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RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 11:38:31 AM

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I don't its too much becoming popular as it is with too many stereotypes and pop gurus promoting themselves. Sometimes a person reads one book or looks at one website or has one relationship and they think they know it all.

Compared to when I started, there are a lot more folks publishing and playing who claim experience and expertise who frankly don't have much of either. When I started the first books I could get were things put out by the writers using places like Kinko or some tiny underground publishers and you could only find the books on flyiers or mail order.

Now I read books by folks who've only being doing anything resembling BDSM for a few years. Having a hot body, a good way with a word, or enough money for a vanity press can get you a book on Amazon.com.

In my opinion popular media representations often dumb down things or make it funny or creepy to make money. Some folks just want to try it so much that they don't take the time to learn more; others just want quickies.

But as to the assumption that a "slave" makes orders on her profile, I think that reflects a very fluid use of the word "slave" and that isn't new. I think it was used very commonly decades ago and only in the 1980s did folks start dividing up the different roles that you could have. She might be using it cause it sounds "hot" or turns her on.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 11:40:32 AM

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What IS the world coming to? Next thing you know, subs will be ORDERING married doms not to contact them...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

I just sent some advice to a young girl, who called her self a slave, about an inappropriate statement that she had put in her profile. This statement was in effect an order, not a request, to Dominants reading this supposed submissives profile.
Her response makes me wonder if what we do is becoming to popular and attracting the wrong people, or if better communication is required to get over the fundamentals of what we do.

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 11:48:15 AM

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Joined: 8/21/2004
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good point Lordandmaster....

Think they'll get to vote soon too?

lol

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 12:07:16 PM

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Joined: 4/21/2006
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Personally, I always worry about young people getting in to BDSM. And I know how hypocritical I sound saying that- but to be honest, if I could be vanilla I'd probably chose to.

Over the last two years I've thought I was a freak for not enjoying sex- I simply thought there was something wrong with me. But since then I have been involved in a "non-sexual" (i.e no sexual acts) relationship, and it awakened me. Still though, I know people who go in to it and have fun at my age and younger. If they're simply experimenting in a loving relationship, then that's fine. But I have friends that might be forcing their partners in to situations they don't want. Also, people getting involved in things without thinking it through, realising that it's a lifestyle for some, not just part of their sex life...

Ramble over!

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 12:31:06 PM

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Joined: 5/17/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

I just sent some advice to a young girl, who called her self a slave, about an inappropriate statement that she had put in her profile. This statement was in effect an order, not a request, to Dominants reading this supposed submissives profile.
Her response makes me wonder if what we do is becoming to popular and attracting the wrong people, or if better communication is required to get over the fundamentals of what we do.

Bugei Master of slave o^^

I don't believe that S&M will ever be mainstream, or popular with the majority. It is probably more of a curiosity these days, but as far as it's popularity is concerned, I believe that everyone has to make up their own mind about whether or not they decide to incorporate it into their lives. Also, the stigma that it is a taboo practice probably excites the interest of most people.

Having said that, I think all of us have experience some level of dominance and submission in our vanilla relationships. After all, it does occur in much of the animal world where tribal communities are common. And is our behavior really that far removed from that of other animal species? All one has to do is mention the word "war" and we can easily see just how survival-oriented our so-called human society is.

But I degress.

_____________________________

Dating sucks!

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 4:12:16 PM

Bugei

Posts: 40
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: West Wales UK
Status: offline

The advice I gave her in response to her rather non submissive demand : -

"Do not, for any reason, send chat requests or you will be instantly blocked"

Was :-

"A bit of advice : A sub who makes demands like this is a huge turn off for any Dominant."

The whole thing was no big deal but her response made me wonder if she was realy in the right place and if she understood how important respect and simple good manors are within the lifestyle

Her response :-

"i ,ll give you some advise,fuck off and mind your own."

She is, I am ashamed to say, a 25 year old English girl.

_____________________________

Bugei Master of slave o^^

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 4:14:58 PM

Bugei

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Joined: 9/3/2005
From: West Wales UK
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I couldn't agree more but that was not remotely what happened.

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Bugei Master of slave o^^

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 4:16:02 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Raethepain

Personally, I always worry about young people getting in to BDSM. And I know how hypocritical I sound saying that- but to be honest, if I could be vanilla I'd probably chose to.

Over the last two years I've thought I was a freak for not enjoying sex- I simply thought there was something wrong with me. But since then I have been involved in a "non-sexual" (i.e no sexual acts) relationship, and it awakened me. Still though, I know people who go in to it and have fun at my age and younger. If they're simply experimenting in a loving relationship, then that's fine. But I have friends that might be forcing their partners in to situations they don't want. Also, people getting involved in things without thinking it through, realising that it's a lifestyle for some, not just part of their sex life...

Ramble over!

These are some of the reasons I've been involved in college SM groups since I started graduate school and why I don't support having an age of limit of more than 18 for any SM group. We all need to start out somewhere and somehow. I think the sooner you have access to good information the easier it is to combat pop ideas and bad information you can get from the mainstream.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Raethepain)

RE: Is BDSM too popular - 5/27/2006 4:18:47 PM

Bugei

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Joined: 9/3/2005
From: West Wales UK
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You missed the point I think.

