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RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:25:49 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

I just sent some advice to a young girl, who called her self a slave, about an inappropriate statement that she had put in her profile. This statement was in effect an order, not a request, to Dominants reading this supposed submissives profile.
Her response makes me wonder if what we do is becoming to popular and attracting the wrong people, or if better communication is required to get over the fundamentals of what we do.

Bugei Master of slave o^^

If you don't like what's in her profile, it shows she's not your type. Isn't that what a profile is for?

(in reply to Bugei)

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Post #: 81

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:26:47 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

The advice I gave her in response to her rather non submissive demand : -

"Do not, for any reason, send chat requests or you will be instantly blocked"

Was :-

"A bit of advice : A sub who makes demands like this is a huge turn off for any Dominant."

The whole thing was no big deal but her response made me wonder if she was realy in the right place and if she understood how important respect and simple good manors are within the lifestyle

Her response :-

"i ,ll give you some advise,fuck off and mind your own."

She is, I am ashamed to say, a 25 year old English girl.

Well... I have to say that I can see errors on both sides.

Bugie's misstep was telling the girl that something in her profile would be a "huge turn off for any Dominant". That's insulting. How does HE know what all other Dominants will think? Secondly, why contact someone JUST to tell them something like that? It is a little presumtuous and rude. Even if it may have been well meant.

As for the girl... I don't care WHAT someone says, it's rude to tell anyone to F*** off. I would have worded it more politely, myself.

Just my 2 cents.

zuma

< Message edited by zumala -- 5/28/2006 7:29:27 AM >

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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Post #: 82

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:28:02 AM

Bugei

Posts: 40
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: West Wales UK
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Exactly the final point of the post :

Her response makes me wonder if what we do is becoming to popular and attracting the wrong people,

or if better communication is required to get over the fundamentals of what we do.

(in reply to fllmaster)

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Post #: 83

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:28:55 AM

ElizabethDVall

Posts: 53
Joined: 5/28/2006
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I never stated LaTigress that he cannot handle critisism. Again, you get it wrong!
It is me, who is making the point that the idea of apologising to her is laughable.

I agree with the opinions (and arseholes) comment though, you can see this by the number of posts and flames there are, as well as valid discussions of course.

As for agreeing with him, yes you would think that would be the case, and most of the time I do, however, I do have a mind of my own, I don't rely on agreeing with anyone all the time, and I am not backward in stating my point of view either.

But we digress....

o^^ / Elizabeth

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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Post #: 84

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:30:47 AM

becca333

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I have a feeling we'd all define 'the wrong people' differently.

(in reply to Bugei)

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Post #: 85

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:34:48 AM

Bugei

Posts: 40
Joined: 9/3/2005
From: West Wales UK
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It was very obvious from her profile that she is not my type and I have never suggested that I had even the remotest interest in acquiring her. The post was not about her but a question triggered by her attitude and demeanour.

(in reply to becca333)

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Post #: 86

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:35:26 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

I have a feeling we'd all define 'the wrong people' differently.

Yes, I think that is a certainty!

(in reply to becca333)

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Post #: 87

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:35:46 AM

becca333

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Joined: 4/11/2006
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"It was very obvious from her profile that she is not my type and I have never suggested that I had even the remotest interest in acquiring her. The post was not about her but a question triggered by her attitude and demeanour."

And about yours.

< Message edited by becca333 -- 5/28/2006 7:37:01 AM >

(in reply to Bugei)

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Post #: 88

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:39:30 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
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From: UK
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I do not see how people assumed that Bugei acted like she was 'his' - all I have seen is polite references stating that her reply, whilst not polite, is to be expected.

If someone wrote suggesting I had written something wrong or inappropriate to how they perceive BDSM to be, then thats there choice and my choice to ignore.

It was her choice to write back a less than complimentary reply.

Does not mean that BDSM is becoming too popular and encouraging the wrong sort of people - which is what I saw the OP being about. There is no wrong sort - there are individuals the the right to express how they see fit. It may not be everyones idea of politeness, or respect, or 'real and true'.... but it is freedom of expression. Basic Human Rights. Each to their own within a consensual environment - and it only effects you if you allow it to.

