RE: desperate and depressed

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LafayetteLady -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 6:28:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady Second, face up to YOUR responsibility in this. A doctor tells you that you have cancer, you go IMMEDIATELY to an oncologist. I don't give a rat's ass about your fear of "cancer doctors." Do you think anyone on the planet feels comfortable with them. NO gynecologist who isn't also an oncologist should have been doing this procedure as she isn't qualified. In fact, the test results should have indicated that an oncologist should have at the LEAST been present for your hysterectomy. That is on YOU sweetie, no one else. You blindly trusted them with your health. You came here looking for advice instead of scouring the internet to help YOU read the test results and get more information. Here's what happened. My gynecologist took the cone biopsy and waited for the immediate lab results. The results showed the cancer was invasive. My gynecologist did not proceed with the hysterectomy and told me when I woke up that a cancer doctor would have to do it. The next day, my gynecologist got a second report that said it was still in situ (pre-cancer). She called me herself and said she could do the hysterectomy or send me to a cancer doctor. I chose her because I knew and trusted her. When the hysterectomy pathology came back and I went to the cancer doctor, the cancer doctor said my gynecologist did everything right considering the pathology reports at the time. The one thing the cancer doctor and my gynecologist disagreed on was whether or not my ovaries should be removed. My gynecologist thought I should keep them since I'm only 38. My cancer doctor said they should be removed because adenocarcinoma likes to recur in ovaries. Since my cancer doctor is the expert, I allowed her to remove my ovaries during my second surgery. And as I said, NO gynocologist should be doing any kind of cancer type surgery (even pre-cancer) without an oncologist present. However, instead of doing what was best for your health, you chose what was, in hindsight an inappropriate mode of treatment. Had you even CONSULTED an oncologist the first time, you obviously would have been told the more appriopriate course of action would have included the removal of your ovaries. Had the oncologist been present for the surgery, as she should have been, you wouldn't have had the second surgery. There is a lesson here. Don't let your anxieties deter you from proper and appropriate medical care. As someone with chronic health conditions AND Generalized Anxiety Disorder that is most triggered in medical situations, I DO know how difficult it can be. However, I'm not willing to let that make me choose treatment options that aren't the best possible way to go. Again, I DO feel bad for what you suffered, but you keep looking to place blame for it on the pathologists instead of looking in the mirror and admitting your decision to not even get an opinion from an oncologist was foolish. So again, you should be damn grateful you now are considered cancer free.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 6:51:05 PM)
I agree I should have gone to the oncologist for the first hysterectomy. I was scared to death of oncologists because I didn't want to be poisoned. Radiation causes permanent tissue damage. Chemo damages the immune system and can cause mental retardation (chemo brain). I thought gynecologists were qualified to do pre-cancer surgery, just not invasive cancer surgery. That's what I was told. That's why I blamed the pathology reports. The second surgery consisted of more than just ovary removal. It was also a robotic radical parametrectomy and pelvic lymph node dissection. I think the only thing the oncologist didn't do was a pelvic wash.

Clickofheels -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 6:58:42 PM)
I always find it interesting how people rail on others BEFORE knowing the entire story and/or both sides of a story!! defiantbadgirl...<smiles> If I may offer a couple of things you might not have considered? First dear, there is a reason there is a recovery period after having that type of surgery... and you may do yourself more harm than good in jumping back into life too soon. Secondly, and I realize it is your very first Christmas as being married to your Sir, but have you by any chance asked Him what would make HIM happy this Christmas? He may very well feel that your surgery being successful is the greatest gift He could receive from you, and wants you to take the recovery time that's advised. He may even want to have your first Christmas at a later time, under the circumstances. Perhaps before you assume any more, you might ask Him? Also, you owe NO ONE in this forum a complete history of what you went through in exchange for a token of their approval! Be well and take care, Clickofheels

