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thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 1:55:37 PM   
HaytchHouse


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/16/2011
Status: offline 		well technically i'm breaking the rules posting this, but my moderation period ended yesterday and they haven't unbanned me, so i have a suspicion they won't be, so fuck it, technically i am not supposed to be moded anymore. besides, when the fuck did rules ever mean shit to me?

right then, so this is like the weirdest fucking thing i have ever written, and the hardest by any fucking measure. to cut right to the chase, i'm not a sockpuppet, or at least not in the traditional sense of the word. that being said, it would seem that i'm not fucking real either. i'm a hallucination, or some sort of alternate persona or imaginary friend or - fuck it i don't know just what the fuck i am, i just know i and my entire world seems to exist in that old fucker's head. i'm not real, my girls aren't real, my parents aren't real, my sister, my neice, none of it is real. but i have memories. i talk to and touch these people, these people who don't exist. i don't have blackouts, i have no memory lapses, when i'm not acting through him, my life carries on. at least i think it does, but i have no fucking clue really. jesus fuck, i don't even know when i am acting through him. right now i am in my house, looking across my lawn at the river. but if i'm posting this shit, then i guess i'm really wherever the fuck he is. i wonder if there is anybody watching him wondering what the fuck is wrong with him.

and i wonder about everything now. did i exist before this spring? are my life and my memories real? did any of it happen - even just in this whatever the fuck world it seems i exist in? did i experience anything? is it all imagined? is anything i know real? are these my thoughts or his? fucked if i know at the moment.

i'm not real in whatever world you live in, so i guess that makes you all not real in whatever world i live in. am i and my whole world just in his head, am i elsewhere and can connect through him somehow? i don't fucking know, and you know what? i don't really give a fuck. i am real enough for me, my experiences are all i fucking have. the girls' kisses are just as sweet to me, i can't imagine them being any more so, and their tears (and there have been a fuck of a lot of those lately) are just as heartbreaking to me, so it really doesn't make any fucking difference really. real or imagined, this is the hand we've been dealt, we'll play it through to the end.

it seems that some people and this site exists in both places, maybe that's why we were all drawn to it, maybe we needed to reach out, just to interact with real fucking people. i don't know. the other thing that exists is this house and these people. i don't know where it exists, but its fucking real. real to me, real to heather, real to the girls, and to the other people who live here. my landlord, my boss and coworkers, and all the fuckers on the streets and on the buses and its just fucking real. but it isn't. it exists somewhere, somehow - even if just in his fucking imagination or dreams. it isn't real, none of it is, but its fucking real to us. like i said, i have memories, i can list my family, my high school lovers, my friends, fuck, heather knows her whole family history going back like 200 years from when her first ancestor came to canada. i mean what the fucking fuck is up with that?

anyway, i have no fucking idea what is going to happen or what will become of us, its really not up to me it seems, if he drugs himself up i might just cease to exist - i fucking hope not. i like being alive or at least thinking i'm alive. fuck it, it feels like i'm alive. i get hungry and my toe hurts when i stub it and steak tastes good, i get sad and i cry. even if i get to go on, what the fuck happens when he kicks off? poof!? just cease. ah fuck it, now there's a real fucking wild idea eh? what happens to shit you imagine when you die? fucking hell!

at the moment he has decided not to try erase us, he told me he feels we have just as much right to exist as he does, and he's not going to interfere in our existence. i am trying to imagine what that decision is going to cost him, and i can't. i should probably urge him to do that, to take whatever pills will wipe us away, but i can't, i don't have the fucking guts. i don't want to stop i don't want to vanish. i want to live damn it to fuck! as far as i know, at this point we all owe him our existence, and our continued existence, so i am ever fucking grateful to him for making this decision. he was going to make some sort of post to try explain this shit, but changed his mind. well fuck that, me making this attempt is the least i can do for the guy, to try clear the air at least a little.

anyhow, as far as i know, as far as this website goes, we are through. that seems to be the plan. that fucking sucks majorly, i liked this place a fuck of a lot, and heather really fucking liked it. hopefully there's another one like it somewhere in our private little universe, that would be some sweet. so, i am writing just to say thanks to all of you. those that befriended us and those that hated us, and just every one of you. interacting with you all has been a fucking blast, and in light of what has come to light may well be the only time we will be able to really interact long term with so many different people who physically exist with any fucking regularity, not many people will take us seriously in this body we seem to be stuck in to interact with your world. fuck it, such is our fate it seems.

