RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles

RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (Full Version)

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fragilepieces -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 5:43:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP About not getting responses. Firstly, if you are writing people who ask for someone within a certain distance, age limit etc and you don't fit that then they won't even get your mail. They will have set their mail filters to send you straight to junk mail. Secondly, you're extremely narrow minded. You claim to be tolerant of other people's kinks yet you also demand that every sub be humble to every self proclaimed dominant out there. I'm submissive to one. Which means not you and there is no reason I should be to you or any one else. And this applies to every submissive. Until she has agreed to commit to you, she owes you nothing. You want someone to feel humbled in your presence? Then you need to inspire her with your dominance. Until that happens, there's no reason for someone to pretend it. As far as the anyone who won't do housework isn't a real sub, we've just had a long thread on that. To sum it up, we've all gotten emails from guys who say their bathroom hasn't been cleaned it six months and that's why they need a new sub. Because of that, and the fact that we aren't interested in being anyone's mommy, we don't feel it necessary to agree to clean the house for some guy who can't take out his own garbage. Beyond that, if she works all day, comes home and cleans her own house, and then has to come over and clean yours, when does she get any down time? If you're living together and both working, then you both need to do the household stuff as otherwise there's no time for fun. Plus you sitting watching tv while she's working an unpaid job won't inspire her with your dominance, it will make her think you're a lazy ass. Overall the profile is filled with nice sounding stuff but the journal entries show the real you who isn't at all like the man the profile describes. [sm=yourock.gif]

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 6:22:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX What bothers me is that if I didnt come to the forums .. which most people on the other side DONT ... Is not knowing who you really are and what you had posted beforehand. That was the real you and how you veiw things and what your priorities are or were before you noticed that wasnt attracting any pussy. Scary to think that someone might think you have a clue, when in reality ... you dont. About the anger issue ... no one has to worry about that one there .. it will come out in your personality sooner than later when someone gets to speaking with you. Maybe you will attract someone with an anger issue as well and you can be angry together. I love it when it all evens out in the end. For possibly the first time ever, I agree with you Janah and want to add that I hope the journal entries aren't deleted. I would far rather know about the anger issues right away so I don't waste time. Profiles are a good way to learn about someone and I would just as soon know about both good and bad right away. Unshriven I'll bet those journal entries are a large part of why you aren't getting responses. FYI it's possible to hover over messages and read them without clicking to open them. Still I think it's probably the journal entries that do it. Fire

sexyred1 -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 6:24:05 AM)
My opinion? I cannot stand profiles from men who pontificate on what Dominance is and what submission is. Yawn. I don't care how long you are in the lifestye; means nothing to me. Ditto on the anger issues in the journals. Finally, you made a comment in the journals about how not doing housework and being high maintenance is not submissive. Right there, I would never write back to you, since you have mistakenly judged being a professional woman who has a cleaning woman and who cares about her appearance for not being submissive. Not liking to clean bathrooms and getting weekly blowouts and manicures/pedicures is mutually exclusive of how submissive I am.

windchymes -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 6:49:08 AM)
I'm in agreement with many others here. Liked the profile okay enough, though I read it after editing, liked the pics, but when I read the journal entries, major turn-off. Nothing shuts down interest for me faster than those doms who scold the rest of the world for transgressions committed by others. To me, you sound like you just discovered the internet and are outraged at what you found there. Roll your eyes, click, and move on, don't go on a public rant every time something doesn't suit you. It's the internet, the nature of the beast, you WILL wade through a lot of crap here. There are "fakes, wannabe's, spammers" and all sorts of unsavory characters on ALL the internet sites. You're going to have to deal with it if you want to play here :)

lelloy -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 7:20:36 AM)
Nice pictures, nice start. Yes, you need to do a little less soapbox preaching on what is and isn't Dominant and submissive. You don't need the "What I think a good Dominant is" section. That's a good topic to discuss individually, and it makes much more of an impact if you live it rather than putting it up as a pretty plaque on the wall. Your journals are extremely negative...and some people like to avoid that. Still, I don't think it's a good idea to delete them so much as you need to consider what it says about you and the impression you're giving off. It's a very nice profile and in general I think you could make someone very happy...but there are some signs of slight anger issues and narrowmindedness. Sometimes it's easy to lose perspective on the internet, but I can't imagine going through life with that much negativity... So says the pessimist. ;)

kalikshama -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 9:09:36 AM)
quote: you have mistakenly judged being a professional woman who has a cleaning woman and who cares about her appearance for not being submissive. Not liking to clean bathrooms and getting weekly blowouts and manicures/pedicures is mutually exclusive of how submissive I am. While I personally like cleaning, if I were with a VP at a global company, I would expect him to utilize a professional cleaning service. My ex Dom liked getting two hour massages every night. Between work and commute, I was away 12 hours per day. Those two hour massages just weren't happening on a work night. His new sub works 7 hours a day. She gives him the massages but skimps on daily cleaning. Yuck. They can't afford maid service. OP - You can.