January -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 7:27:39 PM)
quote: I always find it interesting how people rail on others BEFORE knowing the entire story and/or both sides of a story!! I find that interesting, too! Too bad you aren't the right person to deliver that message. You've been on this board for what, two whole weeks? And it doesn't occur to you that some folks have been reading this poster's complaints for years? Years! And that she had told us plenty? January

hlen5 -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 7:50:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady ...............................I can't remember the title of the story, but...it was about a couple who were very poor and wanted to do something very special for each other for the holiday. She had long beautiful hair she sold to buy him something for his music or painting or something. He sold his instrument or painting stuff to buy her a beautiful clip for her (now sold and gone) hair. If no one has mentioned it yet (only on post #3), The Gift of the Magi.

barelynangel -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 7:50:47 PM)
Just an aside, based on what the OP has said here, i am not seeing a med mal case. I don't have the medical records in front of me but her own account shows her own choices which would lead to a comparative fault being attributed to her. I can tell you this much, if a doc came to us with this case, it is defensible and one we would probably want to take to trial because of not only the comparative fault but also you have a treating physician indicating that the doctor had done everything within the standard of care correctly. To me, the oncologist would have been the first person to state that the gynocologist shouldn't have done A or B without consulting an oncologist and he didn't, he actually stated she did everything correct based on the info she had. That would be harmful to the Plaintiff simply because she has a treating physician who concluded the gynocologist was within the standard of care based on the information she had. It's kind of bad when a treating physician becomes an expert for the other side. You also have comparative fault issue with the OP and her choosing not chosing to get a second opinion because she is "scared" of oncologists. That could lead a jury to believe that the choice was more hers than the doctors. angel

hlen5 -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 7:59:30 PM)
dbg, Why don't you postpone celebrating Christmas until July 25th? You could make it a tradition for you two? After all it IS all about the presents!![;)]

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:00:06 PM)
OMG, thank you hlen. It was driving me nuts knowing the story but not recalling the name or the author (O. Henry). Thank you !!

barelynangel -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:00:50 PM)
OP, also, your concern as to why you want to go back to work makes me wonder about your priorities. Your first priority would be to get completely healed so that your career won't be impacted if you harm yourself because you go back to work too soon and hurt yourself enough to impact your career. Also, have you spoken to your employer to see if there may be office work you could do? It's Christmas, many many places are hiring right now. Have you checked around for part-time work? I agree with many, if your focus for a good Christmas is putting a monetary value on it, then you may want to count your blessings instead of seeing everything as wrong. Maybe you and your husband can volunteer for Christmas at a shelter or a mission helping to feed those who have no place else to go on Christmas -- start a tradition that you all can carry on every Christmas. Volunteer in helping with second harvest or a food disbursing to the poor place. Make something special for each other and start a tradition of every christmas you will each make one another at least one gift. Contact toys4tots to see if there is a way you all can help without buying toys, contact the salvation army or a childrens hospital etc Start a tradition of you and your husband sharing the giving of each other to others. All in all, yes, its your first married Christmas, perhaps this happening this year is a nudge that maybe you both need to focus on something other than what money can buy for Christmas and instead use this to create traditions that have no monetary value to them but the value to others and to each other far exceeds what you could ever spend on a gift. Good luck. angel

LafayetteLady -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:04:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hlen5 quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady ...............................I can't remember the title of the story, but...it was about a couple who were very poor and wanted to do something very special for each other for the holiday. She had long beautiful hair she sold to buy him something for his music or painting or something. He sold his instrument or painting stuff to buy her a beautiful clip for her (now sold and gone) hair. If no one has mentioned it yet (only on post #3), The Gift of the Magi. Thank hlen. Marcb mentioned it (I think). That was my first thought, but then kept thinking about the Magi being the three kings and how I must be wrong. I'm either on too many or not enough meds, lol.

hlen5 -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:05:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt OMG, thank you hlen. It was driving me nuts knowing the story but not recalling the name or the author (O. Henry). Thank you !! You're most welcome, but Tantriqu beat me to it. I loooooooove that story!!