(in reply to ADomDoc)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 4:25:23 PM

Bugei

Posts: 40
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: West Wales UK
Status: offline

Her response :-

i ,ll give you some advise,fuck off and mind your own.

The wrong people:-

Not for me to judge, it was a question put to the group.

(in reply to agirl)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 4:32:31 PM

Posts: 26
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

A person, man or woman, can write anything they chose to write in their personal profile. There are no rules on what can be said, or how it is said. It is her profile, her needs, her feelings, and her wants. Everyone has their own view of what BDSM means to them. It is a fetish, and your fetish is different from my fetish, and my fetish is different from the next person. It is naive to think any different :)
If you don't like what someone's profile says, move on. You really have no business writing to that person to explain to them "your" version of the scene. There is no correct way to have a fetish, only many, many different people into many different things, that we lump together under one blanket title. Me, myself? I am a spanko,with a few extra, added kinks and twists. I state that clearly in my profile. Do I fall under BDSM? Absolutely. Am I a hard core, submissive, slave looking for a master? Heck no. Would I think it was stupid if someone wrote to me and told me I didn't know what I was talking about, or that my profile was wrong? Yep, most certainly!!
Don't take it so seriously, life is not that hard, LOL!
Spanked

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 5:22:32 PM

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

The advice I gave her in response to her rather non submissive demand : -

"Do not, for any reason, send chat requests or you will be instantly blocked"

Was :-

"A bit of advice : A sub who makes demands like this is a huge turn off for any Dominant."

The whole thing was no big deal but her response made me wonder if she was realy in the right place and if she understood how important respect and simple good manors are within the lifestyle

Her response :-

"i ,ll give you some advise,fuck off and mind your own."

She is, I am ashamed to say, a 25 year old English girl.

Too bad you can't give her name here. I think there are a number of us who would like to congratulate her on her strength and her awareness of reality.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 5:32:13 PM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

I just sent some advice to a young girl, who called her self a slave, about an inappropriate statement that she had put in her profile. This statement was in effect an order, not a request, to Dominants reading this supposed submissives profile.

The simple facts are until she has established a trust with you and willingly submits. She is an equal and can demand whatever she wants because it is HER relationship she is seeking. If you don't like it, then obviously she is not for you. I know a female sub that chewed up and spit out many a Dom male that came her way. She knew what she wanted and wouldn't settle for less. Some were put off by this, oh well. Others were intrigued by her strength of character and wanted her as theirs. To win her they did agree to provide information, and showed her a great deal of respect in complying with her requests. Now she has found one that could be her One. He is in complete control now, and she wouldn't have it any other way. He was one that absolutely loved her demanding profile. So he wins. The ones that tried doming her without her submission, they are still looking. Something to consider...

*claps* Well said exactly my feelings there too i know the type of Dominant that i wanted and would not settle for less but once accepting a collar control was given---thanks

_____________________________

"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to TeeGO)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 5:39:44 PM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
Status: offline

i personally dont see an issue with what was said. i personally may have been a bit more respectful but ultimately she is entitled to tell you what she thinks whether it pisses you off or not...until she would become Yours there is no reason to hyperventilate over something that shouldn't even bother you...sorry just my opinion

_____________________________

"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 5:39:47 PM

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

What IS the world coming to? Next thing you know, subs will be ORDERING married doms not to contact them...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

I just sent some advice to a young girl, who called her self a slave, about an inappropriate statement that she had put in her profile. This statement was in effect an order, not a request, to Dominants reading this supposed submissives profile.
Her response makes me wonder if what we do is becoming to popular and attracting the wrong people, or if better communication is required to get over the fundamentals of what we do.

My profile specifically says i am not looking to meet a married Man for a collar...but it doesn't ever slow Them down. Lmao.

candystripper

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 5:42:04 PM

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

Her response :-

i ,ll give you some advise,fuck off and mind your own.

The wrong people:-

Not for me to judge, it was a question put to the group.

Well, then take her direction. F**k off about this, stop whining, and move on. Seems simple enough to me.

candystripper

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 5:53:39 PM

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

The advice I gave her in response to her rather non submissive demand : -

"Do not, for any reason, send chat requests or you will be instantly blocked"

Was :-

"A bit of advice : A sub who makes demands like this is a huge turn off for any Dominant."

The whole thing was no big deal but her response made me wonder if she was realy in the right place and if she understood how important respect and simple good manors are within the lifestyle

Her response :-

"i ,ll give you some advise,fuck off and mind your own."

She is, I am ashamed to say, a 25 year old English girl.

::shakes head:: First, you bring this to a public forum when it's a private issue between you and someone else so you can .. what.. validate your feelings? Then you cut and paste her private email to this same public forum in violating of TOS. What exactly is mannerly about your own actions here? You owe her an apology.. first for intruding into her lifestyle choice uninvited, then for proclaiming that you speak for 'any' dominant, then for insulting her, then for bringing HER private email to a public forum.

Shame on you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Bugei)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 6:13:43 PM

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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the guy is making a real good impression on any potential sub/slave that might be reading this isn't he

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 6:13:59 PM

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Joined: 10/20/2005
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*jumping up and dowm clapping*

Thank you Bita!

Best,

LaMalinche

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/27/2006 6:22:52 PM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

all that AND a chocolatier.....damn she's good!

(in reply to LaMalinche)

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