kalikshama -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 9:51:56 AM)
quote: when I send an message, I'm polite (not whimpy), I read their profiles and include something they've said so they know I'm not doing a cut and paste It sounds like you are doing everything right - if you send a sample first email, I'd be happy to critique it. Do delete all your negative journal entries. Some were a MAJOR turn off. Keep public journals positive.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:15:51 AM)
I was turned off by the journals. I don't believe true gentlemen who's as respectful and as tolerant as he claims need to stoop so low as making public comments about those that didn't work out, such as his fat woman with a missing tooth comment, and you're a professional, so go see a dentist. I also think if you're going to demand a sub be healthy he needs to be healthy too, and I don't know if his weight his healthy for him or not, I'm not his dr, but he looks like he has a beer belly, and I'd find that a total turn off, from someone insisting that his sub be healthy. I agree, a lot of nastiness and negativity in the journals that would send me packing the other way from him so fast.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:19:46 AM)
I''d say leave them. it lets people know who he really is. And it lets us avoid him. I prefer truth in advertising, not some sugared up, positive polite front in public and negative and sometimes down right nasty in private. quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Do delete all your negative journal entries. Some were a MAJOR turn off. Keep public journals positive.

DesFIP -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:22:27 AM)
Good point TFB. Him demanding someone in great shape while he's anything but is hypocrisy which is never attractive.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:23:55 AM)
Nope, it never is, and I know doms are in the position of power to make demands, but I don't have to answer those demands. I'd love a dom to help me loose weight, but for me to trust that he knows what he's doing he needs to practice what he preaches. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Good point TFB. Him demanding someone in great shape while he's anything but is hypocrisy which is never attractive.

xxblushesxx -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:25:05 AM)
I agree with those who say leave the journals up. Give the poor prospective girls a heads up!

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:27:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JanahX What bothers me is that if I didnt come to the forums .. which most people on the other side DONT ... Is not knowing who you really are and what you had posted beforehand. That was the real you and how you veiw things and what your priorities are or were before you noticed that wasnt attracting any pussy. Scary to think that someone might think you have a clue, when in reality ... you dont. About the anger issue ... no one has to worry about that one there .. it will come out in your personality sooner than later when someone gets to speaking with you. Maybe you will attract someone with an anger issue as well and you can be angry together. I love it when it all evens out in the end. hmmm and I'm called judgmental. I'll avoid a knee jerk response and just say you're off the mark. I think most would say that what I've posted here is incongruent with what I've written in my profile. I believe I've said I don't write well for a non-technical audience. I never have. I think it would be fair to say that if I didn't "have a clue" I wouldn't be here asking. Lastly, I'm not here to "attract pussy". Getting laid is not an issue for me. (no I am not bragging) I'm here for something different not just a piece of ass. Regardless, I'd like to thank you for taking the time to write such a kind and thoughtful response, it was very helpful. MariaB: Yes I can see many of your points and I wanted to address a few of them. Yes I have been in the life that long (on and off) going back to the Black Rose Society's BBS. Connecting with a submissive online is a relatively new thing for me. I'd always met people through munches, the club and the like. The dynamic there is much different. I speak better than I write and am more personable in a one on one situation. Of course I realize she's interviewing me. I was married to my sub for many years. It stopped being a D/s relationship a few years in due to my schedule (gotta love IT), having a child in the house and various other factors. What I didn't mention before was that I divorced this year. I believe a lot of the angst coming out was probably bi-blow from an ugly, nasty divorce. It's the kind of thing you don't realize at the time. Going back over my journal, I can see what you all are saying and can see the hand prints of my divorce all over it. I also don't suffer fools well. It's a bad combination. [:)] Someone was kind enough to take my info and re-write my profile for me. I'm going to go over it and re-write it. It was a very gracious act. I'll try and add more personal info. I think I really narrow down the type of sub/slave I'm looking for. I don't think the 'nice guy' is compatible with the slave who wants an intense, objectified, 24/7, caged type situation. On the other side, I'm not going to get the intense emotional connection/Daddy Dom type of relationship if I want to shave her head and make her eat from a dog bowl, at least not initially. I'll have to chew on this a while. I thank everyone for their input. I've taken all you've said, both good and bad, to heart. U.

