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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/11/2011 7:28:34 AM

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It's possible, hausboy, that some people talk themselves up to impress others, or it's possible that some people have iternalized the role and are just willing to to do it. I dunno. Other people's relationships are a zone you may never truly know. Just be comfortable with yourself.

Like a lot of things, I compare it to, well, my dog. He's got a kennel, a food bowl, a basket of toys, etc. Would I be within my rights to throw all of his stuff away? Sure. But I wouldn't because he needs some form of enrichment, and I believe toys serve that purpose, and a food and water bowl make it easier to feed him, and his kennel is helpful for all sorts of reasons. But I could and would get rid of the stuff if it was causing problems.
If I could no longer keep him, sending him off with things that were familiar would hopefully help him get along (but he's 11 now, I don't think it would be sound to send him elsewhere now at this age).

And yeah - obviously a dog and a person have different responsibilities, before people get all tangled up there, I do recognize that.
No, it's not a perfect metaphor and I never claimed it was. But it's just something my mind can relate to.

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/11/2011 6:11:31 PM

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When I was with my late husband, everything was in his name. The house, the cars, the bank accounts; everything. I was ok with that.

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/11/2011 7:49:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

Is slavery: A) an emotional state
B) a piece of role-playing
C) a consensual hallucination between two people?

It depends on what you mean by emotional state, and which definition of the word slave you prefer to use.

I'd say that B and C are more common. Especially among those who think that being a slave is either a choice you can make (in our current cultural context) or a black and white adherence to the act of responding like a legally owned slave would (usually people who use the word in this last context are not even aware of how bizarre they portray the reaction of legal slaves because they seem to feel that by stating that you are a slave, you no longer have the "right" to leave, while a legal slave would usually take the first opportunity they had to run).

As far as the emotional state goes, it depends.
Do you mean an emotional state as in: "I'm a slave by nature, and therefor I will always do A, B and C." Because that's a load of bullshit. People are slaves because of an external force, not by an internal nature. Nature may make a person more prone to react to external forces, but without said external force, the person isn't a slave, regardless of their nature.

That external force is also exactly the reason why people can become slaves, even in a society that doesn't provide for it legally.
The only definition of the word slave that I think applies in a BDSM context is this one: "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."
In order for somebody to be a slave (versus role playing one) in a BDSM context is by having an external force (Dom/Master/owner/whatever) that creates an emotional state in which the slave is compelled to be under that person's influence. Usually by creating a situation wherein the slave feels that obedience, regardless of the "cost" involved, carried less of a "cost" than disobedience.

It's surprisingly easy to accomplish this for some people, but like you said, whether or not it happens -and whether or not the slave wishes to remain such- is all up to the Master. It comes down to whether or not he's capable of placing the girl in a situations where she craves being under his influence more than she craves her personal freedom and independence.

Anyways, thanks for answering my questions, it was enlightening.
And sorry for the assumption that you desire to keep slaves, I should have checked instead of jumping to conclusions.

Ishtar

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/11/2011 8:01:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

It's possible, hausboy, that some people talk themselves up to impress others, or it's possible that some people have iternalized the role and are just willing to to do it. I dunno. Other people's relationships are a zone you may never truly know. Just be comfortable with yourself.

Like a lot of things, I compare it to, well, my dog. He's got a kennel, a food bowl, a basket of toys, etc. Would I be within my rights to throw all of his stuff away? Sure. But I wouldn't because he needs some form of enrichment, and I believe toys serve that purpose, and a food and water bowl make it easier to feed him, and his kennel is helpful for all sorts of reasons. But I could and would get rid of the stuff if it was causing problems.
If I could no longer keep him, sending him off with things that were familiar would hopefully help him get along (but he's 11 now, I don't think it would be sound to send him elsewhere now at this age).

And yeah - obviously a dog and a person have different responsibilities, before people get all tangled up there, I do recognize that.
No, it's not a perfect metaphor and I never claimed it was. But it's just something my mind can relate to.

Certainly, and I recognize that there are those out there who live as slaves to a different level than what works for others.

That said, I also suspect that sometimes there's a bit of, shall we say, creative license with how some folks represent their daily lives as slaves. I don't really care--as you said--it's their life, not mine--but it's when that is presented as the slave that is more "real and true" than others that I get a bit....annoyed.

Littlewonder: I have been working on becoming a minimalist for awhile now. I have a ways to go, but made progress. I completely agree with you that the "stuff" is just stuff--it's the experience and time spent with those we love that really matters.

I say that... but still admit to having an attachment...to my stuff. progress not perfection....

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/11/2011 8:32:05 PM

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hausboy

I think you nailed it.

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If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 7:18:33 AM

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I think this was all settled a long time ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 7:44:18 AM

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Not exactly the same stuff.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SamiPower)

RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 7:58:22 AM

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That was already posted, Sami.

Anyway, hausboy, it's totally possible, and in some cases, maybe even more probable, that you're totally right.
But... who knows.