What was done by Bugei is neither here nor there. The question set by the OP was:

' Her response makes me wonder if what we do is becoming to popular and attracting the wrong people, or if better communication is required to get over the fundamentals of what we do. '

There is no wrong - no right - no black nor white. We are not elitist. In an ideal world, there would be no bigorty. What there is, is a 'community' where to be true to yourself and your desires in a consenual manner with those participating with you whilst, using the clearest form of communication is paramount. The only ' fundemental ' is CONSENSUAL. Other than that, everything else is subjective.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to ElizabethDVall)

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Post #: 89

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:39:52 AM

LaTigresse

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One thing is for sure, a lesson I learned after my children were grown has been proven once again.

"If someone does not ask for your opinion, it is probably not welcome, no matter how rudely you feel they have told you such."

(in reply to becca333)

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Post #: 90

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:41:42 AM

LaTigresse

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oui, we did get seriously off topic

(in reply to darkinshadows)

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Post #: 91

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:43:38 AM

JohnWarren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

I have a feeling we'd all define 'the wrong people' differently.

All too often, narrow minded people define "right" as "like me" and "wrong" as "different from me." It's rather sad because they lose the chance to broaden their outlook.

Of course, this requires a certain degree of modesty and a willingness to accept different ways of doing things. It's so much easier to feel superior by telling people that their way of doing things is "the wrong way" and only by accepting the speaker's ways can one be a good slave/person/whatever.

_____________________________

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(in reply to becca333)

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Post #: 92

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:46:46 AM

becca333

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There are so many groups - not just BDSM ones - who are sidelined by society, and who bewail the lack of tolerance, yet some of their members show very little tolerance for each other.

Ah, I'm in a philosophical mood right now.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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Post #: 93

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:50:12 AM

CrappyDom

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I for one appreciate dominates like Bugei who work so hard to make me look so good.

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Post #: 94

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:54:16 AM

OhBeMyMind

Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
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I read through the whole thread again, and wanted to back track a bit to the original post.
IMO, this is really apples and oranges (to me), as I do not understand how her reply to you suggests that BDSM is too popular, or attracting the wrong people.
All it says to me is that you did not like her response, and.......well it is probably best that I stop there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bugei

I just sent some advice to a young girl, who called her self a slave, about an inappropriate statement that she had put in her profile. This statement was in effect an order, not a request, to Dominants reading this supposed submissives profile.
Her response makes me wonder if what we do is becoming to popular and attracting the wrong people, or if better communication is required to get over the fundamentals of what we do.

Bugei Master of slave o^^

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to Bugei)

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Post #: 95

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:57:20 AM

becca333

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She's rude and immature, he's pompous and arrogant. Personally, I think they'd be perfect for each other.

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)

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Post #: 96

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 7:57:23 AM

ElizabethDVall

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Joined: 5/28/2006
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Don't you have to have an opinion to write a book?
I find books often suggest right and wrong ways to doing things,

Don't you John?

o^^ / Elizabeth

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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Post #: 97

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 8:00:50 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fllmaster

I too have noticed that some in some of the profiles of women who call themselve's "slave's" will be to the effect "I will not call you . . . . , or I will not do . . . ." So my question is, do they know the difference between a switch, a slave, and a submissive?

I think unless someone has committed to being another's slave/sub, and all the ground rules have been agreed upon between the two, then he/she has every right in the world to take a stance on what they will or will not do. It is actually their *responsibility* to have cautions, limitations and to decide what pace they will go at. Until *both* parties are committed to *each other*, and committed to the power exchange, there is nothing wrong with someone having strong feelings on what their limitations might be, *especially* if they are newbies. Wanting to be someone's slave does not mean that these people are just sitting here as mindless, limitless drones waiting for orders to obey. How they self-identify, is an individual and personal issue--whether it be slave, switch, sub; this can only be defined by the two people involved as they grow together and carve out their own unique relationship.
These are human relationships. We do not have cut and dried definitions with no gray area in between.

(in reply to fllmaster)

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Post #: 98

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 8:04:56 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElizabethDVall

Don't you have to have an opinion to write a book?
I find books often suggest right and wrong ways to doing things,

Don't you John?

o^^ / Elizabeth

I believe that while books may indeed suggest ways of doing things, or even express the author's opinion as to whether they believe it is "right" or ''wrong", it is up to the reader to determine the "rightness" or "wrongess" as it pertains to their lives.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ElizabethDVall)

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Post #: 99

RE: Is BDSM to popular - 5/28/2006 8:08:05 AM

ElizabethDVall

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To right, totally agree,

I do find tho, they compete with each other as to who's way is best though.

o^^ / Elizabeth

(in reply to mistoferin)

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Post #: 100