I go to a job interview convinced I'll be hired on the spot, it rarely happens. If I go in thinking I'm wasting my time, I seem to get hired more often. For some strange reason, reverse psychology seems to really work for me while a positive attitude brings bad luck lol.
Ok, I have some harsh realities for you. Believe me, I understand you have been through a very rough time, but this "blame game" needs to end. Right now.
The pathologist didn't make a "mistake" for starters. While there may have been a misread, when you can a diagnoses of Cancer, you MAKE them do the test again, and your doctor should have insisted it be done again. Those invasive cells may not have been in the sample they took.
Second, face up to YOUR responsibility in this. A doctor tells you that you have cancer, you go IMMEDIATELY to an oncologist. I don't give a rat's ass about your fear of "cancer doctors." Do you think anyone on the planet feels comfortable with them. NO gynecologist who isn't also an oncologist should have been doing this procedure as she isn't qualified. In fact, the test results should have indicated that an oncologist should have at the LEAST been present for your hysterectomy. That is on YOU sweetie, no one else. You blindly trusted them with your health. You came here looking for advice instead of scouring the internet to help YOU read the test results and get more information.
Do you honestly believe your "glass half full" outlook influenced the results. Grow up. True "luck" rarely exists, and every patient has some responsibility for their health care treatment.
Unemployment, even if you qualify wouldn't come in until after Christmas or right before. By all means apply, but don't expect the money before Christmas.
Now for the "good" news. As others keep pointing out, you are alive and at the moment cancer free. Fucking show some gratitude about it. You had a man who didn't only stand by your side, but married your negative thinking ass KNOWING that he could possibly be watching you, his bride die in a very short time. Given that, do you think he is expecting a big screen television from you for Christmas? If he is as negative as you, your marriage is doomed. If he isn't negative and you don't take your head out of your ass, your marriage is doomed. No one, and I mean NO ONE wants to spend their life with Miss Gloom and Doom. It gets tired and old. Fast.
As I mentioned earlier, your gynocologist had NO business treating you for cancer. Consult an attorney and find out if you have a case. Forget about the patlogists in a lawsuit, you will likely fail. The OB/GYN though? You might have a shot, although you allowing it doesn't work in your favor.
Oh and if you consult an attorney, and he tells you that you DO have a case? You aren't going to see that before Christmas either. Now is time to pull on your big girl pants and figure out what you can do. DO NOT see some general practice lawyer. Find someone who specializes in malpractice and knows what they are doing.
If you still can't get off the gloom and doom train, get some therapy. I really don't mean to be so harsh, but as others have said, you have it better than a lot of people and the holidays aren't about money, first Christmas or not. If you are a couple that will last, someday you will look back and talk about the Christmas you had nothing and how special it turned out to be. But only if YOU get off your ass and make an effort.
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