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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 9:27:57 PM

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Joined: 11/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

That would be your negativity speaking. Myself, nor anyone else has been "deliberately cruel" to you.

You wouldn't think it was cruel if someone nitpicked and insulted you over something in your past? I said I agreed with you and didn't think you were being cruel until this:

Now that you didn't get the pity party you were hoping for and instead every telling you the holiday isn't about money, you are playing the "poor cancer survivor" card.

Actually, I was looking for advice about employment. The rest was a rant, which I've seen plenty of other posters do without receiving pity party insults.

At the moment busy trying to figure out not so much what to make for Thanksgiving but how to serve it in a house with no table, no chairs and no couch. Hoping it will be a nice day to eat outside.

Yikes that really sucks. Would it be less stressful if everyone gathered at another house or at a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner? Just an idea. Good luck figuring something out.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 11/11/2011 9:30:39 PM >

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 10:04:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Now wait just a damn minute defiant. We are beating up cancer survivors? Is that really what you said? Really?

Why are you acting like a post I directed at someone else was directed at you?

Your little pity party begging for attention year after year act gets called out because you aren't even grateful for being alive and we point out you really ought to be thankful and stop with the same old pity party story and you are going to accuse us of insulting cancer survivors?

When did I say I wasn't grateful for being alive? If you actually read my opening post you'd know I specifically stated that I am grateful to be alive.

No... we are not insulting cancer survivors... we are insulting you if we are insulting... but I call it calling you out on bs and a pity party because you don't have the good sense to know when you have it good!

I know when I have it good. I also know there's only one year of first holidays as a married couple. Haven't you ever heard of keepsake calendars or books that cover the sentimental first year of marriage? Where did I say I was looking for a pity party? I was looking for advice about employment and there was a rant about pathologists. Plenty of people post rants and I don't see you telling them they're on a pity party. I don't want a pity party. I want you to stop your bias bullshit.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to Lockit)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 10:42:04 PM

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Christmas shouldn't cost money. You have your life, your new husband, and your new life together. Make this Christmas a special one all about the two of you. Spend it alone immersed in each other, submerge yourself in your new love, make it a second honeymoon, create new Christmas traditions for your new family.

Spend the time alone, just the two of you, do things that will fill your time with beauty. Avoid all the commercialism this year, this year make Christmas a celebration of love rather than of consumerism.

If you want something beautiful and moving and very special to do, I suggest going to Midnight Mass at the nearest catholic cathedral. It is a very moving and dramatic performance, especially if you can find one being performed in latin. Afterwards go find an all night coffee shop and talk the night away over coffee. Then go to a park or promontory of some sort to watch the sunrise, then go home and to bed and sleep in each others arms. You will never forget that magical night, it will be a Christmas like no other, and it will cost you less than $50.

_____________________________

Une fille d'Ottawa
Grandit je ne sais pas.

CG/HH

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 11:13:49 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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I have lived the past 6 yrs living way below the poverty line. It's been very difficult for me to accept gifts from my family when I know, and they know, that I can't afford to buy them gifts. They've made me realize that they don't care that I can't give them anything store bought. But I make my own gifts to them and they cherish them.

I do my own beading, counted cross-stitch and paint blank ceramic pieces. Since I'm such a hoarder, I have enough supplies and materials to keep me doing these for years to come. And the sense I get from being with my family over the holidays is much more than receiving presents. It's knowing that my 76 yr old dad loves me no matter what, that his g/f does also. That her family has accepted me as their sister and they love for me to be there because we all have fun together.

THAT'S what counts. I have a new D, I won't be able to afford to buy him a gift, but being together will be special enough for us that presents won't be an issue. As long as we're together, and love each other, then that's all we need. Money doesn't and can't replace health or being together with the ones you love.

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(in reply to SweetCheri)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 11:19:32 PM

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Joined: 11/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: January

My post said you've been complaining about this and that for years on this board. Which you can't deny. As I recall from your posts many months ago, you didn't even want to go to the doctor, even though you had serious symptoms. The forum ultimately encouraged you to get things checked out by an MD or PA or NP.