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:37:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Good point TFB. Him demanding someone in great shape while he's anything but is hypocrisy which is never attractive. Yeah except for the fact I didn't demand anyone be in great shape, unless of course, you consider being able to walk up a flight of stairs "great shape". I don't. My comment was not about looks, it was about health. I don't want to play with someone I can't lift or unharness in an emergency, I don't want to be involved with someone who can't spend a day out walking through a market or sight seeing and I don't want to be emotionally involved with someone who might be dead in 10 years because they aren't even moderately healthy. I don't need someone who's a size 2. I specifically said that everyone is fighting 30lbs but of course, that got ignored and people hear what they want to hear and disregard what was really said. It's this type of thing that I find irritating. I have been pretty honest about my flaws and things I've done wrong. I'm not copping to this one. If you want to criticise, fine but at least get it right.

kalikshama -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:39:45 AM)
quote: I believe I've said I don't write well for a non-technical audience. Let's have a draft of a technically oriented profile!

xxblushesxx -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:43:54 AM)
I disagree about the nice guy part. One of the nicest guys I know is a sadistic son of a bitch (and really fun to play with!) But if you're going to make your entire life with this lady one long project in objectification, you may have a difficult time filling that role. Even 24/7 isn't (usually) 24/7.

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:50:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP About not getting responses. Firstly, if you are writing people who ask for someone within a certain distance, age limit etc and you don't fit that then they won't even get your mail. They will have set their mail filters to send you straight to junk mail. Secondly, you're extremely narrow minded. You claim to be tolerant of other people's kinks yet you also demand that every sub be humble to every self proclaimed dominant out there. I'm submissive to one. Which means not you and there is no reason I should be to you or any one else. And this applies to every submissive. Until she has agreed to commit to you, she owes you nothing. You want someone to feel humbled in your presence? Then you need to inspire her with your dominance. Until that happens, there's no reason for someone to pretend it. As far as the anyone who won't do housework isn't a real sub, we've just had a long thread on that. To sum it up, we've all gotten emails from guys who say their bathroom hasn't been cleaned it six months and that's why they need a new sub. Because of that, and the fact that we aren't interested in being anyone's mommy, we don't feel it necessary to agree to clean the house for some guy who can't take out his own garbage. Beyond that, if she works all day, comes home and cleans her own house, and then has to come over and clean yours, when does she get any down time? If you're living together and both working, then you both need to do the household stuff as otherwise there's no time for fun. Plus you sitting watching tv while she's working an unpaid job won't inspire her with your dominance, it will make her think you're a lazy ass. Overall the profile is filled with nice sounding stuff but the journal entries show the real you who isn't at all like the man the profile describes. um no, I didn't demand anything nor did I say every sub should be humble to every self proclaimed dominant. I said I've noticed a lack of humility. It's not the same thing. Also my comment regarding housework was not about subs having to clean, it was about her being demanding and bottoming from the top. It wasn't about who did the dishes. I can see, however, how you could have read it that way. Regarding the issues of downtime, cleaning and other household issues, it's always been my position that the sub has the right to negotiate all of this before a 'contract' is signed. My belief is that it's the whole point of a contract. I also believe that it should be revisited from time to time to make adjustments for things that aren't working. I believe and have spoken to the fact that yes, sometimes the real world intrudes and it takes both of you to overcome that. Lastly, you don't know who the real me is. I agree, yes my journal entries were very negative. As I said in a different post, I was going through a difficult divorce at the time. I may have had just a smidge of outside angst influencing how I wrote. I think if I was the narrow minded, selfish, angry POS as I've been made out to be, I wouldn't be here asking for help.

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:51:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I disagree about the nice guy part. One of the nicest guys I know is a sadistic son of a bitch (and really fun to play with!) But if you're going to make your entire life with this lady one long project in objectification, you may have a difficult time filling that role. Even 24/7 isn't (usually) 24/7. Good point, thanks

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 10:53:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself It's good to talk to someone who asks for advice and actually takes it too [:D] Having vanilla stuff in your profile will make you seem more 'human'. I know you want an intense relationship with clearly defined roles, but there are also going to be times when you're snuggled up together watching a movie, or cooking a meal together, or going out with friends, or...well, you get the picture. A potential partner needs to know that there is something to relate to in those less formal times. I'm a slave, and Master is the boss. When we're together I do what he says, no objections allowed. But we still talk, laugh, tease, kiss...all the stuff that keeps the relationship on track. Think of kink as the bricks and the vanilla as the mortar. Get the mix right and you will build a relationship that is solid and could last forever. I really wanted to thank you for this. It's helpful, valid and insightful.

Unshriven -> RE: ok, so I'm asking...about profiles (12/4/2011 11:08:05 AM)
69+ - quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I disagree about the nice guy part. One of the nicest guys I know is a sadistic son of a bitch (and really fun to play with!) But if you're going to make your entire life with this lady one long project in objectification, you may have a difficult time filling that role. Even 24/7 isn't (usually) 24/7. Thanks, this was very helpful. As to the housework issue, it wasn't about the housework, it was about the attitude. Maybe it just caught me wrong.

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