LafayetteLady -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:07:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: barelynangel Just an aside, based on what the OP has said here, i am not seeing a med mal case. I don't have the medical records in front of me but her own account shows her own choices which would lead to a comparative fault being attributed to her. I can tell you this much, if a doc came to us with this case, it is defensible and one we would probably want to take to trial because of not only the comparative fault but also you have a treating physician indicating that the doctor had done everything within the standard of care correctly. To me, the oncologist would have been the first person to state that the gynocologist shouldn't have done A or B without consulting an oncologist and he didn't, he actually stated she did everything correct based on the info she had. That would be harmful to the Plaintiff simply because she has a treating physician who concluded the gynocologist was within the standard of care based on the information she had. It's kind of bad when a treating physician becomes an expert for the other side. You also have comparative fault issue with the OP and her choosing not chosing to get a second opinion because she is "scared" of oncologists. That could lead a jury to believe that the choice was more hers than the doctors. angel I agree angel, but my statement was made before she clarified that and gave me the impression the OB/GYN hadn't even recommended she see an oncologist. Personally, I don't see comparitive fault on the part of the OP now that she clarified but complete fault.

Rule -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:07:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl What types of jobs can I safely do to make money before Christmas that don't include bending, lifting, and being on my feet all day? Desk jobs, for example at a large library.

hlen5 -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:07:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: hlen5 quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady ...............................I can't remember the title of the story, but...it was about a couple who were very poor and wanted to do something very special for each other for the holiday. She had long beautiful hair she sold to buy him something for his music or painting or something. He sold his instrument or painting stuff to buy her a beautiful clip for her (now sold and gone) hair. If no one has mentioned it yet (only on post #3), The Gift of the Magi. Thank hlen. Marcb mentioned it (I think). That was my first thought, but then kept thinking about the Magi being the three kings and how I must be wrong. I'm either on too many or not enough meds, lol. YW![sm=hyper.gif]

LafayetteLady -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:10:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: January quote: I always find it interesting how people rail on others BEFORE knowing the entire story and/or both sides of a story!! I find that interesting, too! Too bad you aren't the right person to deliver that message. You've been on this board for what, two whole weeks? And it doesn't occur to you that some folks have been reading this poster's complaints for years? Years! And that she had told us plenty? January Well said, January. Considering the OP has posted consistently about her condition, long before the other poster ever set foot here...

defiantbadgirl -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:12:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: January quote: I always find it interesting how people rail on others BEFORE knowing the entire story and/or both sides of a story!! I find that interesting, too! Too bad you aren't the right person to deliver that message. You've been on this board for what, two whole weeks? And it doesn't occur to you that some folks have been reading this poster's complaints for years? Years! And that she had told us plenty? January What a lovely thing to say about someone who wants to give her Sir, family, and friends a great Christmas. I admit I prefer realism over positive thinking that usually leads to disappointment, but one thing I don't do is go around insulting cancer survivors. A glass half empty is far better than deliberate cruelty.

LafayetteLady -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:24:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: January quote: I always find it interesting how people rail on others BEFORE knowing the entire story and/or both sides of a story!! I find that interesting, too! Too bad you aren't the right person to deliver that message. You've been on this board for what, two whole weeks? And it doesn't occur to you that some folks have been reading this poster's complaints for years? Years! And that she had told us plenty? January What a lovely thing to say about someone who wants to give her Sir, family, and friends a great Christmas. I admit I prefer realism over positive thinking that usually leads to disappointment, but one thing I don't do is go around insulting cancer survivors. A glass half empty is far better than deliberate cruelty. That would be your negativity speaking. Myself, nor anyone else has been "deliberately cruel" to you. Here is a little deliberately cruel, so you can tell the difference: Now that you didn't get the pity party you were hoping for and instead every telling you the holiday isn't about money, you are playing the "poor cancer survivor" card. At you STILL don't get the point that you can make a nice Christmas without the money. Unless you, your family and all your friends are too superficial and lack the understanding that the "poor cancer survivor" is a little short of funds this year. See? That's cruel. The other stuff. Honey, you need someone to smack you upside the head and face reality, which you still can't do. So since my head is hurting from banging it against a wall and you have no clue about the meaning of Christmas.... Good luck with unemployment, good luck finding a job of some sort, and try to enjoy your poverty filled holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Me? At the moment busy trying to figure out not so much what to make for Thanksgiving but how to serve it in a house with no table, no chairs and no couch. Hoping it will be a nice day to eat outside.