Many months ago, I did go to the doctor and was told I needed a hysterectomy. At that time, the company I worked for refused to keep my position open. At the time, my man was only working part time and for less than $10/hr. I'm ONE OF MANY posters that have been complaining about this and that for years on these boards. How would you feel if I threw shit up in your face about past posts?

you are highly literate and can write extremely well. Use that gift and go volunteer somewhere (while you are fully recovering)

Thanks for the one compliment among all the insults. Unfortunately, writing and literacy isn't worth much. Math is worth a lot. Some of the worst writers and spellers make a ton of money because they're good at math. If I was good at advanced math, I wouldn't be in this situation. I'd have a fat bank account. If I'm capable of volunteering, I should be capable of working. Volunteer work is great, but family and friends should come first. I'm extremely lucky to have such a wonderful husband. After everything he's done for me, he deserves more than a $20 gift. If I was self absorbed, I'd only care about how much money people spent on me.

January

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 11/11/2011 11:52:55 PM >

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to January)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/11/2011 11:35:56 PM

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Joined: 11/14/2005
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Handmade gifts are great if one is good at making them. Sir and I aren't talented at that. I'd be ok with a broke Christmas for one year, two years, whatever. I'm not ok with this because it's our first Christmas as a married couple. Every year isn't a couple's first Christmas. That only happens once.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 11/11/2011 11:50:05 PM >

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 12:26:09 AM

ExoticInterests

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Ok, you're married right? Regardless of dominant positions or any of that, you both already just got your Christmas gift. He's got you, from something that could have been the end of it. If he doesn't already feel like this is a great Christmas he's comatose or a very cold fish. Personally, we never exchange Christmas presents....instead we treat each other good all the time so Christmas is just another day (why save making the other feel special for 1 day of the year???). ...but we are strange and perfunctory gifts are meaningful to some people so to each their own, just keep what was almost lost in mind and I am sure he will too.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 1:56:16 AM

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Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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Defiant...why can't you hear what others are saying to you? Why does it matter that you can't give/get gifts on your first Christmas together? Christmas gifts are tokens to help us remember the greatest gift of all, and tokens do not have to cost much, if anything.

I'm not sure why you're focusing so much on this first Christmas thing. It almost seems as if it's a purposeful distraction to keep you from thinking about something else. Have you spoken to your husband about your concerns? If so, what does he say?

This will be my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mom. Stuff is just stuff, but love is what the holidays are about. Try to enjoy them with those you have now, because life is fleeting, and only memories remain. Ten years from now (God willing) will you remember the stuff you gave or the love you shared?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to ExoticInterests)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 3:16:48 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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op
Do not worry about christmas, you alive and getting well, you can not take
a job at this time! i was in your experince when i had my cancer! i was so upset
I did not have a dime to buy a thing! But i am blessed to be here, that was the gift
i gave to my family and that is what counts now!

Take the time to heal you do not want to cause yourself any injuries from
moving or lifting anything! As there is so much blood in that area if you tear
something you will be right back in the hostipal for another sugery!

Please remember these things, your cancer free, your home with your
sir! It is common for depression to come when you laid up for sometime, and
it can be hard on your healing process!

What she had was called a "cone bipsoif there is pre cancer they remove
just the tip of the uterus! It may have change they may remove the whole thing!
I am not sure what they will do now? You may also need assintance from other
places!

Talk with your doctor, they can give you'some ideals to help you!
Also there are angeny that will help you get food and also
gifts, swallon your pride and on Monday call them they are the community centers
in the city you live in! They would go by the name of your city, they it would say
communty services after! Called them so many people use it and no one is
ashamed! It is so stressful I understand as does so many of the women here!

i wish you the best
mons

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 5:52:05 AM

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

So there's no job I can do before 6 weeks? Nothing at all? Am I eligible for unemployment since my FMLA ran out last month or do lifting restrictions make me ineligible? At least that would be something. I know there's always next year, but next Christmas won't be our first Christmas as a married couple. I'm also tired of feeling like a freeloader.

Check back with welfare. Lifting restrictions make you unable to do your current job. You will need a note from your employer to that effect. If you cannot perform your job, you wont be eligible for unemployment, but you should be eligible for state benefits.

However, it would be dependent on both of your incomes.

Good luck. Enjoy being alive for Christmas.

As a side note... some of the best gifts are from the heart. You could always make him a coupon gift book filled with promises of things he enjoys the most, redeemable when he wants it.

