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Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 10:12:21 AM

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/10/2005
From: New England
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Just to start you off with a little of our background...Master and I started off as a vanilla couple with D/s tendancies before we knew what they were. We grew and learned about BDSM and loved it! Its been part of our life now for a little over a year 24/7. Having had the 2 year relationship FIRST...i feel sometimes that it has made it harder for the both of us to stay 24/7. I thought maybe Master just wasnt as into D/s as I am and need to be now, but then as i would watch him interact with other submissive friends of our and see Him have no problem taking control or punishing when needed I knew it was somthing else. I get away with murder sometimes and I hate it! I love Him and when He DOES punish me or correct me in any way I respond positively and quickly, why can't He seem to be strictor with me when i beg for it!!!!????!!! I'm needy for His control over me, and i know its in there somewhere...

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 10:15:48 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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He's the only one who is going to be able to answer that question for you.

Why is he punishing people he doesn't own? Do you guys have a collective ownership thing amongst friends going? Or is it that you may be feeling needy and thus quicker to see things that aren't there?

Reposted:
Now, I'm not saying you are doing this, but it is common for a sub to want more more and more- that's a heavy order for a dom, even if they want to give it. You're happily sitting like an eager little puppy, ready for the next hair pull, the next menial order, to go scampering off, return with your pat on the head, your good fucking, and then back to the ready position. You're wanting that tightened leash feeling- it takes energy to tighten a leash. So I would recommend you taking a bit more perspective on what you're asking from him.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_269547/mpage_1/key_eager%252Cpuppy/tm.htm#269558
He's a switch, I'm a sub- help!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_321594/mpage_1/key_eager%252Cpuppy/tm.htm#321737
Master doesn't want to play

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 10:31:21 AM

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From: Calgary, Alberta
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*smiles softly* girl couldn'tt agree more witth you LuckyAlbatross....

girl will say she used to feel that way and then she sat back, took stock of her life and what she wanted from herself and in her relationship with her now former Master. after having taken stock in herself and the relationship she realized it was not that she wanted more, or that He didn't punish often enough, but that it was her own insecurities that were causing her to feel this way (not saying that is the case for the OP, but just how girl was feeling and what she did to figure it out).

Blessed Be

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 10:43:47 AM

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From: New England
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No, maybe i should have gone more into that, but Master does have control over some other submissives right now, a friend of ours is currently in afganistan and left Master in "watch" of His submissive, basically to keep an eye on her, and punish (in a non sexual way) when needed and give guidence ect...also a old roomate of ours also submissive would mind him..(non sexual as well)
For a long time these two were not around, and he didn't change his behavior with me when they were, I just noticed he was more "domly" around them is all, oww and if other Doms are around..?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 11:28:12 AM

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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Maybe his feelings of love prevent him from treating you that way. It’s not an uncommon relationship problem.

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 12:00:37 PM

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It occours to me that he may be in love with you alot. Some people have a hard time hurting ones they love. I know with my slave,I will get away with murder sometimes because of the bond between us. Maybe you should sit down with him and discuss that if he does truly love you, it would bring you closer to him if he gave you the displine and punsihments you know you need

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 12:08:54 PM

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From: Washington
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

Maybe his feelings of love prevent him from treating you that way. It’s not an uncommon relationship problem.

I think it's pretty common. Here a two earlier threads on that:

Can love get in the way?

Love in D/s

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to cillydom)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 1:34:28 PM

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Well, Master has no problem punishing me. And I don't look forward to it, I dread it.

That said, Master is a hardcore sadist/edge player....but he won't play that way with me. He knows that I can't take everything he dishes out and his love for me prevents him from playing in that manner with me.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 2:19:24 PM

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Something else that occured to me is he may be 'marking' you as his own by treating you differently. Kinda like how the teachers pet gets away with everything. It may be the way he is dealing with being responsible for other subs, yet keeping you as his own in his emotions.

I certainly agree with the others that you should not assume it because he is loosing interest in you. At least not untill you have elimitated the other possibilites suggested.

_____________________________

Die you evil vanilla cone, DIE!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 4:51:20 PM

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The pain of the drama leaves Me speechless.
Gentry

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 5:24:35 PM

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I was in a relationship with a couple who was the same way, she could not understand why he would bring in different women that he would use , humiliate , and punnish , she would sometimes get so upset with him for it .( We are needy for it or we wouldn't be here talking and living it ... )
Any way he told her you lived enough of it in your life , and I cannot do this to you , HE LOVES HER more deeply than anyone I have seen and he sees beyond what she thinks she needs to feel her core self , she also had a difficult time submitting to him , she finally realized he was right and the reason for her difficulty in submitting also...
I always called her a switch , and truly she became my dominate ,and he also was my dominate ....
So there may be more than meets the eye... they are a great couple and are still together and loving one another... Lotus

< Message edited by LOTUS3 -- 5/31/2006 5:30:24 PM >

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And she shuddered as she lay across Papas lap, and the sting of his hand left another print on her already reddened ass... tears welled up in her eyes and she cried... Papa held her , with more love than she'd ever had .
LOTUS

(in reply to leatherorlace)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 5:30:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fellatrixkris
I'm needy for His control over me, and i know its in there somewhere...