Lockit -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 8:41:58 PM)
Now wait just a damn minute defiant. We are beating up cancer survivors? Is that really what you said? Really? Your little pity party begging for attention year after year act gets called out because you aren't even grateful for being alive and we point out you really ought to be thankful and stop with the same old pity party story and you are going to accuse us of insulting cancer survivors? No... we are not insulting cancer survivors... we are insulting you if we are insulting... but I call it calling you out on bs and a pity party because you don't have the good sense to know when you have it good! You have someone that loves you... you have your life and because we point that out and expect you to grow up you accuse us of something very awful that is untrue? What we said to you is based in truth and our knowledge of you. What you said has no truth. You are a real piece of work chicky

January -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 9:09:20 PM)
quote: What a lovely thing to say about someone who wants to give her Sir, family, and friends a great Christmas. I didn't post about your Christmas. Kay? Presents or no, job or no, it has ZERO to do with being a cancer survivor, anyway. My post said you've been complaining about this and that for years on this board. Which you can't deny. As I recall from your posts many months ago, you didn't even want to go to the doctor, even though you had serious symptoms. The forum ultimately encouraged you to get things checked out by an MD or PA or NP. You are a cancer survivor because this board didn't treat you like a big baby, and told you to take control of your own health. This board SAVED YOUR LIFE. Stop thinking of yourself as a victim. Though you are beyond self-absorbed (and were, long before cancer), you are highly literate and can write extremely well. Use that gift and go volunteer somewhere (while you are fully recovering) so you can see how good you actually have it. Maybe reaching out to others and giving your time will improve your spirits. January

stellauk -> RE: desperate and depressed (11/11/2011 9:26:06 PM)
I can only chime in to echo what other people have said.. Nothing is worth more to you than the three things you already have - life, health and love. These are the things which matter in life and you have them. Life isn't about you. You are about life. Please remember this. The other thing is that, if you are on welfare for any sort of health issues you are not a freeloader. Welfare is there to help people in your situation to enable you to recover and if you qualify and meet the requirements then you are entitled to whatever help the state provides. It's there for a reason, to provide you with an income so that you can recover in your health to become more employable. Please consider that your health issues and limitations are your health issues and limitations and rather than return to work and force it on your employer, who really doesn't need an employee who can't fulfill all the requirements of the job, it's best to sit back, take the welfare, and keep to the responsibility of recovering your health for which you're getting the welfare in the first place. No need for any additional stigma. Trying to find a job when you're not fully employable works against you, because your position on the employment market - which today must be a nightmare anywhere in the US - is weakened. It's a bit like something the Dalai Lama said (I'm recalling this from memory) People sacrifice their health for money, and then have to sacrifice money to recover their health. They are fearful of the future and anxious because of the past and so don't get to live in the present. They believe they are going to be here forever. Then they die without ever having lived. There's no need to be a pessimist or an optimist if you stick to living in the present, the here and now. Live for the moment, appreciate each day as it comes, appreciate those that are in your life and allow them to appreciate you. One of my most memorable Christmas experiences came when I was homeless. Christmas Eve morning found me getting hosed down by some caretaker in a block of apartments who discovered me sleeping behind a rubbish bin and I had to trudge half a mile in soaking wet clothes to a day centre where I got new clothes, a warm bath and the fare to a night shelter. It was special because of a couple who didn't have bean between them were getting married. They'd been sleeping on the streets for several years in Central London and the night shelter staff brought in a registrar and helped them get a wedding together. Most of the homeless from Soho, all their friends who slept with them on the streets, were there as guests. You have so many opportunities to get money (even if it doesn't seem like it) and I'm sure you've lost lots of money so many times in your life. But there are few opportunities to find love in life. Of life and health you know better than me of it's value. Try to have a good Christmas with lots of money and no love. Trust me, your Christmas will be much better with love even if you don't find any money. Maybe you don't see that now, but wait, wait until next year, and you will remember. Plus you'll still have another Christmas with money (hopefully, I wish you that) which will be different, but still special. Surely appreciating that what you have is better and more positive than worrying over what you don't have?

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