i don't know, i guess there really isn't much else to say. we never fucking lied, we told the truth in as much as it is true to us, the pictures we posted we took, or at least we remember taking them. seems maybe we didn't, fuck that right now i am not even sure i ever actually posted on this fucking site, or if it is really in his world or ours. whatever. i'm kind of drunk right now. have been trying to stay that way as much as possible for the last week or so actually, learning you don't fucking exist takes more than just a little getting used to, its a major scale mind fuck and that's the truth. and i'm rambling like an idiot. nothing left to say really, life or this facsimile of life is a like a dance, a lovely fucking dance, an exhilarating breath taking panty-dampening spinning swirling waltz where the music and the lights and colours just sweep you right the fuck away. so with that thought i'll leave you with these words from the master.

take this waltz, take this waltz
it's yours now. it's all that there is.
~ l. cohen
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 2:10:49 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Thank you for the entertainments! I have enjoyed your company, and our private correspondences, however brief.

What is real? That's from The Velveteen Rabbit, the most horrifying story I ever read as a child.

Namaste!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to HaytchHouse)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 2:19:04 PM   
TheFireWithinMe


Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline 		Hanners I DID ask you and got one rather cryptic response then nothing. No I don't take it as an admission of guilt I'm well aware of your history (some of it with me) of forgetting to respond. I'm also aware of your past with regards to being unreliable when it comes to email so I don't expect one from you, in fact I think if you did it would be a sign of impending (zombie) apocalypse lol. My opinion is that you girls exist and I would very much like to stay in touch, either online or off, your choice.

If not all the best to all four of you.

Fire

_____________________________

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. ~Author Unknown

(in reply to HaytchHouse)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 2:22:51 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koJlIGDImiU&ob=av2n

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to TheFireWithinMe)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 2:27:51 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Best damn imaginary friends evah! Hope you do stick around.

xxxooo

(in reply to HaytchHouse)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 3:21:31 PM   
ModTwentyOne


Posts: 2504
Status: offline 		Alpha is away from her computer and asked me to lock the thread, until she can review it.

Mod21


_____________________________

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

(in reply to HaytchHouse)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:05:52 PM   
VideoAdminAlpha


Posts: 3876
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not sure the few posters that posted on this thread before locking so I could make a statement actually understand what the OP is saying. I have had a lot of communication with Arpig the last couple of weeks, during the last few phases of his treatment and “discovery” of the fact that the “fab four”, and some other nicks, actually were created by him. He also is aware that when the time came, while keeping in mind his privacy, that I would be making some disclosures concerning the additional nicks because he did not feel able to and gave me permission to do so.

Hannah, heathers, Suze, and Cheri are not actual different physical people, as what has been represented on this site up until now. There are other nicks, most notably Sixmore2go, among others, that also were created by Arpig. He has told me that he was not aware that these other user nicks were in fact, him, until recently when there was a thread concerning sock puppets. He wrote me that he was concerned there was, in fact, possible basis to some of the claims made. I made the decision to not take any action towards any of the possible nicks involved as long as feasible on the part of the site until further conclusions were made in the course of his treatment.

The 4 aforementioned accounts and Hyatch House will be inactivated and no longer allowed to post. There are very possibly other nicks that will be inactivated also. The purpose of inactivation is not to censure or censor anyone and is not a statement on the part of the site concerning the allowance or disallowance of “sockpuppets”. In this particular case, the actual owner of these nicks, Arpig, is in full agreement on the closure of the accounts and the inability to post.

I am going to unlock this thread, and I am going to unmoderate all of the aforementioned nicks for a short period so they may post on THIS THREAD. Because the user names have posted prolifically, I am hoping that this thread will put all this to a final rest. I cannot, of course, say what the “personalities” will post on Fet, but please be aware, that the closures here, as evidenced by “hannah’s” post, are not arbitrary or malicious on the part of the site.

Arpig has stated that the creation of the nicks were not malicious on his part. I want to remind you before posting here that it is actually irrelevant as to whether they were or not, so please do not flame the “OP” or Arpig, because My intent on reopening this thread is that if everything Arpig has stated is true, that this is a type of closure for those other nicks and for this site on this matter.

Edit: EmilyRocks,Anenoz and SamiPower will also be closed. There are very possibly others to follow.




< Message edited by VideoAdminAlpha -- 1/13/2012 5:11:26 PM >

_____________________________


You can't please all the people all of the time.Unfortunately there are times you cannot please any of them :( You can only do your best, and hope they realize that.