Doesnt have to be all sexual.... lol.... last one I made I included a car wash and waxing!

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 11/12/2011 5:55:14 AM >

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
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(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 5:58:32 AM

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Oh good grief, having cancer doesn't erase everything you have put on these boards for the last years, it doesn't make you any more or less special being a survivor of same, why because there are BILLIONS of people in this world who have survived something. Being a survivor doesn't entitle you to anything. Yes, you survived, so instead of having the same woo is me attitude - that you always seem to have, perhaps its time you start take a good hard look at your life and acknowledge what you do have.

Here's something you can do for Christmas and being a cancer free person -- go to a Children's hospital and volunteer your time to children who have cancer, volunteer at a hospital over Christmas bringing cheer to cancer patients who are struggling to live. Take your husband along to help support their families as a spouse of a cancer survivor.

Yes, there ARE only one first -- and you can make this into a Christmas you and your husband would never forget because it starts a very special tradition for you both because instead of wallowing in self-pity that you couldn't BUY anything for each other, instead TOGETHER you gave hope to others because of your victory over the cancer.

You don't NEED books or store bought memory things - get a shoe box and use that for now until you are able to buy one of those things you claim you need to make this Christmas special. One of my friends for their FIRST christmas together because they were saving for their honeymoon the following october, decided they weren't going to buy anything for each other but had to present the other with something special with regard to the two of them.

My friend went through her memories of many of their dates and went back to each place and retrieved something -- i.e. a napkin from the restuarant, a couple pieces of grass and leaves from the bus stop they used, a logo from a box of mac and cheese he made her for a date when she was sick, etc. And she put them in a brown paper bag and when he opened it on Christmas morning, he was absolutely boggles because he didn't know what it all meant. They spent over 2 hours going through that bag remembering how they came to be where they were that morning.

He in turn had gone to some of their friends homes and goodwill and borrowed boardgames from their childhood - i think he found 8 of them and they spent the night playing boardgames after they got back from family.

THOSE were their memories of their first Christmas as a married couple. She still talks about it today and they have been married for 17 years and to me, it seems those memories are always stronger than any Christmas they have had when they exchanged gifts.

So, maybe memories are what you make -- not what you buy. If you don't have a special Christmas -- that's on you. Hell -- start a thread that isn't wooo is me asking people for suggestions of how to make a first Christmas memoriable when you have less than $20 bucks between the two of you.

I am sure you will get lots of suggestions from people on this board as many people have money issues nowadays.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to mons)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 6:03:42 AM

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Growing up I was poor as dirt. We had no heat, no running water and food donated from the church.

The gifts I got were from the Salvation Army or the dump or gifts that were made. Those were some of my most cherished gifts. I still remember those gifts to this day.

When I was first married, we had zero money and he was stuck on base on duty. His gift to me? Dinner on the base with him. That to me was a wonderful gift.

Why do you think the first Christmas together has to be some kind of extraordinary event? I think you've completely lost sight of what the meaning of Christmas is. I think it may do you a world of good to do some charity work at a soup kitchen for the holidays to be appreciative of the whole meaning behind it.

And this kids, is why I get annoyed with Christmas these days. I used to love it. I still do but I want it to be like it used to be...not like what I hear from people like this now. Sigh. This is why it's just not the same anymore.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 6:06:11 AM

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Sell your hair to get a chain for his watch. (Bonus points to those who recognize that.)

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 6:16:37 AM

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I guess if you're really desperate for money you could sell your plasma, hawk something at the pawn shop, borrow it from a buddy at 100% interest....just some of the desperate things we did when I first got married and we were dead broke.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 6:17:41 AM

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Gift of the Magi.......O Henry

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 6:29:07 AM

shivermetimbers

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FR-

The OP's profile is not accessible, unless I'm blocked. If someone had a suggestion or an offer of help, it can't be done if they want to do so privately, and not through the message boards.

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I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

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RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 6:30:06 AM

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She could cam.

But honestly, even though this thread is about money, it's a much bigger issue and no amount of money can fix it.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to sub2904)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 6:31:23 AM

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From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

That would be your negativity speaking. Myself, nor anyone else has been "deliberately cruel" to you.