Interesting thing about control for me, after awhile the feeling of being controlled diminishes and the activity that once made me feel extremely controlled becomes just a natural way of interacting. I think that this is a positive thing as it shows my comfort level with our interactions.

There are times that I wish to feel that control though. One thing that helps me is to list out all the ways that my interactions with my Lord are different than interactions between couples who are not in authority structure relationships. I usually end up surprised with the number of things that reflect his control upon me.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 5:31:17 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/10/2005
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Well, Master has no problem punishing me. And I don't look forward to it, I dread it.

That said, Master is a hardcore sadist/edge player....but he won't play that way with me. He knows that I can't take everything he dishes out and his love for me prevents him from playing in that manner with me.

Its not that I WISH it its just that I would like more controll, and sometimes I know i've done somthing that I shouldnt have and wish some response I please him most of the time, this I know, but sometimes I just wish He'd actually do somthing about when I haven't been on my best behavior is all...I HATE disapointing him, but lets face it im no angel.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 5/31/2006 6:40:51 PM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
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The only thing i can suggest is to talk to Him about how it makes you feel (i mean really talk to Him) Give Him reasons why you think you feel that way and possibly some ideas to make you feel better, but do it in a noncriticizing way...Good luck

_____________________________

"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/1/2006 12:03:15 AM

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Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

He seem to be strictor with me when i beg for it!!!!????!!! I'm needy for His control over me,

reminds me of an old joke:

Masochist: "Hit me!"
Sadist: "No!"

Just a thought.

D (owner of j).

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/1/2006 1:47:44 AM

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Joined: 10/20/2005
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I think that you might want to evaluate your own behavior. Are you being passive aggressive and not doing the things that you should be in an effort to gain additional attention from him? Just a thought.

_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to Wolfie648)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/1/2006 3:52:32 AM

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Joined: 4/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fellatrixkris

Just to start you off with a little of our background...Master and I started off as a vanilla couple with D/s tendancies before we knew what they were. We grew and learned about BDSM and loved it! Its been part of our life now for a little over a year 24/7. Having had the 2 year relationship FIRST...i feel sometimes that it has made it harder for the both of us to stay 24/7. I thought maybe Master just wasnt as into D/s as I am and need to be now, but then as i would watch him interact with other submissive friends of our and see Him have no problem taking control or punishing when needed I knew it was somthing else. I get away with murder sometimes and I hate it! I love Him and when He DOES punish me or correct me in any way I respond positively and quickly, why can't He seem to be strictor with me when i beg for it!!!!????!!! I'm needy for His control over me, and i know its in there somewhere...

Ever think that perhaps he's just not capable of distancing himself from his previous vanilla views on a relationship with you, since you were together before bdsm became part of your relationship?

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/1/2006 6:32:01 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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It's also possible that he's a "collector/rock star" kind of dom who likes the idea of having a harem type/has a kink for training others, but isn't into the day to day long term regular maintenance of a relationship.

You really need to sit down with him and go over expectations and feelings.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/1/2006 7:24:58 AM

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Joined: 1/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfie648

quote:

He seem to be strictor with me when i beg for it!!!!????!!! I'm needy for His control over me,

reminds me of an old joke:

Masochist: "Hit me!"
Sadist: "No!"

Just a thought.

D (owner of j).

This was exactly my thought.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to Wolfie648)

RE: Why does he punish others and not me? - 6/1/2006 5:01:23 PM

Posts: 171
Joined: 7/14/2005
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Greetings All,

It has been awhile since I posted but this one caught my eye. Sir Six and I had a very simular problem....He left me do as I wished and let me get away with murder or let the resident Domanatrix at the club he managed scolled me when the club was open for humiliation, but he rarely punished me.Sir(which we are now friends and he has taken a active roll in my search for a new Master since his choices now prevent me from coming Home)and I talked after we split because he said I was very bratty in the end. We came to the conclusion he was a better at controling others then me because of our bond even outside the lifestyle.In reality the lifestyle is what split us up....I needed a strick hard core Master whom would not let his feelings interupt his punishing me because I longed for it and also was a mascosist. In my reply tho...I say talk to him.....Maybe his feelings for u interupt his duty as your Master. Its not a bad thing but a challange for both of you. Good luck and keep me posted...I would love to hear more.

_____________________________

Blessed be!

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

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