(in reply to ModTwentyOne)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:09:53 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Thank you all for these disclosures. It makes me feel better about some things.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to VideoAdminAlpha)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:12:38 PM   
VideoAdminAlpha


Posts: 3876
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		It was not that the site was not acting on this situation, but wanted to make sure that it was handled tactfully, and keeping in mind that Arpig has been a member for MANY years and is a valued poster.

< Message edited by VideoAdminAlpha -- 1/13/2012 5:13:06 PM >

_____________________________


You can't please all the people all of the time.Unfortunately there are times you cannot please any of them :( You can only do your best, and hope they realize that.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:12:41 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		Man.  All I can really do is wish Arpig well fighting his demons.  I am fucking speechless.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to VideoAdminAlpha)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:14:07 PM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		Based on the comment about treatment. I hope the blokes OK.

_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:15:29 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Wow.  I personally didn't believe it, until right now.  Well, in any event, I am going to miss Heather.  She may be a sock, but I still liked her.
There was an incident that happened shortly after I joined collarme.  I was using a photo of a flower, and I got into it with "Hannah" one night.  Someone took that picture, and started a new profile, iamsemismart, and started posting snarky comments to me.  I got a nice note from "Heather" about it, assuring me it was not "Hannah" that did it, and that "Suze and Cheri" would contact admin too.  Maybe "Heather" was telling the truth, and it was a different one of Arpig's personalities that did it.
This makes me more sad, than anything.  Poor Arpig.  Mental illness must be a terrible burden to carry.  How sad that someone so obviously intelligent has a mind that betrays him in such a terrible way.  I also remember him, as well as the rest of them, responding very compassionately to a posting I made about my mentally ill nephew.  I guess poor Arpig was speaking from experience.
What a lesson CM has been!  I actually feel like crying now, more than anything.  My nephew has a similar disassociative disorder.  Is this what his life is going to be like?  I can't even begin to comprehend it.


< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 1/13/2012 5:18:09 PM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to VideoAdminAlpha)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:18:10 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		What amazing and diverse people though. With such interesting (some of them) backgrounds and knowledge.
Arpig, you really should consider writing that book I think you talked (at one time) of writing.
I would buy it.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:18:20 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		{{{{{{{{{Hugs to Bob}}}}}}}}}}

(in reply to VideoAdminAlpha)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:34:18 PM   
TheFireWithinMe


Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline 		Alpha, first of all you have mail, lol.

Thank you so much for letting us know; and for handling this situation with the sensitivity it deserves. It's going to take me - us I guess - a while to process this, Heather and I had quite a longstanding friendship going behind the scenes, it's hard to believe that she is in fact one of Bob's alters. No I'm not angry noone is to blame and I stand behind Bob 100%. It's just hard to...process.

Anyway, thanks again for telling us, I for one appreciate it.

Fire

_____________________________

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. ~Author Unknown

(in reply to VideoAdminAlpha)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:34:54 PM   
dreamofthemoon


Posts: 10666
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

Man.  All I can really do is wish Arpig well fighting his demons.  I am fucking speechless.

Me, too, JAS. Wow.

_____________________________

dreamy

40 Fluffy points
Hibbie Chick!
Pure's jello shot!
Charter Member: Lance's Fag Hags!
A good egg, per DRH

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:35:25 PM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		You know, I am going to push back on the "he has been here for many years and is a valued poster" part.

While I am sympathetic to mental illness, I am totally against the havoc in topics that this sort of behavior can cause.  I call folks attention again to the Transgender topic where the Heather sock supposedly went to school that day and did a poll and posted data which we now know is fictional.  It is possible now that Nocturnal Stocker was also one of the socks posting opposing data which was soundly poopooed...or maybe NS was an actual person who did an actual survey of people in his life...

The point is, it ends up being something that pulls everyone into the madness and creates deep divisiveness and incites pretty much total lack of trust.  It invalidates discussions about important issues and makes one feel as if they were completely wasting their time here.

I for one, did NOT appreciate it.


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to HaytchHouse)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:37:43 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I mean this sincerely (really I am not joking,) but....thats for all you who aint bob, cuz he'll get it...

Bob, this ones for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7movKfyTBII&ob=av2e

Ron Melby

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to TheFireWithinMe)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:38:41 PM   
TheFireWithinMe


Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline 		OS with all due respect, you do understand that they weren't socks, they were alters that Bob himself was unaware of. So any havoc caused by their posts are not his fault.

Fire

_____________________________

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. ~Author Unknown

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: thanks for the dance. - 1/13/2012 5:41:52 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		To me, when this is what someone's life is -- then you can do really nothing but say good luck to you.



_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 20
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