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 11:03:18 AM

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I've thought about this a while now, and in the end I think it comes down to the Master/Owner/Dominant controls the submissive/slave's stuff as far as the submissive/slave is willing to surrender that control.

Some of my stuff I don't really care about, I can always buy another, but some other things, I do care about. Some can't be replaced, some have enormous sentimental value, and some I just like so much I am not willing to part with them easily.

So, like most aspects of this kinky stuff, its up to the sub. Its our choice who "owns" what.

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Grandit je ne sais pas.

CG/HH

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 11:28:48 AM

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And I believe it is BOTH parties responsibility to have those sorts of discussions earlier rather than later.

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 11:44:21 AM

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That's true. But to my way of thinking, it really doesn't matter how the D sees things, all that matters is how the s does. If somebody who figured they owned everything of mine by default wanted to be my Domme, it wouldn't ever happen, and if it were only to come up later on, the relationship would end when she tried to claim ownership of those things I'm not willing to give up.

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Grandit je ne sais pas.

CG/HH

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 11:50:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCheri

That's true. But to my way of thinking, it really doesn't matter how the D sees things, all that matters is how the s does. If somebody who figured they owned everything of mine by default wanted to be my Domme, it wouldn't ever happen, and if it were only to come up later on, the relationship would end when she tried to claim ownership of those things I'm not willing to give up.

Which is exactly why the conversation needs to happen. It is YOUR responsibility to know how she views the issue BEFORE jumping into the relationship. You need to know exactly how she sees things before you commit to being her s. Otherwise, how would you know?

I don't see how either parties point of view matters more or less. Both should be aware of the other's.

The problems come about when things are assumed and not communicated. On both sides.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 12/12/2011 11:52:40 AM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SweetCheri)

RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 11:56:48 AM

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Very true. There's a lot of those, I am compiling an ever-growing list of things that must be discussed or clarified prior to any commitment. At this point it looks like a hypothetical future Domme and I will have to talk for about three months non-stop before making any decisions.

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Grandit je ne sais pas.

CG/HH

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 12:01:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCheri

Very true. There's a lot of those, I am compiling an ever-growing list of things that must be discussed or clarified prior to any commitment. At this point it looks like a hypothetical future Domme and I will have to talk for about three months non-stop before making any decisions.

And yanno, there's nothing wrong with that. In my mind, all too many people jump before much of any talking. It's all about the kink and sex.....(not that there is anything at all wrong with kink and sex mind you...) Then they get on here and start writing volumes on the horrible evil person they gave everything too then got tossed out on their ass. Or something along those lines.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SweetCheri)

RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 12:05:26 PM

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Also very true.

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Une fille d'Ottawa
Grandit je ne sais pas.

CG/HH

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 12:07:24 PM

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When my girl/I lived in separate homes we both had keys to each others homes. When she lost her home/moved in w/me her stuff was her stuff that I used freely but when she moved out in Oct. she took her stuff.

I've never taken a slave's property from her but always used it as needed and that included her new car which I took for a weeknd but I did leave her my car so she wasn't stranded in case of an emergency.

**Eta before she moved in she asked that she be allowed to have the final say so when it comes to her animals. I told her "Of course" and I always respected that boundry even tho once she saw how I loved her animals she was comfortable letting me take control accordingly. I tried never to do so in her presence, only when I was alone w/them & needed to keep them quiet did I ever exert control. My girl continuously told me that her initial fears reg. her pets were based on previous domme's behavior but she ended up trusting me 100% w/them but I never took advantage of that. Same as when she only had a handful of potato chips left, I wouldn't eat the last bit because she bought them w/her $$ or if I did I'd always replace whatever I used to completion***.

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 12/12/2011 12:12:53 PM >

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 12:10:25 PM

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Using each other's stuff is fine. I use the man's socks when I run out... lol When his lap top died, he used my pc. We sleep on a combination of my frame and his... blankets, sheets, pots pans, dishware, towels... gesh... its all jumbled up right now. lol

IF we ever split, we split enough to keep two houses going. But that is a huge if.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to VirginPotty)

RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 12:15:30 PM

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I only read the initial question and not the 6 pages of responses. But here is my opinion: when you enter a relationship of any validity or strength to actually call it a "relationship" then you are acting as grown ups. And grown ups do not take what belongs to others. At least grown ups with integrity. Which I hope when we can ourselves "Mistresses", "Dommes", "Masters", "Doms" ---- we possess. As for shared creatures, such as animals, it becomes complicated but with tack and decorum it is resolved. I am sure some would take this all the way to Judge Judy, but, I would deem those as drama queens. Bottom line: Act like adults.

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 12:15:31 PM

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"Using it freely" is how it worked with us. When he came over, he didn't have to ask to use anything of mine (though sometimes he did) and he told me to rearrange my towels because he didn't like how I had them. haha
When I went over, I'd ask to use his stuff.

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RE: Stuff about stuff - 12/12/2011 12:17:57 PM

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Oh lord, you went through the "training" too? lol I got an hour long lecture from the ex about how he expected the bathroom to always be kept, from towels to toilet paper and everything in between.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

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