You wouldn't think it was cruel if someone nitpicked and insulted you over something in your past? I said I agreed with you and didn't think you were being cruel until this:

Now that you didn't get the pity party you were hoping for and instead every telling you the holiday isn't about money, you are playing the "poor cancer survivor" card.

Which I specifically said was to show you that prior things hadn't been cruel. Get it? I didn't "nitpick" and "insult" you for things in your past. What I did do was answer your questions and try to show you that gifts aren't important for Christmas. Do you knnow how many Christmases my CHILD went through where I didn't even have a lousy twenty bucks to buy him something? That's a child, and adult should have a better grasp on what's important.

quote:

Actually, I was looking for advice about employment. The rest was a rant, which I've seen plenty of other posters do without receiving pity party insults.

At the moment busy trying to figure out not so much what to make for Thanksgiving but how to serve it in a house with no table, no chairs and no couch. Hoping it will be a nice day to eat outside.

Yikes that really sucks. Would it be less stressful if everyone gathered at another house or at a restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner? Just an idea. Good luck figuring something out.

The rest would be a rant ONLY if you didn't keep revisiting it and looking for excuses. I wasn't mean but firm when I pointed out that you needed to look in the mirror for blame and to be honest, I think that is what has you pissed more than anything else. You KNOW that the outcome would have been different if not for your irrational fears (Chemo Brain? Really?) You aren't a child, but a 38 year old woman who has a good deal of intelligence. It would seem you haven't gotten past being angry at yourself for letting those fears nearly cost you your life.

Do the people on the boards live in your area? You have no profile, so I have no clue where you live. I have no clue what you did for work before. You apparently did some call center work, but you don't understand why in this age of technology, being able to accurately type makes a difference there, so I get the feeling that job was a while ago. Again, the temp agency comes to mind.

As for unemployment, technically you were told to take 6 weeks to heal. Depending on what you did, and what qualifications you have, unemployment could potentially send you to school to learn something else, still won't have a better Christmas, but a better future.

As for the doctor telling you to take 6 weeks off, and you "technically" not being able to do your previous job at the moment. Unemployment wants to know if you can do ANY job. Someone who used to landscape until they developed arthritis, unemployment doesn't care that he can't landscape, they care that he CAN work at something.

The reality is that they aren't going to give you a job, and you likely, in this economy won't get one within this 6 week period, so you should not worry about it.

Again, I'm going to say this, even though I said I would stop banging my head against the wall....You can't get past the idea that someone "deserves" for you to spend money on them. You can't grasp the concept that there are things you can do that he "deserves" and cost nothing. Do you like to cook, better yet, do you not like to cook, but know how? Cook for him a wonderful meal. Even though it is childish, make him a "coupon" book. Yea, yea D/s relationship, he can take what he wants, it's the love behind the idea.

Everyone here has not nitpicked at your past so much as tried to drill into your head that your priorities are screwed up and that we know this isn't a one time event, but a continuous problem you need to work on. You need to own up to having your priorities out of order, the problems it has caused and make a conscious effort to correct the problem

But honestly, I don't think you really have a desire to do that. I think you are 38 years old and will play the blame game and be "Miss Gloom and Doom" because it garners you attention and you can't see it is negative attention.

Good luck.

PS, that was my point, there isn't another house to go to and we will be lucky to afford the food for the meal. But I'm OPTIMISTIC that it will be a lovely day on Thanksgiving and we can eat on the patio table out back and watch the stream and deer run around.

It's called looking on the bright side. Try it.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 6:32:05 AM

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Status: offline

Go under the picture in her posts and hit PM, if you want to send her a private message. Her profile is hidden but that pm will allow her to receive a message from anyone who sends one from the message boards.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

RE: desperate and depressed - 11/12/2011 6:32:46 AM

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Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Handmade gifts are great if one is good at making them. Sir and I aren't talented at that. I'd be ok with a broke Christmas for one year, two years, whatever. I'm not ok with this because it's our first Christmas as a married couple. Every year isn't a couple's first Christmas. That only happens once.

Yes it only happens once and had the cancer not gone away it would have been your only christmas. But the cancer is gone and you have many years to look forward to. Like so many others have already said, try concentrating on that and quit worrying about presents. If the worse thing you have to worry about this holiday is not being able to hand out expensive gifts, then you will be much better off than a lot of other people.

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(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

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